Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 17 Freedom of Advance and Retreat—A Calm Woman Practices the Art of Love and Stabilizes Her Emotions (5)
It is a pity that some wives do not understand the principle of saving face for their husbands. They express themselves in front of others, hoping that they will be smarter and more capable than their husbands, can speak well, and play the role of knowing everything.For example, when her husband is chatting with friends, she often interrupts and opposes her husband's opinions to show her omniscience.Some wives even show their control over their husbands in public, making their husbands obey them.In fact, this is completely unnecessary.Are you stronger than your husband and have a bright face?
I have summed it up. Generally speaking, there are four different types of wives who love to control their husbands:
1. Princess type

These women are born beautiful and intelligent, and they have been the cute little daughters in their father's eyes since they were young.This self-conscious woman believes that she is born to be praised by others, everyone should put herself first, and all good things should come to her.She likes to use strategies to gain control of her relationship. For example, she will first agree to the plan proposed by her husband and then slowly change it.When her husband suggested going camping for the holidays, she would initially say, "Oh, that would be a great idea." However, as the holidays approached, she would start to pick and choose the vacation plan until she finally changed to another plan that perfectly suited her interests.

2. Doubtful
This type of untrustworthy women usually grew up in insecure families, and their fathers are usually untrustworthy people.After becoming a wife, she would call from time to time to inquire about her husband's whereabouts, and even often peeked into his pockets.In the final analysis, it was all because she felt deep down in her heart that her husband did not love her enough, and she was afraid that her husband would change his heart towards her.

3. The savior type
This kind of woman likes to treat her husband like a child and control him, but at the same time, she will criticize him for being childish.

4. Dominant

My friend Bob told me that his wife, Aurora, was quick at work, that nothing was too difficult for her, and that she took care of everything in the house.There was only one point, which made it more and more unbearable for Bob. She had to let her do everything at home and listen to her.If she talks east, Bob can't talk west.When he first got married, Bob felt that Aurora was younger than him, so he always let her go.Unexpectedly, this further fueled Aurora's prestige, and she wanted to gain the upper hand everywhere.When she knew that Bob was giving way to her, she became even more angry, thinking that Bob had underestimated her and insisted that Bob be convinced and submissive.Aurora even asked Bob to be the same as herself in terms of living habits.Bob has the habit of going to bed early and getting up early, but Aurora is just the opposite. She refuses to go to bed at night and stays in bed in the morning. We got into trouble several times.

Like Aurora, some wives always like to demand their husbands with their own likes and dislikes and habits, thinking that this is a sign of love for him.For example, those wives who are obsessed with cleanliness require their husbands to maintain the same morbid habits as them. I think that any normal man cannot bear it.Some wives may prohibit their husbands from having certain hobbies and doing certain things because of their own selfishness and likes and dislikes.This approach will only make the relationship between you and your husband farther and farther.

A wife named Alva told me about her troubles: "I love my husband very much. We have been married for seven or eight years. Our relationship is not bad and we have always lived in peace, but there is always something in my heart that is not very happy. ” I think, at this time, the readers will be like me, thinking that what she will say next will be an unspeakable event. Unexpectedly, she just said next: “My husband loves dancing, but I hate dancing the most.”

I told her that dancing is legitimate entertainment and hoped she would accept it from a point of view and tell her that if you love him enough you should trust him and nothing will happen to him with those dance partners .She said: "I trust him a lot. But I can't guarantee that other women don't have thoughts about my husband, so I still don't feel relieved."

I asked her: "Before we got married, did you know that he liked to dance? Presumably you should know that too, but why didn't you object?"

"I just felt that at that time I had no right to interfere with his hobbies," she said.

