Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 16 Freedom of Advance and Retreat—A Calm Woman Practices the Art of Love and Stabilizes Her Emotions (4)
Don't push your husband to get ahead
Jane is beautiful and talented, and she has inherited a large inheritance from her relatives. It can be said that she is a perfect girl.However, when she married the Scotsman Thomas Carlyle, everyone who knew her felt that she had ruined her happiness, because she could have found a better man as a life partner.Thomas Carlyle had nothing to show for except his intelligence, and besides, he was rude, unfriendly, eccentric, pauper, and had a bleak future.But now, the marriage of Jane Carlyle and this worthless husband has become a legend in people's eyes.She accompanied Thomas Carlyle to success step by step. She watched him write famous works such as "The French Revolution" and "The Life of Cromwell". Then, he became the president of the University of Edinburgh, and Londoners regarded him as an idol .People of high status and status often visited their homes in Dunkirk.

After Jane married, she gave up her writing so she could spend more time helping her husband.

In order to keep Carlyle's creations free from any interruptions, Jane and Carlyle moved away from family and friends to live in a remote village in Scotland.Here, like all housewives, she manages the house diligently and takes care of her husband's daily life, not only curing his chronic stomach disease, but also freeing him from long-standing depression.

Later, Carlyle gradually attracted the attention of the public, and many people came here admiringly, including many beautiful women.Of course, Jane knew that this was due to the attraction of her husband's talent, and she was not as suspicious as other women.

It never occurred to Jane to change her husband's personality, which was where she was most successful.Perhaps some wives felt that it would be good for both her and her husband if Jane could change her husband's unacceptable personality.In fact, regardless of whether Jane can change the personality of her husband, Jane once wrote a now famous letter to her husband, writing: "... I am not in favor of everyone having to become the same type. My approach is that people should not go beyond a certain circle, and people in the circle can try their best to show their unique personality." Jane liked Carlyle's original appearance, so she let him develop his own personality at will.

To Jane, Carlisle was what she was, and she let him play to his strengths.Of course, it cannot be considered that Carlisle today is entirely due to Jane.However, if Jane, like other women, clings to her husband's shortcomings, nagging them in her husband's ears all day long, forcing them to make changes, maybe Carlisle would have been nagged to death long ago, and there would be no future. grades.Jane did a good job. She believed that her husband was a very talented person, so she would not change Carlisle's rude and stubborn character. She would rather let him live in his own world than transform him into a A gentleman social master.

It's a pity that most wives don't know their husbands so well. Most of those men who live a very unhappy life have a wife with great ambitions.They are often forced by their wives to do things beyond their ability.Those men who work in low-level positions are very happy because they are doing what they can do, and they can also feel the sense of accomplishment in their work.If they are forced to climb, there will be no happy ending at all except that they will feel more pain, and it will even make them sick and even die early.

Nature created human beings, not for everyone to be extraordinary.However, because the society exaggerates the fame and good qualities of those with higher social status, people think that those who are content with the bottom life are lazy.And the wives of men with lower social status, in order to pursue the value of their husbands, will put forward demands beyond their husbands' capabilities.They believe that as long as they work hard, their husbands should surpass everyone around them in terms of status and income.

God asks us, "Who can increase his stature by brooding and worrying?" No one can.However, those wives who try their best to make their husbands stand out and become princes and ministers continue on this road. They believe that they can make their naturally dull husbands eloquent, and turn their junior high school graduates into company executives.

Let's look at such a wife.She has been working hard for her husband's position since she and her husband got married.So far, five years have passed.Originally, her husband was a pretty good plumber, and he liked his job very much.However, the wife doesn't think so.When she saw someone else's husband carrying a briefcase to work, even if it was empty, it was at least relaxed and decent, while her own husband went to work with a bento bag with lunch in it, and she felt ashamed.So she forced her husband to quit his job and work as a copyist for a large company.He held a pen in the hand that used to hold a screwdriver, which made his wife feel proud, so she told all her friends about her cleverness and ability. It was her efforts that transformed her husband into what he is today.

On the surface, in the past few years, my husband has been promoted several grades and his salary has increased, which is indeed much better than being a plumber, but this husband hates his current job very much because he has no interest in this job at all.

