no-complaint marriage

Chapter 18 Adding some "stuff" to an ordinary marriage (3)
I used to have a car in my unit, which was constantly running on the road for "revolutionary work", but because there was no full-time driver, it was never maintained. One day, the car suddenly "strike", so I hurriedly dragged it to the repair shop Examination, and finally spent nearly [-] yuan in "medical expenses" before he could barely continue to work.Just imagine, if the leader can spend a small amount of money every year to go to the repair shop for regular maintenance, maybe he won't spend so much maintenance costs, and maybe it can extend its service life.

I think, in fact, marriage is the same as the use of a car. Instead of waiting for something to go wrong before thinking about how to save it and how to repair it, it is better to do a good job of "maintenance" in the early stages of marriage.Just like we will often polish our leather shoes to make it bright and shiny and make it last longer.Marriage also needs to be "oiled and waxed" frequently, so that it can remain "bright" and passionate forever.

business wisdom

When two people who love each other walk hand in hand through the red carpet of the wedding, when the piano, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry and flowers in love finally become the firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar and tea in marriage, how can we prevent marriage from becoming the "grave of love" The "besieged city" of marriage has become a happy and harmonious city, and living in it is "happy to think about it"?To achieve this, love alone is not enough, marriage also needs to be "managed" with heart.

When two people from different family environments and growth backgrounds come together, there will inevitably be big and small differences, not to mention, as some people say, "men and women come from different planets".There are many differences between the sexes. Women are more emotional and idealistic, and are prone to be overwhelmed by the joys and sorrows in soap operas; men are more rational and realistic, and they admire power and success. Nature and sports and politics closer.

Lao Fei in the movie "Mobile Phone" really doesn't mean to "sit and talk".It’s just strange: “I’ve been sleeping on the same bed for more than 20 years, and I’m really tired.” Yes, it’s impossible to be full of passion all the time during the long road to marriage, and maybe most of the time in life is dull , but can this be a reason to seek excitement outside?Presumably the difference between humans and animals is that humans have a sense of responsibility and the ability to restrain themselves. In the face of temptation, they should restrain themselves for the one they love and the promises they made.

We also often see such words or pictures. Some people have been married for many years, and they are as loving and passionate as newlyweds. We will envy such families, and we will also feel a little redundant. Are you talking about "love"?

As a result, firewood, rice, oil and salt replaced the flowers before the moon; the phrase "I'm back" replaced "I love you", and even after a few years of marriage, it was discovered that the two people said a few words together in a day.Some people may think that this is because the two of them are more familiar and understand each other, so naturally there will not be so many "sweet words".But it is precisely because of this so-called understanding and familiarity that some people in the "besieged city" feel that marriage is boring, so they start looking for "spice" outside of marriage.

Therefore, instead of complaining, getting angry, or making a fuss, it is better to find the root of the problem from yourself and your marriage.As a woman, do you turn around the pot every day, ignoring your own appearance and self-cultivation; as a man, do you frequently run around in the workplace, ignoring your wife’s feelings for your own career?
In the sunny and sunny season, you might as well live a warm two-person world, put aside all the troubles at work, just the two of you, and enjoy the tender sweetness to your heart's content.At the right time, you can also have a candlelight dinner, go to the coffee shop to have a cup of strong coffee, maybe that will also evoke the good memories of your love.When various anniversaries and Valentine’s Day come, you might as well learn from young people and send a bouquet of beautiful flowers or a small gift to your beloved. I believe this will definitely make your emotions Life is full of love.When he (she) commutes, when he (she) feels tired, when you want to express your love, you might as well send your kind greetings and sweet kisses generously, or a sentence full of love. An affectionate "I love you" instead of being a routine after all the lights out.In this way, marriage will be like a jar of old wine, the longer the time, the more mellow the taste.

Marriage Management = Cherish Marriage
A person who is willing to manage marriage with heart is a person who knows how to cherish.Don't be stingy with giving, marriage is not a competition, and whoever gets more from the other party is not the winner.

Wang Feng and his wife belonged to childhood sweethearts, and they were so familiar with each other that their breathing rate was similar.After a long time, married life becomes dull and dull, and even creates a kind of dullness and depression.Although the wife also knew that her husband was considerate and kind, she still felt dissatisfied.

One day, his wife asked Wang Feng, "Why don't you have any fun at all?"

Wang Feng smiled awkwardly: "How can it be considered interesting?"

