no-complaint marriage

Chapter 13 Creating a Harmonious Family Atmosphere (2)
Compared with the United States, there are still a small number of working mothers returning to the family in our country. This situation is actually closely related to the social welfare security system.In the United States, children's education funds are negligible in family expenditures, but in China, the cost of cultivating a college student is by no means enough for an ordinary family's income.

We have noticed that most working mothers mentioned that while the pressure in the workplace is increasing, the society and their own standards for good mothers are also constantly improving. They not only have to bear part of the family's income, but also pay for the growth of their children. With more effort than their father, they are constantly weighing and exploring the relationship between career and family.In the end, they realized that when dealing with the relationship between family and career, it is best not to favor either, but to grasp both.

Zola used to have a good position and income in an international public relations company, but she resigned from her promising position in November last year for the simple reason that she wanted to go home and take care of her daughter.My daughter just entered school in September last year, and the school teacher asked the students to sign their parents after finishing their homework every night.But Zola was discussing several major projects with clients at that time, and her daughter was already going to bed when she came home every day, but the teacher "complained" to her a month later.Said that she never signed her daughter's homework, which made her daughter often criticized by the teacher and under a lot of pressure.So Zola came up with the idea of ​​resigning to take care of her daughter.

So Zola resigned. "I didn't plan too much at the time, I just wanted to rest for a while, and wait until the family and children's affairs are sorted out before considering the next development."

At first, Zola enjoyed this stress-free life.Every day, I send my daughter to school, buy vegetables and cook, clean the house, and go shopping for knick-knacks.However, within a month, she began to get used to this kind of life.She was also at a loss, thinking about whether the sacrifices she made for her family and children were worthwhile, but what she thought most about was how to keep her working without delaying taking care of her family and children.

Therefore, when a client or colleague contacted Zola, hoping that she could help with some public relations activities at home, Zola was a little moved.After the Chinese New Year, Zola began to work from home, and in March, she established her own company.Zola chose the office location not far from her home. After her business gradually increased, she hired two more employees, mainly to help out-of-town companies arrange some promotional activities in Guangzhou. "It's very free. I can control my time as I like. When I have nothing to do, I will come down and go around. If there is something to do at home, I can go back immediately. I will not delay taking care of my husband and children, and I will not be closed in a small circle." Zola said.

After some careful consideration, Zola finally found a suitable lifestyle, career and family. She did not lose any of them. She not only had a place in society, but also was a good housewife.

man, career, family

We all know that if we want to make a home warm and comfortable, we cannot rely on women alone, and men must also contribute to it.Many men think that it is his responsibility to do a good job in his career and earn money back so that his wife and children are not short of money, food and clothing. Family seems to have little to do with him, as if his duty is to earn money. money.Of course, the burden on a man's shoulders is heavy, but if a man only "quantifies" his responsibilities, then he can never be called a good husband.

You should know that to build a warm family, you need not only a kind, docile, capable, and virtuous wife, but also a good husband who takes care of the family, is responsible, open-minded, and filial.

There is no doubt that every woman wants to marry a man who has a sense of family responsibility.And what kind of man is a man with a sense of family responsibility?It's not that they quit their careers, nor do they just focus on their careers and lack the most basic care and love for their families and family members.Even if they are busy with their careers outside and are very tired, they will still cook with their wives, watch TV, listen to their feelings for the day, and play with their children after get off work; , they will chat with their parents...

If both husband and wife can handle the relationship between family and career well, then there will be more harmony and less unhappiness between husband and wife.Moreover, neither husband nor wife will feel that the burden of the family has fallen on the shoulders of one person, making them exhausted.On the contrary, the husband and wife are working together to earn money, support the family, and share all responsibilities in the family in a relaxed and harmonious way.

4. Play the role in marriage well

When a person walks into the siege of marriage, their role takes on a richer meaning.They no longer only have the identity of a single child, but have more roles: sometimes they are wives, husbands, friends, lovers, brothers and sisters in front of husband and wife; Partner... In short, living at home, if you want to live a harmonious and happy life, you need both husband and wife to be good at capturing every information with keen eyes, and play the right role at the right time.

role of husband and wife
The world is so big and there are so many countries, but for everyone, there is only one family.There are thousands of children in the world, but for each person, there is only one (maybe two); there are thousands of men and women in the world, but for each person, there is only one husband (wife); There are tens of thousands of parents, but there are only two who have flesh and blood with you... It is fate that you become the parents of your own children; it is fate that you marry your lover; it is fate that you become the children of your parents ...

No matter how capable a person is, he cannot live without a home.But if you can't play a good role in the family and handle the relationship between family members well, then you shouldn't start a family blindly.

What role does a woman play in a marriage in front of her husband?Whether this role is played well or not often lays the foundation for the stability of the marriage. Here are a few:
◎A knowledgeable, virtuous and gentle wife
In front of her husband, she can be gentle to him and have the responsibilities a wife should have. She will take care of everything for him and do everything silently for him.

