no-complaint marriage

Chapter 8: Be a Responsible Husband (2)
After the marriage vows, Sarah's father took the groom aside, gave him a small gift, and said, "This is the secret to a happy marriage." The young groom couldn't wait to open it and watch it.

Inside the box was a large gold watch.He picked it up carefully, and after looking closely, he found a wise reminder engraved on the surface, which made him unable to avoid it every time he looked at the watch.The line reads: "Say more kind words to Sarah."

He kept this sentence in mind all his life and followed it, and he really felt that saying good things to his wife is the secret of a happy marriage.He never forgot to say kind words to Sarah at any time, and Sarah also remembered her husband's kindness, which made their marriage happy all the time.

It can be seen that it is actually very simple to have a happy marriage, as long as you are willing to put in some effort.

Women's requirements are actually not high. You don't need to be bouquets of flowers, you don't need to go to some high-end places to have candlelight dinners, as long as you say a word or an action, you can move her for a lifetime.

Before going to bed, you can massage her and say "you worked hard today" or "you are really my good wife"; after she puts on new clothes, you can praise "you are so beautiful"; When you work hard to prepare the food and bring it to the table, no matter what the taste of the food she cooks, you should tell her that you are very happy to eat the food she cooked for you, and compliment her with a sentence of "no delicacies from mountains and seas are as good as yours." ", to show that you are willing to eat her meals for the rest of your life... This is enough to make your wife happy and become the happiest woman in the world, even if she suffers and suffers, she will have no regrets.

One "coax" benefits endlessly

Master the skill of "coaxing", say more sweet words to your wife, and often coax your wife, which can not only warm up the relationship between each other, but also resolve some conflicts in the marriage.

Zhang Ning and his wife Li Chun have been married for a year, and now they have another son.Unexpectedly, Li Chun, who was infinitely loving and gentle in front of the children, turned into a "Hedong Lion" in front of Zhang Ning.

Once, when his wife was busy with housework and the child was crying and fussing, Zhang Ning was reading a newspaper. Li Chun rushed over like an eagle and tore Zhang Ning's newspaper away: "You still look like a father!" Is the child crying non-stop, you ignore it, are you worthy of being a father, I am busy all day, and you don't say a word, what do you think you are? Is it a father?" Facing his wife's questioning , Zhang Ning couldn't stand it anymore, so he contradicted his wife tit for tat.This was a disaster, and the wife walked into the room with the child in her arms, crying loudly.

Later, a friend learned about Zhang Ning's family affairs and taught Zhang Ning the "Cheats for coaxing his wife". He said: "Women are soft and not hard, you need to coax her more. The more exaggerated the coaxing, the more excited she will be. Then you will obediently become gentle." Zhang Ning got the "True Biography", and suddenly woke up like a dream.

That night, Zhang Ning came home a little late, and his wife habitually yelled: "I came home so late, why did you go? How do you look like a father, like a husband?" Zhang Ning quickly said with a smile: " Yes, I look like a grandson, my wife, I don’t dare to do it next time.” After speaking, he bowed and apologized, making his wife confused, but couldn’t help but want to laugh, so she scolded softly. Sentence: "Neuropathy!"

Since then, Zhang Ning always loves to coax his wife when there is nothing to do.When his wife mopped the floor, Zhang Ning praised her for being as diligent as a bee; when he saw a beautiful woman on TV, Zhang Ning would say, "It's just like this, not half as good-looking as my wife." He said that his husband was not serious, but he was happy in his heart.

Sometimes, when two people inevitably have conflicts, Zhang Ning finds that something is wrong, so he immediately changes his words and says, "Yes, yes, just do what my wife wants! I just now realize that your ideas are great, and I firmly obey my wife." !" This often made Li Chun embarrassed, and instead listened to her husband gently.

Another time, his wife was in a bad mood and the dishes Zhang Ning cooked were too salty.Seeing his wife's stern face, looking like the rain was about to come, Zhang Ning pretended to be very scared, tiptoeing when picking up the bowls and chopsticks, lowered his head while chopping the rice, and his hands were still shaking.At this time, the wife couldn't hold her face anymore, and asked her husband with concern: "What's wrong with you? Are you sick?" Zhang Ning deliberately glanced at her secretly, like an innocent child, and said: "The vegetables are salty, I'm so afraid You scolded me!" Li Chun laughed "puchi" and said, "Who did you learn from?" Zhang Ning's mouth seemed to be greased: "I didn't learn from others, but I have now awakened."

As a result, the wife smiled happily, and the wife repeatedly praised the delicious dish!
Zhang Ning's skills in coaxing his wife are mastered to the extreme. It is obvious that a war is about to break out.

Usually, you should "coax" your wife with your heart

"Coaxing" a wife is actually very simple, just bring your life back to the time when you were passionately in love, and you need to "carefully" more, instead of thinking that once a woman becomes a wife, she becomes an unreasonable, willful and savage shrew.As long as you understand a woman's psychology, understand her many thoughts, and communicate with her well, your wife will definitely become a woman you can't love enough.

When your wife is sad and crying, as long as you can, go to her side as much as possible to accompany her, even if you don't say anything, just leaning on your shoulders is enough to comfort her heart and make her grateful to you!

