no-complaint marriage

Chapter 25 Marriage Preservative - Reflection (2)
The left and right hands are symmetrical.They all grow on arms that are almost equal in length, and they all have 5 uneven fingers... This means that in a family, husband and wife should be on an equal footing.Although they play different roles on the "stage" and have different divisions of labor, none of them can bully the weak.

The left hand and the right hand love each other.When she had chilblains on her right hand, she carefully applied the ointment with her left hand; when she got a thorn in her left hand, she carefully picked it out with her right hand;

The husband sings, the wife follows, the woman sings, the husband follows

Between husband and wife, is it not the relationship between the left hand and the right hand?They raise their eyebrows together, respect each other as guests, return care with care, show consideration with thoughtfulness, and gain deeper love with love.

Marriage is an art of compromise, a one-to-one democracy, and one-plus-one freedom.

A home is a boat, and only when the husband and wife paddle together can they push the waves to the other side of happiness; a home is a piano, and only when the husband and wife play with both hands together, can it play beautiful music; With hard work, the space at home will have clear water and blue sky.

Neither husband and wife can easily hurt the other; let alone pretend to be a king and commit domestic violence unreasonably.Therefore, the husband and wife need to complement each other so that the family can be orderly.Couples who live under the same roof will inevitably have some differences. At this time, the husband and wife need to be of the same mind, consider each other in everything, take care of each other's needs, and work together.

I went to a friend's house to play, just in time for the couple to have dinner.My friend invited me to eat together, and I found that the table was full of vegetarian dishes.

I asked, "Do you want to lose weight?"

The friend smiled and said, "Now, I don't eat meat, I'm a vegetarian."

"I remember you used to be addicted to meat. When you ate in the cafeteria, if there was no meat in the dishes, you could fight hard with the chef in the cafeteria. Why did you have a feud with the meat after not seeing you for more than two years?"

My friend said: "My wife can't see meat, let alone meat, she can smell a little meat oil in the dish, and she will never take another bite. When I first got married, she almost ate steamed buns to live with me. You said, we should hold back a bit now, shouldn't we?"

I said, "Isn't there a way to have the best of both worlds?"

My friend said: "In theory, there should be a way. For example, each dish should be fried in two dishes, one with lean meat and one with scrambled eggs, each with its own food. But that's so troublesome! So think about it, simply I'll bear with it for a while."

I praised him: "For his wife, he is willing to sacrifice even meat."

My friend said: "Actually, this is also normal. For example, two people live together every day, but one person can eat salty food, but the other person's taste is very bland. What should I do? You said that the salt in this dish should be How much to add? For example, if one person can eat spicy food, but another person is most afraid of spicy food, what should we do? For another example, if one person likes sweet food very much, and the other person dislikes sweet food, what should we do?"

My friend said: "You can try to compromise. However, compromise is a technical task. Can you control the dishes so that they are neither salty nor bland, spicy but not spicy? It is not easy. Moreover, the most likely result of compromise is Neither side is comfortable. So, one has to adapt to the other."

"So, who's going to adapt to whom?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter, it's all the same," said the friend. "For example, my wife once tried to eat meat, and she vomited in a mess. So, I can only give up meat. However, my understanding is that if you love each other more , it should be up to you to adapt - people have entrusted their whole life to you, and you still can't do this?"

"Small matter?" I said, "Not eating meat for a lifetime is a matter of a lifetime!"

"It's nothing," said my friend. "In fact, I was only greedy for a year. After a year, I fell in love with the life of radish and cabbage every day. You are good to her, radish and cabbage are good to you, and you If you like to eat and the price is cheap, why not do it?"

Speaking of this, the friend shouted to the kitchen: "Wife, do you think so?" His wife poked her head out of the kitchen and agreed with a smile.I don't think she heard our conversation clearly at all, and her answer was just a slap in the face.

