The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 36 The Revolution on the Bite of the Tongue: How to Communicate with the Silent Husband (2)
These examples vividly tell us that we need to master the sense of proportion and skills in communication, and inappropriate questions will cause the other party's boredom; inappropriate questions will also arouse the resistance and even resentment in the husband's heart.A woman who can talk is like a person who can play table tennis. You must hit the ball and let the other party catch it. Only in this way can it be regarded as real communication.

When a man doesn't say a word, don't hit him with anger

Men have been told since childhood that they have to stand upright, take responsibility, and "break their front teeth and swallow blood". When they become adults, no matter how helpless they are exhausted, setbacks, blows, burdens, and pressures, they cannot pass through like women. Tears and confides to distract.So, when he sits on the sofa and doesn't say a word, you must not fight back with your lover with greater anger.To know.He may just be exhausted from a conversation with a client, or facing a bump in his life and career.

Mrs. Gong's husband, Gong Shiyuan, is a well-known lawyer.They have known each other for 8 years, from the very beginning when they couldn't do without each other, to now they live like plain boiled water, as if it was just a moment.

Their quarrel began when Mr. Gong received more and more attention.After Mr. Gong gradually became famous, he had more entertainments, went home later and later, and began to forget some of their anniversaries.Sometimes Mrs. Gong still knows some things about Mr. Gong from his friends.Mr. Gong is considerate to clients and colleagues, but he becomes indifferent when he returns home.What is the reason that Mrs. Gong needs to win Mr. Gong's attention, but Mr. Gong only smiles at strangers?

Later, after consulting experts, Mrs. Gong learned that the intimate relationship will gradually shift from the initial stage of tacit and intimate romance to the stage of power struggle. If the stage of competition can transition well to the stage of integration, there will be future promises period and co-creation period.Then, Mrs. Gong thought of her own home, should she continue to be indifferent, or should she do some homework during the integration period when they need to move forward?

One day, Mrs. Gong's husband, a barrister, came home, still nestling on the sofa, frowning and saying nothing.Mrs. Gong looked at Mr. Gong's tired face, and instead of closing the door indifferently, she brought Mr. Gong a basin of footwashing water. Mr. Gong put his feet into the water hesitantly and in surprise.The power of a basin of footwashing water is really great. Mr. Gong still didn't speak, but his attitude was obviously much more friendly. As for Mrs. Gong, her heart also warmed up.

Mr. Gong kept his feet in the water, and Mrs. Gong added some water from time to time.Mr. Gong said to Mrs. Gong without saying a word: "I am very tired. I talk too much, and I just want to plunge into the bed when I go home. If I can sleep all the time, I am willing to sleep for a year..."

Mrs. Gong's eyes were full of tears, and at the same time, she understood that Mr. Gong's indifference was not towards herself. He was too tired, but he couldn't stop.The hearts of men and women have never been the same, but Mrs. Gong has always been unwilling to face it.

That day, Mr. Gong talked a lot to Mrs. Gong for the first time.And Mrs. Gong also stopped complaining for the first time, and just listened to him quietly, and fell asleep after listening.

There are quite a few men, there are dark tides hidden under the calm appearance.You might as well give him some time to let him say "goodbye" to his day job, and then try to guide him slowly, listen to his narrative quietly, evaluate as objectively as possible, and seek solutions with him. method.Don't "add insult to injury" when a man needs help. If even you hurt him with words and actions, this home will become his second battlefield, and he will naturally not be able to give you the happiness you want.

When a man suddenly becomes silent, his wife needs to temporarily "be dumb"

Zong Yunlong's wife found that sometimes when the husband and wife were discussing a topic, or the whole family was joking, her husband would suddenly fall silent, sitting alone on the sofa and talking to him, but he didn't seem to hear him.The wife is always very awkward in her heart, wondering if she offended her husband with some words, and feels very confused about her husband.

In fact, you did not offend your husband, and he did not hear it. At this time, the silent and dazed expression is just a man's appearance. He is thinking of some weird ideas in his mind, or some problems he encountered before suddenly have a perfect solution. A scheme, or something that sparked his inspiration.