◎The tolerant mother
Men are sometimes like children, but they are actually very fragile. They are far less strong than we imagine, so women should treat him like their own children, and when they are hurt, they should melt him with a gentle embrace.

◎A well-behaved daughter
Men have a strong desire to protect, so women should express to him your desire for his protection as much as you want, let him take on what you can't do, and leave him as much as possible to act coquettishly and show weakness as much as possible.

◎Lovely sister
Have you ever seen the eyes of a woman doting on her naughty brother?Sometimes he doesn't pay attention to hygiene, likes to look at beautiful women, etc. Women should pamper him like their own younger brother.

◎Tricky lover
Lovers will try their best to please men, lovers will change their ways to satisfy their wishes from men, lovers know best when they can advance in front of men, they will advance, if they should retreat, they will retreat, that is, they should be barbaric and gentle.

◎A friend who is good at listening

A man also needs to vent his emotions sometimes, whether it is happy or sad, he will vent when he pretends to be a lot in his heart. At this time, a woman has to play his close friend. You can not say anything, just listen to him and watch. His expression, when he drinks, you sit quietly beside him, and if you can pour wine for him, he will be satisfied.

Being a good wife is a science, and maintaining a happy marriage requires a woman's hard work.Every family is like a big ship, and the woman is the helmsman of the ship.If you love your man deeply and love your family, then steer the helm with your heart, you can make it smooth sailing or make it encounter a reef, it all depends on you to strategize and win a thousand miles.

As far as the husband is concerned to his wife, his role is also rich and colorful.

Sometimes a husband has to show his stalwart in front of his wife, always caring, caring, and considerate to her; sometimes the husband is her father in front of his wife, because a woman is weak, coquettish, and sometimes like a child, so, The husband should love her like a loving father; sometimes the husband is her son in front of his wife, so he should try his best to listen to her nagging, because there is deep love in her nagging, if a husband does not listen to his wife, On the contrary, it will make the wife sad; sometimes the husband is also a close friend of the wife, and he needs to listen to her endless innermost thoughts...

The roles of spouses in the family

The roles of the husband and wife are not only wives and husbands, but also in a family they are the mother and father of the child, the daughter and son of the parents, the son-in-law of the parents-in-law, and the daughter-in-law of the parents-in-law.

In front of the children, the image of father and mother is very tall, so the husband and wife must lead by example and always set a good example for the children.Use your own behavior to infect children in the drip.

In front of both parents, the husband and wife should be filial sons, son-in-law, daughter and daughter-in-law.Being filial starts with being kind, obedient and caring for the elderly.The elderly are the heroes of the family. When they were young, they dedicated their youth to the society and the family. Now, they are old and weak, and should be respected by the society and taken care of by their families.As children, we should treat the elderly well, respect their opinions and not argue with them.After more than half a century of life, they have formed their views on various things in the world, and because they are retired at home and lack the stimulation of new external information, it is difficult to change them.Therefore, we don't have to try to change them. In a sense, obedience means kindness and filial piety.

The elderly are most afraid of making people feel that they are "useless".In fact, the old man is a book, a book that records national history, local history and family history.Reading this book seriously can make us wise and help us predict tomorrow.

When we honor the elderly, we must learn to listen to their teachings - say "no" less and say "yes" more.Man is a product of his times.The life experience and insights accumulated by the elderly over the years are very rare, and cannot be bought with money.Listen to the words of the elderly, there are only benefits and no harm.If it is said that the thinking of the elderly is a little behind the times, it is normal, and children should fully understand it.After all, most elderly people no longer have the energy to contact and screen a lot of new information, and it is not so easy to update their concepts.

In addition, the husband and wife must also play their roles in the family and relatives. With the conclusion of marriage, some titles will change. Both husband and wife must handle the relationship with relatives according to the titles they bear. An important aspect of harmony or not.

Marriage provides a good stage for the husband and wife, but whether the husband and wife can optimally play their respective roles on this stage depends on the "real skills" of the husband and wife themselves.

5. Parents are the same, regardless of each other

Love is what binds two people together, marriage is what brings a group of people together.Among this group of people, the most important ones are the parents of both parties. They may directly affect the image of the couple or the relationship between husband and wife.

When dealing with both parents, avoid two tendencies
How husband and wife treat each other's parents is an important part of family life.Because many couples can handle this problem correctly, their family life will always play harmonious and cheerful music; for some couples, because they don’t handle this problem properly, their family life will often burst into loud and annoying noises.So, when it comes to dealing with the parents of both parties, what tendencies do the husband and wife tend to have?
◎Only caring about the two-person world, forgetting about both parents
Some young people will forget their parents when they get married. They only want the comfort and romance of the small family, and do not care about the loneliness and support of their parents after their children leave. Neet".Although such young couples get along very lovingly and their lives are full of romance, they are not enviable and are often criticized by public opinion.Among such young couples, it cannot be said that they are not filial by nature. The bigger reason is that after modern young people get married, they often think that they are the children of their parents, and they have not been completely "weaned" from their parents after marriage. , Developed the habit of relying on their parents.

