Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 12 Independence and Confidence—A calm woman can only be calm when she remembers not to belittle herself (5)
Don't judge yourself by other people's standards
Psychologist AH Maslow once mentioned the concept of "accepting oneself" in the book "Motivation and Personality". He said: "There are several main concepts in new dynamic psychology, that is, autonomy, release, humanity, Self-acceptance promotes awareness and contentment." Regarding self-acceptance, Dr. Smiley Blanton also said in "Love and Death": "Every healthy person has a certain degree of narcissism. It’s normal. Confidence is what you need to get the job done and be successful.”

Dr. Blanton is quite right.A healthy and mature person should first "love himself", which is the attitude towards life that everyone should have.This is asking us to have a clear understanding of ourselves, learn to love ourselves and maintain our dignity, which is a completely different concept from being proud and complacent.In life, many people do not have self-confidence. They constantly toss and turn in the middle of the night, comparing their own shortcomings with the strengths of others, and demanding themselves by other people's standards.The end result of this is that they become more and more frustrated and feel worthless.As an educator, Dr. Arthur Jahid, a professor at Columbia University's Teachers College, is acutely aware of the importance of accepting yourself.He believes that education should help people accept themselves and cultivate people with a healthy outlook on life and values.

A psychologist once said that if we don't like ourselves, we can't like others.Therefore, we should learn to like ourselves as we like others.Some people are full of boredom and hatred for anything and anyone. In fact, this is not pride, but low self-esteem.Only those who lack self-confidence will be dissatisfied with everything, because they have a strong "self-abandonment tendency".In American hospitals, at least half of the beds are filled with neurological patients, who dislike themselves so much that they even lose the confidence to live.Although there are many reasons for these misfortunes, their common root cause is that they don't believe in themselves, don't accept themselves, and always judge themselves by other people's standards, so they are dissatisfied with themselves, so that they hate themselves extremely.

Robert W. White, a psychologist of Harvard University, mentioned in the book "Continuous Progress--Research on the Natural Development of Personality" that "it is the job of man to adjust himself and adapt to the pressure around him".Mr. White said: "From the day it was born, this kind of inertial thinking has been popular until today. This makes some people narrow themselves in order to surpass others, rigidize their thinking, and constrain their thinking, forcing themselves to act as a certain kind of life. role. However, success needs to grow, to perfect, to realize, to create by oneself, and you have to be down-to-earth and creative. In short, success must be achieved by your own pioneering actions.”

I agree with what Mr. White said.Most of the time, we are conditioned to behave in accordance with our social and economic status, and some of our daily behaviors are almost the same as those around us.If we feel that we don't fit the surrounding environment, we will feel confused, miserable, lost, suspicious and even disgusted with ourselves.In this case, we gradually lose ourselves, and judge ourselves by the standards of others.At this time, the only thing we can do is to change ourselves instead of trying to change the surrounding environment.We first need to get rid of the habit of judging ourselves by other people's standards, so as to reduce our pressure and make ourselves full of self-confidence.You must know that life is not the same, everyone has their own mission, and everyone's life has its own meaning.Therefore, we have to live for ourselves and live out our own value.It's especially important not to be unduly critical of yourself, even if you don't meet other people's standards.Not necessarily what is popular is right, what is small is wrong, even if you are a maverick, you have your own rights and freedom.

Because of comparison and vanity, women are often more likely to fall into the standards of others.When wearing a piece of clothing, you have to ask others if it looks good, even if you are in pain, you have to wear high heels for others to see; when you do everything, you care about what others think and evaluate, which will only make our lives more tiring.Dante once said: Go your own way and let others speak.Since life is in our own hands, why should we decide our own words and deeds according to other people's standards?One should neither be complacent nor belittle one's self. Be the truest self and break free from the shackles of others. This kind of life is worth advocating!

Full-time housewives can also have their own business

Although we said that women at work are uniquely attractive, after marriage, many women still devote themselves to family life without hesitation.When most women give up their successful careers and return to their families, they often have a sacrificial mentality and a fearless spirit. However, when a woman tells others that she is a "housewife", she always has some confidence in her heart insufficient.Nowadays, although women give full play to their ingenuity and intelligence in family life, and manage their family life well, there are still many women who feel that taking care of the family is not a meaningful thing, and even feel that they have lost their social value.

Perhaps, everyone has more or less heard how lonely a housewife is when she introduces herself!For this, I can only express my sorrow.The family is the most basic unit of society. Only when the family life is stable can the whole society be stable.For a family, a man's job is of course important. If there is no stable support, how can a man be at ease in his career?It can be seen from this that the happiness of a family is inseparable from the hard work of the man outside the home, and even more inseparable from the obscurity of the woman at home.This is a seemingly ordinary and ordinary job: maintaining harmony in family life, creating a sense of happiness in life, raising children to grow up... Can we find any other job in this world that is greater than this job, for individuals and families? And is it more meaningful to society as a whole?

For any woman, dedicating all her energies to her family is a great sacrifice and contribution.Housewives should be proud of this.Even if the housewife herself feels that her life is very monotonous, it cannot change the richness of the role of the housewife and the high requirements for skills.In life, housewives not only have to play the multiple roles of wife, mother, daughter, and daughter-in-law, but also act as diplomats between the family and relatives and friends.You can't even imagine how many skills a housewife needs to master. She is not only a cook, nanny, laundry woman, nurse, servant, driver, purchaser, accountant, manager, tailor, etc., but also a hostess, personnel supervisor, life consultant, listener, Good neighbors and more.After all the role-playing and the hard work, she's also her husband's ever-loving lover.It can be seen that being a good housewife is far more difficult than being an excellent career woman.

There is no boss in the world who needs to clean up, keep accounts, and manage personnel every day.But a housewife has much more to do at home than these.Not only do they have to deal with the troublesome relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, they also have to maintain neighborly relations. When their children make mistakes at school, they also have to deal with disgruntled teachers.Therefore, everyone should be more tolerant to housewives, because housewives are the greatest profession in the world, and what they accomplish is the greatest cause in the world.We often see a man's achievements in his career, but ignore the woman who silently pays behind him.In "Woman!In The Neglected Gender, Mania Van Han and Dr. Ferdinand Lundberg wrote: "Studies have confirmed that the level of housekeeping by a wife directly determines that 30% to 60% of a husband's income is wasted. It still played an important role.”

The reason why many men become famous is completely inseparable from the help of their wives.Of course, their wives did not feel inferior because of their identities as housewives, but ran the family as a great cause.The wife of President Eisenhower once wrote a book called "If I Were a Bride Now".In the book, she solemnly stated that her most noble belief is "wife——a woman's bounden duty".

"There is no doubt that washing the whole family's dirty laundry and the children's diapers can be tedious. In family life, there is never enough chores to do, and every day there is a new chore to deal with. When the husband is stretched When I asked you 'what's the matter today', you were really troubled, and you could only answer helplessly 'oh, the utility bills have been paid'..."

"If I were a bride again now, I would still like to be a housewife and live the same life as before. Try to do my own thing and use my husband's salary to handle all family affairs. Every morning Prepare breakfast for my husband and send him off to work. I will do my best to make the family warm and stable, and I will try my best to help him realize his ideals. I love this job as a housewife because it is a woman's bounden duty. I think it is It is my most meaningful and valuable job, although it is busy but very happy."

As "a housewife", President Eisenhower's wife is undoubtedly very competent.It is precisely because of her unknown support and dedication behind the scenes that Eisenhower was able to step into the highest hall of power in the United States - the White House and become a world-famous president.Who said that housewives do not have their own business, the business run by housewives is the greatest business in the world!
(End of this chapter)