Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 2 Mature and stable—a calm woman who knows how to be calm can avoid detours (1)
A mature and stable woman, she never loses her temper easily, because she knows that losing her temper is synonymous with timidity and youthfulness, and it will not help to solve the problem in the slightest; There are fewer detours in life.Tranquility is a kind of wisdom, a kind of wisdom unique to mature women. It enables women to control their emotions in a complex and changeable life, to make women calm, calm and confident to face all unpleasant and difficult situations. bumpy.

Solving problems is more useful than losing your temper
In life, there are many female friends who have a bad temper, and often lose their temper for a little thing, and even get angry.Although women's tempers are milder than men's, they can easily lose their minds and speak rudely when they are in a rage.If it affects interpersonal relationships, you will only regret it.Of course, when you are wronged and treated unfairly, it is actually normal to lose your temper to vent your inner dissatisfaction.It's just that we should consider a question before losing our temper, that is, whether losing our temper can solve the problem.The answer is that besides making others feel resentful, disgusted and even rebellious, losing your temper will not only do nothing but make things worse.

Dina lives in an apartment in the center of New York.Some time ago, due to some problems with the economic situation, her funds were very tight.What made her even more troublesome was that the landlord proposed to increase the rent at this time.Dina was really troubled and even very angry when she heard the landlord's request when she was struggling. Her first reaction was to think that the landlord was "taking advantage of the fire".Although Dina was tempted to lose her temper, after some thought, she came back to her senses and decided to solve the problem in other ways.After regaining her composure, Dina wrote a letter to the landlord, which read as follows: Dear Mr. Landlord:
It's clear to me that real estate is bullish these days.So, I can totally understand your move to increase the rent.Our contract is about to expire soon, and I will have to move out immediately, because for a salaryman like me, the rent after the price increase is really unaffordable.To be honest, I really don't want to move out when I meet such a good landlord as you.While I know this is an unkind request, let me just say that if you don't raise your rent, then I would very much like to stay in your house.

What effect did this letter have?After receiving Dina's letter, the landlord came to visit Dina immediately.Of course, Dina received the landlord warmly and thoughtfully.During this period, Dina has always emphasized that she likes the house she lives in very much, and never mentioned whether the rent price is too high.In addition, Dina certainly did not forget to praise the landlord, saying that the landlord is well versed in management.Most importantly, Dina expressed that she would like to live here forever.It was obvious that, under Dina's constant compliments, the landlord was thrilled to realize how polite Dina was compared to the tenants who were rudely asking for it.Moreover, compared with the 14 letters full of intimidation, insults, and threats he received before, Dina's letter can be called tenderness.In the end, the landlord offered to reduce the rent increase, and made another concession at Dina's request.

Afterwards, Dina, who saved herself the trouble of moving, said, "I'm very glad that I didn't get angry at that time, but dealt with it with a peaceful attitude." There is no doubt that this is the biggest benefit of a peaceful mind.It helps us find the best solution to the problem as it happens.

In 1915, the most violent strike in the history of American industry broke out in Colorado. The workers were so emotional that they lost their minds with anger.People plastered the streets with insulting signs and started vandalizing company property.

In such a critical situation, Rockefeller Jr. did not evade or reject him, but met the workers who were on strike cordially.When meeting these workers, Rockefeller Jr. delivered a speech very sincerely and from the bottom of his heart.In his speech, Rockefeller Jr. was calm and put himself in the workers' shoes, expressing his understanding and sympathy for the workers' actions.In this way, the hostility of the workers towards him is reduced.In the end, Rockefeller Jr. stated that he would always stand on the side of the workers and expressed his willingness to help the workers solve any problems.It was with such a sincere attitude that the factory and the workers finally reached an agreement and solved the problem satisfactorily.

For factory owners, encountering a worker strike is undoubtedly the worst and most troublesome thing.However, Rockefeller Jr. was able to calmly and rationally solve various problems he faced.For most female friends, it is also very important to be calm and rational.A calm and indifferent state of mind is not only beneficial to the health of ladies, but also very important to how they behave and treat others.

