no-complaint marriage

Chapter 21 Love manifests itself in every detail of life (2)
Soon after marriage, a woman feels a deep disappointment.She felt that, as if overnight, her husband had become a stranger to her.In her daily life, she discovered many things about her husband that made her dissatisfied.In distress, the woman decided to have a good talk with her husband.

The husband sat obediently in front of her.She said: "Today we calmly point out each other's shortcomings, and then discuss how to change these shortcomings."

The husband nodded and said, "Then tell me first."

Once a woman's chatterbox is opened, she can't stop it.She said that her husband was careless and was not as considerate as when he was in love; It's terrible, and it doesn't get clean every time I do the laundry...

When she said this, she noticed that her husband's eyes began to moisten.

Originally, she still had a lot to say, so she couldn't help but soften her heart, and said, "Now it's your turn to criticize me, tell me what makes you dissatisfied with me, and then we can discuss how to solve the problem together."

The husband shook his head and said, "No."

The woman was so shocked that she couldn't believe her ears.The husband said affirmatively: "Really, I have never been dissatisfied with you. God has given you to be my wife. I am always grateful. I think you are good in everything. You are cute and beautiful."

"But I'm capricious."

"No, that's you acting like a baby."

"I'm pretty unreasonable."

"No, that was my mistake, you are sticking to your principles."

……

The woman is shocked by her husband's deep love.She suddenly felt that what she had done was ridiculous.In her husband's arms, she smiled happily.Because she learned the secret of a happy marriage from her husband's love.

Forget about the other person's faults, remember the other person's goodness, and magnify the other person's advantages. This is the secret of a happy marriage!
Count the advantages of the other party and then magnify them

Before you pick on the other party, remember to do this: first calm down and think about it, then count the other party's strengths and weaknesses, and then make a calculation. Next, magnify the other party's advantages and ignore the shortcomings.In this way, you will gain.

There was a 40-year-old American woman who published an advertisement in a newspaper. The title of the advertisement read impressively: sell a husband at a low price.

She wants to sell her husband cheap because she no longer appreciates him.Her husband likes traveling, hunting and fishing. He leaves home every April and doesn't return home until early October, wandering outside for half a year.After living like this for 4 years, she felt lonely and finally got tired of her husband, so she wanted to sell her husband at a low price.She also attached preferential conditions in the advertisement: "The person who buys my husband can get a full set of hunting and fishing equipment that he usually uses for free, as well as a pair of jeans and two T-shirts that my husband gave me."

She had thought that such a bad husband was not wanted by anyone, but the fact was beyond her expectation.On the first day when the ad was published, she actually received calls from 62 wives and young ladies, some of whom were very sincere.Some people think that her husband has an adventurous spirit and is a real brave man, such a man can be relied on; some people think that her husband advocates nature, such a man has more passion for life, and if he falls in love with this kind of man, he will be very energetic; I feel that this man likes leisure and is a person who really understands life... Various reasons seem to prove that such a good man is almost nowhere to be found, and they sincerely hope that they can legally buy her husband.When these buyers gave various reasons, the woman suddenly discovered that her husband had so many advantages and such great charm, but she had been turning a blind eye to it.It's still too late, because she hasn't reached a deal with others, if she has sold it, she may regret it for the rest of her life.

The next day, she published another small advertisement in the newspaper: "The matter of transferring the husband at a low price has been canceled for various reasons."

When her husband came back from fishing and found that he was almost sold, he couldn't help laughing.He asked his wife why he terminated the resale, and his wife replied softly: "If I sell you, where can I buy another husband like you?" The two looked at each other and smiled, happiness overflowing on their faces.

This is a true story, which happened in Maryland, USA. The sought-after husband is Charlie Henrell, and the humorous wife is Louise Henrell.

There are many advantages shining in everyone, but the people in them don't see it, because they have been blinded by the rays of light.At this time, you may wish to change the way, and you will be surprised to find that he (she) around you has so many advantages.It's not that these advantages are too small for you to see, but that you should use a "magnifying glass" to look at your lover.

Ignore the shortcomings of others, and the rest is the strengths.Everyone has flaws, but they shouldn't be exaggerated.In fact, while magnifying the shortcomings, it also makes oneself small, and encourages one's picky personality.Looking for even the insignificant advantages in others is conducive to the harmony of interpersonal relationships, the unity among colleagues, and for a family, it is also conducive to the stability and long-term stability of family relationships.

4. Accept everything from the other person

Your lover must be the one who searched for him thousands of times in your crowd, and the other half you finally found after searching for him. Maybe you once broke through all difficulties and obstacles in order to be together, then since you have the right to be together, you can To cherish each other, love each other, accept all of each other, even his shortcomings.

poetry of love
I once read such a poem about "love":
Love is the hard work of caring;

Love is the loneliness of longing;
Love is the joy of reunion;
Love is the happiness of embracing;
Love is a silent blessing between each other;
Love is the everlasting protection.

If you love him, accept all of him, don't try to change, even out of love.

