no-complaint marriage

Chapter 27 Marriage Preservative - Reflection (4)
Those who have sweet love are not those who just ask for it. They can often use one heart to warm another heart, so the two hearts finally lean together warmly and do not want to be separated.The human heart is such a thing, as long as it is given enough warmth, it will become hot.

Love is first of all to give, to make the other party happy, if one party does not do this, love will become a fragile empty glass bottle, which will shatter when touched.

Xi Murong wrote in her collection of poems:

When you are young, if you fall in love with someone,

Please, please be gentle with him.

No matter how long or how short you have been in love,
If you will always be gentle with each other,
Then, all moments will be of a flawless beauty.

If you have to separate,

Say good-bye well, and be thankful in your heart,

Thank him for giving you a memory,
When you grow up, you will know,
At the moment of looking back,

Youth without resentment will have no regrets.

So, when dealing with your lover, don’t think about what you can get from him (her) every day. You know, if two people live together, if both of them want to get, then who is the provider?

7. The sense of crisis in marriage

When people are in what they think is a happy marriage, they tend to take it lightly, thinking that their marriage will always be safe and firm.However, marriage is an unstable boat. When you don’t know when, maybe you haven’t noticed, a crisis has already appeared in your marriage. If you haven’t “insured” your marriage, then you need to constantly Be alert to the onset of crisis in marriage.

There is such a couple, the wife and the husband are college classmates, and they returned to their hometown together after graduation.The wife runs a marriage counseling firm and the husband works at a university.On the way of marriage, they support each other, it can be said that they are both partners and good friends: their own pain and happiness are always selflessly shared with each other.

One night, when she was sleepy, the wife heard her husband say to herself: "Let's go to 'Old Sichuan' on this wedding anniversary, and bring my daughter. The whole family hasn't been together for a long time." She said "OK".As a result, she forgot all about it that day. When her husband called, she was having dinner with the client.

Things like this happen a lot.She knew something was wrong with herself, but she just had no time to sit down and reflect on it all.She always hopes to wait until tomorrow, or when she is not busy, to make up for it; but when tomorrow comes, she finds that she is busier than today.

One incident finally sounded the alarm for her.One day, she forgot that her husband had entered the bathroom by herself first, pushed the door open and went in, and found that her husband opened his mouth in embarrassment when he saw her, and he was holding a mobile phone in his hand.She was puzzled and asked: "You were calling at home, why did you go to the bathroom and still have your cell phone?" The husband hurriedly explained that it was the other party calling, and he happened to have the cell phone with him, so he answered it.

Another time, she found a beautifully wrapped gift box in her husband's coat pocket.She held it and asked her husband what was going on. The husband blushed and said that it was a colleague's birthday. Since he was always taken care of by others, he took the opportunity to express it.After her husband left, she sat on the sofa at home and thought about it for two full hours.She reflects on her marriage and realizes that she has neglected her husband for far too long.She remembered a sentence she often said to the parties: "Marriage is a man-made contract. Don't think that once you get a marriage certificate, it will be done once and for all, and it will be safe forever; you must be careful. Since it is man-made, there will always be dangers; people know If a company does not work hard, it will go bankrupt; then, if your own marriage is not managed carefully, will it not go bankrupt?"

She remembered that the husband and wife had nothing to talk about in the past, and the joy of cooking wine and discussing heroes with her husband and his buddies under the lamp, but today, because she was busy solving other people's marriage disputes, she forgot that the danger had already climbed. To the feet of their own marriage.That night, when the husband came back from his mother-in-law with his daughter, he turned on the light in the room and was surprised to find his wife sitting in the dark. The husband was startled: "Aren't you busy at night, why are you sitting alone in the dark? "

Instead of answering her husband's words, she took care of her daughter's bath and went to bed.In the evening, she opened a bottle of red wine and poured two glasses.When she handed the wine glass to her husband, she looked into his eyes affectionately and said: "Whenever I encounter a difficult marriage case, suffocating and suffocating at the bottleneck, I often think about our relationship. Marriage, I seem to have the courage to encourage others to manage their own marriages. I often say to others that a good couple is a combination that can share pain and happiness and always give each other courage and appreciation. We used to be, but Not anymore..."

The husband put down his wine glass, stared into her eyes, and waited for her to continue: "I have neglected you and this family for too long. If one day you fall in love with someone else, I really can't blame you at all, Because in my heart, you are so perfect, women all over the world have become my competitors, I am not surprised; also, I decided to reduce the business of the firm, because I have to spend more time for this family .Nothing is more important than you and your daughter, or this family..."

