no-complaint marriage

Chapter 15 Creating a Harmonious Family Atmosphere (4)
The development of the times to today has put forward strict requirements for every parent who is a father and a mother.As a parent, you must first cultivate your own cultural and moral accomplishments, strengthen your legal concept, influence your children with a positive attitude towards life, and educate them in a reasonable way. "The mother washes the elderly grandmother's feet every day. The child sees it and remembers it in his heart. When the mother is about to wash her feet, the child naturally brings the mother a pot of hot water..." I believe everyone is familiar with this public service advertisement of CCTV.But unfortunately, in real life, we have more examples to the contrary.

Parents are role models for their children, and children are also a mirror of their parents.Therefore, to educate children well, we must teach them "filial piety, patience, humility, tolerance, and convenience for others", and parents must lead by example.Children's experience of their parents' specific behaviors is often more effective than boring and empty language lectures.Leo Tolstoy wrote this story:
An old man was very old and had constant saliva and runny nose while eating.The daughter-in-law thought he was dirty, so she drove him to the stove to eat.Once, the old man accidentally broke the bowl, and the daughter-in-law yelled: "You are so old, eat in a wooden basin!" After a few days, the couple found that their son was making something with an axe. Said: "I'm making a wooden basin, and I will use it when my parents are old to eat, so as not to break the bowl."

Similar stories abound.These stories tell us that parents must be strict with themselves, lead by example, set an example, and use good ideology, morality and style to nurture and influence children.

A child's mind is a strange land: Sow the seeds of thought, and you will reap behavior; sow the seeds of behavior, and you will reap habits; sow the seeds of habits, you will reap virtue; Sow the seeds of virtue, and you will reap destiny.In order to reap the "destiny" in this land, we must take good care of it, and we must not let it be overgrown with weeds and barren.If the air outside is a bit polluted, then we have to carefully brush off the floating dust for it; if it is raining lightly outside the window, then we have to carefully hold up an umbrella for it.

Second, parents must be consistent in their words and deeds.This requires parents how to educate their children, they must first do so.

In front of the gate of a certain agency is a wide main street, in the middle of the street is a "double yellow line" that prohibits traffic, and there is an underground passage crossing the road not far from both sides.In order to go to the park or sports square across the road to play and exercise, I can always see some parents holding their children across the "double yellow lines" in order to save a few steps.On the weekend, I "squat" at the gate of the institution for half an hour, and saw a little girl about 7 years old asking her parents to cross the road with her from the underground passage next to her, but her father dragged her The child wanted to cross the road, and the child said, "It's not safe. The teacher won't let you cross the road like this. You told me the same way. We have to go through the underground passage." But the father said lightly to the child: "It doesn't matter, Dad will protect you." In the next half an hour, more than 10 pairs of parents and children crossed the road, but only one pair detoured through the underpass!
"Teaching by example is the most precious, and knowing by doing is inseparable." This is a sentence that the famous educator Ye Shengtao once warned educators, and it is also suitable for family education.Silent "teaching by example" is often better than vocal "teaching".Schools teach children to walk underpasses or "zebra crossings" when crossing the road. Saying it 10 or 20 times is not as good as parents taking their children to cross the road once.In this sense, parents are the first teachers of their children, and the development of many excellent qualities is inseparable from the parents' precepts and deeds.

A child is a "blank paper". If parents don't pay attention to cultivating their own self-cultivation, it is easy to pass bad habits to their children and leave stains on the "blank paper".For the healthy growth of their children, parents must also be cautious in their words and deeds, and be a good teacher of their children.Parents cultivate personality with personality.Parents with bad conduct can easily raise children with bad conduct, and parents with distorted psychology can easily make children lose the ability to distinguish between beauty and ugliness. Will determine whether the child's life is happy and happy.

As a parent of a child, to set a good example for the child, the husband and wife should always observe the child's every word, deed, and every move, carefully consider everything, and avoid what should be avoided.And teach by precepts and deeds in everything, and set an example everywhere, so that children can truly feel that their parents are noble, great, and trustworthy friends.As a result, they will respect their parents more and be willing to accept their parents' teachings.

8. Educate your children well

A happy marriage not only means that the husband and wife stay together for a hundred years, but also have a well-educated child.In reality, many families have problems with their children's education, which not only makes family life turbulent, but also makes a family hopeless.Therefore, whether a family is happy or not, whether it can educate children reasonably and whether the method of educating children is appropriate is the key.

Treat the so-called "bad boys" correctly

Every couple hopes that their children will be excellent, but in reality, nine out of ten couples are dissatisfied with their children. Some children are even a complete "bad child" in the eyes of the couple. This is very important for a family. What a pain.The parents of a "bad child" once said: "Seeing the child like this, we even have the desire to die." Why do husbands and wives "have the desire to die"?The reason is that when couples see that their children are "bad", they are helpless and fail to take effective measures to discipline their children.In their hearts, they have lost confidence in their children's growth, and think that their children are "terminally ill" and hopeless.

In fact, many families need to understand one thing - whether a child is good or bad is originally a relative concept.From a certain perspective, a "good boy" may become a "bad boy" from another perspective.In other words, any child is actually a combination of "good" and "bad".Many couples only require their children to have a "perfect" performance, so that they feel "face". Therefore, it is difficult for couples to accept their children's shortcomings.In this mentality, the child's shortcomings will be magnified, such as mischievousness, poor academic performance, etc., which become the signs of bad children.

