The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 31 Misfortune comes out of the mouth: A nagging wife can easily lead to the death of a marriage (1)
In the eyes of the husband, nagging is the biggest shortcoming of the wife
A wife's nagging to her husband is the cruelest method of torture in the world, and there are very few men who are not driven mad by this method.Even if a woman has the most beautiful face in the world, once she is infected with nagging, it will make any man stay away, unless he is a deaf person.

In short, a wife's nagging is the grave of a happy marriage.However, it is a pity that many women are not aware of this, and even think that their nagging is love for him, and that nagging can change the shortcomings of their husbands.Dorothy Dix believes: "Whether a man's married life is happy or not is closely related to his wife's temper. If she is quick-tempered, nagging, and endlessly critical, then even if she has other virtues in the world Both equal zero."

Socrates' wife Lancibo is a famous shrew. In order to avoid her, Socrates spent most of his time hiding under the trees in Athens to meditate on philosophy; French Emperor Napoleon III and American President Abraham Lincoln were all tortured. The wife's nagging suffering.The reason why Caesar divorced his second wife was because he couldn't stand her nagging all day long.

Many a man lives downcast and unmotivated because his wife beats his every thought and hope.She sighed endlessly, why doesn't her husband make money like other men?Why can't her husband write a bestseller?Why doesn't her husband get a good job?To have a wife like this is really frustrating for a husband.Indeed, extravagance and waste can bring far less misfortune to a family than nagging and faultfinding.

Li Yuanyuan and Liu Hui have been in love since their freshman year, and they tied the knot a year after graduating from university.Ordinarily, they ended their love marathon and entered into marriage, so they should be a happy couple.However, ever since she got married, Li Yuanyuan held an invisible ruler in her hand, and whenever she saw her husband, she had to measure it.When her husband is washing clothes, she will say: "Look, this collar, these cuffs, you can't even wash your clothes, what else can you do?" When her husband is cooking, she will say: "Oh, why is cooking either salty or I don’t have any recipes at all, how can people eat it?” When her husband does housework, she will say: “Why are you so stupid, and the floor can’t be wiped clean.” When her husband does things, she is full of complaints: “Look at you, you don’t even talk. If you don’t even say it, how can people trust you?” And so on, family noises can be heard endlessly.

At the beginning, Liu Hui often kept his face dark and silent. After a long time, he began to talk back to her.He would say: "You think my laundry is not clean, you wash it yourself." Then he threw the clothes there, slammed the door and walked away.He would also say: "I don't know how to cook. I'm too lazy to do it if you do it in the future." Sometimes, he would lose his temper and quarrel with her, and then the two would ignore each other for several days.

After a few days, the two reconciled, but Li Yuanyuan still couldn't change her habit, and would still chatter when he was doing things, and the days passed in the noisy and stumbling for several years.Finally, one day, when Li Yuanyuan was nagging him that the dishes were not clean, he couldn't take it anymore, threw all the dishes on the ground, and shouted loudly: "Are you annoying? I don't like it. Why don't you just divorce me?" Forget it, let’s see who goes with whom.”

Li Yuanyuan never thought that Liu Hui would mention the word "divorce", and she burst into tears: "I said you, isn't it for your own good? I don't bother to say it if I change someone else! Divorce, okay, now Leave!" As a result, Liu Hui slammed the door and left.

Later, under the persuasion of her friends, Li Yuanyuan understood a truth, that is, she should not be too harsh on her husband.In fact, it is common for one or two pieces of clothes to be dirty; my husband is not a chef, and it is a trivial matter to add more salt occasionally; anyone may make mistakes in housework; Words are inevitable.And my constant nagging magnifies these small problems that ordinary people have infinitely, and it has also formed a habit.It is precisely because of her pickiness about her husband that she keeps her husband farther and farther away from her.

The famous psychologist Dr. Terman has done a detailed investigation on 1500 couples.Studies have shown that in the eyes of husbands, nagging and picky are the biggest shortcomings of wives.In addition, the Gallup Poll and the Jensen Temperament Analysis—two well-known research institutions, their research results are the same, they found that neither personality is as harmful to family life as nagging and fussy. to great harm.

In a certain issue of New York's "World Telecom" magazine, a murder case was published. A truck mechanic in his 50s hired three hooligans to brutally kill his wife.As for the reason for his crime, according to his own claim, it was only because his wife kept nagging and complaining.

If a woman in her twenties just gets married, she nags her husband all day long, when will you get a promotion, when will you earn the money to buy a big house, when will you be able to buy a private car ... After a long time, she must be an incurable and annoying expert in complaining, and her husband will most likely become a mediocre man with a gray face all day long.Just ask, how can there be a happy married life in this way?

Nagging is simply the executioner who kills the husband's self-confidence

Women are always used to changing their husbands by nagging. However, it is a pity that this method does not work very well after many wives have practiced it.The misfortune that nagging brings to the family is far greater than extravagance and waste. Nagging is simply the executioner who kills the husband's self-confidence.

Gao Xun is a very good man, but his career was almost ruined by his first wife.His first wife always belittled and made fun of everything he did.When they were still living together, Gao Xun was a salesman who loved his job and worked hard.However, whenever he came home at night, his first wife always greeted him with these words: "Oh, our great genius, how is the business? Very good! How many orders did you bring back today? Or Yes, how many stares have you received today? There is still one week before the deadline to pay the rent for the house!"

