no-complaint marriage

Chapter 30 Epiphany in Contradictions, Connecting Hearts with Hearts (3)
One Sunday, after going to church, he decided to confess to his wife.He thought that it had been such a long time, and he knew that he could change his past, so his wife would forgive him.In this way, a big stone in my heart can be put down.

Unexpectedly, after he confessed, his wife completely refused to communicate with him, and ran back to her natal home in anger. After 18 years of marriage, his wife has never been so angry.Later, he desperately begged for his wife to come back.He thought it should be all right now.

However, his wife became more bitter and mean, and also became aggressive and aggressive. Whenever he came home late, his wife would ask him every detail.Even if two people are watching TV in the living room, the wife will become like a hedgehog when she sees an affair, and she will occasionally say "Do you still have contact with that woman?" "That woman Who is it?"

"Can you stop digging up old scores?" One day, he felt that he had run out of patience, and the volcano finally erupted.

"I can't help it, it's all your fault." The wife replied coldly, "Because you are a person with a criminal record, and I am an innocent victim."

In this way, every time the wife turned over old accounts, the two would quarrel a lot.

Mr. Tang originally wanted to settle his guilt by confessing, hoping to get his wife's forgiveness.Unexpectedly, his wife's anger had just begun, his pain wanted to end, but her pain had just begun.

Therefore, when husband and wife quarrel, they must never turn over old accounts and expose each other's scars, because doing so will only expand and escalate the conflict, and finally it will get out of hand.When one party turns over the old score, the one whose old score has been turned over must keep calm and try to restrain his emotions, because the other party is doing this with emotion.It's not too late to reason with him after the other party has finished digging through the old accounts and dissipated his anger.Don't let him turn over and you turn over, that will only intensify the conflict and cause more serious harm to both parties.

Indeed, when a husband and wife live together, some quarrels cannot be avoided. This requires both parties to have a tolerant attitude, tolerate each other, and must not turn over old scores.

Quarrels are originally a matter of fact, and should be limited in scope and time as much as possible, so as to help solve the problem.It is extremely unwise to escalate a quarrel into a fierce conflict, attack and hostility, and to expand the target to the entire body of the other party.

While fighting is beneficial, you can't always feel comfortable throwing a fit at your partner.Quarrels can indeed make the relationship between the husband and wife stronger after venting their emotions, but during the quarrel, some unscrupulous and hurtful words may also become a murderer that kills the relationship.

Therefore, the most taboo thing in a quarrel is personal attack.In addition, turning over old scores will also escalate the quarrel and make it endless. Not only will the problem not be resolved, but it will make both parties even more angry.When quarreling, you must be targeted, just say something, you can’t bring up the previous things to superimpose, and threatening words should also be avoided. People who are angry are the last to listen to threatening words, so they will be more confrontational.

When a couple quarrels, it is best for both husband and wife to express their dissatisfaction and express their emotions, such as sadness, anger, disappointment, etc., instead of blindly bringing up old scores.In this way, the other party can know how you feel after encountering certain things, which is more conducive to resolving conflicts between husband and wife and getting back together.

6. Take a step back at critical moments

take a step back, open sea and sky
Some people say that quarreling between husband and wife hurts feelings, because people tend to say some hurtful things when they are angry, but some people say that a couple who does not quarrel is not normal, because there will always be conflicts between two people. will happen.I don't think there are many couples who don't quarrel. Some of them are separated for a long time. Those dissatisfaction are diluted by longing.The other is that they have already cultivated to become a Buddha, and they have already become worms in each other's belly. With a small glance, they know what the other party wants to say, and they are prepared in advance, so that there will be no quarrel.

However, the above two situations also have disadvantages. Apart from a short-term reunion, most of the couples who live apart in two places are in a state of long-term lovesickness. , it is inevitable that some unexpected things will happen.The other is to know so much that you lose your sense of mystery. Isn't there an old saying that you break up because you know each other?If you know that you have said this sentence, the other party will treat it with a silent attitude. Over time, you will become less talkative, and the communication between the two will become less and less, and eventually become the most familiar person. stranger.

Some time ago I read a newspaper and read a short article. The author of the short article saw several couples of different ages at the airport. I realized that marriage has three stages: the first stage is hugging, the second stage is arguing, and the third stage is marriage. The third stage is to let go.Hugging back and forth means that the newlyweds are sitting on the same chair, like glue on their knees; quarreling means that a middle-aged couple started ignoring each other, and then they quarreled endlessly because the man received a phone call; Letting come and let go means seeing an elderly couple humbly give in to each other on the plane and want to leave good things to each other.In these three stages, the time for hugging and hugging is always very short, but the time for arguing and arguing will be very long. When you want to let go, you find that there is not much time left in life.

The reason why marriage is called "the besieged city" makes many people daunting. The reason is probably the same. The sweetness is too short, but the pain is too long.However, the vast majority of people still want to go to the siege, because even if you don't go to the siege, it doesn't mean that you will be able to stay away from pain, of course, this is another topic.

step back wisdom
I believe that love is romantic and touching, and I believe that it is soul-stirring, but I don't believe that love will be eternal.According to foreign scientists, the love between a man and a woman can only last up to 140 hours, and after 140 hours, it will automatically transform into a family relationship.Regardless of whether it is love or family affection, what I want to discuss is how we can maintain our marriage. It is impossible for love to maintain its original freshness forever, and the same is true for marriage. It is impossible for two people to maintain it after 10 years of marriage. The feeling of newlyweds.Especially when the marriage is experiencing conflicts, if two people do not want to part ways, they must take a step back at critical moments in order to maintain a fragile marriage and love.

