The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 29 "Raising" Husband, Because Men Can't Be Locked Up (1)
Let your husband fly freely after marriage, but you can't break the line
Many newly married men will complain to their buddies: there is no longer the days of being carefree before! "The old days of being free and easy" meant being free to control your time and do whatever you wanted.But as soon as he gets married, the man feels that he has become a "yo-yo" in the hands of his wife-if he runs a little farther, he will be pulled back by the string held by his wife.

Once a woman understands the desire for free space in a man's heart, she will feel that her home is sometimes a cage in a zoo for a man—in the cage, what she really longs for is the unfettered forest and grassland.

Some people point out that men are very aggressive because their freedom, casualness, activities, and interactions are affected.Usually, when a man pursues a woman, he is willing to give up all his freedom, in pursuit of the importance of feeling more and more free.

Therefore, as a woman, you should prescribe the right medicine, and try to implement a "free-range" policy for your husband after marriage.

However, in real life, some women believe in: Husband, husband, is a husband within ten feet.It seems that if the distance between the two is far away, some unpredictable crises will appear.

As everyone knows, men are not docile little animals, they can be confined in their nests day in and day out, and social interaction between people is not only a need for love, but also a need for career and life.And more importantly, the husband and wife are always tired of being together. The physical distance is not equal to the spiritual distance. The thing of "seeing each other forever" is basically not true.In the married life of a man and a woman, there are intersections and separate areas. This kind of relationship is an ideal and long-term relationship.

A wife who always wanted her husband to be by her side was most disgusted by her husband playing chess with his friends, because they played for hours at a time, and she felt left out.So she tried every means, such as hiding the chess and pulling her husband to watch her favorite TV series together, which aroused great disgust from her husband.Her husband's greatest hobby was taken away, and his chess players didn't dare to come to him again. My husband felt that his autonomy was violated, and he talked less and less at home, and his heart was getting farther and farther away from her.

The enlightenment from this case is that it is okay to like a man, but you cannot lose your own living space.Married life is ignited by the husband, but cannot be dominated by him.What a smart woman shows her husband is the self-confidence and independence of a modern woman.And these two points are precisely the two spiritual characteristics of a goddess in men's minds.

Excessively restricting the husband's freedom and often eating unnecessary dry vinegar are all manifestations of a woman's lack of confidence in her own charm.Correspondingly, a woman without self-confidence and independent spirit, even if her appearance is decent, her attractiveness has been greatly discounted.

Men are very afraid of losing their freedom, but when they find that women don't need and depend on them so much, the fear of restraint disappears, replaced by their eagerness to be a part of her life.

Don't try to restrain him with "I'm doing it for you"
Married women will always involuntarily want to manage and control the man around them. The most common sentence they say is "I'm doing this for your own good", leaving the man speechless but feeling extremely unhappy in his heart.

Ms. Li, who was newly married, found that her husband, who vowed that he could not finish a pack of cigarettes in three days, became more and more addicted to cigarettes, smoking a pack almost every day.Knowing that smoking is harmful to health, Ms. Li decided to start a plan to help her husband quit smoking.

She started this plan by managing money. If her husband has no money in his pocket, he will naturally have no money to buy cigarettes.She asked her husband to hand over every penny of his salary every month, and charge the money for the car ride to the card.Ask about the price of what you need to buy before applying.In addition, the first step when my husband enters the house every day is to accept her nose inspection to smell whether he smells of smoke.

Whenever her husband begged him to smoke a cigarette, she refused sternly and said, "I am doing this for your own good." Later, her husband came home later and later, and her The inspection became more and more strict. She always asked if she didn't come back from get off work, did she find a place to smoke?My husband always finds all kinds of excuses to prevaricate, and then her inspection developed into stalking...

Later, she discovered that her husband was becoming more and more indifferent to her, and even filed for divorce every now and then.She thought, I'm not doing this for his own good, how could he treat me like this?

For his own good, you must also pay attention to the method. If you use this as a weapon to control him, you will not be able to subdue him.Many women will say, "I sincerely hope that he will be good. Could it be that I will harm him?" Smart women know that interfering too much with a man is harming him. A man needs to have his own career and his own friends. Your own independent views on things, everything must be done according to your thinking, this is not love, it is just finding a follower for yourself.

For those wives who try to "control" their husbands, they always want to control his actions and thoughts by caring for him and for his own good, which often severely hits a person's self-confidence and makes him fall into despair and self-doubt— - Doubts about one's own ability and social value, even if he loved you so much at the beginning and swore so firmly, he can't stand your "paying" again and again.

