no-complaint marriage

Chapter 9: Be a Responsible Husband (3)
In fact, Mary is not the only one who feels comfortable, Tom will feel more comfortable than ever!He will be surprised to find that listening properly can achieve gratifying results!Proper listening is the panacea to make your wife happy.Knowing the difference between men and women, he resisted the urge to offer advice and gave full play to his listening skills.At the same time, Mary also grew wiser.She stopped pointing her husband at random and depriving him of opportunities to achieve his goals independently.She will not make irresponsible remarks or criticize her husband's behavior.

listening wisdom

Listening is a kind of virtue, a kind of respect, a kind of wisdom, and a kind of attitude of being kind, calm, modest and prudent.Being good at listening is the most basic quality of a mature person. The wise are good at speaking, and the benevolent are good at listening.But people often have problems in listening, such as being affected by emotional states, stereotypes, irrationality when receiving information, etc. Therefore, men must understand the skills of effective listening.

◎Do not talk

Concentration is a prerequisite for effective listening.When your wife is speaking, you must restrain yourself from speaking, listen attentively, think while listening, think about the meaning of what your wife is saying, and remember the main points of what your wife is saying.Don't comment immediately just because you feel something, you might as well wait for your wife to finish speaking.

◎Show great interest in what she has to say
This gesture is a kind of respect and encouragement to your wife. Only when you show interest in your wife, will your wife have the desire and passion to speak.

◎Pay attention to her non-verbal behavior
That is, your wife's tone of voice, body posture, gestures, facial expressions, etc. Understanding the information brought by these factors will make your listening more effective.

◎Hear out the meaning behind the words of the wife

Understanding the implication contained in what your wife said can better demonstrate the tacit understanding between you.

◎Assume the wife's point of view

When listening, you have to imagine based on the information conveyed by your wife's speech, and understand the context it describes. By imagining, it will be easier for you to perceive and understand your wife's intentions.

Do the above points, and you will be the best listener for your wife.The wife will also be happy to talk to you, and she will regard you as her closest friend.

5. Lies should be told less and better
It is an indisputable fact that most men like to lie.Women also often say: "I would rather believe that there are ghosts in the world than a man's mouth." This is because men lie too often, and lies have become the product of their conscious and unconscious, it seems that the mouth is no longer My own, as long as I open my mouth to lie, it will come out insincerely.

Remember the attributive in front of a lie - well-intentioned

Lies have a strong "lethal power", how can women not guard against them?Especially in today's society where the pursuit of honesty is the mainstream, lying is also the most taboo for people. Men who lie are unreliable, malicious, good at disguising, and of low quality.But if we look at men's lies from another angle, and add an attributive - well-intentioned, in front of the lies, then the essence of the lies will change fundamentally, and the lies will become "wonderful words".

Of course, men need to know: a lie is only valuable if it is said sparingly and with good intentions.If a man often tells lies and uses them to deceive his wife, he will lose his wife's trust over time.Just like the child in the article "Wolf is coming", he shouts "Wolf is coming" every day to seek excitement and happiness, but when the wolf really comes, he has only one person to face it independently and bear it by himself. No matter how much he shouted, it was useless, and no one would come to help him again.Because, maybe the people who came to help him had gotten used to his yelling and thought it was him "playing with you" again.Although this is a short story, the philosophy contained in it cannot be ignored.Telling such a lie can only make you lose the love of your loved ones, and your loved ones will not only spurn your behavior, but also put you in an isolated position.When you realize this, you may think of ways to change your destiny, but at this time, even if you are telling the truth, your relatives will think in their hearts: It is best not to believe what he said, at least there must be something in what he said. There is 80% "moisture", because you have been fixed as a "liar" in their hearts.

If every man said less insincere words to his wife, kept a plain nature, and only told a few lies out of good intentions when forced to, I believe that every wife would not look at the lies told by her husband , instead you get more should be grateful!Telling such a lie neither impedes integrity nor does it lower a man's character.Because every woman knows: a white lie is the good wish that people place on things, a white lie is the dialogue of people's kind hearts; A kind of tenderness revealed in...

It's okay to tell such a lie

There is such a story, although it has been many years, but I can never forget it, because the couple has taken root in my heart, I often think: Although that simple and honest man told lies, but who can tell the truth? Are you going to accuse him of doing something wrong?On the contrary, I think many people will be as moved by it after reading this story as I am, and will admire that man and envy that woman from the bottom of their hearts.

From the moment I was admitted to the ward, the couple on the opposite bed had been arguing quietly, the woman wanted to leave, and the man wanted to stay.According to the nurse, the woman suffered from glioblastoma, a type of brain tumor with a very high cancer-causing rate.From their intermittent quarrels, the shadow of a rural family gradually became clear in front of me: the woman is 46 years old and has two children. Cattle are all their belongings.