They don't want anyone to pull him out of the state of thinking, maybe once disturbed, the just cleared up ideas will become confused again.It's like a composer suddenly thought of a melody, which will be lost if it is not written down immediately or interrupted by others.

If you can't help but be curious, impulsive or caring, ask him this or that question, for example, what are you thinking, tell me and I will help you as a consultant?What do you have to say?Did you hear my question?It's tantamount to making fun of yourself.

This kind of sudden silence of men is very common. In the eyes of men, all caring, considerate, kind, and curious questions at this time are like buzzing flies, disturbing the quiet, because he is immersed in the in their own world.

Qiao Chao can often handle her husband's silence very well - when her husband suddenly becomes silent, she will respond immediately and not bother him.There is a reason for everyone's sudden change, especially a man who is known for his rationality.

When a man suddenly becomes silent, a wife might as well be a silent follower.The relaxed atmosphere you provide at the right time will not only greatly shorten his silence time, but also make him grateful to you.

Tips to make your husband talkative

If there are two men, Zhang San and Li Si, the former is a man with a smooth tongue, and the latter is a man of few words.Usually, the first choice of many women is the man who is not very talkative.Because in their view, such a man is more suitable to be a husband and can bring them a sense of security in married life.

However, the interesting thing is that after marriage, many women hope that their husbands talk more, but before marriage, they like the cool look of their lover who is taciturn.Obviously, from an aesthetic point of view, a silent man is like a cup of fragrant tea; from a practical point of view, a silent man is a silent fart with an extremely stinky smell.Before a woman gets married, a woman's expectation of her significant other is mostly from an aesthetic point of view; after marriage, a woman's expectation of her significant other is more from a practical point of view.

Psychologists point out that men are task-oriented and regard what is happening in front of them as tasks waiting to be solved. The focus of men's concern is to solve problems so that problems no longer become problems.Poor expression and task-oriented personality make men accustomed to adopt what they think is the most pragmatic and effective solution when encountering problems, that is, to eliminate the problems that occur in front of them, instead of whining about them.

In fact, seemingly taciturn men have a very rich inner world.If a wife wants her husband to open up when he is reticent, he must first give him a sense of security, and find the right timing, and then use the unique tenderness of a woman to comfort him.Here are a few tips to make your husband talkative, worth a try.

(1) Pay attention to his points of interest and try to talk about things he is familiar with.

(2) Prepare some questions, not too simple for him to bother answering, and not too difficult for him to answer, it is best to arouse his interest.

(3) Prepare more modal particles to encourage him to continue speaking, such as: "Um..." "Oh?" "And then?" Of course, appropriate praise is also needed: "OK!" It is an exclamation word: "My God!" "No!" Proper flattery and surprise will stimulate his desire to continue telling.

(4) Create a relaxed conversation atmosphere.In fact, you don't need to deliberately prepare lights or scents, as long as you can keep your tone relaxed and comfortable, he will relax his vigilance and talk endlessly.For example, doing housework together, talking about irrelevant and interesting things one after another.Remember, no matter what you must not draw conclusions, let him make the conclusions.Open up the topic slowly and talk about what is in your heart.

(5) The most critical point is not to talk about nothing.What you need is to have a proper conversation at the right time and on the right occasion, not just talking about everything.For example, you can use the phone to chat on a business trip or other time when you are not at home. This is a very useful way.But remember, don't always ask him if he misses you or not.The characteristic of a man is that he misses you crazy, but he doesn't want to reveal it.If you force him to talk about this topic, it is easy for him to think you are boring.

In fact, there is always an underlying tendency for a man to be arrogant. As long as he has enough audiences, he will appear extremely attractive and talkative, and full of interest.Therefore, if you want to ease the frozen atmosphere of each other, you can consider going to the bar to chat with him, because there, he can find the public that excites him, and you can also go to the teahouse together. Talk about it amidst the scent of tea, or do something that both of you are interested in.