When she is in a mood for no reason, it may be around the time that a woman must go through every month with "old friends", you should try to comfort her, keep her in a good mood, coax her, and say a few more words With sweet words, no matter how much she scolds you and beats you, she will look like she is being used.After a few times, every reasonable woman would be ashamed to abuse you like Yueyue!
When your wife sheds tears watching a Korean drama, you hand her the towel. When she is really sad about the plot and can't adjust her mood for a few days, you have to stand up and comfort her once.Don't let her feel that you don't value her feelings. Remember, as long as you give a woman the attention and respect that goes deep into her heart once, she will try her best to be a good wife for a long time afterwards.

When your wife has no intention of falling into her own impossible dream, be honest with her dream and have every reason to believe that she can make it happen.Don't hit a woman who loves to dream, because "dream" is her spiritual home, a place to rest when she is tired, and the only adjustment when she is tired of daily trivial housework.

When your wife asks you nonsense about who you would save first if your mother and she fell into the water at the same time, you have to be smart and don't say what is in your heart.Because if you say save your mother first, she will feel that she has no place in your heart, and all the hard work she has put in for this family will turn into complaints and pain, and she will easily appear rebellious and bored when taking care of the family in the future; If you say save her first, she will think that you only care about love and don't know how to be filial to the mother who raised you up through all kinds of hardships. No one likes a man who is not filial!So, you have to tell her directly that you will save the one closest to you, and then do your best to save the other.And don't think that you can fool your wife by pretending to be confused or sloppy. Your vague words will only make your wife think you are not a man!

In case of conflict, master the skill of "coaxing"

When two people have conflicts, they have to coax their wives even more, and they must watch the timing.

First of all, you must not say nothing in order not to make your wife angry. That will only make your wife more angry. Silence at this time is not coaxing.

Second, coax to have wisdom.You have to first recall which sentence your wife got angry from when you said something wrong, and analyze the real reason for her anger, which sentence hurt her heart, and coaxing will be effective only if you find the key point.It's useless to just apologize blindly and miss the point, and it may have the opposite effect, making her feel that you haven't really realized your mistake.

Again, you must have a good attitude. When your wife loses her temper, you must endure it, but you must not stop talking. You must express your deep approval, deep remorse, and firmly smile and nod to say yes. When the time is almost right, your wife will also lose her temper. It's almost there, at this time, hugging and coaxing can take advantage of the trend and make up.

Finally, whether you know why she is angry or not, no matter how unreasonable she is angry, you should never ask her why she is angry.Because after asking this sentence, the wife will think: "You have made me angry and you don't know why I am angry. Do you have to ask me this kind of question? You don't think about it! You still don't know what you did wrong Don't you? You still think you didn't make a mistake, don't you? You think I'm making trouble for no reason, don't you?"

Don't say "a woman's heart is a needle in the sea".Compared with men, women are just more emotional, which is due to nature.Think about it, if women are made to look like men, how can there be any colorful and colorful things in this world?How drab the world would be without women?

So, men, put more effort into coaxing your wife, and you will have a good wife who is loved and praised by everyone!There is a saying that good children are made by boasting, so I would say that good wives are made by coaxing them!

Coupled with your sense of responsibility, your dedication, your kindness, and your maturity, it would be a great loss if she doesn't take care of being your wife!
Of course, no matter how bad your wife is or how dissatisfied you are, since you are married back home, there must be a reason for you to want to spend this life with her, so increase this reason, and then create more reasons, I think I believe that the ordinary married life will become more and more happy because of your joint efforts.

4. Learn to listen to your wife
Language is the most direct way for people to communicate with each other.Speaking is a way to express yourself and vent your heart, while listening is a process of accepting the other party.It's a pity that most people like to talk, but few people listen.

Satisfy her desire to "talk"
I believe that many people will have a feeling that women and women will have a lot of chatter when they are together. Even if two strange women sit together, they can chat about a certain topic, even if they are talking about some irrelevant life. trivia.A psychologist once said that when people talk to each other, on the surface it looks like you are talking to each other, as if one is talking and the other is listening, but the truth is that I am not listening when you are talking, just Thinking about what to say next.In fact, the topic they talked about was to vent an emotion.

From this we can see that women love to talk, and they have a natural desire to talk.It seems that many things are purely for the sake of speaking in their eyes, and as long as there is a suitable object to listen to, their desire can be satisfied.

Especially for a married woman, besides working hours, she spends the most time in contact with her husband, who is her closest person, so she will tell her husband many things in her heart that she cannot tell outsiders.

Many men will say when chatting together: "I really wonder why women have so much to say all day long, they are really born to be lobbyists!"

Yes, women talk a lot sometimes, and daily necessities, rice, oil, salt, etc. are all their conversation materials.Every time at this time, if the husband does not act as the wife's listening microphone, the wife will feel very sad, feeling that there is no one who can speak her mind, and she will think that her fate is not good.

An American woman who survived the catastrophe on the plane committed suicide when she returned home. What is the reason?