In the corridor of the hospital, there is a telephone with a magnetic card inserted, which is installed three or four meters away from the door of the ward. Due to the popularity of mobile phones, few people use them anymore.The canteen downstairs sells phone cards, and almost every evening, men go to the corridor to call home.The man's voice was very loud, although he deliberately closed the door of the ward every time, he could still hear it clearly in the ward.

Every day, the man asks his son in detail whether the cows and pigs are fed enough, whether the courtyard gate is plugged in, and asks his son not to study too late and affect the next day's class. His illness is not serious, we will go back in a few days" as the ending.

On the fourth day after the woman came in, the hospital arranged for a craniotomy.That morning, there was a man and a woman beside the woman's hospital bed, who seemed to be the woman's brother and sister.The woman held her sister's hand, but never took her eyes off her man's face for a moment.

Before anesthesia, the woman suddenly grabbed the man's arm and said, "His dad, if I can't get off the operating table, just bury me in the woods behind the house with a quilt. We don't do business, don't waste that money, you You must listen to me!" The woman's voice trembled, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Well, don't worry about that," the man said.

The bright liquid injected into the woman's veins little by little.As the woman's eyelids gradually drooped, the muscles on the man's face stiffened one by one.

The nurse pushed the woman away, and the man and two relatives followed.

After only a while, the man was pulled back by his wife's brother.He pressed the man on the bed, the man sat down, stood up again, sat down again, and kept twisting the corner of the bedside quilt with one hand.

"Brother, you said, Shuzhen should be fine with this operation, right?" The man fixedly looked at his wife and brother, his face looked like a helpless child.

"The doctor said it's okay, so it should be fine, don't worry!" He comforted the man.

After 20 minutes, the man went out again, and after a while, he was pulled back by his wife's brother.This was repeated five or six times, and finally, the woman was pushed back surrounded by everyone.

The woman's head was wrapped with snow-white gauze, her face was a little pale, her eyes were slightly closed, as if she was asleep.

After frantically arranging the women, the man went out again, and when he came back, he had a bag of things in his hand.The man who has always been a man who can get rid of a meal with 3 steamed buns and a few slices of mustard, this time he bought back a bag of steamed buns for the first time.

The man kept persuading the two relatives to eat more, but he only ate two, so he picked up the water glass.

That evening, the man did not call home due to forgetting or other reasons.At night, the lights in the ward were kept on.In the middle of the night, I got up to go to the bathroom, and saw a man sitting on the head of his wife's bed, staring at the woman's face motionlessly like a statue.

The next day, the woman finally woke up. The man looked at the woman and laughed endlessly with tears in his eyes. Although the woman could not speak yet, the smile on her face was enough to comfort the man.The man suddenly stood up and ran out. It turned out that to show his happiness, he went to buy candy. He bought a lot of candy and sent it to the doctor's office and the nurse's desk. One hand.

The woman seemed to be in good spirits, and the day after she took off the oxygen mask, she started making noises and went home again.The man had no choice but to tell the woman all kinds of new things he saw and heard to pass the time like coaxing a child.

Everything returned to its original state. Every evening, the man began to stand next to the magnetic card phone in the corridor, chattering and instructing his son.It’s still such a loud voice, and it’s still those trivial things, I can recite the same content.

One night, when I came out of the water room, the man was standing next to the phone and nagging loudly: "It is enough to feed the cows twice a day, and they don't work in winter. It's okay to be hungry. You have to feed me the pigs." Yes, Nian Gener can sell for a good price if you have enough fat. Your mother is recovering very well, and the doctor said that she will be discharged from the hospital after a few days of consolidation."

The man said to himself, while I was dumbfounded.At that moment, I was surprised to find that there was no magnetic card inserted into the phone!
After putting down the phone, the man subconsciously looked up, only to see the astonished expression on my face.

I pointed to the phone, and the man realized that he forgot to insert a magnetic card into the phone.

"Shh..." The man put his index finger on his mouth, motioning for me to keep quiet.

"Brother Zhao, are you not worried about your pigs and cows now?" I looked at the man suspiciously and asked in a low voice.

"The cow and the pig have already asked my wife and brother to sell them to pay for the operation!" The man replied in a low voice, then made a face at me, and pointed to the door of the ward.

At this moment, I suddenly realized.It turned out that the man's phone call was not to his son at home, but to his wife on the hospital bed!
At that moment, my heart could no longer be at peace, for him, for her, for their love, for their marriage...

The man in the story is smart and considerate. Although he told a far-fetched lie and repeated it every day, his lie should be told. It can be said that this lie is the love between them. best interpretation.He knew that there was nothing at home, and his wife was such a caring woman. If he told the truth, she would not feel at ease to treat her illness, so he could only comfort her with lies. It is not difficult to see that the lies at this time are no longer lies. It's a song of love.Although they don't have the romance of roses and the hypocrisy of each other, their love has long been sewn into a close-fitting garment by the meticulous years.That delicate and timeless kindness, accompanied by day and night, has precipitated the most beautiful melody of love in the world, ordinary, simple, and penetrating to the bone.