Husbands and wives should know that "bad kids" don't necessarily mean nothing.

The famous American magician Fields ran away from home when he was 11 years old. He wandered around like a homeless wild dog.In order to fill his belly, he learned to beg and steal; he also used deception to win people's sympathy, so as to get people's funding; it was common for him to go to prison.He was a very bad boy at the time.

He has lived like this for 5 years.But later, through his own efforts, he became one of the most famous stars in Hollywood.

It can be seen that "bad boys" will also have promise.Couples should not assume that just because their children are "bad," they are hopeless.Because children are malleable, as long as they are treated with patience, bad children will also have great promise.

Educate children on the basis of understanding the life of "bad children".We want to walk into the sky of bad kids and see the good and bad, bitter and happy, crying and laughing of bad kids in their world... In this way, you will have a better understanding of bad kids and give them a new orientation.

The education of children is a long and iterative process, especially for the so-called "bad children", it will take more time and energy.Husband and wife should pay more attention to the psychological aspect of the child, and find out the crux and source of the child's "badness" in the child's psychology. Only in this way can the right medicine be prescribed, and the education of bad children will be more effective.

Treat "Mediocre" Children Reasonably
Every pair of parents does not want their child to be a mediocre person. From the day the child is born, every pair of parents hopes to find extraordinary abnormalities from their children as evidence of the child's extraordinary. But the reality always doesn’t make these parents get what they want. What they can find is almost all problems of one kind or another in the child. After all, the child is an extremely mediocre person, which often brings a lot of unhappiness to the married life of the couple.In fact, they don't know that what they see is often the characteristics of a child's genius. The reason why the child cannot show it is because the child is still a child, and he has not yet reached the stage of extraordinary intelligence. Showing great wisdom, it's just that the husband and wife are too hasty in considering their children.

Every child has extraordinary potential, the key lies in whether the husband and wife have a pair of eyes that are good at discovering, so as to tap out these potentials of the child.In other words, whether the couple will educate their children.If you study many so-called geniuses in history, you will find that if we use the current perspective to evaluate their childhood, they are almost the same as the current children, and some are even not as good as the current children.Among them, there are stupid, stupid, and seemingly crazy ones, such as Newton, Einstein, etc. Their performance when they were young is not as good as that of a mediocre child.Therefore, geniuses are inherently impermanent. Even if they were mediocre when they were young, families should not feel disappointed with their children because of this.Your child may be naughty, clumsy, play truant, and not like to study...and these may be the characteristics of a child's genius. Couples should be good at discovering the true meaning of it at home and change their own education methods. In this way, each child will no longer appear Mediocre.

The method of education, guidance is the key

If the couple's first wish is "to grow old together, be happy and loving", then the couple's second common wish may be "to hope that their children will become dragons, and that their daughters will become phoenixes".Couples all over the world often know how to maintain the love between husband and wife, but seldom know how to educate their children. They feel very confused when educating their children, and they don't know what method to use to make their children successful.In fact, it is not difficult to make children become talents. As long as the method of educating children is correct, every child will become excellent.

Some couples believe that they should be strict with their children, because there are no rules; some couples believe that they should be lenient and strict with their children, so that they can grow up better.Regardless of the method, their purpose is the same, which is to make children better.What is certain is that any of these methods may educate children well, but there are always more failures than successes.Why do some educational methods succeed and others fail?The key to this is that the husband and wife do not know how to guide the children in the process of educating their children.Therefore, children's unsatisfactory performance is often the result of parents' lack of guidance on their children's behavior.When parents educate their children, they will use some methods more or less. For parents who have no educational experience, the methods often have little effect.

For example, with the same strict requirements on their children, some parents can educate their children very well, while some parents' children are not up to date at all.The reason is that the "strictness" of the former is a measure of requirements for children and the process for children to obtain this "standard", while parents have to guide their children to obtain this standard; the "strictness" of the latter is an attitude towards children , but when educating children, there is no process for children to agree with this standard-this is the difference between whether there is guidance in education.Parents always use the word "strict" when educating their children, but there is no guidance in the process of "strictness", so it is difficult to get good educational effects with such strictness.Therefore, the key to the method of education is to learn to guide children correctly.

When disciplining children, both husband and wife must coordinate

When one of the husband and wife is disciplining the children, the other must not hold back, because doing so will not only make the children unable to receive effective discipline, but also easily make the children feel confident and bold.If things go on like this, when the father disciplines the child, the child will be thrown into the mother's arms; when the mother disciplines him, he will rely on the father's protection.Even if one party is inappropriate in disciplining the child, the other party can only persuade the child behind the child's back. The two discuss together, and must not forcefully interfere or argue for the child in front of the child.

For children, parents are not only their elders, but also their children's friends, and sometimes their children's students.Parents sometimes use their sternness to criticize and educate their children's wrong behaviors;Sometimes parents think that their children have done wrong things. If they can listen carefully to their opinions first, they may know that the parents' thinking cannot keep up with the situation and they have misunderstood their children's behavior and thinking.At this time, parents must humbly learn from their children and be their students.

Children are the hope of the family, the crystallization of love, and the fruit of marriage.Whether children can be educated is not only a part of a happy marriage, but also the key to a happy family.Therefore, in the family, husband and wife must master the correct method of raising children.

(End of this chapter)