no-complaint marriage

Chapter 16 Adding some "stuff" to an ordinary marriage (1)
1. An ordinary marriage is also happy
A mediocre marriage does not mean a bad marriage, because mediocrity does not mean mediocre, as long as it is managed well, a mediocre marriage can also be wonderful.

Young men and women from falling in love to falling in love and then entering the palace of marriage - just like computer software is already running, because it exists in the network, if you don't add some "materials" frequently, you will inevitably be invaded by viruses, which will affect the quality of operation. It may even lead to the collapse of the entire system.Similarly, in order to maintain the health and vitality of a married marriage, it is necessary to add some "materials" to the dull marriage accordingly.

When the curtain of marriage slowly opened, the couple began to perform scenes of stories in the "siege" of the family.After a long time, some people feel that marriage is like a flat TV series, which can no longer be directed; it is also like chewing gum, which is tasteless and tasteless.

ordinary happiness
Marriage is when two strangers come together to live together. It is said that falling in love is easy but getting along is difficult. After the passion passes, all that remains is their own personalities and tempers.Married life is trivial and ordinary, and both husband and wife need to maintain it together and find happiness in life!Maybe marriage is a life with flaws, and a perfect marriage only exists in the reverie when in love and in the novels that deceive countless idiots and sluts.Most of the couples complain that their married life is dull, and there is no pre-marital romance; they complain that the other party does not love themselves as much as they did before marriage, and some wives even think that the reason why their husbands don’t love them is because they are not beautiful anymore.

In fact, there are too many temptations in life, reality needs love and bread!Romantic emotions are illusory, while married life is real and flat, but it is also a kind of happiness.It depends on how you manage your marriage in the ordinary. As the saying goes: "A good life is adjusted." As long as you can manage it, you can have a happy life.

From the gratification of the two lovers to the perfect spiritual connection with each other, and finally into the wedding hall, the burden of the family has historically fallen on the shoulders of the lovers.Saying goodbye to mystery and temptation, we start to face a specific man or woman, followed by complicated and trivial matters such as children and housing. "Smile and watch the falling flowers on a windy day, raise your glass to look at the moon in the season of snow dancing", this is a realm.An ordinary marriage, maintained rationally, also contains this state.

Married life is like a vast ocean, and the ocean always hides the most precious things deepest...

Take a look at the following story, I believe you will have some insights:
A romantic woman fell in love with a boy who majored in science. Because of his stability, she felt a warm and solid feeling when she leaned on his shoulder.Three years of love, two years of marriage, life is going on insipidly.

But women gradually developed a sense of boredom, and even the original liking became the source of boredom.She likes romance, but her husband is not good at creating romance by nature.One day, the woman plucked up the courage to file for divorce.The man didn't answer, he was smoking a cigarette and didn't say a word.The woman's heart is getting colder and colder.After a long time, the husband asked, "What do you think I should do to make you change your mind?"

The woman looked into her husband's eyes and said slowly: "I like flowers on the cliff, but if you pick them, they will fall. Will you pick them for me?" The man was silent for a while, and said: "I will give you flowers tomorrow morning." Is the answer good?"

The woman woke up in the morning and the man was gone. She saw a note and wrote: "I won't pick it. But I have my reasons: you always forget to bring the key when you go out. I want to run back with my feet Open the door for you; you can only type, but don't know anything about the program, I want to save my hands to organize the program for you; you don't like to make friends, I want to keep my mouth to talk with you; your eyes are short-sighted, I want to live a good life , When you are old, I will cook for you, draw your eyebrows, hold your hand, and enjoy the warmth of the sun outside; I want to live well, maintain your health, and let me grow old with you ...So, until I am not sure that there is someone who loves you more than me, I will not pick the flower that killed me..."

The woman's tears flowed down.

"If you have finished reading and you are satisfied with the answer, please open the door and welcome your lover back, because I bought your favorite breakfast."

The woman opened the door, and the husband stood outside the door a little shyly, but smiled brightly.

The woman hugged her dull husband tightly.

Women feel very happy.

The woman thinks their life is too ordinary, it seems that their marriage has come to an end, all she sees is ordinary, but she does not know that she is in the blessing and does not know the blessing.

The reason why it is flat is because it is true

In married life, both passion and plainness are needed.Only plainness is the most real and permanent, and only plainness is the true meaning of married life.In the plain, there is passion, love, and the true feelings of cuddling each other.This plainness is not indifference, not alienation, not ruthlessness.

That winter, Dewey's career almost suffered a disaster, and they had to move out of their luxurious and warm old residence and rent a simple house in the suburbs.The house was cold and damp, just like their mood at the time, Dewey said to his wife: "Trust me, everything will be fine."

During the day, Dewey was running around outside, and sometimes he didn't make a phone call all day long. His wife knew that everything he did was for their future.When he got home at night, most of the time, he sat in front of the computer alone to look up information, and then fell asleep. He rarely chatted with her. She knew he was tired and needed to rest.But no matter how tired he was, Dewey had to take a bath every day, which was a habit he had developed over the years.It's just that the simple shower sometimes makes her miss the warm bathtub with rose petals floating in it.Thinking of the old days, she felt a little sad. He loved her so much before, but now he no longer greets her so well.