We do not advocate lying, but we cannot reject all lies, because the reason why lies exist is the soil for them to survive.Those warm lies that can make life full of fun, and those lies that are full of kindness and compassion, let them bloom!

6. The wife needs care

I remember someone saying that a woman is a book that needs to be read carefully by a man; I also remember someone saying that a woman is a flower that needs to be loved and cared for by a man... In fact, these are nothing more than telling men to cherish women and love women.A man can massacre a city, and he can ignore what others criticize, but he can't hurt a woman who loves him.

It is a man's nature to take care of his wife

It is natural for men to love and care for their women.Because a man was born from the mother's womb, the innate femininity is a lifetime aftertaste and pursuit for him.So when she meets the woman she likes, the unstoppable love and care will be fully displayed.

According to Christianity, at the beginning of the creation of the world, Jehovah created man from the dust of the ground, and breathed life into his nostrils, and he became a living soul named Adam.Later, Jehovah saw that Adam was lonely living alone, so he wanted to make a helper for him.So one of his ribs was removed and a woman was created.In other words, a woman is a man's spouse, a companion for a man, and a part of a man's body.

The nature of weakness determines that a woman needs the care and care of a man at all times. As a man, he must learn to love women.There is a classic line in the movie "Across the World": Women are made to hurt.Since half of a man is a woman, why don't men take care of and love their "body"?

Today, women are already half the sky in the workplace, and they can be as powerful as men.But, back home, no matter how strong a woman is, she hopes to have a shoulder to rely on.A woman needs care and care, especially when she thinks it is important, and she needs her husband to be by her side.

Caring for a woman does not require much effort.In fact, women are very easy to satisfy, she is not as difficult to deal with as you think.One woman spoke about her decision to marry, saying that the two were living together, but it never occurred to her to marry him.He jumped out of bed one night when his younger brother came to ask him to go to the bowling alley.Later, when he was going out, she said casually: "Go ahead, just let me sleep at home alone." In less than 10 minutes, he came back from outside.She asked him, "Why are you back?" He said, "I'm gone, aren't you afraid of being alone?" She didn't know what was going on, and she felt sour all of a sudden, and threw herself into his arms.She didn't close her eyes that night.At dawn, she decided to marry him.

A woman longs to be loved by her lover

There is a book in Germany about women's physiological conditions. There is an illustration in the book: the female bird sits in the nest and takes care of the young bird, and the male bird feeds the female bird outside the nest.This is a metaphor for the human family situation.In fact, in today's society, most of the family burdens are jointly provoked by husband and wife.Women marrying men are no longer just to solve the problem of "long-term meal tickets".Sometimes when women chat together, they often talk about a topic: If the living conditions after marriage are not as good as they are now, why should they marry?Just because I need a man to take care of myself.The husband's hand, warm and strong, is the spiritual pillar of a woman's life, and women always think so.

A woman is a woman and needs a man's care all the time.To care for a woman, you must always express your love.If a man shows love, it will make a woman die down and be willing to stay with him for a lifetime.

In fact, many women are strong on the outside, but weak on the inside. They need the care of men.She doesn't care how much money you gave her, but she will always remember the rose flower you stole from the roadside flower bed and put it in her hands.When she is busy in the kitchen, a kiss from behind will make her feel happy and sweet.When you cross the road, you on the left hold her hand tightly, no matter what age, it will make her feel safe.

There are many women in the world, beautiful, gentle, smart, lovely... But no matter what type of woman, the mood of looking forward to happiness is the same.So they wait for a certain man to appear, to love her, take care of her, and treat her well.

In fact, what women expect to be good to themselves is a very simple thing.

She just hopes that her man will not forget her birthday because he is busy.She wanted to hear him whisper something in her ear: "Happy birthday, my baby." At this time, the rose could also be omitted.She only hopes that when he is tired from doing housework, he can gently touch her forehead and say, "Honey, drink milk before going to bed." Even if it is about housework, men know nothing about it.She only hopes that when she is afraid or lonely, a man will hold her shoulders and firmly say to her, "Honey, don't be afraid, I am by your side!"

All women want to be cared for and loved in the ordinary.Every little bit of your tenderness will surely make her smell the fragrance of happiness.You have to be patient and kind to your wife. She doesn't need your love to be as hot as a volcano, nor to be as turbulent as a sea wave. A steady flow of water is enough to make her happy for a lifetime.

I saw such a couple on the way home from get off work last night. The weather was very cold at night, and a gust of wind blew over. The wife seemed to feel very cold, so the husband took off his only casual shirt and put it on his wife , The wife's body was tightly leaning against the husband's body.We walked together at a certain distance like this.When I was about to get home, I looked back at them under the street lamp, and suddenly saw the pale face and purple lips of the husband under the lamp, a warm current surged in my heart, how wonderful is such a man !The reason why he took off the only piece of clothing was not that he was not cold, but that he knew how to care and love his wife better.

This wife is lucky, because she has found a man who knows how to take care of and care for herself. I believe that with the care of that man in winter, she will never be cold.

(End of this chapter)