The husband sings the wife to follow, or the woman sings to the husband to follow, which is actually the basis for maintaining a stable marriage.Between husband and wife, as big as a belief in life, as small as a certain taste in food, husbands should sing and women should follow, or women should sing and husband should follow.Compared with a hundred years of life, you spend one or two years to adapt to each other, which is actually a profit.Think about it, you have exactly the same taste preferences, exactly the same hobbies and interests, and exactly the same ideals and beliefs... What a happy thing that is, what a happy life that is.Before marriage, carrots and cabbages, everyone has their own love; after marriage, carrots and cabbages, you love me and I love you.This is what a truly happy couple should be like.

4. Communication is the bridge for emotional warming between husband and wife
Communicate, let heart to heart

One sentence can make people laugh, and one sentence can make people jump.The so-called relationship between husband and wife and the relationship between husband and wife are actually how effective the communication between husband and wife is, that is, whether they can communicate. Good communication can warm up the relationship between husband and wife.The famous writer Jane Austen said: "A happy marriage requires not only the exchange of ideas, but also the exchange of feelings. If you keep your feelings in your heart, you push your wife out of your life."

In real life, what we often see is that the emotional foundation of the relationship between husband and wife is good, but there are some problems in mutual communication and communication, which affect the relationship between each other.This shows that the establishment of a happy marriage requires good communication.

Communication means that through mutual verbal conversation, both parties understand each other's thoughts, emotions and intentions, eliminate misunderstandings, and live together.However, because husbands and wives have lived together for a long time, they often think that there is no need for two people to explain some things too clearly, and the other party should understand and understand them. It will cause unnecessary misunderstanding and unpleasantness.For example, now that middle-aged and elderly women have better living conditions, they like to dress up, and they especially hope to get their husbands’ reactions to her clothes, but the husband thinks that they are “old couples” and there is nothing to look at after decades, so yes, I dismissed it, or said: Why do people dress up when they are old, like an old goblin.As a result, one party feels that the other party does not understand themselves, and some people even feel abandoned by the other party. The emotional communication between each other will gradually decrease, and the relationship will gradually become cold and alienated.

There was a husband who liked to eat the delicious fish meat, but in order to give the fish meat to his wife, he always rushed to eat the head and tail of the fish, but the wife didn’t like the fish meat. Fish heads and tails, every time I make fish, I specially give them to my husband.

Decades have passed, and the couple are both old. One day the husband said: "I really want to eat fish." The wife was very surprised: "Actually, I really want to eat fish heads and tails, but I have eaten fish all my life."

Both the couple cried, En Enaiai never blushed, but they obviously made a mistake: lack of communication.

Love is communication, not just dedication and giving. Love requires heart-to-heart communication and communication between two people, otherwise love will become an unnecessary burden and almost absurd responsibility.

Therefore, people who know themselves better need to talk more often, express their meaning, and share their feelings.Mutual understanding and support between husband and wife is the cornerstone of a person's career success and life happiness.However, this understanding comes from communication. Communication is an art. Couples can get endless fun from good communication, making the family a happy and comfortable "base camp", relieving the tension caused by the fast-paced society, and preparing for the future. Recharge your batteries with the challenges of intense work.

Functions and Necessary Conditions of Communication Between Husband and Wife

Communication between husband and wife has three functions:

1. Pass information to each other, which is the essence of husband and wife communication.Let the other party know what happened, and then both sides face what happened together, so that the husband and wife feel that they are one.

2. Solicit and express opinions, and discuss ways to solve matters.

3. There is another important function of communication between husband and wife, which is to let the other party know your feelings for him (her) at any time, express your appreciation, love and devotion, so as to maintain and consolidate the relationship between husband and wife.Emotional expression is not just verbal, but also facial expressions, actions or other non-verbal expressions, but sometimes it is also very important to directly praise your spouse and express admiration.

Necessary conditions for couples to communicate:

1. The premise of communication in the family must be equality, the two parties respect each other, are independent of each other, and cannot be replaced. This is the basic condition for good communication.If you think that the other party is subordinate to you, and thus put yourself above the other party, then the two parties will not be able to communicate.

