no-complaint marriage

Chapter 12 Creating a Harmonious Family Atmosphere (1)
1. Home is not a prison

Home is like a protective umbrella, which protects us from wind and rain, and protects us from the heat and cold!Generally speaking, the joys and sorrows of a person's life, the quality of his mood, and even the success or failure of his career are all related to whether his family is happy or not.Home is hard-won for everyone. "Home and everything prosper", "harmony" is the means, "prosperity" is the goal, and the well-being, happiness, and perfection of the family require the efforts of everyone.

Family harmony is an investment, and everything is prosperous in a harmonious family. If there is no harmonious and happy family, people will not be able to concentrate on work and study; if there is no prosperous and prosperous family, no matter how prosperous people's careers are, it will not make much sense.

The appearance of a home is a house, a dwelling place.But when a woman arranges such a residence like a cage for her "heart", a man doesn't want to "go home".An empathetic woman will arrange a "home" for men to relax from the essence to the soul!
The home is the main place for couples' activities
"I want a home, a place that doesn't need to be fancy. When I'm tired, I think about it. I want a home, a place that doesn't need to be big. When I'm scared, I'm not scared ..." When I heard this song when I was a child, I didn't feel much about it. It wasn't until I grew up and had my own home that I really realized the meaning of this song.

Sociologists say that home is the smallest cell of society; marriage experts say that home is a world of two people who depend on each other through wind and rain.Women's attachment to home is much deeper than men's.It can be said that for women, home is their carefully arranged place, and it is a gentle shelter for her and the people she loves.

For husband and wife, home is the main place for their activities, and it is also the main place for them to experience marital happiness.Sometimes, the family environment will directly affect the relationship between husband and wife; for the husband, home is a haven for him to shelter from the wind. The destination of the soul; for a wife, it is one of their responsibilities to make the home more warm, and sometimes, this is one of the criteria for evaluating whether a wife is excellent.The family often contains the whole of a wife, because the family has her own husband and children. Under normal circumstances, apart from her husband and children, there is nothing more important for a woman.

Women need a real and clean home, and even hope that the home is like a luxurious place, which can give people material and sensory enjoyment, so that they will feel very at ease.

But many women, when furnishing their homes, forget one of the most basic facts: first of all, a home is a haven for emotions, a habitat for the soul, and more importantly, a paradise for the spirit.Home is all about your emotional being with your loved ones, and secondarily, a house for your body to inhabit.

Go home or go back to prison

In the word "family", all materials such as houses can be called "court".In this concept, the latter is a trivial complement to the former.

Some women often put the cart before the horse, put the house first, and the house as a supplement, and set up various rules for men, so that the house no longer looks like a home, but only the "family".

Last year, some friends and I traveled together to a famous scenic spot.I have a wonderful friend who lives in that city.After visiting the scenic spots with my friends, I went to that friend's house. According to her request, I planned to stay at her house for a few more days and visit the city by the way.

The home of a friend is beautifully furnished, and every bit of it reveals the delicacy of the hostess.I have always known that she has a cleanliness fetish. My first impression when I entered her house was that I should be more careful.

Her husband is a truck driver. Naturally, the most contact with him is dust, engine oil and so on.My friend complained to me many times about my husband’s lack of hygiene, saying that every day when he came back, she would force him to take a shower and change clothes, without exception.

That day, my friend's husband went to a faraway place for delivery, and when he came home, it was almost 10:30 in the evening.It can be seen that his face is tired, and the tiredness on his face seems to be able to fall asleep when he falls down.But when he saw me, he still cheered up and greeted me under the introduction of his friend.

Then he ran to the sofa and fell asleep.The friend screamed, swearing and pulling her husband up, saying that this was a clean sofa cover that she had just put on, and it was so difficult to wash when it was dirty.Then I nagged and explained to my husband, saying "I didn't even let the guests sit down." I smiled and didn't say anything.

I came from a long way and came in from outside, so I brought some dust on my body, so when I entered the door, I wanted to sit on the sofa, but she politely "invited" me to the small bamboo chair.No, but now she revealed her heart!

Then, the friend pulled the husband to another small bamboo chair and asked him to watch TV first, and she went to heat up the cold food for him.Don't forget to nag a few words, "Take a shower quickly after eating, change clothes, and go to bed again."Her husband gave a couple of "hmm" in a daze, and then sat on the bamboo chair. He wanted to watch TV, but he closed his eyelids unwillingly.

My friend heated up the dishes and was about to ask my husband to eat when there was a "boom", and she and I were startled at the same time.Following the sound, she realized that it was her husband who had fallen to the ground together with the chair.It turned out that he was too sleepy and tired, and the small bamboo chair was hard and small. He couldn't control his tiredness, so he fell asleep and fell down in his dream.

The friend pulled her husband up angrily and amusedly, asked him to eat, and urged him to take a shower and go to bed.Her husband agreed wearily, yawning as he ate.