Later, his wife told Wang Feng that she wanted to leave him.

Wang Feng asked, "Why?"

The wife said: "I hate this life like stagnant water."

Wang Feng said: "Then let God decide! If it rains tonight, it is God's will for us to be together."

At night, as soon as my wife fell asleep, she heard the sound of raindrops hitting the window. She was startled. Was it really raining?She got up and walked to the window, water was dripping on the glass, and she looked at the night sky, but it was full of stars!She climbed up to the roof, my God!The husband is pouring water on it by the spoonful.

Her heart moved, and she hugged her husband gently from behind...

It can be seen that a happy marriage is carefully managed.Bo Yang said: "Love does not develop according to logic, so you must always pay attention to its changes. Love is not eternal, so you must continue to pursue it." Mr. Lu Xun also said: "Love must always be renewed, grown, and created. "Indeed, marriage is like flowers and trees. Only when watered and fertilized frequently can they bloom gorgeous flowers, otherwise, they will just wither and die.That being the case, then, an ordinary marriage should be managed with more care.If Wang Feng didn't take care of their marriage, he and his wife might have parted ways by now!
"Happy families are all alike, but unhappy families are unhappy in their own way." I want to say that a happy family is built with care, and marriage is a long process that needs to be watered and nourished by you and me. Instead of simply handing it over to time, let time test its "flowering period", or let it fend for itself.

If you think it will be troublesome to do so, and feel that it is unnecessary, then I advise you: please don't rush into the palace of marriage by holding the other party's hand, otherwise you will firmly believe in the metaphor of "marriage is a grave"!

6. Trust is the foundation of marriage
American writer Nina O'Neill said: "Trust is the most important trait shared by two people in a marriage relationship, and it is also indispensable to establish a happy and growing relationship."

trust is the foundation of marriage
A couple who trust and depend on each other have a rare wealth.As one wife said: "My husband keeps his promises, and I trust him very much. He will never run away or leave me with problems. When he says he will be home, he will be home, and if something happens, he will give me Calling. I like that. It gives me a sense of security and makes me feel at ease with him. We are very close because we trust each other."

Integrity is a social virtue advocated by modern civilized society.In family life, mutual trust and loyalty between husband and wife are the bond that maintains the relationship between the two parties, and it is also an important factor to ensure the stability of the marriage.However, in real life, there will be more or less a crisis of trust between husband and wife due to some contradictions and misunderstandings.We often see this kind of situation in our life: "Where have you been since you came home so late?" When the wife returns late, the husband's language always implies suspicion; , as soon as the husband comes home, he keeps checking his cell phone, using unfamiliar phone numbers and nasty text messages to verify his innocence; Will be jealous...so full of anger, make waves and turn a happy family into a battlefield.In fact, what I suspect may not be the truth at all, but my own imagination and speculation.However, sometimes a happy family is destroyed because of their own suspicion.

There was a jealous wife. Whenever her husband came back, she would look through his collar and check his pockets to see if there were women's hair and lipstick marks. She looked for it every day.If she found any clues, she would cry and scream.

Once, she searched for a week without finding anything, so she sat on a chair and cried bitterly.Her husband asked puzzledly, "Why are you crying?"

"I haven't found a woman's hair on you for a week," replied Mrs.

The husband wondered, "Isn't that great? Why are you still crying?"

The wife cried even more sadly: "Unexpectedly, you have degenerated to be with a bald woman now."

It is undeniable that there is true love amidst such suspicions, but to truly love each other, you must trust each other, and this kind of love is more weighty.According to some investigations, the suspicion between husband and wife is often due to the lack of trust between the two parties.Therefore, when there are signs of mutual suspicion between husband and wife, the suspicious party should give the other party more trust and give the other party more freedom; , Use your own actions to dispel the other party's doubts.In this way, after a long time, you will be able to win the trust of the other party, and the conflict of mutual suspicion between husband and wife will be resolved.Only by exchanging hearts with each other and completely trusting each other can the relationship between husband and wife be kept forever, and the supreme state of respecting each other as guests and unlimited communication can be achieved.

The Killer of a Happy Marriage - Suspicion
Modern society is a diversified society, and people's emotional needs are also diversified. As long as the husband and wife do not betray their marriage, the other party should take a tolerant attitude, send and write text messages, write emails, and even communicate with friends and colleagues of the opposite sex. Chatting on the Internet in spare time is really not a big deal, but it is easy to cause problems if you watch too much.It can be seen that no matter how close a husband and wife are, they should have their own space.If you stay together blindly, absolutely occupying each other's time and even thoughts, and cannot meet each other's needs for independent activities, it will undoubtedly hurt each other's emotions.

