Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 18 Freedom of Advance and Retreat—A Calm Woman Practices the Art of Love and Stabilizes Her Emotions (6)
Mrs. Tolstoy likes a luxurious life and pursues fame and wealth, which Tolstoy always disapproves.Whenever Tolstoy wanted to distribute the money he created to the poor, Mrs. Tolstoy would nag, scold, cry, and even roll around, shouting at Tolstoy that he would take drugs and commit suicide .Under the threat of his wife, Tolstoy was under tremendous pressure.

In such a life, in October 1910, the 10-year-old Tolstoy could no longer bear his wife's nagging.In his old age, he ran away from home in the wind and snow, and was finally found dead in the train station 81 days later.Until his death, Tolstoy was unwilling to see his wife who shared happiness and beauty with him again—all this was caused by nagging.

Some people may say that the nagging of Tolstoy's wife is sympathetic and understandable.However, in the end, she didn't get any desired results from the nagging, but instead led to a tragedy that even she herself didn't want to see.At this time, even if she regrets too much, she can't save anything.

Lincoln also suffered from marriage all his life, even more painful than his assassination.One shot from the assassin, and he died without pain.But for more than 20 years, he has endured his wife all the time.This is a grumpy woman, she always can't understand Lincoln, she is critical of everything he does, and often laughs at him, complains about him, and even can't understand Lincoln's usual posture and walking, as well as him. looks.

Thinking about Queen Yuchen and Mrs. Tolstoy, I think most female friends know what they should do.The only thing we need to understand is that nagging can't get us anything we want, it can only make us ruin our love and happiness with our own hands in complaining and hostility.Regarding nagging, Beth, who has worked in the New York Family Relations Court for 11 years, undoubtedly gave the most pertinent summary. She believes that nagging is one of the important reasons why wives force their husbands away.Regarding nagging wives, a newspaper once commented: "Many wives are digging graves for their marriages."

If you don't know if you are nagging, you should ask your husband right away.You'll be shocked if he says you're a nag, but don't deny it immediately, because if you don't recognize your mistake, you'll never be able to correct it.If you're a nag, you should sincerely want to fix it.Do you know the remedy?

Take a look at the six suggestions below:
1. Don’t repeat yourself over and over

If you have reminded him that today is the day to wash the dishes, you just need to tell him that you should do the dishes, at most twice, after that, even if he is still sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper, you don’t have to pay attention to him .Since he doesn't want to wash it, why do you have to tell him more?Your nagging will only make him more stubborn.

2. To achieve the goal in a gentle way
Our grandmothers always said, "You catch more flies with sweet food." It's true.If you want your husband to mow the lawn, you can say, "Honey, if you mow the lawn before I have dinner, you can have my fruit pie." Eileen Smith told me that if only her husband could be as capable as you are." All similar methods can make it easier for you to achieve your goals.

3. Big things become small, small things become nothing

A smart woman never pays a high price for a cheap dress, but we often get angry over a small thing, which is very unworthy.When something unpleasant happens, try not to express your opinion right away, maybe, after a while you don't want to mention it anymore, because it is too small to be worth mentioning.If it is a big matter, then you only need to express your opinion, instead of chattering with your husband, clarifying your point of view repeatedly, or even scolding constantly, you know, the more this is the case, the less your husband will want to admit it His mistakes, the more he wants to fight back, so a family war may break out amidst your nagging.But if you only say it once, although your husband doesn’t say anything on the surface, he has already understood your opinion, and he will pay attention to it next time.

4. Get it done without nagging
According to Charles Scooper's experience, if you want to "manipulate" a man, don't ask him to do things with an orderly tone, but use praise to make him work for you.Take his word for it, because by this method, his wife helped him get a job with an annual salary of one million.

5. Find out what keeps you from nagging
Sometimes, wives often chatter to their husbands because of poor health.So, we should always go to the doctor for health checkup to keep our body healthy.If you're feeling irritable and want to nag someone or get angry, there must be something wrong with you physically or emotionally.So instead of nagging your husband, find out what's really bothering you.