2. Communication cannot ignore the personalities of both parties.Sometimes the lack of communication between two people is related to their personalities. Some people don’t like to express themselves in words, and they don’t have the confidence to stick to their opinions. Especially when two people have strong personalities and weak ones, the weak ones are stopped by the other party when they open their mouths. , As time passes, they are reluctant to express their opinions.There are also couples who are full of gunpowder when they speak, criticizing and blaming each other, unable to communicate, so that the husband and wife cannot communicate.

3. Communication requires interaction.We say that communication is the exchange of information, and we hope to get feedback from each other.If you observe carefully, you will find that there are some words between husband and wife that I don’t know how many times a day, for example, "The weather is nice today", "The floor is a bit dirty", "How is the food today", etc. If the reaction to such statements is just hum One sound, or a nod of the head, or even no response, the speaker will feel left out and not respected, which will form a communication barrier and an emotional barrier in the long run.Even a negative answer is much better than no answer.Because there are always disagreements between husband and wife, the purpose of communication is to tell each other how you feel, so even a refusal answer or negative opinion is necessary.

How couples communicate

◎Language communication

Some friends said that living under the same roof, there is no couple who does not talk, and talking itself is communication and communication.Usually, the topics that two people talk about vary widely, big or small, they can be national affairs, or romance, whether it is major work, family chores, family goals, life plans, the most important thing is that when two people talk, they should try their best to Avoid blaming the other party, say less words that may hurt the other party's feelings, speak more words of encouragement and praise, and don't impose your own views on the other party.

◎The act of communicating
If the husband is washing the dishes while whistling, it means conveying to his wife that he is very happy and does not dislike washing; The husband expresses his gratitude to his wife for entertaining guests in a unique way, and at the same time, he is showing off to his family that he has a loving and happy family; while the wife smiles back at her husband, which also means that she is happy to bring joy to others. Even if you are a little busy or tired, it doesn't matter. Although this communication is only completed in an instant, it has a profound meaning.If a friend comes to the house as a guest, the husband will call his wife by her name directly, call her back and forth, ask her to bring tea and water for a while, and ask her to bring cigarettes for a while, just like treating a waiter in a restaurant. inappropriate.

◎Use non-verbal communication skills to assist the communication between the two parties

Such as body language, such as stroking, touching, hugging, etc.; such as walking together, going shopping together, or taking a break from a busy schedule, drinking a cup of tea, chatting, etc., can all serve the purpose of communication.Fixed communication days make communication fixed, that is, regular and equal conversations between husband and wife.Now the couple are busy people at work, with young children and a lot of housework. After a busy day, the couple have to pick up the children, do grocery shopping, and cook after get off work.After work, it's getting late, and I'm exhausted, so I don't even bother to talk much.Or the wife complains and complains, the husband feels tired and annoyed, and the three words are not speculative, which will either cause a quarrel, make the chickens fly and the children scream, or ignore each other for several days with a cold face, feeling depressed and irritable. Over time, it will greatly affect the relationship between husband and wife.

The psychologist suggests: set aside one day every month, that is, set the last Saturday of each month as a fixed "communication day".At that time, the two people will put down everything and send the child to the old man's home, and then the couple will ride to a place with few people, such as a park that they often go to when they are in love, and talk calmly. The other party can blush and have a thick neck and have a quick fight (anyway, no one else can hear the quarrel here).After talking and quarreling, both of them felt relaxed, as if the burden had been unloaded, like the bright and clear sky after the summer storm.

In today's society where the pressure of survival is increasing, communication between husband and wife is very important.Communication can relieve tension and irritability, reduce family conflicts, and heat up the relationship between husband and wife.Communication between husband and wife requires persistence, long-term and habitualization.

Relationships between husband and wife who lack communication are more prone to problems.You should know that if there is a problem between husband and wife, if we don't communicate in time, all the problems will become more and more complicated, and the consequences will become more and more serious.

