no-complaint marriage

Chapter 14 Creating a Harmonious Family Atmosphere (3)
Last year, Zhang Wenjiao's father accidentally slipped and broke his femur while taking a bath. Zhang Wenjiao's husband got the news first, and he remitted 3 yuan to his father-in-law without notifying Zhang Wenjiao, and exchanged his father-in-law for an imported artificial bone.In the same year, the old man died of illness. After hearing the news, Zhang Wenjiao's husband immediately booked air tickets for the whole family and asked Zhang Wenjiao to bring enough money to go home for the funeral.Zhang Wenjiao's husband even offered to buy a cemetery for his father-in-law, and the couple paid all the money.

Zhang Wenjiao and her husband have always treated both parents equally, instead of dividing your parents and my parents.In fact, we have already formed a family, how can we divide each other?If they are separated from each other, what remains of such a marriage will be only the formality, without the real meaning, and it is even more impossible for the husband and wife to communicate with each other, so what is the trust?
Treat parents without distinction

It is not a family but has become a family. Naturally, there will be many aspects that do not adapt to each other and are not used to each other.This requires the husband and wife to adjust their mentality in a timely manner, respect each other's parents as much as they respect their own parents.The specific ways to treat the elderly are as follows:
◎Respect parents-in-law, father-in-law and mother-in-law

Although everyone has an independent personality and independent economic status, and does not need to be dominated by anyone, the parents-in-law, father-in-law and mother-in-law are older and have much more experience, so children should respect their parents-in-law, mother-in-law, Father-in-law and mother-in-law discuss and deal with problems.

◎Forgiving parents-in-law, father-in-law and mother-in-law

As children, you should be considerate of your parents-in-law and father-in-law. After all, the old people’s ideas are different from those of young people, so you don’t have to be serious about everything; as children, you should also consider comforting the elderly. The elderly feel a sense of loss; children should do more housework, and don't let the elderly mother-in-law and mother-in-law get stuck in housework all day long.

◎Do not quarrel with parents-in-law, father-in-law and mother-in-law

At any time, children should not quarrel with their parents-in-law or father-in-law. They must control their emotions. Even if it is the fault of parents-in-law or father-in-law, they must be tolerant and talk about it later.Once there is a quarrel, a estrangement will arise between the two parties, and the relationship between the two parties will no longer be harmonious.

◎Comfort parents-in-law, father-in-law and mother-in-law in both material and spiritual aspects

As a child, you should always ask the elderly how they are, and often buy them something they like to eat, especially when they are unwell, you must take care of them.This small material gift is actually more spiritual comfort.One thing to keep in mind: no matter how much you have done for the other party, don't talk about it or publicize it with your relatives and friends.

If both husband and wife can treat their parents equally and equally, there will be fewer troublesome things between the husband and wife, and the life in the two-person world will be purer, closer and more fulfilling.

6. "Small love" is precious, but "big love" is more expensive
The highest state of love should be to sublimate your love for him into a kind of great love, love his family and friends, care about the lives of the people around him, and let the people around him feel your love for him.

Learn to "Love Houses and Crows"

The ancients said: "Love the house and the crow!" To love him (her), you must first love his (her) family.It's unimaginable that your marriage can be healthy when you're being cold-hearted to your significant other's family.

Ms. Yang can be said to be considerate to her husband, but she always has nothing to say to her husband's parents, relatives and friends.For this reason, the husband's parents, relatives and friends rarely visit their house.Over time, Ms. Yang's husband became a loner.

Until one day, the kind and generous husband filed for divorce from Ms. Yang.Ms. Yang didn't understand very much and scolded her husband for being heartless.But the husband who is not good at talking only said this sentence: "I can't tolerate your selfish love!"

Yes, women must learn to "love the house and the crow". If you really love each other, you must pay attention to the other's emotions, think about what the other person thinks, love what the other person loves, and turn the little love for your husband into a big love for his family and friends. Love.

Nowadays, more and more married women are unwilling to live with their parents-in-law, feeling that they are not free and have no common language.

Huang Lijiao's in-laws came to visit her and her husband from the countryside carrying peanuts, sweet potatoes and tender corn. Because her husband had to work overtime, Huang Lijiao was asked to stay with the two elders at home, but the atmosphere at home became awkward after her husband left. Without saying a word, the parents-in-law didn't know what to say.Soon, the work unit called. She was glad that she was finally relieved, but she didn't want her in-laws to stay at home alone. She was afraid that the in-laws who had never seen the world would damage the things at home, so she said to her in-laws: "You go to the front of the building. Let's bask in the sun in the garden, there are so many people there that you will not be lonely." When the in-laws went downstairs, she closed the door with a bang, and didn't even leave the key for them.The couple went home in the afternoon and searched the entire garden, but there was no sign of the elder, so they tried to make a phone call to their home in the country. It was their father who answered the phone, and they went home.Huang Lijiao's husband and father talked on the phone for a long time and learned the whole story.Her husband didn't even give her a chance to reform, so he divorced her.Her husband said: "She has done something outrageous, and if she doesn't divorce her, she will have a conscience owed to her parents throughout her life."

This little story lets us understand that if we want to have a harmonious family, we should not think that I just need to love my husband well, and that my in-laws have nothing to do with me.To love someone is to love everything about him, his background, his inescapable responsibilities in this life, and the people who are inextricably linked behind him.This is like loving a flower, you must love both the thorns on its branches and the soil under its feet, because they are connected by flesh and blood.