Forcing a husband to give up a job he loves to do a job he hates in order to earn more money, or forcing him to leave a suitable job to get a promotion, in the eyes of the wife, this is a good thing to improve the husband, But in fact, not every man can feel happy and satisfied from a high salary and a high-level position, and he must have enough courage to give up a high-paying job that is at his fingertips.Perhaps people will not believe this fact, then, we can look at the example of Ke Livsiwartz gate.

Clive Sivarts worked as a patrolman for the Honolulu Police Department.Soon after his youngest daughter was born, he was transferred to another department.Although the salary in the new position is higher, the pressure has also increased, and the working hours are longer, and he has no time to take care of his family.Although he accepted the transfer order and tried his best in his new job, since he changed jobs, he began to suffer from insomnia, his weight dropped sharply, and his temper became very irritable.He had no choice but to go to the doctor to see a doctor, but he was told that he did not suffer from any disease, and all indicators looked normal.Finally, after talking, the doctor finally found the cause, so the doctor helped him call the chief of the police station and told him that he could only continue to work if he was asked to return to the patrol department and then become a police patrol officer, otherwise he would definitely If you can't support it, the police will lose an excellent police officer.

The police car patrol officer returned to his old post, his body recovered quickly, and everything was back on track, including eating, sleeping, health, and temper.He said: "In my opinion, receiving a high salary is far less important than doing a job you like. From this incident, I got a revelation: money is far less important than a healthy body and a happy and fulfilled life."

It was very fortunate for Rivschwarzman to understand this truth in time.However, some people fail to discover this truth all their lives, which is as sad as the protagonist in John McEntee's novel "Death Base".What is described in the book is a society where everyone attaches great importance to material things. People pay more attention to noble schools, high-end entertainment venues, fashionable fashion, and even lose themselves for it.The vain wife constantly encourages the husband to try to climb into the upper class, even though the husband doesn't like that life at all.The husband at the mercy of his wife ends up finding himself in a social circle that makes him passive.

If we do things beyond our ability, not only may we fail to achieve our goals, but we may even take what we have. "Time" once published a shocking news event: an ambitious member of Congress committed suicide, only 41 years old.The police officer in charge of the investigation said the cause of the suicide was a setback to the officer's "ambition".It turned out that the official had always wanted to be a diplomat, but unfortunately he failed to get what he wanted after taking the exam three times.It can be seen that people should not be obsessed with things beyond their ability, and it is even more unworthy to commit suicide for this.

Of course, a wife should encourage her husband, love him, endure hardships with him, struggle with him, and hope he succeeds, but everything should be done in moderation. If a man is not willing to give up the job he likes and is satisfied with his current life , Then, the wife should also feel relieved about this.What is more joyful than the happiness of a lover?In addition, in terms of encouraging your husband to succeed, it depends on whether your husband is the "material". When you are healthy, a wife must decisively "stop" and tell him: Stop your ambition, your ambition has already hurt you.

"Wandering" happily with your lover

The personnel directors of many companies have complained that because many wives are unwilling to leave their familiar environment, employees with families in the company have to be bound to fixed jobs.Elliott, general manager of the Atlantic Refining Company in Philadelphia, called such wives "crybabies" and believed that they hindered men's success and were an important reason for men's failure.

Another boss of a company once told me that there was a promising young man in his company, but because his wife was unwilling to move out of the city, he reluctantly gave up a rare promotion opportunity.How cruel it is to ruin your husband's future if your reason for not leaving is only the house or living habits.

In fact, smart wives, why don't you take advantage of the opportunity of your husband's job transfer and move happily?A person's life is very short. What's wrong with having more life experiences and enriching one's life experience?

Mrs. Kirsner, of Norfolk, Virginia, wrote in an article: "Two years ago, my husband was called up to serve in the Navy. We had to leave our cozy little nest that had just been furnished. Traveling across the country with our youngest son. When I first left home, I was in a terrible mood. When I moved with my husband to the first military post, I was very lost. However, I have now thoroughly loved This kind of vagabond life! I think my past thoughts are so childish and immature!"