5. Have a grateful heart for marriage at any time

Regarding marriage, there have always been various metaphors: "Marriage is like shoes, only you know whether they fit or not." "Marriage is like a siege, people outside want to go in, people inside want to get out." "Marriage is the grave of love... …"wait.In the familiar words of friends around me, marriage is often accompanied by complaints, struggles, or escapes.What I want to say is that married life is beautiful, as long as you have a grateful heart for marriage at all times.

Some people may ask, do husbands and wives still need to be grateful?Yes, feel the little things of being loved with your heart, and feel happiness with your heart. Shouldn’t you be grateful for a happy marriage?With a grateful heart, are you afraid that you will not be able to improve your ability to feel happiness?
a "thank you"

When an old man was dying, he grabbed his wife's hand and said to her, "Thank you!"

They lived together for 60 years. The first half of their life was rough and rough. She followed him around and bore children for him.The child grew up and life settled down. Before she could catch her breath, he fell ill and stayed in bed for 10 years.She scrubs him, decocts medicine for him every day, and thinks of ways to cook delicious meals for him.Later, when he got better, she helped him every afternoon, walked around the neighborhood, and helped him move his muscles and bones. In fact, her health was not good, and she often had problems. Every time she came back from a walk, she would be exhausted. Sweating profusely.

No one will feel that there is anything wrong with all this, except for a little sigh at their hard work and suffering.She is also doing all this silently, never complaining, because they are married.It was this bond that brought them together decades ago.

For most people, marriage may be much more bland than what this old couple has experienced. It is just rice, oil, salt, pots and pans.However, just in this seemingly mediocre and trivial life, how many touching details are hidden.

A friend once told me that he had been married for 5 years and felt increasingly boring about married life.One day at noon, when he went home and walked downstairs, he looked up and saw his wife drying a quilt on the balcony.In the sun, the wife aired the quilt, and then patted the quilt with a clap.At that moment, he was a little dazed.In the few years of marriage, he has never dried the quilt, but the quilt he covers is always fluffy and warm.At that moment, the sound of his wife slapping the quilt was not very loud, but it made his heart hurt a little.

After I got married, I lived apart from my wife for a while.One afternoon, I had a phone call with my wife because of an incident. At that time, I had a cold and my voice was a little hoarse.My wife nervously asked what was wrong on the phone, and I told her I had a cold.What I didn't expect was that shortly after dinner, my wife suddenly appeared in front of me. "I'm worried." When we met, she said, and then took out the ginger and rock sugar she brought, and started to make ginger soup for me.I was so surprised that I couldn't speak. You know, she was 40 miles away from me, and she came here on a bicycle just to make me a bowl of ginger syrup.

Looking at my wife's slightly tired and busy figure, my cold suddenly improved a lot.I gently hugged her from behind and said, "Isn't it just a cold, it's worth your fuss?" The wife turned around, smiled, and said to me, "We are husband and wife."

Yes, we are husband and wife.Holding the hand of the child, growing old with the child, whether it is vigorous or plain, in short, marriage has fulfilled us, let us come together, share and share, and face and bear together.But all the care, care, and hard work that followed were originally the duty of marriage.

Just, do we also know how to say, "Thank you!"

Just be grateful and don't regret

We are familiar with such words in life: I am really blind, I will marry you if I choose left and right; I am really unlucky, how could I marry you as my wife...

In fact, the flower of marriage is very delicate, it needs careful care and cultivation, every kind of marriage is impossible to be perfect, there will always be unsatisfactory parts.If you just blindly regret and complain, the result can only lead to mutual estrangement and resentment, forming a vicious circle, and finally make each other feel that it was really "union due to misunderstanding".In fact, when two people get together, they should cherish each other without hesitation, and they should use more praiseful eyes to tap the strengths in their married life and make it shine brilliantly.True love should always be grateful, and don't regret it lightly in marriage.

(End of this chapter)