John and Jones are going to a party.The meeting place wasn't far away, but half an hour later, John was still driving around the same street, obviously, he got lost by accident.Jones suggested that John make a phone call and ask a friend.John didn't speak, and continued to look for a way out.Jones kept reminding him that he would be late after going around like this.Eventually, they made it to the party.However, John's mood was low and sullen all night.

Jones doesn't understand why John is depressed.She didn't know yet that the source of his unhappiness was the advice Jones had given him along the way.Of course, Jones had all the best intentions.What she meant was, "I want to help you because I love you and care about you. How can I be unhappy because of this!"

But my husband didn't understand it that way.His dignity was offended.From his wife, the message he felt was: "I don't expect you to be able to send us to our destination in time with your ability. Your sense of direction is so poor that I can't compliment you. You are really not a very capable person. Strong man!"

Jones did not understand the characteristic of a man: how important it is to him to achieve his goals independently without the guidance of others!Stay out of the way unless you ask for help.Keeping silent is a kind of help and a kind of trust.

Lost John, wandering back and forth in the same lot, is actually a godsend opportunity for Jones-she can show John her love, her trust.In those moments, John was vulnerable and helpless, in need of warmth and reassurance.Making this happen does not depend on Mary's advice.Jones should be silent!Jones should trust John to get his bearings, find his way out, and finally get to his destination.

Trust is the best gift Jones can give John.For John, the feeling of trust is so important, so beautiful.John craves trust as much as Jones desires roses or fragrant perfume from him.Therefore, when it comes to acting as a "counselor", women should be extra careful so as not to hurt your beloved man.Most men with backbone and ambition have strong self-esteem.He wants to prove in front of his beloved woman that he can not rely on others, has his own thoughts, and can do everything independently.

There is a kind of woman who has a natural desire to control from the bottom of her heart. She always wants to get her own psychological satisfaction by controlling her man.This may be caused by the self-importance character that has been cultivated since childhood, or it may be caused by the insecurity in my heart.She thinks that she is always right, and men do not have any independent thoughts or outlook on life at all.Even if there is, it is worthless.

Married women should not think about controlling the freedom of their men, let alone control their values ​​and outlook on life.Married women need to know how to love someone and respect that person. Men also need self-affirmation, and they naturally desire freedom and resent being controlled by others.Instead of fighting with men, it is better to allow men to be fully free and enjoy happiness, so that men can bring women the happiness she hopes for.

Give your husband a space to develop his hobbies
Yang Zi is a single nobleman, there are many girls around him, but he just doesn't want to get married.When a friend asked this question, he once said frankly that he was afraid that getting married would make him lose his space for solitude, and losing the space for solitude would mean giving up many things he likes to do, which was the last thing he wanted.But the girls around him often have a strong desire to control, which makes him "daunting".

Maybe some wives don't understand this very much. Wouldn't it be nice to have them considerate and care about their husband's life?In fact, as a wife, especially some women who mainly live at home, I have relatively independent time to enjoy freedom every day, and I am not very sensitive to obtaining my own space.This is not the case for a husband who is busy outside, because he is in a highly tense working state almost all day long and needs to relax after get off work. At this time, a smart wife should create a space for him to develop his hobbies according to his preferences.

For example, a woman can encourage her husband to go out every week to do things they like to do with friends, such as fishing, playing poker, playing badminton, etc. This will not only cultivate interesting hobbies for her husband, adjust the monotonous life, but also allow them to have their own Enjoying freedom in their own space will make them feel extremely happy and grateful to their wives.In order to live a more comfortable family life, they tend to work harder, and the performance they create is often very impressive.

Give your husband a space for heterosexual intercourse

In modern society, before couples get together, they generally have their own social circles, which probably include a few friends of the opposite sex.For women, family is often more important than friends. After marriage, they will consciously or unconsciously hide in their dens, and gradually become estranged from their former friends.Because they are more "thorough", they often demand the same standard from their husbands, and regard every opposite sex as an imaginary enemy.Seeing my husband yelling on the phone with his "female buddies" and patting them when they meet each other, I always feel uncomfortable.

In fact, there is no need for this. There are not many things worth recalling in life. No one can insert the common memories of everyone’s childhood. Instead of eating this dry vinegar, it’s better to get along with them. And a backer?
Love is to give, to give richly and generously.Some wives are willing to make sacrifices in many things, but they often lack spiritual generosity in small areas, especially for their husband's "past", lacking the necessary demeanor.

If your husband casually mentions that he ran into an old girlfriend today, and you ask him if that girl is still wearing braids and saying immature things, then you are being too mean and not generous enough.You should praise her for her goodness, best if you can think of some, and make some up if you can't.

(End of this chapter)