no-complaint marriage

Chapter 31 Epiphany in Contradictions, Connecting Hearts with Hearts (4)
Li Jiao and her husband had an agreement when they got married that they would never mention the word "divorce" under any circumstances.After Li Jiao said it, she knew that she was making a big fuss, but she always kept her word at home, so out of face, she didn't apologize to her husband.And the husband didn't say anything.In the next few days, the two were busy with their own business during the day, and the husband slept in the study at night. These two people ignored each other, as if they were strangers.

A few days later, before leaving for work one day, my husband left two words on the refrigerator: business trip.After Li Jiao saw it, she didn't pay much attention to it, and she didn't take the initiative to contact him during the few days when her husband was away on business.A few days later, my husband came back from other places.Looking at each other, Li Jiao felt that there was something different in her husband's eyes than usual.Although she felt very strange and wanted to reconcile with her husband, she thought that every time she quarreled before, her husband couldn't help but take the initiative to reconcile. In the end, she couldn't relax, so Li Jiao still didn't take the initiative to speak up.In this way, the Cold War went on for another month.The husband went on a business trip again, but after returning this time, there was a strange woman beside him.When her husband saw Li Jiao again, the first words he said to her were: "Let's get a divorce!"

It turned out that the husband's first business trip was not a business trip, but to meet this woman.This woman has always admired and been interested in her husband, and he has always rejected her.During these days of the Cold War, the woman took advantage of the void and finally won the affection of Li Jiao's husband.In the end, when faced with this sudden blow, although Li Jiao burst into tears and regretted it, she could not change this fact.

Some people blamed Li Jiao's husband for being playful, while others criticized Li Jiao for being too face-saving. In the final analysis, the Cold War was the direct cause of this tragedy.It is very common for couples to enter a state of cold war of ignoring each other after quarreling.They often think that the cold war or separation can extinguish the "fire of war". In fact, the cold war is often more lethal than quarrels.

During this period of time, neither party communicated, and both hoped that the other party would take the initiative, because it seemed that only in this way could it show that the other party still cared about themselves; however, both parties thought so, and the result was a "crash".Since the other party has no intention of apologizing, it means that the other party no longer cares about this relationship, so neither of them will think about the crisis of marriage, but will look around for their own value.Many extramarital affairs happen at this time.The example of Li Jiao and her husband illustrates this point.

Both Li Jiao and her husband are responsible for the failure of their marriage.In the life of husband and wife, cold war is not advisable, the important thing is to communicate, without communication, problems are often prone to occur.For couples who are in the cold war of suspicion and wait-and-see, communication is even more important.In fact, with enough communication, a dangerous Cold War would never come.

Defuse the "Cold War"

The cold war between husband and wife hurts feelings and has no effect. How to resolve it?
◎Calm

If you find that you have a cold war, don't make a scene at any time, it will only be counterproductive, you must keep calm, so that you can have enough mood to analyze the contradictions between you.

◎Analysis

List all the issues in your life that may trigger the cold war, even the smallest possible ones, and then list the factors that have nothing to do with you, and at the same time, write down the personality traits of your spouse, Find out what caused your cold war.

◎talk

When you're ready to calm down and analyze all the reasons, it's time to initiate the conversation.The conversation should be conducted without a third party, be open and honest, and put all possible problems on the table.Of course, what you need is the same openness and honesty from the other party.

◎Active choice

Whether to be or not, you should have this decision when you are analyzing, and after you talk, you should know how to choose.In terms of psychological feelings, the choice you take the initiative to make is much better than the choice you passively accept, especially because of the problems caused by the other party. If you take the initiative to forgive, it will show your generosity, and if you take the initiative to break up, you will be more generous than the other party. Good wiggle room.

◎ persuasion

The loss of feelings makes persuasion extremely difficult. It is impossible to impress the person who has made up his mind by using past love, family, parents, children, or even property and reputation. Make a gesture of helping the other party in the form of helping the other party, from helping the other party plan the communication with newcomers to helping the other party design his (her) future life.When you do this, he or she will suddenly discover another side of you, including your intelligence and understanding, and realize that he or she feels sorry for you.

◎Temporary farewell

If you are only in a longer period of cold war, a temporary business trip will be a very good way, but remember, the separation time should not exceed one month, and when you get home, you must not separated.

8. The word "divorce" hurts the most
Don't take divorce as a mantra
"divorce!"

Many couples can't help but blurt out this sentence when they quarrel.Of course, the vast majority of people don't really want to divorce when they say this, it's just a moment of anger, a mantra when they are angry.But there are also couples who almost make the fake come true.

One day, a friend came to ask me out for tea, so she told me the story of her and her husband.My friend belongs to the kind of good-looking woman. Holding a teacup in one hand, she said quietly: "We divorced for many reasons, but in the end it was because of his foolishness and filial piety. This sentence may be too heavy, but the end is his. Unexpectedly. Whenever we have problems, he will say: "There are so many opinions, if you can't get over it, let's get over it, let's get divorced!" Finally, I agreed in a quarrel. He suddenly became anxious, yes I said: "That's just a mantra, it's really meaningless." I told him with sad tears: "Divorce is not your killer weapon, but a sharp weapon to hurt me. If you regard my love as fear of divorce, then you are wrong. !You have done me irreparable damage!'"

Maybe they were all out of face, maybe it was because their hearts were too painful, no one bowed their heads, and finally divorced.

Marriage is divorce, but they haven't been really happy until now.