Wives believe that before marriage, a man can have his own hobbies, and he has no right to interfere, but after marriage, does she have the right to control her husband's normal hobbies?To this wife, all I can tell her is that she needn't worry about what other women think of her husband.On the contrary, if she interferes with him too much, I'm afraid the relationship between you is worth worrying about.After thinking about it for a while, Alva seemed to have figured it out.I also suggested to her, if she doesn't want to lose her husband, why not worship him as a teacher and dance with him?With a wife as your dance partner, do you still have to worry about other women taking advantage of it?And what a wonderful thing it is to dance with your own husband!Alva smiled happily after hearing this.

Wives should remember: give men enough space, give them freedom, respect a man’s independent personality, respect his hobbies, it would be even better if you can also participate in his hobbies, give up the woman who wants to control men is the smartest.This is a kind of cultivation and wisdom.Give up control and you will find that you have more power.

Don't Let "Nagging" Be Your Nightmare
A long time ago, Napoleon's nephew, Napoleon III, got his wish and married Countess Youqin, known as "the most beautiful woman in the world".Many people were not optimistic about this marriage. Napoleon III's adviser advised him that her father was just an ordinary count in Spain, with no prominent status, and could not be compared with the Napoleon family.To this, Napoleon III retorted: "So what?" At this moment, he was completely fascinated by her beauty and elegance.In a royal edict, he excitedly announced to the whole country: "This woman is worthy of my deep love, and I was born for her."

After the wedding, Napoleon III was very satisfied with his marriage. They had health, wealth, power, fame, status, beauty, love and respect, in short, almost everything.In the eyes of outsiders, this is a dazzling and perfect combination, how happy such a marriage should be!

However, soon, those dazzling brilliance gradually receded, leaving only a dull gray.Although Youqin had everything after marrying Napoleon III, she did not become the happiest queen of France, because her suspicions, jealousy and constant nagging made their marriage a nightmare.

Youqin never trusted Napoleon III, even openly disobeyed his orders, and denied him any personal time.When he was discussing important affairs, she would interfere inappropriately; when he was dealing with state affairs, she would burst in without asking for his opinion at all; for fear that he would be with other women, she never let him act alone.

Although Napoleon III loved her deeply, Youqin still complained and always told her sister about her dissatisfaction with her husband.Amidst the suspicion, she became more and more nervous and full of complaints. She often broke into his study without any explanation and insulted him loudly.In such a family life, although Napoleon III was the king of a country and owned more than a dozen extremely luxurious palaces, he couldn't find a place where he could rest with peace of mind.So, what did Youqin's actions bring to her?

In the book "Napoleon III and Eugene: Tragic Comedy of an Empire", Hallett wrote: "Napoleon III had to take advantage of the night, disguised, and accompanied by his cronies to sneak out of the small side door to watch the Paris Night scenes, or a date with a beautiful woman, hiding out of the queen's reach and breathing the air of freedom."

This is what Youqin got in exchange for her nagging.Although she is the most beautiful woman in the world and queen of the French Empire, she loses the love she depends on because of nagging.No matter how noble and beautiful she is, under the poison of nagging, she can't guard her love.She cried hysterically: "I'll come here for whatever I'm afraid of." What she didn't know was that she asked for all this and caused it all by herself.If there is no nagging, if there is more trust and understanding for Napoleon III, her fate will be very different.

Nagging is the curse of the devil, the nightmare of love.No matter how perfect love is, once caught in the nagging trap, it can become a nightmare.Many women will commit the problem of nagging, some people can only repent until they die, and some people are obsessed with it.However, no matter what kind of ending it is, it is too miserable.The great writer Tolstoy had to run away from home in order to get rid of his wife's nagging, and finally died in a foreign country.In this regard, Mrs. Tolstoy regretted it when she was dying, and she said to her children: "I killed your father." The children cried together, knowing their mother's mistakes.

Tolstoy is a world-famous literary giant, and his novels "War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina" are still the most magnificent treasures handed down in the history of human literature.Tolstoy and his wife had money, status, lovely children and a happy marriage. Indeed, they were very happy at the beginning. However, the good times did not last long, because of differences with his wife, their marriage gradually cracked.

(End of this chapter)