What kind of "tongue war" unspoken rules should be observed between husband and wife
Professor Chen Yiyun from the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences pointed out that getting married does not mean that a man can leave all the burden of life to his wife from now on.Some men make a mistake by thinking that everything is going well in their married life.Sometimes, conflicts between husband and wife are not due to who is right and who is wrong, but because they see things from different angles.Women often don't understand men's hearts, because men seldom open their hearts for them to see what happened.

Traditional culture forces men to remain silent, but you must know that silence is by no means reconciliation.It is much better for a husband to let his wife know how he feels than to hide it.In fact, the wife's hysteria often comes from her husband's silence, concealment and avoidance.Therefore, women may wish to prescribe the right medicine and communicate with their husbands more patiently in order to successfully open their hearts.

Many wives complained to the counselors like this: "My husband never quarrels with me, never argues right and wrong, and he avoids me when he sees me unhappy." imitated there.This kind of man probably had a demanding mother and a weak father, and the only way he knew was to back down.However, evasion and retreat will not help.In order to have a happy marriage, a woman must make her husband understand that he needs to express his opinion, and the two argue until the issue is resolved.

A healthy man or woman has a "defender" inside.It doesn't hurt others, it's just a fortress to maintain one's own emotions.This "defender" is not very strong inside the child, which is why children need adult protection.A husband and wife quarrel shows that the inner defenders of both parties are performing their duties, and it is not that one party deliberately hurts the other at this time.When the quarrel is heated, it may be that one or both "defenders" have crossed the line, and a "referee" needs to order them to retreat and take their positions.

However, who can be the referee when a husband and wife quarrel?So, there is a way for men to "retire to win".

If men retreat too much at home, they have to attack in the workplace as some kind of psychological compensation.No wonder the psychologist Jung said: "American marriage is the saddest marriage in the world, because men have moved all their aggressiveness and enthusiasm to the office."

Psychologists believe that a moderate "war of words" between husband and wife is beneficial.In a marital quarrel, a man doesn't necessarily know exactly what he's up to.Perhaps his psychological defense mechanism was not sound enough, and his wife's sharp words pierced his heart at once.After a few more quarrels, his inner "defender" will be trained and he will know how to stick to the boundaries.

Mature men and women also learn the rules of quarreling through actual confrontation, and they train themselves how to maintain propriety and rationality from quarrels.

Dr. Phil McGraw, a popular talk show host in the United States, believes that after a rational quarrel, if the two parties cannot immediately adjust each other and change their behavior, then they are not far from breaking up.

McGraw also advises that couples should end arguments politely when they're done.One party should be allowed to back down politely and gracefully, and the other party should not "beat the dog in the water". If you win the quarrel, then it is even more necessary for you to be graceful.It is worth mentioning that after the quarrel is over, the topic that caused the quarrel should not be brought up again.

McGraw said that quarreling is of course a way to release tension, and it is actually good for the relationship between husband and wife, but it must be discussed on a case-by-case basis, and one thing must be grasped, instead of turning over old accounts and remembering old enemies.

In addition, husband and wife should maintain the following propriety when they quarrel.

First of all, leave no grudges after the quarrel.That is to be frank and clear about the views of both sides, to find a way to resolve the contradictions, and to achieve unity on a new basis.

Second, don't impose sexual punishment.That is to say, do not use rejection of married life as a means of "treating" each other.The relationship between husband and wife is different from the general heterosexual relationship. Couples express and strengthen each other's intimacy through sex.Sexual punishment by either party will hurt the self-esteem of the other party, which will lead to alienation and strangeness between the husband and wife.Men are more likely to move toward another woman driven by this sense of alienation.

Again, don't embarrass the child.Couples should quarrel with their children behind their backs, and don't let children play the role of bystanders, mediators or even participants in the "war" of their parents.

Finally, don't let the "verbal war" escalate into violence, because men are often not easy to control themselves.

Women, don't think that a happy marriage has no quarrels, that's unrealistic.Just like cooking without salt, it can be said that there is no couple in the world who does not quarrel. If it really develops to the point where there is no energy and mood to quarrel, it means that the marriage has come to an end.

(End of this chapter)