I myself used to lose my temper a lot over small things, but I don't do that anymore.Because now I can keep my inner calm, be calm and undisturbed in the world, and besides losing my temper, I can find a better way to solve the problem.Of course, this method may not be suitable for all women, but most women can use this as a reference and make adjustments based on their own actual conditions, so as to better solve the problem.As long as this can be done, for most women, it will be easier to find their own happiness in trivial life.

regrets are part of life
Almost everyone strives for perfection, and almost everyone wants their life to be flawless.In fact, the perfection syndrome is precisely the culprit that keeps us mired in regret and anxiety.

There was once a mother who pursued perfection very much, and she wanted to raise her children to be perfect.Once, the child accidentally made a mistake, and the mother kept blaming the child for it.Seeing this, Dad took out a piece of white paper, drew a small black dot on the paper with a pen, and then asked his mother, "My child, look at this piece of paper and tell me what's on it?" Looking at the paper stained with black dots, my mother said without even thinking about it: "The little black dots you drew, what else is there besides that?" Dad smiled after listening to his mother's answer, and said: " Mom, except for a small black dot, this paper is mostly white! You always see the imperfections and ignore most of the perfection. I wonder if you are too strict with your children gone?"

In fact, in this world, there is no truly perfect person. Of course, we can understand people's pursuit of perfection. become a great defect.

In life, many women advocate perfectionism.They have high standards and strict requirements for everything, and they will never give up until they are satisfied.However, the fact is that their dream of pursuing perfection is like a gorgeous fairy tale, doomed to be shattered in the cruel reality.The end result is that they are permanently dissatisfied with their lives, disappointed and even hopeless about everything in life.In this vicious cycle of hope, disappointment, and despair, their wills become more and more depressed, their emotions become more and more anxious, they are far away from happiness and happiness, and they even have no courage to continue to face life.

Ms. Susan used to be a student in my training class. She is not only very beautiful, but also has a good temperament. What makes people jealous is that she also has a job that everyone envies.Frankly, I don't see any reason why Susan needs to come to my training class, because her life is perfect in the eyes of outsiders.Later, I found out that Susan was not satisfied with her life.She confided to me in distress: "Mr. Carnegie, maybe others think I am happy, but I actually have my own troubles. You see, although I am beautiful, the color of my hair is black. If they are beautiful Golden yellow, that would be great! As for work, it makes me even more regretful. I put in a lot of hard work, but because of some small accidents, my hard work was in vain. If everything goes well, I should be a manager by now , but the reality is not like this. I am very distressed, why the gap between the ideal and the reality is so large. Mr. Carnegie, I am so unhappy, what should I do?"

I told Susan without hesitation: "Susan, you suffer from 'perfection syndrome'." Listening to my conclusion, Susan was even more confused.I smiled and told her: "Life cannot be perfect. At any time, it is accompanied by shortcomings that we cannot change. The only thing we can change is our state of mind. Only with a perfect state of mind can we see a perfect world." It is gratifying that under some guidance from me, Susan has found happiness and joy again.She no longer blindly pursues perfection, but tries to accept and tolerate an imperfect life with a perfect state of mind.

Losing is a refinement of life

Almost everyone is immature when they are young, and I am no exception.When I was very young, perhaps by fate, I established a very large adult education cram school in New York.This cram school is well run and has branches in many places.It is well known that the larger the institution, the more money is required to maintain it.However, I was young and energetic and insisted that I could make enough profits.At that time, I was busy every day, and I didn't realize that I needed a good business manager, so the financial problems of the organization were always left unsupervised.In the end, it turned out that I had made a huge mistake.Although my income is high, there is basically no profit to speak of.Even though it was so dangerous, I was still confused about financial issues, and I didn't realize that I should sum up my experience and learn lessons in time.Therefore, I have lost a lot.

Being hit so hard, my whole body collapsed, I couldn't sleep or eat all day long, and my weight dropped sharply.Now that I think about it, I was really too young at the time, and I was making another serious mistake for the mistake I had already made.Because my depression could not recover any loss, but made my business also fall into trouble.

In fact, not only me, but a considerable part of people in life cannot get relief from the pain of the past.If a person walks along the road of life with a heavy burden all the time, what will happen to them in the end?