It was at that moment that I suddenly felt sorry for my friend's husband.After being exhausted all day outside, when he came home, there were still so many rules waiting for him to follow, so he had to follow his wife's rules. "Going back" home, how much warm attraction can you give him?My friend is really gentle, and she does everything for her husband without complaint. It is said that she has never let him wash clothes, cook, or do any housework.However, she set too many rules for her husband, making him even more tired when he went home than outside. The home was like a cage, and there was no room for him to be free.

There are many women who always like to arrange their homes very cleanly and harmoniously according to their own ideas.She also has a lot of demands on her husband. When he flicks some cigarette ash and drops it on the coffee table, she keeps nagging; when he forgets to change his shoes, or puts socks, remote controls, etc. in disorder, he keeps complaining. This is not allowed. That's not good.They carefully arranged a beautiful home according to their own desires, but they did not give men real spiritual comfort.

In fact, men like to enjoy the various functions of the "home" with their hearts, and don't care about the external structure of the "court".Home is a place that doesn't need to be big or gorgeous, but when you are tired, you will think of it.

An office is also a house, and structurally, it is no different from a home.But there are professional people cleaning and cleaning in the office, there are invisible discipline constraints, and there are potential or explicit rules and regulations.But home can’t be like this. Home is a place where people can relax. When home has invisible constraints like an office, do men still have the desire to go home?

A good wife is not only gentle in behavior and words, doing this and that for her husband, but most importantly, she can give her husband a relaxed environment where he can rest his mind, instead of making him feel more restrained and less free at home than outside. !
Only by giving men full freedom to enjoy this "home" will there be lights in the home, as well as the intimacy and warmth of the room, and the feelings will be stationed in the space called "home" for a long time!
Therefore, when a woman undertakes housework responsibilities, do not forget the man's requirements for the comfort of the home.You've worked so hard to get your home in order, and your husband may be a saboteur.Notice that the husband is enjoying the home you have furnished and relaxing in his own "destruction".You think, don't men just want to be more casual at home?Only in this way can a man be relaxed and comfortable at home. If a man throws newspapers around, it may be because he doesn’t know where to put them at all; if a man flicks cigarette ash on the floor, it may be because he can’t find the ashtray in time ...

For a man, reading a newspaper and smoking a cigarette leisurely is the most relaxed and comfortable life.If a man has to look for an ashtray in a daze after taking a puff of cigarette, and can't lie down on the sofa for a nap after reading the newspaper, then he has nothing to relax at all.Therefore, if a woman wants to make a man feel relaxed and comfortable at home, she might as well make less demands on the man, and spend time tidying up the house after the man "destroys".At this time, women are not only doing housework, but also strengthening the relationship between husband and wife.

2. Give each other a warm home

You can't have a family without marriage, because you have a marriage, you have a family.People usually call marriage "getting a family", and that's what it means.Monks and nuns who take Buddha as their mind and take care of themselves alone have no home, because they have become monks and have put their minds on saving sentient beings.

The Gu family is a matter of two people
Giving each other a warm home is the highest state of family harmony.Whether a wife can become her husband's favorite is often reflected in how she manages her home; whether a husband can feel happy at home often affects his feelings for his wife.This tells us that love-warm home-love is an interconnected and reciprocal whole.So, how can we give each other a warm home?

This requires both husband and wife to love and love the family, and regard running a good family as their own responsibility, not as the responsibility of the other half. "Only a home is the best thing in the world. Men, women and children cannot leave without a home. Men without a home die early, and women without a home look old. Having a home seems plain, but without a home, it is immediately miserable. The outside world is all good, so it is better to go home and be happy. "In just a few words, the true meaning of life is revealed.We must love our home, even though it is not gorgeous enough, even though it is not spacious enough, it is the only place we can rely on, the only place we can heal our wounds, and it is the place worthy of our management and love.

◎As a wife, you should make your husband feel relaxed and comfortable at home

No matter how much a man loves his job, there will always be some degree of tension and exhaustion during his working hours.If, when he gets home, the tension and fatigue are gone and he feels relaxed and happy, he will be motivated to go to work the next day.When a man returns to such a home, it is a kind of recuperation physically, and he has a feeling of being doted on by his wife psychologically, and his affection for his wife will deepen.Otherwise, it would make a big difference!

We often hear many married men complain like this: "I really don't want to go home, my wife's endless nagging is really annoying!" If a wife often nags in front of her husband, it means that she has a problem thinking. Tell her husband, but he doesn't listen; so she keeps talking, and the more she keeps nagging, the more rebellious he becomes.Humanities master Bo Yang said: "For the continuation of love and the happiness of marriage, the wife must please the husband, and the husband must also please the wife. As for how to please, it is a high-level art." Indeed, pleasing is a high-level art. , Many times there is no big problem between husband and wife, which can be solved well, but it is because of the improper way of handling the problem that good things turn into bad things, and things that are not worth quarreling have to end in quarrels.

Here is an example:
One night, because Li Ming's company was working on a project recently, he got off work very late. He was so tired at the company that he had no strength, so he wished to take a shower after returning home, and then have a light meal , Talk to your wife and children for a while!But as soon as he opened the door, he found his wife Zhu Min sitting on the sofa with a gloomy face.Before Li Ming had time to speak, his wife attacked him.