Love each other, but also love each other's relatives
It is impossible for a person to be separated from the inextricable connection with the society. If both husband and wife are limited to loving one person, it is like saying that they like your eyes but not your limbs. How can they cut off the limbs? Can not bring pain!
To love each other, we must treat each other's family members kindly.First of all, the etiquette must be sufficient, and you must bring more gifts when you visit the house for the first time. Many elderly people value this very much.Of course things don't matter how expensive they are, the key is whether you have them in mind.Secondly, spend more than an hour a week chatting with the elderly, ask them to show you photos of your lover when they were young, and encourage them to talk about their memories of their lover.Parents all over the world usually like to talk about their children. Even if the children have grown up, they will still talk about it and never get tired of it.At this time, you can't believe in "Silence is golden", you should listen carefully, and have some sincere exchanges during the break between them, such as: "Is this so?" "What happened later?" and so on.

Smart people often use various "tricks" to make their parents-in-law and parents-in-law happy, and make their lover secretly happy.With such a lover, the marriage will be happy, and it is also the guarantee of family harmony.

When people get old, they will inevitably become a little childish. Children are their continuation in this world and their only spiritual comfort.It's like a relay race. After they finish the first bat, they will run along with you for a while, and don't stop until they see you enter the state.

Believe that your lover does not jump out of a crack in the rock. If a person does not love his parents, then he will not love anyone.Women especially have to remember that even if you bite the tip of your tongue, you can’t say that your mother-in-law is wrong. After all, there are factors you are familiar with flowing in their blood, not to mention that one morning, you may suddenly find their blood. .One day, your hair will be as white as frost. Respecting the elderly means respecting your future years.

When a woman marries a man, she must think about it: the lover can be chosen, but the parents-in-law, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law have no choice. Since you have chosen the other party, you have to take care of his family receive.Even if you are terribly tired of your husband's many hard-to-dismiss seven wives and eight aunts, you can't dismantle him coldly and let him serve as a "sandwich biscuit" in pain. If you really have a hard time getting along with each other, then Take this to show your general demeanor of turning an enemy into a friend.His brothers and sisters have something to worry about; he has poor relatives in his hometown, so don’t show disdain (because despising his relatives is despising his past); when a child passes a hundred days, remember to prepare the red envelopes early... …Be kind to everyone around him, so that if one day your husband and wife fall out and they join forces to deal with you, they will be merciful.

Husband and wife can quarrel, quarreling at the head of the bed and at the end of the bed; he and his family can quarrel, blood is thicker than water-but once there is a quarrel between sisters-in-law and sister-in-law, the grudge will last forever.When he reprimands his family members in front of you, you can only persuade him, and you must not lose your composure for a while and agree with him.Remember, support from your family and friends will directly affect the quality of your future marriage.If through hard work, you really love each other, life will be much sweeter.

Learn to be grateful for everything.Thank them for delivering the person you love the most into your hands; thank them for allowing you to express your love for your lover through some trivial warmth.It is precisely because of these trivial things in life that you are touched by each other, cherish each other, move forward along the way, and be each other's best friends.

We must understand that although "small love" is precious, "big love" is more expensive, and big love is the most reasonable and best way to love.

7. Set a good example for your children
Educating children well is the most concerned and difficult thing for every parent; every parent hopes that their children will grow up healthily, become talents, and become leaders of the times.So, how to make your child a leader of the times?The key is how to educate the parents.The ancients said it well: "If the son does not teach, it is the fault of the father; if the daughter does not teach, it is the fault of the mother."

Every child is like a blank paper when it is born. What will be drawn on this blank paper depends on what the parents want to draw for him (her).Every action of parents affects children subtly, and this influence may be lifelong on children.

Set a good example for your children with a warm home

Family is very important to the healthy growth of children. If parents let children feel that father and mother are loving, the family is happy, father and mother love him (her) at all times, and treat father and mother as friends, then children will have I will be willing to take the initiative to talk to my parents about anything, and often communicate with my parents.It's good for kids and adults alike.

However, an unhappy family and reckless parents are the killers of children's healthy growth.Shang Xiuyun, chief judge of the juvenile court of Beijing Haidian District Court, personally approved 629 juvenile offenders.She found that "problem teenagers" are often the product of "problem parents". For every 7 teenagers who fabricate lies and commit fraud, 6 teenagers have dishonest parents; , there are 14 teenagers whose parents advocate money and are greedy for petty gains; out of every 13 teenagers who committed the crime of intentional injury with armed fights, 15 parents of teenagers have a rough personality, love to fight with others, and beat and scold their children frequently.

It can be seen that parents can sow the seeds of violence in their children's hearts, and they can also sow the seeds of love in their hearts.When children come to this world with a pure and transparent heart, they are full of curiosity and desire for knowledge. They have a natural and complete trust in their parents. Parents say that flowers, birds, trees , they will think that it is flowers, birds and trees. When their parents say that the sky is blue and the water is green, they will think that the sky is blue and the water is green.If parents say that black is white and red is green, they will also have no doubt that the black is white and the red is green.

In the eyes of children, parents are omniscient and omnipotent, and they will believe what their parents say.At this stage, children who know nothing about the world are reflective of the information they give to their parents. Parents' attitude towards life, words and deeds, parents' psychology and personality are the best teaching materials for children to learn from this society. It is a mirror for children to understand society and life.

For the sake of their children, parents must master the correct way to deal with problems.A harmonious family can produce good children.Whether the child's childhood is happy or not depends entirely on the parents.Have a good childhood, have a good start in life!
Precepts and deeds affect children

First of all, in honoring the elderly, we must lead by example.A celebrity once said: "Filial piety is a fence, which not only protects parents, but also regulates children, so that parents do not have to regret."

(End of this chapter)