"We've moved several times over the past two years, and now that my husband is leaving the military, we're planning to settle permanently, which we hope to be. While I'm excited about the future, I have to admit I still feel lost when it comes time to say goodbye to this ever-moving lifestyle."

"Thank God! I have been very happy for the past two years. During the relocation process, I have adjusted to living in a different environment, customs and people. I have learned to tolerate and understand those thoughts and people whose practices are completely different from mine. More importantly, in these two years, I have deeply realized that home is not an atmosphere created by a bunch of beautiful furniture. A happy and happy family, no matter where it is , the room is big or small, the utensils are exquisite or simple, it doesn't matter. The most important thing is to have love, understanding, tolerance and warmth. No matter in any situation, you have to do your best to adapt and change, and Love, warmth and understanding."

In any case, now that you have made the decision to relocate, accept it happily regardless of whether the new environment is harsh or not.Don't be disheartened by the loss of comfort and convenience.

One summer, my husband, Dale, and I taught summer classes at the University of Wyoming.But he couldn't find a house for a while, so he had to live in a simple house specially provided for married veterans and their families.Frankly, at first, I wasn't very excited about our new place.After Dale and I left, however, it turned out to be one of the richest and most memorable experiences of my life.

The house was easy to clean and the new neighbors were very nice.It didn't take me long to feel ashamed of my earlier distaste for seeing young couples attending school while raising their children and happily maximizing their meager household items. use.They are doing all this happily, and they don't feel the poverty and hardship of life at all.

That summer, Dale and I made many good friends, and deeply realized that success, happiness and material conditions have little to do with each other.

Whenever you move to a new place, you must remember to go out and take advantage of every opportunity to make new friends and get involved with those you think are worthy of association as soon as possible.

Mrs. Watson and her geologist husband have traveled all over the world.Mr. Watson is a geological survey expert of the Cartel Petroleum Company. The Watsons have brought four children and lived in the most desolate and remote areas in the world, but they can live comfortably and happily.

In Mrs. Watson's view, a happy and happy family is a resting place for the soul and spirit.

"As soon as the transfer order comes, the kids and I can't wait to pack up and get ready to go. It's an exciting time. Every member of our family is aware of this. If you look hard, you will find it. Everywhere in the world there are places for us to learn, enjoy and grow. For example, when we lived in the Bahamas, there was a diving competition champion teaching diving there, and this pair of 'mermaid' Suzie who loved diving It was a fantastic opportunity for everyone. As expected, Suzie made rapid progress and won a medal in a diving competition. I couldn’t be happier with the opportunities my husband and I were able to provide our children.”

“Once, I heard a manager say that his branch had to select some employees to work abroad, but only if their wives could adapt. As far as I know, the best way to adapt is to work in the new In the environment, try to use every opportunity to experience new experiences that you didn’t have before, and use every opportunity to learn new things, instead of complaining and nostalgic about your previous life all day long.”

In fact, what's wrong with constantly changing new environments?Such a life is full of novelty.Who can guarantee that staying in one place for a lifetime will not make people tired?So if your husband's job requires you to move around with him, here's some advice to keep in mind: Follow him happily.

Competent wives must learn to "show weakness"

Erwin is a small clerk in a company, while his wife Blanche is a company executive, but this female executive behaves like a little sister in front of her husband.What surprised me even more was that once when I was a guest at his house, Erwin found that there were no cigarettes in the house, so he sent Blanche to buy cigarettes. She went out without saying a word, and when she came back, she asked her husband about her Whether the cigarettes you buy are suitable.I thought that a woman who is an executive of a company should be very powerful, usually majestic, and must have a leader in life, but my friend's wife is as approachable as a little woman.

It is already commendable for a woman to achieve success in her career by her own efforts, but it is even more amazing that she can play the role of wife so well in her life.She not only knows her position in the company, but also knows how to change her role at home. She knows that she should play an appropriate role on different occasions. She can play both a leading role and a supporting role.Of course, we are not saying that a wife should play a supporting role in front of her husband. The starting point of whether it is a leading role or a supporting role is not who obeys whom, but a means for the wife to deal with problems.

(End of this chapter)