She said: "Before the divorce, the child lived in our quarrel for 5 years. Even the child said to me: 'It's fine if there is no father, and no one will make my mother angry.' It will be better, and my heart will no longer be hurt and hurt. But the fact is not the case. The quiet days pass day by day, and the child always calls Dad in tears in his dreams. Those shouts make me Heart-piercing, all the love from the past flooded into my heart..."

Then, on that night, my friend's husband called.It turned out that he was the same as his friends. Divorce did not bring him happiness, and freedom did not excite him for too long. As time went by, what he cared about was still their mother and daughter.

Maybe she was lucky, they remarried.

The husband got rid of his bad temper, and the wife also learned to be tolerant. They are now living a very happy life.

Quarrels between husband and wife are hard to avoid, because life is trivial.But normal quarrels will not only not affect the relationship between husband and wife, but also enhance the relationship between husband and wife.Dissatisfaction with each other will be expressed during quarrels, which is also a way of communication and communication.

However, it is unwise to propose divorce as soon as there is a quarrel, no matter whether it is angry or not, and whether it has caused mistakes. Once the word "divorce" is spoken, it will make the already deadlocked situation even more out of control.These two words, in addition to bringing deep hurt and disappointment to the other party, will also make many people lose the patience to solve the problem.Just because the emotions and differences cannot be resolved for a while, they immediately filed for divorce. Even a marriage that loves each other very much cannot withstand repeated tossing.Because when you point the divorce at the other party again and again, there will always be a rebellion once, and I'm afraid it will be too late to regret.

Your partner was found by you after all kinds of hardships, so, after marriage, you must believe in your original choice, and don't use divorce to hurt your partner you have found so hard!
Divorce is not a magic weapon to threaten the other party

Husbands and wives living under the same roof will inevitably have friction and conflicts. There are not many couples who do not make noise and respect each other as guests every day, but they are rare. Most people's marriages are like a calm lake, with small waves appearing from time to time. It is the true temperament of marriage and the beauty of marriage.A marriage that is too calm and waveless will give people an abnormal feeling, either it is a utilitarian marriage for others to see, or a big storm is brewing.Therefore, we must first have a correct understanding of quarrels in marriage, and do not over exaggerate the destructive effect of small quarrels between husband and wife on marriage. A perfectionist marriage is only an ideal rather than a reality.

When couples have quarrels or marital crises, "divorce" always seems to threaten each other's "magic weapon", especially women love to use this word, and men occasionally use it.Women love to use it because women know how men love them and know that men cannot do without them, so threats are effective and men will be subdued; men will also use this trick, of course, because men know that women love themselves. Bargaining weight, but if a man moves out the big stick of divorce, it is mostly because he thinks he has mastered the family's economic lifeline.Of course, the opposite is true, but in most cases, women threaten to use "love" as a weight, and men threaten to use "money" as a weight. Maybe you don't admit it, but it is most of the facts .

Is it more noble for a woman to use a man's love for her as a threat than for a man to use a woman's economic dependence as a threat?Of course not, taking money as a threat is of course vulgar, and it also tarnishes the love of husband and wife; but taking love as a threat is obviously not taking love seriously, how much is love?The threat of divorce is always women. Perhaps it is because women are always in a weak position in the quarrel between husband and wife, and they have no other capital to check and balance, so divorce is used as a threat.If a woman has full self-confidence, why is she always threatened?Generally, women propose divorce to scare men. In most cases, they just hope that men will love you more, cherish you more, and be more nervous about you.When a man loves you, he can't part with you, can't leave you, of course he will be nervous, so he gives in, and you win.But once "divorce" becomes a mantra in quarrels, it may not be far from a real divorce. It is the woman who shouts "divorce" every day, but the man is the real one, so the woman is deceived.

fake divorce

Women always criticize men for being playful. Of course there are men who are playful, maybe there are quite a few, but women don’t know that many times, men are pushed outside by women, cheating, and a third party intervenes. Men are mainly responsible. But women themselves undoubtedly played a driving role.So, there may be bad men who cheat, but there may also be good men, and good men will cheat too?It's a bit ridiculous, don't believe it, let's be surprised, but the reality is completely possible, because apart from internal factors, there are also external factors for men's cheating. Sometimes it is the woman who has contributed to the man's cheating. The sad thing is that the woman doesn't know it and keeps on Complaining and blaming the man.If a woman really loves her husband, wants to live a good life, and doesn’t want to irritate a man, don’t scare him with divorce. Unless you really want to divorce, the threat of divorce will really scare a man away over time. woman's arms.

In the quarrel between husband and wife, the word "divorce" is the word that hurts the most feelings. Don't think that saying "divorce" is just a threat to the other party. A psychological hint for both parties: get a divorce.A couple who often talk about "divorce" will not grow old forever, because when they have conflicts, the first thing they think of is not to solve the problem, but to think of divorce, which is very easy to change their thoughts. for reality.Marriage is not just a certificate, but also a responsibility. The threat of "divorce" is a disregard for one's own responsibility. Therefore, no matter how deep the conflict between husband and wife is, as long as you have not reached the point where you must separate, don't mention the word "divorce" lightly, because the word "divorce" is the most heart-wrenching.Sometimes, although the marriage is not divorced, the relationship between you has deteriorated, and there is already a looming gap between you.

Adversity is a good test of marriage. Some couples will become more intimate and dependent on each other when they encounter hardships in life, while others will part ways under pressure.

(End of this chapter)