This situation lasted for several years, and finally Gao Xun couldn't stand it anymore and divorced this woman.Two years later, he married a girl who could give him support and encouragement, and this girl was 6 years younger than Gao Xun, and she had a deep affection for Gao Xun.Now, Gao Xun has served as the executive director of a well-known large company.

However, in fact, his first wife did not know why she lost her husband. "I lived frugally and worked hard for so many years," she complained to her best friend, "but when he no longer needed me to be his cow and horse, he left me and went to another woman. Man That's it!"

If someone told Gao Xun's ex-wife that Gao Xun decided to leave her not because he had an affair and fell in love with another woman first, but because of her nagging and pickiness, she would probably not believe it even if she was beaten to death.But this is indeed the main reason why Gao Xun left her, because she has been hitting Gao Xun's man's self-esteem and self-confidence in a contemptuous nagging way, which is unbearable for any man for a long time.

Especially with the increase of marriage age, the age of women gradually increases, and the maternal nature of many wives will fill them more and more.In many loving families, a man is sometimes like a big child. If his wife cares about him too much, he is rebellious; if his wife cares less about him, he says you don’t care about him.Whether it's nagging or complaining, don't use an arrogant tone. A gentler man will be very helpful.The happy Mrs. Bao used this method to treat her husband, and it was very effective.

Most Destructive Type of Nagging: Comparing Your Husband to Others

One of the most destructive forms of nagging is comparing your husband to others.

"Why can't you make more money? Zhao Qiang joined the company in the same year as you, and now he has raised his salary for three consecutive years, and you are still at the salary level of the year you joined the company."

"Mr. Yang bought his daughter-in-law a fur coat, but you can only buy me this cheap one."

"If I marry so-and-so, I will definitely be able to live a much better life than now."

……

Similar to the above words, every time you nag, it will make your husband stay away from you.

Zhou Qin's husband is handsome, and his attractive appearance makes her fall in love.In Zhou Qin's view, he is the prince charming who can bring him happiness.But after 4 years of marriage, Zhou Qin did not get what she wanted, and was disappointed in her married life instead.Why is this?It turned out that Zhou Qin saw that all the sisters around her were buying houses and cars one after another. Although her husband worked hard, he didn't have much savings, so naturally he couldn't realize his dream of houses and cars.Zhou Qin tried to correct his defect by herself, but her husband was very disgusted and thought she was insulting him.Under Zhou Qin's repeated nagging, the original "Prince Charming" finally abandoned Zhou Qin and left.Because he felt that his self-esteem was hurt, and he didn't know what was the point of maintaining such a marriage that quarreled all day long?
Ms. Zhou saw that the friends around her were rich and rich, and lived a comfortable life. She was very dissatisfied with her marital status. When she tried to change her husband's behavior, her nagging behavior not only frustrated her husband's self-esteem repeatedly. Injured, the relationship between husband and wife is full of conflicts.

"A good woman is a school." Many women think that they are the principal of the school, assume the role of a natural sculptor, and hope to train their young husbands to be a pillar of talent (at least, a pillar of their own small family. The talent is the pillar).Ms. Zhou is no exception. Facing a husband who is "not as good as other men", she first needs to learn to control her compulsive impulse to change her husband.It is undeniable that there is a big gap between such a husband and the perfect husband in his mind.However, the lady should be aware that the behavior of reforming her husband can easily ignore the other party's psychological feelings, and easily create a psychological barrier between her husband and herself.

Learn to accept your husband as he is, and try to understand the other person's feelings.Comparing your husband with your best friend's husband is a taboo in marriage.There are bound to be many differences in values ​​when two people with different growth environments, different thinking, and different living habits get together to live together.You know, he is an individual different from you. If you insist on yourself and fight against him, your home will become a battlefield without gunpowder.At the beginning of the transformation, men may make a little concession, but when women's transformation actions make them tireless, physically and mentally exhausted and passively avoid, the marriage will be in crisis.Therefore, trying to discover the uniqueness of your husband and loving the uniqueness of your husband is the best way to build a marriage and an important driving force to promote your husband's inner growth.

Husband and wife interaction is an art, and women need to use love, tolerance and warmth to subtly influence men.When you feel dissatisfied with your husband's way of handling things, you should consider other methods besides nagging, and try to establish a benign communication channel, not only to let your husband understand your desire for marriage, but also to understand his deep-seated needs , which is the premise of mutual influence.

Needless to say, married couples rarely live together without quarreling.It is acceptable for general disputes between couples, and there will be no emotional rifts.But if it is a long-term nagging that your husband is not as good as other men, it is very easy to ruin the originally happy family.

Women, from now on, think about whether you have nagging problems.If you have never realized that you have a nagging problem, you might as well ask your husband or other acquaintances around you.If you learn from them that you are a nagging woman, the first step is to hold back your anger, and the next step is to reflect on yourself.

Moderate nagging, shut up when it's time to shut up
Women are naturally talkative, but as a wife, you must know what to say and what not to say.Keeping your mouth shut when you should be silent is the embodiment of a woman's wisdom.When beauty reaches a certain level, it must be matched with silence.

Next, let's take a look at Ms. Xu's self-report.

My husband returned to Hainan last month. When I sent him off, I told him to take care of his money and belongings in the car. After saying this several times, my husband looked at me strangely and said, "Is it menopause?" Shut up, only to realize that I was nagging.My husband said: "I have been running outside for many years, so I know what to pay attention to. Thank you for your concern."

(End of this chapter)