It was a Christmas day, and in order to reunite with her family, an American woman flew home from a different place excitedly, imagining the joyful scene of the reunion all the way.But it happened that God changed his face. The plane encountered a violent storm in the air. The plane deviated from the route, bumped up and down, and might crash at any time.The stewardesses also turned pale, terrified and told the passengers to write their wills and put them in a special pocket.At this time, everyone on board was praying.At this extremely critical moment, the plane finally landed safely under the calm driving of the pilot.

The American woman was very excited when she got home, she kept describing the danger she encountered on the plane to her husband, and turned, shouted, and yelled all over the room.However, her husband, who was happily sharing the joy of the holiday with the children, had no interest in her adventures.The woman yelled for a while, but found that no one was listening to her. The great joy of her narrow escape formed a strong contrast with the feeling of being left out.When the husband said that he was going to have dinner, his wife climbed to the attic and ended the precious life she had recovered from the danger by hanging herself in the ancient way.

In life, some emotional hotline programs are extremely popular because they relieve the depression in the heart of the confidant.Would a hotline be so likable if the other end didn't know how to listen?In fact, this is not the case between husband and wife.Knowing how to listen is not only caring and understanding, but also a lubricant for regulating the relationship between the two parties.Everyone has a longing after troubles and joys (especially after deep troubles and great joys), that is to talk to others, and she hopes that the listeners can give understanding or share together.However, the American woman's husband didn't do it or he didn't understand it, which led to the tragedy.

Sometimes, you just have to "all ears"

In the same way, if a man doesn't understand a woman, it can be a disservice.When a woman comes home from get off work in the evening and talks about certain issues with a man, she just wants to talk about her feelings of the day and experience comfort and intimacy, but she doesn't necessarily need an answer.

However, in real life, the most common situation is: when the wife tells her husband how she feels, the husband thinks: "Okay, it's time, this is easy, I can help her solve it!" When the wife finished speaking, she had no patience to listen.Then he snapped his fingers, eloquently, and threw all his strategies or plans to his wife in an overwhelming, high-level manner!He let his wife choose from them, hoping to win her favor.But what puzzled him was that on the woman's face, he couldn't see any happy expression, let alone the slightest hint of gratitude.This confuses him, he will be overwhelmed, but he still doesn't know why!
In most cases, women tell their feelings and just want to communicate and share with their husbands.But her husband thought he could be of service to her, so he interrupted the woman's conversation and began to offer a series of solutions to the woman's problems and confusions.In fact, this is not only not helping the wife to solve the problem, but annoying the wife.

After a busy day, Mary returned home with a tired look.She longed to communicate with her husband, Tom.

Mary: "Right now, I have too much to do. I have so little personal time!"

Tom: "You'd better give up that job, why make yourself so hard? You should do what you want to do!"

Mary: "But I like my job. The problem is, people expect a lot from me. They expect me to change everything in a short time!"

Mary: "I know, by the way, you know? I forgot to call my aunt today! I don't know what I did!"

Tom: "Don't worry! Your aunt will understand that you are so busy."

Mary: "But you don't know what's wrong with her. She really needs me!"

Tom: "You worry too much, that's why you're not happy!"

Mary (angrily): "I'm just unhappy every now and then. Can you just cut in and hear me out?"

Tom (unhappy): "What do you want from me? Haven't I been listening to you?"

MARY (shaking her head distractedly): "But why am I still so distressed?"

After this conversation, Mary felt even more depressed, which was not what she wanted.When she came home and saw her husband, she wanted to feel caring and considerate from him.However, her hopes were dashed.Tom was also in a bad mood afterwards, for he didn't know what had gone wrong.He really wanted to help his wife share her worries. Although he pointed out the crux of the problem, his efforts didn't work!
Tom didn't understand women, he didn't know how important it was to Mary to listen attentively and patiently!He made matters worse by trying to get a pulse on Mary's 'why'.In fact, as long as he plays the role of the listener well, everything will be fine, how simple it is!Of course, he should listen with gratitude, consideration and affection.Confiding to his wife should resonate in his heart.For this reason, he should understand the feelings of the other party and understand the mood of the other party.

Tom didn't know that only his concentration and empathy could relieve Mary of her spiritual burden.By speaking her mind, Mary can sweep away the bad luck of the day and experience rare satisfaction.

And if Tom knows his wife and her desire to talk, he will suddenly become wise and learn how to listen properly.If so, then, when Mary came home weary, their conversation would have been otherwise:
Mary: "Right now, I have too much to do. I have so little personal time!"

Tom (takes a deep breath secretly): "Honey, you must have had a hard day today?"

Mary: "They expect me to try everything in a short period of time. I really don't know if I can do it."

Tom didn't say anything, just said "hmm".

Mary: "I forgot to call my aunt today!"

Tom (frowning): "That doesn't seem too good!"

Mary: "My aunt needs me now, and I care so little for her! I'm so sad."

Tom: "You are a caring person, I already knew that. Come to me, honey, I want to hug you!" (Tom embraces Mary consciously. In her husband's arms, Mary exhales deeply In one breath, the whole body relaxes in an instant!)
Mary: "Tom, I love talking to you! You bring me joy! Thank you for listening, I feel better now!"

(End of this chapter)