In winter, she had to take a bath twice a week, and Dewey also developed this habit, and he insisted on washing first every time.That day, she wanted to watch a TV series after taking a quick shower, so she said to her husband, "I'm going to take a shower today." The husband shook his head and said, "No." She thought he was joking, and said coquettishly as she walked to the bathroom. : "I want to wash first, and then I can watch TV dramas." He rushed over, grabbed her, and said with a serious face: "I said I will wash first!" After finishing speaking, he rushed into the bathroom.She stood outside the bathroom, crying aggrievedly, "Could it be that the hardships of life have worn away his gentlemanly demeanor and changed our respect for each other? What kind of a good husband is he who refuses to accommodate even such a small matter?" She tidied up After taking off the clothes, I was angry and wanted to go back to my mother's house.He begged her hard, finally coaxed her, and promised to let her do everything next time and not argue with her.

In the transition from winter to summer, the house was as hot as a steamer. He either said he wanted to watch the football game or the news. He always asked her to take a bath first, but he waited in the living room or study room covered in stinky sweat.She also stopped haggling with him, and gradually forgot the promise of who comes first.

Then one day, when Dewey went out, she turned on her husband's computer out of boredom, and was surprised to find that her husband was writing a diary every day!She read it slowly, and then burst into sobs.She saw such an article: "Today she asked me why I always rushed to take a shower before her? I didn't tell the truth, I was afraid that she would feel sorry for me, the bathroom was cold, but I knew that after I finished washing, the bathroom The temperature will rise a little bit, three degrees, two degrees, or just one degree. I think that way, she should be warmer when she takes a bath. In such a difficult day, I think I can at least give her more One degree temperature." She knew that this was the love her husband gave her in his own way, real love.Add one degree for her in winter, and subtract one degree for her in summer. It is only one degree of warmth and coldness, but it is Baidu's love.They are rich because they still have each other. Even in the coldest winter, it is enough to get the warmth of the loved one, because that is priceless love!
Yes, the days are flowing, and there are ups and downs in life.Sometimes, we have a sense of loss, and the ordinary life is spent in daily necessities.This makes us feel that life seems boring, but it is precisely because it is boring and dull that it seems more real.After going through many things, you will find that the people around you are the ones who care about you the most.

Life has given us a wealth of experience. Husband and wife are comrades-in-arms, colleagues, friends, and relatives. They fight side by side in the face of difficulties, celebrate together in the face of success, and are heart-to-heart at every moment of fate.Married life is the best school for couples; a happy marriage always cultivates couples who love each other.

Love is a ship, sailing in the ocean of life, it is impossible to sail smoothly, there will always be wind and waves, it requires the two people on the ship to work together, otherwise the end is self-evident.

2. Embellish marriage with passion
People need passion in their work. Passion is the key to doing things well. With passion, people will be full of energy, work efficiently, and the effect will be good. Writers need passion in their creation. Passion is the "yeast" of creation and acts as a catalyst. The role of literature is a huge impetus to literary creation. Many excellent literary masterpieces in ancient and modern China and abroad are the products of the writer's "passion burst"; teachers must use passionate language in the classroom to bring students into the beautiful realm depicted in the text In this way, students will learn more knowledge and receive greater education; people need more passion when speaking, and with passion, they can greatly infect the audience and move their hearts.

marriage needs passion

Love and marriage also need passion.Why is love sweet?It is because love contains passion, and it is passion that brings romance to love.Why are some people's marriages bitter?It is because the life between husband and wife has been filled with dullness and passion has been lost.Love is pure. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Men and women in love are most likely to see each other's strengths, but they often turn a blind eye to the obvious shortcomings.Before the flowers and under the moon and under the moonlight, we made an oath to each other, saying that we would be united forever and grow old together.The beautiful love makes them feel that the world is full of sunshine, and they are full of passion in life and work, and the inspiration keeps flashing, thus creating amazing achievements.Marriage is complicated, and many people feel the same way. Love before marriage is like a flash in the pan, but after marriage, everything becomes eclipsed.What we face every day is firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar and tea, as well as baby diapers and crying. There is no poetry in love, and the passion for life slowly disappears like this. This is the main reason why many people's marriages are in crisis.

I once watched a TV sketch "Drunkenness", which was about a husband who worked in a company and came back drunk at night, mistook his wife for "Miss", and uttered the truth after drinking: "When I touch Miss's hand, it seems like returning to ten years old. Eighty-nine; touching my wife's hand is like touching my right hand with my left hand, and I don't feel it at all." This is a true portrayal of married life after losing passion.Many people have a deep understanding of this. If you face a person for a long time, if your personality is very different, then there will inevitably be more friction in your married life.The husband and wife gradually changed from loving each other to hating each other. Due to the loss of passion, the love also changed its color, and the emotions gradually became numb. Even if the other party is beautiful, they will experience aesthetic fatigue.