6. Let everyone watch

When you can't help but get angry right away, when you go on and on about the details of an issue, ask someone to point it out and fine you $5.

have the courage to give up

A philosopher once said: "Giving up is a very difficult choice, and it is a very high state. When facing life encounters, we must have the ability to give up. Giving up allows us to have a detachment from our own life and life. With the care of nature, even if we can’t reach that transcendent state, giving up can make our life more free and easy.” Ladies, we have to admit that everyone’s life is full of ups and downs and setbacks, and successful people are not. exception.Therefore, most successful people understand the importance of giving up.

Although we are always clamoring to persist, we don't know that irrational persistence is as immature as cowardly retreat.A truly mature person knows when to give up and when to persevere.To make life easier and freer, ladies should strive to have a firm heart and a pair of bright eyes, give up without hesitation when it is time to give up, and be steadfast when it is time to persevere.

There was a time when I fell madly into hunting under the influence of my old friend Baker Leavis.Under his guidance, I learned a lot about hunting and often went hunting with him in the countryside.One day, the two of us went hunting in the countryside again with shotguns and hunting dogs, and camped by the creek.

That night we had delicious roast pheasant.While we were enjoying our supper in the dark of night, the hound suddenly barked fiercely.I thought I had encountered a large beast, and I couldn't help but turn pale with fright.At this time, Baker told me: "It doesn't matter, it's a passing fox trying to lure us away." I was surprised: "The fox is so smart?" Baker nodded, and after a long silence, he murmured: "Maybe it is it?" Speaking, Baker told me what he encountered when hunting a few years ago: "At that time, I liked to set up the trap and wait for the prey to throw itself into the net, but I always returned empty-handed. One day, I looked at the empty trap in frustration. trap, ready to return empty-handed. At this time, a fox was caught by my trap. I was very excited, because it is not so easy to catch a cunning fox. I was going to catch it alive. The one The fox looked at me approaching, and began to struggle crazily. Then, something unexpected happened to me, it bit off the bound leg without hesitation, and ran away. In fact, I can chase But I chose to let the bravest fox go. Since then, every time I come here to hunt, I have fantasized about seeing him again."

Although I have never met the brave fox, its story left a deep impression on me.It is not only brave, but also full of wisdom. It knows how to give up one leg and save its own life in a critical moment.Even humans may not be able to understand this truth.In life, many women are very tenacious and persevering. Their bravery is admirable. Unfortunately, they don't understand that when they are forced by reality to pay a very heavy price, they choose to actively give up small interests and preserve the overall interests. The smartest choice.

In many cases, the premise of persistence is that the path you choose is correct.If you insist on something that is not worthwhile and obviously has no results, then it will end in tragedy in the end.

Dora Kamos was a playmate of mine when I was a child, and I haven't seen her for a long time.One night three years ago, she came to my house suddenly.During our conversation, I asked Dora how she was doing.Dora cried, "Dell, I don't want to live anymore."

It turns out that Dora's husband Mike is a playboy.Before getting married, everyone was not optimistic about the combination of Dora and Mike. Dora also saw Mike flirting with other women.However, love made Dora lose her mind, and she still impulsively chose to marry Mike.She thought that Mike and other women were just acting on the occasion, and they were only sincere to her.

After getting married, Dora's life fell into a nightmare.Mike not only eats, drinks and has fun every day, but also often stays out at night, leaving all the burdens of the family to Dora.In this regard, as long as Dora expresses a little dissatisfaction, Mike will fight immediately.All the relatives and friends around persuaded Dora to divorce, but Dora still stubbornly chose to endure.She was so foolish to think that Mike would eventually change his mind and change his ways because of her persistence.However, Mike knew Dora's cowardice too well. Instead of being moved by Dora's forbearance, he became even more unscrupulous and intensified.After having a child, Dora didn't want to get divorced anymore, what awaited her was endless torture.

Like Dora, a woman who doesn't know how to let go at the moment when she needs to make a decision whether to persist or give up always ends in a tragic ending.

(End of this chapter)