Just imagine, if you don’t trust your significant other, you will easily believe other people’s words, including a joke from a colleague or malicious slander from someone with bad intentions, it will be remembered in your heart. When your lover vents, it not only increases your psychological burden, but also brings troubles to the person who loves you deeply.Over time, no matter how much he (she) cherishes the relationship between you, he (she) will choose to leave you because he (she) can't bear the harm caused to him (her) by this distrust.

If your significant other doesn’t trust you, and would rather believe those fabricated fabrications and baseless slanders, or even jokes between friends, but don’t believe your explanations and confessions thousands of times, then your heart must be full of frustration, You will feel that you are less important to your lover than a friend or someone who is nothing.That sense of loss hits your nerves heavily. If your will is not firm, you will break the jar and fight back your lover's complaints and accusations against you according to the image others have created for you.Even if you are strong-willed, your lover's mistrust will bring you down, creating a cold war in the family that may eventually lead to a breakdown in the relationship.There have been many, many instances of this happening.

In 1840, Napoleon III of France (the nephew of the Emperor Napoleon) married Yukini, the daughter of the Count of Spain.His advisers pointed out that she was just the daughter of a Spanish count of no prominent status, but Napoleon III retorted: "What does it matter?" Her elegance, youth and charming beauty completely conquered him, and he even In a royal proclamation he declared that he would never regret it, even if the people of the whole country opposed it. "I've fallen in love with a woman I respect," he said. "I've never met a woman like her."

Napoleon III and his new wife had health, wealth, power, beauty, love, admiration - all in perfect harmony with the romantic mood mortals dreamed of.The holy fire of marriage has never burned so hotly in the world.

However, the "sacred flame" of this marriage soon faltered and died, and the heat also declined, and finally only ashes remained.Although Napoleon III could make Yuginy his empress, plus his love and the wealth of the whole of France, as well as the authority of his emperor, he couldn't stop this woman from nagging and picking.

Due to jealousy and suspicion, Yu Jinni ignored the orders of Napoleon III at all, and did not even allow him to have a little personal privacy.Sometimes when he was dealing with state affairs, she would rush into his office; when he was discussing important matters, she would also come in to interfere.She worried that if he was left alone, he would fool around with other women.

She often went to her sister's and complained about how bad her husband was.Every time she always nagged, cried and made noise, and said some threatening words.She would also force her way into her husband's study, throw a fit of rage, and insult him recklessly.Although Napoleon III is the emperor of France and possesses countless wealth, he has no place to live.

What is the result of Yu Jinni doing this?

Here is the answer:

Let’s quote Lehard’s great book Napoleon III and Yucini-The Tragedy and Comedy of an Empire: “Since then, Napoleon III often slipped quietly through a small side door in the middle of the night, accompanied by a cronies. Go out, put a bonnet on your head, shade your eyes, and actually find a beautiful lady who is waiting for you. Or visit the ancient city of Paris and see streets that even the emperor in fairy tales can't see Beautiful scenery, breathing the free air that should have been.”

It is true that Yukini is sitting on the throne of the Queen of France, and Yukini is indeed the most beautiful woman in the world, but in her suspicion, neither beauty nor dignity can sustain love.Yu Jinni burst into tears and said, "The thing I feared the most has finally happened." Shouldn't this kind of thing happen to her?This is what she asked for.This poor woman, it all stems from her distrust of her husband.

Trust is the bond that maintains the relationship between husband and wife. Only when you respect each other, believe in each other's personality, tolerate each other's shortcomings, and truly combine each other's destiny with yours, can you gain complete trust.Only by completely trusting each other can the family be stable and happiness follow.

Trust is an invincible weapon that can lay a solid foundation for your happiness.Whoever wants to destroy your warm family, but as long as the trust is there, your home is unbreakable!If a family loses trust, it is like losing the skeleton of a building, and it can only face collapse.Cherish the trust you already have between husband and wife, and you will also have happiness!
You know, maintaining and cherishing love is a lifelong matter, while destroying love happens in an instant.There is a spontaneous cohesion between husband and wife, and jealousy destroys that cohesion.

7. Humor makes life less boring

(End of this chapter)