Zhu Min: You are so inconsiderate!Why did you come home so late again?I never knew what you were doing!Dinner is getting cold!You have always only cared about yourself, not for others.

Li Ming: Don't yell at me!You are making a fuss again!I work overtime to make more money and make our lives more comfortable... You can't even be satisfied with that!

Zhu Min: Humph!You are so selfish!Can you put your family first?Is it okay to just play it once?You never mind the house - you want me to take care of everything for you!
Li Ming (steps aside): Don't bother me!I'm tired and want to rest for a while.You do nothing but nag all day long.

Zhu Min (furious): Yes, I won't do anything.You walked away like a child again.Do you know what your root cause is?They just avoid problems and never face reality.

Faced with such a wife and family, home has lost its real meaning to Li Ming. What he gets back home is not comfort, but endless nagging and troubles, which prevent him from getting a moment's rest.If Zhu Min could understand her husband more and change her tone and method, not only would there be no quarrel between them, but the relationship between them would be enhanced.At the same time, the home has truly become a safe haven and a destination that both husband and wife yearn for.

Payne said: "Golden nests, silver nests are not as good as your own grass nests." Indeed, a good wife will arrange a warm harbor for her husband, boost his career, reassure him, and give him a safe home. So that he will not suffer from internal and external troubles.

◎As a husband, you should not let your wife be overwhelmed by the family

With the progress of the times, modern women are not what they used to be. They are smart, intelligent, fashionable and excellent.However, it is undeniable that under normal circumstances, a man is still the mainstay of a family and the wife's reliance.

Perhaps due to the influence of China's default family model of "male dominates outside and women dominates inside" for thousands of years, no matter how strong modern women's sense of independence is, no matter how big their careers are outside, it is often women's responsibility to manage the house.They have to bear the pressure outside the home, which causes a lot of pressure on women.If the husband understands his wife a little bit more, takes the initiative to assume the responsibilities of looking after his wife, raising children, and running the house, and shows a little consideration to his wife, the wife will be very pleased.Even if the husband can't help much in many cases, they will be very satisfied if they have an understanding heart.After a day of hard work outside, when they return home, although they still have to do housework and take care of the elderly and children, their hearts are sweet, and home is also the place they yearn for all the time, because it is the warmest place where she lives. Land, has her favourites.

The husband sings and the wife is in harmony, having fun

Home is a private space for a husband and wife, a nest, a hiding place, and it is also a man's destination and a harbor for life.Men make the home more individual, and women make the home more comfortable.When a home-loving woman has a design mind and life experience, then the home will accumulate the interest of life, and the married life will be alive.

In this short story, the "Iron Lady" and the wonderful housewife are the same person, both Mrs Thatcher.

In May 1979, Mrs. Thatcher, the daughter of a grocer, was elected the first female prime minister in British history, and she was re-elected for two terms, and she was in power for 5 years.You may not believe that such a powerful political leader is also an excellent housewife.

Every morning at 6 o'clock, Mrs. Thatcher would prepare a cup of hot coffee and a delicious breakfast for her husband Dennis on time.One day, she looked at her watch at the end of an important meeting, and said in passing: "Oh, there's still time, I'm going to the food store at the corner to buy some bacon for Dennis that he likes." What she said to herself surprised almost everyone who heard it, and no one could believe that Thatcher, who was fierce and resolute just now, turned into a gentle and considerate wife in an instant!
So, why does this world-famous "Iron Lady" have such tenderness?Regarding this point, Mrs. Thatcher once said frankly: "Whether family life is happy or not will have a huge impact on a person." Perhaps it is precisely because of understanding this that she managed to get along with her husband for a long time and create a happy life together.

Indeed, in real life, Mrs Thatcher cared about her husband very much and supported his career quite a lot.Similarly, Dennis also gave Thatcher full care and support in all aspects.The couple share the same political views, and their hobbies are roughly the same, such as reading books, traveling together, listening to music, etc.The most worth mentioning is that when doing housework, Mrs. Thatcher would take the trouble to tell her husband how to do it, and she also wrapped her headscarf and apron to do it with him.

For all these reasons, their home is always full of warmth and happiness.As Mrs. Thatcher said, this happiness brought her a "great impact"-she could never be disturbed by family troubles, and she could always put her full energy on her career.

It can be seen that people who have a warm home are happy, but couples who can really give each other a warm home are the happiest in the world!
3. Career and family should be handled with both hands
In modern society, there are only a few women who are full-time wives and take care of their husbands and children at home. Most women also go to the workplace like their husbands.But no matter who the husband and wife are, they should handle the relationship between career and family well.Career and family are two inseparable parts. If a woman only pays attention to career and disregards family, she will inevitably develop into a strong woman; if a man only pays attention to career and disregards family, the relationship with his family will become increasingly difficult. Far.

Looking at women from the current situation in China

据调查，1997年全美已婚并且有3岁以下孩子的职业妇女占职业妇女总数的61%，但到2002年，这一比例降至58%。如今，更有22%拥有令人艳羡的教育背景和高薪收入的白领女性选择了回家看孩子。有1/3获得MBA学位的美国女性都将聪明才智完全用在了相夫教子上。

(End of this chapter)