Some time ago, I went to Missouri to visit my aunt whom I hadn't seen in years.My aunt seemed very happy to see me. At the same time, after talking for a while, I asked about my cousin Julia. Suddenly, my aunt, who was originally happy, felt sad.My aunt told me sadly that since a year ago, Julia not only locked herself in the house and refused to see people, but also talked less and less.At the most terrible time, her food intake became smaller and smaller, and her body became weaker and weaker.I hurriedly asked my aunt what happened, and learned that Julia became like this because of her lover's death.It turned out that more than a year ago, Julia met an outstanding young man, and fell in love with him at first sight, and even began to discuss marriage.However, unforeseen circumstances caused a car accident to take away the young man's life and Julia's closest lover in the world.Since this incident happened, Julia, who was originally lively and cheerful, seemed to be a different person, and she lost her belief in being alive.

Looking at the sad aunt, in order to cheer up Julia, I tried to communicate with Julia.However, Julia always thought of the lover who passed away suddenly in her heart, and insisted on waiting for her boyfriend for the rest of her life.Frankly speaking, I am in admiration for a woman who is so steadfast and loyal.However, looking at the increasingly emaciated cousin and heartbroken aunt, I couldn't help but start to question Julia's approach.Although it is natural for Julia to be sad because of her boyfriend's death, if she continues to be depressed like this, what will go with her boyfriend will include the happiness of her life and the health of her body and mind.Even the aunt's old age will be bleak because of Julia's despair.

There is no doubt that many emotional women will do the same stupid things when faced with the same problems as Julia. However, I have to say that this approach is too stupid, not only hurting my body and mind, He ruined the happiness of his life, and also brought pain to those around him who loved him.

Rubel Brandt, an expert on gender psychology and the chairman of the Marriage and Family Research Institute in Washington, once said: "In life, a considerable number of women are prone to lose their minds when they encounter some problems, especially emotional problems. In In the face of feelings, they are very persistent, forgetting that life sometimes needs to give up. They are stubbornly obsessed with what they have in the past, completely forgetting that there are many beautiful things that are about to appear in life. Because they are stubborn in their hearts, so They don't care whether they are right or wrong, they just stick to it."

So what is the wise thing to do?No matter what kind of things you are facing, the rational approach is to calmly analyze the mistakes you have made, sum up your experience and lessons, and then completely forget these mistakes and start a new life.

Each of us should learn to let go of our worries and let go of the past.In the training courses I run, many women have told me several times that before, they always kept in their hearts the wrong things they had done and regretted them.If they still can't let go of these meaningless things at this moment and break free from unnecessary regrets, then they are simply the most pitiful people in the world.Remember, not everything must be firmly grasped. Sometimes, letting it flow away can completely free your mind.

Take it easy on gossip
There is a Chinese proverb that goes, "No one speaks behind someone's back, and no one speaks behind his back." From this sentence, it is not difficult for us to see the cruel fact that rumors and gossips are everywhere in life.Of course, in the face of these unpopular comments, either benign or malicious, we can have our own attitude, or take it lightly, or ignore it, and of course some people choose to get angry.

As President Roosevelt's wife, Elaine Roosevelt told me in conversation how she faced those unfair criticisms.Everyone knows that as the first lady, she must be under tremendous pressure, and her every move is exposed to the eyes of others, and there is almost no privacy at all.Moreover, she has not only warm friends but also vicious enemies around her, which makes her situation even more dangerous.Elena Roosevelt said that when she was a child, she was sensitive and introverted, very shy, and afraid of critical eyes and judgments from others.For this reason, she lived under pressure all day long and had to ask her aunt for help.

She told her aunt: "Actually, deep down in my heart, I wanted to do something, but I was worried that I would be blamed for it."

The aunt looked into her eyes and said to her firmly: "As long as you think you are right, you don't have to care about what other people say."

Elena has been influenced by her aunt all her life, and even in the White House, she always remembers her aunt's advice.Since then, the only way for her to avoid being blamed and criticized is to do what she thinks is right.Because, the fact is, no matter how perfect you are, you won't be able to please everyone, and you will be criticized.That being the case, then do it boldly, as long as you think it is right.It is this belief that makes First Lady Elena Roosevelt's behavior more calm and open.

(End of this chapter)