◎"Sweep the snow in front of the door", the parents of both parties "look out for each other"

When some couples deal with their parents, they adopt a "self-serving" approach.This method is very inappropriate. For both parents, they don't want to see their children honor themselves alone, but hope that their son or daughter-in-law, daughter or son-in-law will take the responsibility of honoring their parents together. More family happiness can be enjoyed, the clothes bought by the son are not as good-looking as those bought by the daughter-in-law, and the wine bought by the son-in-law is always better than the wine bought by the daughter.Besides, what parents want to see is that the young couple is a whole, and it will make parents feel a little bleak for both parents.

On the other hand, if the parents of both parties "look out for each other", disputes between husband and wife are also the most likely to cause conflicts between husband and wife.Especially when one party wants to give more support to his parents, for example, if the parents are sick, the other party may complain during the "economic crisis" of his small family, causing discord between the husband and wife.

It is worth mentioning that many parents lament that "raising a son is worse than raising a daughter", because many young couples only consider the hardships of the woman's parents.In other words, a man is often a good son-in-law, but he is not a good son. Although such couples have less friction, they also have flaws, because they have left the man's parents in the cold, and are not worth promoting.

Both of the above tendencies should not appear, because they are either immoral or unreasonable.The correct attitude should be to be able to treat each other's parents equally, and to help each other's parents in a coordinated manner.If the husband and wife coordinate well on this issue, it will not only satisfy the parents of both parties, but also make the husband and wife feel harmonious.So, on the issue of dealing with both parents, how should husband and wife coordinate?

Don't lose your relationship with your parents just because you are married and have too many things to do. Treating both parents first depends on self-consciousness.Parents should always be double respected, because they not only give themselves or their loved ones flesh and blood, but also raise themselves or their loved ones from childhood to adulthood, and teach them the principles of life.Every couple can imagine, from the perspective of their parents, how much lessons their parents have given them and how much effort they have spent from birth to starting a family. A lot of hard work has been put in; from the perspective of loving parents, when they cultivate their children, they also think of their own parents who have given in the same way. More importantly, they have raised for you a person who can stand with you through thick and thin and grow old together.Therefore, whether you are a daughter or a son-in-law, whether you are a son or a daughter-in-law, you should, together with your lover, assume the responsibility of being a child. As long as they have difficulties, you should go to take care of them and share their worries.Even if the parents are in good health and can live financially, the children should visit more often and give some money to the parents. Doing so will make the parents feel satisfied, happy and comforted, and they will not feel lonely.

Honoring Parents Is the Responsibility of Marriage
Regardless of the man or the woman, from the beginning of marriage, one should realize that marriage not only means the union of love, but also needs to bear responsibility.Marriage is not only the union of two people, but also means that two unrelated families have a relationship, and I will become a member of the other family.To undertake this relationship is one of the responsibilities of marriage.Then, no matter what the emotion is, you should regard the other party's family members as your own relatives intellectually.

On the issue of the relationship with the elderly of both parties, both husband and wife should treat each other's parents as their own parents.Now that men and women come together to form a family, both husband and wife must treat their parents from the perspective of a family (rather than an individual), and there should be no distinction between closeness and estrangement.Young couples in particular need to work hard on this issue.

Marriage is not only a matter of two people, but also a matter of two families.When two young people from different families come together to form a family, it is not a simple addition, but a lot of problems related to the two families hidden behind the marriage.If these problems are handled well, there will be peace and harmony; if they are not handled properly, they will pop up from time to time to disturb the peace of the family, and even cause family division.

Zhang Wenjiao and her husband moved to Shenzhen when their child was 3 years old.After coming to Shenzhen, their economic income has obviously improved a lot compared to when they were in the mainland. However, the elderly on both sides also suffered from deteriorating health due to their age, which became a burden for Zhang Wenjiao and his wife.

Regarding supporting the elderly, Zhang Wenjiao is very open minded. She knows that it is her responsibility as a child, so she never hesitates when they need money from them, especially when she treats her parents-in-law, her husband can't say "no".

The summer before last, Zhang Wenjiao's mother-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she was hospitalized for a year. Her husband returned to the mainland four times, but failed to save her life.For a year, every time her husband went out, Zhang Wenjiao would bring him enough money. Basically, he would give him as much as he asked.Zhang Wenjiao said: "I believe that my husband will not spend money recklessly, and the money he wants must be useful." The mother-in-law was also very satisfied with Zhang Wenjiao, and she told her son to treat Wenjiao and the children well when she died.

Zhang Wenjiao's husband is also deeply grateful to his wife. Although he didn't say anything, he kept it in his heart and would repay his wife's virtuousness, understanding, understanding and support to himself and his family whenever he had the opportunity.

(End of this chapter)