I think this poem is very reasonable, especially the last sentence: "If you love him, accept all of him, don't try to change, even out of love." Because everyone is an independent individual with his own thoughts , even if you are changing the other party out of love, have you ever thought about whether this change is suitable for the other party?
"There is no perfect person in the world".Remember, if you love him, you must accept everything about him, even his faults.

This is especially true for husband and wife, don't always dream of looking for someone without any flaws, there is no flawless person in this world, since you are destined to live together, you should try to accept each other instead of changing.

love ≠ transformation

Only when you know how to accept can you not ask for troubles. The most taboo thing in marriage is to try to change the other person, using your own values ​​and attitude towards life to transform others. Such a marriage will lose a lot of fun.In fact, apart from issues of principle, differences between husband and wife are small things in life. Some women like to correct their husbands' differences in hygiene habits and ways of doing things, such as not bathing or changing clothes, as major issues, especially when they have just become housewives. A woman likes everything to be executed according to her own plan.However, when the family becomes a place that needs to walk, sit and lie down according to many rules, the meaning of the harbor for the body and mind to rest that the family represents and carries disappears. If you don't gain a sense of ease and joy in the situation, the attractiveness of the family may gradually lose.

The best family is by no means the neatest house, and the warmest family is by no means represented by a wife who works all day.When we are constantly correcting each other's various habits and busy turning him into another self, we should all stop and think, whether we are simply loving that potential self while ignoring the other's feelings?
We can't completely replace others' life and move forward. Don't draw a picture and let the other party act as a puppet in it, and don't use your own world view and values ​​to restrict other people's behavior. Some things are necessary in your life, but in others But not necessarily in your daily life. You use your own ideas to demand others, which in itself is a manifestation of pettiness.Love should have a moderate amount of freedom, otherwise it may become a cage, and the other party will be eager to break free. Only by allowing him to release his own power will the walls of marriage be strengthened.

To peacefully accept a person's inherent weaknesses, love a person, respect him, help him, don't force him, don't dislike him.

I was chatting with a friend yesterday and talked about relationship issues.I asked her a very strange question: you said why everyone can do wrong things at work, or in life, if you realize this mistake, then go to correct these mistakes.As long as you correct these mistakes, the leader or others will forgive you.Just like the teacher taught us when we were young: "A child made a mistake, as long as you correct it, you are still a good boy." But why can't it be like this in a relationship? Once someone does something wrong in a relationship, there is no Any wiggle room?No matter which of the two people in the relationship does something wrong, it will cause an additional wound in the relationship, and it will never heal.

The friend replied: "Because work or life is principled and dead, but feelings are alive. There is no fixed principle. It is like a pool of water. It looks like where it is placed. If If you put it in a round bottle, the water will be round; if you put it in a square bottle, it will be square. If it is spilled on the ground, it will stay on the ground forever, and it will never be taken back, and it will never return to its original shape. Look. This is the feeling..."

Appreciate "flaws"

It is not easy for two men and women living in different environments to meet, get acquainted, know each other and love each other inadvertently in the vast crowd. However, some external factors often lead to cracks in their relationship, and in the end the two parties have no choice but to separate. .It is said that falling in love is easy and getting along is difficult, but now I feel that it is even more difficult to meet someone who can like each other. How much time and energy do I have to spend to find such a person who can make me fall in love and the other person can like me.Why did they keep hurting each other when they met.Although two people have different ideas and different growth environments, why can't they sometimes stand on each other's side and think for each other, think about each other's situation, think about the thoughts brought to him by the other's growth environment, If both parties can do this, then this relationship will not end in a breakup.I think: This is the most missing aspect of both parties in love.

Mutual tolerance, mutual understanding, and mutual help, the teacher always taught us this way when we were young, why did we leave these words behind when we grow up, and even forget these words when we get along with our lover net.In fact, many times we can be tolerant to our friends and parents...why can't we be tolerant to our lover as well.Maybe it's really the person you love the more you ask for more.As everyone knows, these requirements are often the direct cause of the breakup between the two parties.

A girlfriend complained to me: "My husband can be said to be an impeccable person, but being impeccable is actually the scariest." "Isn't that good?" I asked with a smile. "He always tolerated me, making me afraid to play childish temper with him. You see, I was deprived of the right to play childishly. I always felt guilty when I was with him, because he I am ashamed of being 'good'..." A girl said: "I like men with 'flaws'. Because a perfect man is suitable for everyone, but a man with 'flaws' is only suitable for some people."

Yes, it is safe to appreciate "defects". Things that are neither popular nor popular will naturally not attract so many people's attention; appreciating "defects" is the most appropriate, and you can easily find a place for yourself in the other party Let him need you, just like every mortise of a bench needs a mortise; Appreciating the "defects" is easy to be happy, you first see the deep valley, and then you find that the mountain that made the deep valley turns out to be, every subsequent discovery It's all a surprise; moreover, it's safe to appreciate "defects". Everyone knows that the strength of a chain is determined by the weakest link. Many systems have designed weak links for themselves. For example, the power supply system fuse.Accepting someone from the weakest point is equivalent to putting a fuse on your own marriage system.