Loss of passion in married life is very common, and even people who were very much in love before marriage can change over time.Because of the loss of passion, there will be a phenomenon of "seven-year itch".Some scholars once conducted a survey on people with marital problems, and the results showed that nearly half of the respondents believed that "affairs" were the biggest threat to marriage, while 21% believed that "a dull relationship between husband and wife" was the biggest threat to marriage. biggest threat.The reason for all this is because of the loss of passion.Why does the husband have an affair, and why the wife also "leaves the wall", this is because both parties feel that there is no freshness.

A middle school music teacher who was not married in middle age said: "I am a woman who puts love above life. If there is no love, what is the meaning of life?" She also cited the example of her parents: " What I remember is my parents’ endless quarreling and scolding. I don’t know why they have such deep hatred and attack each other for some trivial things. In fact, my parents fell in love freely in college. When I graduated, my mother wanted to be able to They lived in the same city with their father and gave up the opportunity to work in Beijing. So what made them fall in love with each other and fight to the death in the end? There is only one answer, that is, the dull and boring marriage ruined their love. In order to keep the freshness of love, and to keep a kind of purity in my heart, I chose to live together with my boyfriend afterwards."

According to reports: Xiaoqin, who works in a magazine in Shenzhen, signed a "limited-term marriage agreement" with her boyfriend who had been in love for 6 years before they got married. The engagement was witnessed by many editors and photographers on the spot.Xiao Qin said: "In order to ensure that there will always be love in the marriage, they chose to break up after the 'seven-year itch'. She hopes to arouse people's discussion and attention on the quality of marriage and the relationship between marriage and love." This is a rather avant-garde move, and many people find it difficult to understand.Because in the eyes of most people, the traditional concept of marriage is deeply ingrained, and once they are married, they will stay together until they grow old. There is a saying in the world that "it is better to demolish a temple than a married couple".Marriage is not a child's play, where we can say we break up, we break up, even if the two parties lose their relationship, they have to make do with it.In addition, getting married and starting a family has due responsibilities and obligations, such as the upbringing and education of children, and casual divorce is extremely irresponsible to children.There are contradictions everywhere in life, and the contradictions in marriage are the most difficult to solve.

In order to save a married life that has lost passion, there are husband's cheating and wife's cheating.I think there should be a solution to any problem, but we have not tried hard to practice it.The famous sociologist and marriage expert Li Yinhe has many unique views on how to improve the quality of marriage. She once said: "Everything should be rich and colorful. If the family is only monogamous, it will be too monotonous." So she proposed It is necessary to understand "extramarital affairs", express acquiescence to "swapping", and even suggest that to maintain the passion of married life, couples can also create some sexual methods that are acceptable to both parties (such as sadomasochism).I do not fully agree with these points of view, but I do agree with one thing, that is, both husband and wife should constantly strive to create passion in married life, which is not only conducive to the consolidation of the couple's relationship, but also beneficial to each other's physical and mental health.Many people said that I felt very depressed living with him or her, and could no longer be happy.If this situation goes on like this, if the repressed emotions are not properly vented, it will inevitably cause great harm to the body and mind.

learn to find passion

How can we make married life sweet?It's about getting back the lost passion.How to get back the lost passion?I think both husband and wife need to learn, so as to achieve a tacit understanding.

For example, the husband and wife often read some books on how to manage a marriage, accept more new things, constantly update old ideas, often exchange their true views on some issues, and reach consensus, so that they can add color to their married life.For example, in the life of husband and wife, we see that many wives are often in a passive position. After a long time, it will make the husband feel boring, so the marriage will gradually turn red.The famous Hong Kong movie star Carina Lau talked about her feelings about filming at a film conference and said: "If a man's wife already has a glass of plain water, then of course he wants to drink something with taste." It is also about extramarital affairs. The hero has an affair because his married life has become as tasteless as plain boiled water.

A man who has been married for many years said that since he and his wife have been married for 10 years, they have rarely kissed.Because if he didn't kiss his wife, she never offered to kiss him, so he got bored afterwards.He said he felt very lonely at times and felt a great pain in his heart because he no longer had love from his wife.From this, I think of a passage from Taiwanese female writer Zhang Xiaoxian: "A person's loneliness is not terrible. The most terrible thing is the loneliness after having a partner. The partner is bad, but you can't leave him. That is the loneliest thing." Looking at the current social situation, most of the men have affairs, not entirely because they are looking for novelty and excitement, but because they are full of loneliness that cannot be dismissed.

Marriage needs passion, and passion can keep love fresh. Now I would like to say to lovers who are entering the palace of marriage and couples who have been married for many years, if you cherish the true love you have, you must continue to give love to the flower of "love" in the world. The most beautiful flowers are watered, fertilized, and insects caught.When this flower is about to wither, we must try our best to save it. Both husband and wife can conduct a series of effective experiments to seek the best state of married life.

3. Put a romantic cloak on the marriage
Marriage is not just for forming a family, for two people to live together.Marriage needs romance, which is what any married person looks forward to.

The Difference Between Love and Marriage
(End of this chapter)