The husband looked at her with a look of shame on his face. He hugged her excitedly and said, "You are such a smart woman. I am sorry if I have misunderstood you. You are in my It is also the most perfect in my eyes, how could I fall in love with others..."

They had a sweet night, and they found their long-lost passion again.In the days that followed, she really fulfilled her words and spent more time with her family and communicating with her husband and daughter.They are very affectionate.Whenever a friend asked about the secret of their happy marriage, the husband looked at his wife with admiration and said: "Because she is so smart, she can always create surprises and make ordinary life more brilliant; even if I When I made a mistake, she encouraged me positively and criticized me sideways, always carefully maintaining my self-esteem and making me so confident..."

The wife's answer was: "Never think that your marriage has no problems. I have seen too many cases of marriage breakdown, and they all have one thing in common: no one would have thought that this kind of thing would happen to them. Once the danger happens, The first is to complain about the other party first, so that the final result is unimaginable. An adult should be mentally prepared for the worst possible outcome in marriage, and then manage it with heart. Once the marriage light is yellow, take active precautions, Don't wait for the red light to come on, it will be too late."

It may be too late to take precautions when a crisis arises. Only by being vigilant at all times and managing this delicate and fragile marriage can you always appreciate the sweetness in your marriage.

Ms. Liu Jia, a well-known Chinese expert on marriage issues, has a classic saying: "Chinese wives and Western wives have very different attitudes towards marriage alarms: one is emotional and the other is rational. Most of the emotional features are crying, making trouble, and hanging themselves; while rational Most women choose to talk and find ways to solve problems, and they can accept the facts when they cannot be solved.” The reason for this difference in understanding is due to the different cultural backgrounds, social realities and traditions between China and the West.Fortunately, the heroine in the above case has a unique advantage in work, which enables her to understand the essence of marriage. When the danger comes, she protects her husband's self-esteem intelligently and resolves the crisis rationally. Her wisdom and courage are really admirable !It is true that as she said, marriage is just a man-made contract, so who knows if it will be signed next year?Is there any better way than to be mentally prepared and put your heart into the business?
Tolstoy once said: "There are tens of millions of people in the world, and there are thousands of loves and marriages. But as long as it is man-made, there are variables."

Ms. Maria Russell summed up the ideal marriage in her book "Reasons for Not Love in Marriage": 1. Actively giving; 2. Burning friendship; 3. Tolerating each other's imperfections; 4. Eliminating ability to diverge.However, there is nothing more important than having enough psychological preparation for the harshness of marriage before entering marriage, and at the same time being cautious enough about the crisis of your marriage in the state of marriage.

Leaving aside a few people who play with their feelings, all men and women who enter marriage hope to be happy and happy.However, look at the ever-increasing divorce rate and you should know that many things in this world are not what you want.Especially in such a society with economic transformation, in an impetuous and utilitarian era where everyone pursues self-enjoyment and multiple values ​​coexist, a wise woman should deeply see the essence of marriage, on the one hand maintain independence and self, and have the courage to pursue marriage At the same time, we must be psychologically prepared for possible crises at all times. When the marriage alarm sounds, we can calmly and wisely eliminate the dangers. In the case of irreparable situations, we can also face the changes calmly and be able to cope well. stay alive.Otherwise, you will be caught off guard by reality.

"Don't Complain" Proverb
The way to win a marriage is not how much time you spend on love, but your attitude towards marriage.Treating your lover, even if you put him under your nose every day may not be the safest, but giving him a little space for freedom will make marriage easier.

Don't love someone to the fullest, use the rest to love yourself.Marriage management requires strong skills, and it must start from the moment you get married, and don't let love become a burden for the other party.

There is nothing wrong with valuing marriage, but the more you want to firmly control the marriage and tie the other party, the more likely the marriage will be in crisis, and the other party will be farther and farther away from you.So the principle of marriage is similar to a handful of sand. If you want to have a long, happy and happy marriage, don't hold it too tightly.

If everyone understands this truth: marriage is a combination of two people's lifestyles, then each other's choice of marriage will be more rational and more fulfilling.

The so-called relationship between husband and wife and the relationship between husband and wife are actually how effective the communication between husband and wife is, that is, whether they can communicate. Good communication can warm up the relationship between husband and wife.

When two people come together, they should cherish each other without hesitation, and they should use more praiseful eyes to tap the strengths in their married life and make it shine brilliantly.True love should always be grateful, and don't regret it lightly in marriage.

Eun is longer than love.Maybe marriage is not a romantic thing. As time goes by, deep in the hearts of two people, the love may become weaker, but the grace will become stronger.In the life of hand in hand, mutual gratitude and repayment are the most precious.

(End of this chapter)