Of course, being able to appreciate "defects" is not an easy task.If the desire for perfection is a human desire, then appreciating "flaws" is a kind of self-confidence, a kind of concentration, and a kind of sophistication.It makes us understand: just because flowers wither, trees die, people get old, and everything has flaws, people will cherish, sympathize, understand, and care about love.In imperfection and incompleteness, there are often many beauties and wonders that are easily overlooked, and this is precisely the opportunity to appreciate the scenery of life.

Once you choose love, you have to accept all of the other person, wisdom and practice, and they will form two semicircles that fit perfectly. This is the perfect marriage!

5. Make a list of each other's love

don't underestimate these loves
There are many couples, although they have been together almost every day for many years, and their voices and smiles are familiar, but they cannot understand the longing of the lover when he is lonely, the anticipation of the lover when he is tired, and the love of the lover. The love expressed through small actions, so they don't know how to be considerate and respect the heart of their lover.

When you come home, the lover who came first opens the door for you, that is a kind of waiting love; Cleaning and doing housework alone in the middle of the night, it is love for your understanding and support...

When you want to sleep a little longer in the morning, your lover will get up first and prepare the first meal for you every day; Cooking love dishes; when you are feeling unwell and tossing and turning, even in the middle of the night, your lover will help you up and take you to the hospital for emergency treatment, which is also a kind of loving concern; if one day you go home and find that your lover is not at home , your lover leaves a message for you, telling you that the food is in the refrigerator, telling you how to cook your daily life, this kind of love often makes people move to tears...

True love is not the lingering lingering love, and of course true love is not the three words that can be said easily.True love needs to be experienced and realized with heart; true love is often not an astonishing feat, but an extremely small daily action.But this is often so commonplace that many people forget how great the love the other person can give is.

She and he walked into a noodle shop with indifferent expressions and neither of them spoke.

She was full of preoccupations, and there was only one thought in her heart of despair: Oh, this might be the last dinner with him.

It's been 7 years. Could this be the ridiculous "seven-year itch"?Since when has love and marriage slowly changed?Life does not seem to be a romantic and beautiful thing, but has become a kind of shackles.

He ordered two bowls of beef bones and beef vermicelli, which are their favorites.

The two gnawed the bones silently. She remembered that seven years ago, a bowl of beef bones was a snack for the poor, and they chewed them with relish.Now that the material conditions have improved, the feeling of sharing a bowl of bones is no longer there.

The delicious bones have become dull, let's eat some vermicelli to fill your stomach.He still didn't speak, but picked the bones from his own bowl into hers.

Yes, he has been like this all these years.When there is no money, no matter how much he likes delicious food, he will let her eat more and eat less or not.But now it's not that time, why is he still doing this?

She looked at him in bewilderment.He was a little panicked: "Is the beef not tasty? I'm sorry, I'm used to it, I'll leave it to you..."

She froze.Yes, he has many such habits... used to enduring her willfulness, used to caring for her in every possible way, used to carefully holding her hand to cross the road... But she has always turned a blind eye to these habits and acted as one with peace of mind. Spoiled child.

The eyes are gradually moistened by the mist.She took a deep breath and took his arm: "Let's go home!"

If you don't learn to keep a list of each other's love, many people will take each other's love for granted. In fact, if you savor it carefully, you will find that love does not exist in the grandeur, but is hidden in the trivial things.If the woman in the story can keep a list of her husband's love, then she will always examine their love with a grateful heart.

love list
Gu Long said: "There are no women who are cold and cheerless, and women are restless." From a man's point of view, this sentence is absolutely true.And the woman said.

dear husband:
Your life is comfortable, your life is comfortable, and your happiness is like a fairy.But I don't know if you have noticed that your wife - I, is not doing well at all.why?I'll tell you right now.Now please wash your ears clean and listen to me carefully.

Remember, you must wash your ears clean, which is what the ancients said.In the past, my mother washed my clothes; now I wash your clothes.Before I got married, I didn't even know what "Omo" was; now, I know more than a dozen brands of washing powder, and I know which one is cheap and easy to use.

Before, I couldn't cook; now, I'm a senior chef.Before I got married, I didn’t even know how to cook fried rice with eggs, and I often couldn’t tell the difference between salt and monosodium glutamate, and occasionally I accidentally put sugar into the soup; now, I know almost all 108 dishes of the Man Han Banquet, and the rest of the dishes are not I won't, just because you can't afford cooking materials, such as camel palms.

In the past, you rushed to pay the bill when eating; now, you wait for me to pay the bill after eating.Before getting married, my money was used to buy clothes and cosmetics; now, all my money is contributed to food expenses.

In the past, you looked handsome when you looked at a cigarette; now, I hate it when you look at it, you are a smoker.It used to be cool to see you drinking; now, seeing your general belly just makes me sick.

(End of this chapter)