The man and the woman quarreled again.The reasons are the same as before, and they are all trivial things.The woman went back to her natal family in anger.In the end, the man had to bite the bullet and take his wife home.When I came to my father-in-law's house, just in time for dinner, the woman said to him: "What are you doing here? Are you here to beg for food?" The father-in-law hurriedly came over and persuaded: "Stop making trouble, who is right and who is wrong, let's talk about it after dinner." Turning his head, the father-in-law said to the man again: "It's just in time for you to come. I bought a piece of mutton today and it's being stewed in the kitchen. Let's have a good drink today." The old man asked his daughter to go to the kitchen to see how well the mutton was stewed. What's the matter, after the daughter added some salt, she said it will be fine in a while.The old man asked his son-in-law to go in again, and the son-in-law added some peppers to the pot.When the mutton soup was served, the woman took a sip and shouted that it was too spicy to eat.Men are called too salty.The two began to quarrel, complaining that the other party put too much material.The old man looked at them and said, "Don't quarrel. I'll save this soup for dinner. There's a restaurant downstairs that is famous for making mutton soup. Let's try it." Both the man and the woman nodded in agreement.

When the three of them came to the restaurant, there were no empty seats in the restaurant. Both men and women asked strangely, "Why is the business here so good?" The old man smiled and said, "You'll find out in a while." Then give them a few food boxes, they like spicy food and salty food, and add them to the soup by themselves.The mutton soup in other restaurants is all seasoned, but this restaurant only prepares the soup, and the taste is adjusted by the customers themselves.The old man said: "Everyone's tastes are different. How can you judge other people's tastes according to your own tastes? In fact, this is also the reason why you often quarrel. You all think about problems from your own standpoint, regardless of your own taste. And others, it’s no wonder that there are no problems.”

The man and the woman smiled shyly. They knew the old man's good intentions.

When two people quarrel, they will feel that they are very justified, and the more they feel that they are justified, the more they will magnify the other party's faults, but they don't expect each other to give in a step.

Quarrels are actually a process of running in between husband and wife, and it is also a time to hone each other's will, endurance, and self-cultivation. When the closest person hurts us with some hurtful words, we always wonder if the other party no longer loves us up.In fact, I often think about whether I have given the other party too much hope, so I will worry about the other party's unintentional words, and feel that the other party doesn't care about my performance.Especially some women tend to feel insecure about love, so they like to quarrel to let the other party prove that he still loves them, to test whether the other party is still willing to accommodate themselves, whether they still care about their emotions, but no matter how good-tempered A good man can't stand a woman's repeated tossing.So some women clearly know that they are wrong, and would rather treat it with a cold war than take the initiative to admit their mistakes, and even keep that once charming little face all day long, which will only make men farther and farther away from themselves.

Women should learn to take the initiative to show weakness, and the occasional initiative will make a man deeply moved. If it is difficult to say "I'm sorry", then reward him with a table of delicious dishes he likes, and then send yourself to his arms Here, may I ask which man can resist such warmth?Unless this man really doesn't care about you at all.Many people say that there is no overnight feud between husband and wife. The more violent the quarrel is, the more you hope that the other party can use body signals to show that you still have love for yourself. 100 times.

In terms of conflict between men and women, women must not be too aggressive. Men are not like women. A small matter can be kept in mind for a few days. Move him with tears, most men will soften their hearts in front of a woman with pear blossoms and rain, admit their mistakes, and apologize with Li.But if a woman insists on pretending to be strong, and shows that she is not as good as you and I, the man will come from his heart and fight with you to the end, and the one who suffers in the end is always the woman. Who told you to suffer for face?
If a couple quarrels, if it is not a matter of principle, they must learn to take the initiative to give in. This is also a smart way to free each other. Don't let such things as quarrels become a heavy shackles on your marriage.

7. "Cold War" is not desirable
Tragedy after the "Cold War"

I don't know when the political term "cold war" began to be moved to the family to describe the stalemate between husband and wife.Judging from the outcome of the US-Soviet Cold War that led to the disintegration of the Soviet Union, as long as the two sides insist on mutual intransigence, there will be a winner in the end.

The problem is that husband and wife are an emotional and economic community. No matter who wins or loses in the end of the Cold War, marriage is a loser.That said, unlike political struggles, emotional ones have no winners.Because the essence of the Cold War is a kind of mental violence, when one side has to compromise and admit defeat, the mental state of the other side can hardly continue to support its normal emotions, and the winner will not feel any happy feeling in the end.

After working hard, Li Jiao and her husband were finally able to buy a house.After looking at several houses, the two decided to buy one of them after discussion.But the next day, my husband changed his mind and said that he thought another set was more suitable.Li Jiao became angry as soon as she heard it, and said something loudly to her husband, who was a little angry, and said, "Aren't you going to discuss this with you? Why are you so fierce?"

Li Jiao's husband is usually obedient to her, but this time he "talked back", so Li Jiao felt angry and said, "Why, do you think I'm in the way? If you think I'm in the way, let's divorce! "

(End of this chapter)