Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 3 Mature and stable—a calm woman who knows how to be calm can avoid detours (2)
In fact, not only politicians will be criticized by others, but also people in the business world cannot escape the attack of gossip.Matthew Brachu was once the president of an American company at 40 Wall Street.Once, he wanted everyone to recognize him.He said: "I especially want to make myself more perfect, and I want everyone to recognize me. Once someone thinks that I am not perfect or is not satisfied with me, I will feel very uncomfortable, and I will even try to please him. But , so that my actions of pleasing him inevitably made others dissatisfied, which made things worse. In my thankless process, more and more people were dissatisfied with me. Finally, I understood A theory, that is, the more I want to please others and avoid being criticized by others, the more people will dissatisfy me, and the result will be worse. Therefore, I changed my approach, and I insisted on being the most unique I don’t change myself for anyone, I don’t care if those people appreciate me, hate me, or slander me. I just want to be outstanding and become the most authentic me. Facts have proved that this approach is correct. I stopped caring what people said, and put all my energy into doing things hard. I put away my umbrella and let the rain of criticism flow down my body, even though I was soaked. It is transparent, but it avoids the bad luck of rainwater dripping into the heart."

Compared with Brachu, Dimus Taylor's approach is obviously more progressive.Not only does he let the rain of criticism run down his neck, he brushes it off and laughs it off.For a while, Taylor hosts a music review show during the break between the New York Philharmonic's air concerts on Sunday afternoons.On one occasion, Timothy Taylor received a letter from a female viewer full of abuse.In this regard, he took it calmly, and instead of being angry, he read the content of the letter to millions of listeners in the next program after receiving the letter.In this regard, the female audience wrote again to insult Taylor, and Taylor wrote in the book "People and Music": "I think she just doesn't want to listen to people, but wants to listen to more music." If we can also have Taylor's mind is as humorous as Taylor's, so I believe we can calmly face gossip, criticism and even slander for any purpose like Taylor.

In life, almost everyone lives in the center of gossip, because no one can escape the turmoil of gossip.In this case, we can't block other people's mouths, let alone change their minds. The only thing we can control is our mentality.Treat rumors as an indispensable flavoring agent in life, face rumors calmly, change them if there are any, encourage them if there are none, and be the truest self. This is the correct attitude to face rumors.Remember, no matter how hard you try, you can't please everyone.

avoiding is more meaningful than arguing

As social animals, people will inevitably have various differences with others in life and work.At this time, some people choose to defend their dignity and authority with endless debates, some choose to remain silent, and some people treat it rationally.In fact, no one can guarantee that their own ideas must be correct, because everyone's ideas are inevitably subjective.Many times, arguing stubbornly will only make you more stubborn and unable to listen to other people's reasonable suggestions.So, in an argument, whether you are on the upper hand or on the other hand, you are doing yourself and others some harm, and you gain nothing.

Most women are prone to emotional impulsiveness, and the probability of quarreling with friends due to differences of opinion in life is very high, and it is easy to hurt each other's feelings.When we calm down, we might as well ask ourselves: What is the point of such a debate?

It is undeniable that in life, everyone will make mistakes of one kind or another.Once, I was also a stubborn debater, even if I made a mistake, I was still keen to argue with others, and then made things worse by arguing.

Shortly after the Second World War I was Sir Smith's personal assistant.I was in London one evening at a welcome banquet given for Sir Smith.After the banquet started, in order to adjust the atmosphere, a person sitting next to me told a witty story, which made people laugh.He made a mistake, though, because he said in the course of his storytelling, "'Man can be gross, but God is our example.' That's from the Bible." I think, Everyone here knows that that line has nothing to do with the Bible, so I didn't hesitate to tell him that it came from Shakespeare.Maybe it was to protect his own face, that person insisted that he was right, and even retorted me angrily: "You said this from Shakespeare? It's a joke!" I was not to be outdone, so we argued hard , no one would admit defeat.

At this time, Mr. Gamon, an expert on Shakespeare and a good friend of mine, happened to be sitting next to the man.Therefore, we all went to him to judge who was right and who was wrong.To my amazement, Mr. Gammon motioned me to stop arguing and said, "Dell, you are wrong. That sentence is indeed from the Bible, as this gentleman said."

I was so miserable that I couldn't understand why Gamon would say that.After the dinner, Gamon explained to me: "You are right, but as guests, we don't need to embarrass each other over such a trivial issue. It will only make both parties unhappy. Remember , we must always avoid direct conflicts and save the other party's face."

I firmly remember this sentence of Mr. Gamon - "Always avoid direct conflict".In life, I believe that many women have encountered similar situations.When you're in an argument, hopefully someone like my friend Gammon reminds you to end it, even though your ego, vanity, and sense of superiority make it impossible to listen to any advice at the time.You must know that there are no more than three kinds of results for the dispute: one is that there is no result; the other is that the other party insists on his own views;None of these three results is beneficial to us, and we do not want to see them.So what's the point of arguing?

Regarding being competitive, people always think that this is a man's patent, but they don't know that the same is true for women.Therefore, whether it is a man or a woman, when encountering differences, you should first remain calm and rational.It is normal for anyone to make mistakes, so there is no shame in following other people's opinions or suggestions.From a psychological point of view, women's self-esteem and vanity are often stronger than men. Therefore, women should control their emotions and avoid arguing with others in full view.No one is always right, no matter who he is.In the face of conflict, avoiding arguments is the only way to benefit both parties.As a car salesperson, a certain lady has not sold any cars since she entered the sales industry.In order to help her find the reason, I specially talked with her. As a result, I found that she especially likes to argue with others.No matter what questions or disparagements the customer raises about the car, she immediately fluffs up her feathers like a fighting rooster, eager to fight with others immediately.The only result of this is that she hasn't sold a single car so far.I didn't teach her how to speak, I just advised her to keep silent and avoid confrontation with customers.My method proved to be effective, and today this woman is a car sales star.

In fact, in order to survive, everyone must first sell themselves and make themselves popular.And to do that, avoiding arguments is the way to go.Regarding the debate, Franklin said: "If you debate, argue, and refute, you may win. However, you will never be able to gain the favor of the other party because of this, which is doomed to be meaningless."

In interpersonal communication, arguing will never help you change the other person's mind, so it is better to keep silent than to argue.Of course, you can also subtly change the subject to save you and the other party from arguing.

Don't burn yourself with the other person's anger
Many times, once we encounter unsatisfactory things, we will burn with anger and get angry.In fact, hatred is not a good way to solve problems, but it will cause a lot of harm to oneself.Scientists have discovered through research that when people hate their enemies, they have actually invisibly strengthened their enemies.Just imagine, the enemy makes you live in anger every day without any effort, causing your appetite, sleep, blood pressure, etc. to become abnormal, and your health condition to deteriorate sharply. Doesn’t this increase the prestige of others?Wouldn't the enemy be overjoyed if he knew that the resentment in our hearts, instead of hurting him, would make us live in hell all day long?This truth is obvious, even the grizzly bear in the national forest understands it.

A few years ago, I passed through Yellowstone National Park at night.The forest ranger rode around on a big horse and met us unexpectedly.For the fate of this encounter, he told us a story about bears: There is a kind of grizzly bear that is strong and very brave.With the exception of buffalo and another species of black bear, it outwits almost every other animal.One night, the rangers were amazed to find a grizzly bear and a small skunk sharing a meal under the light, and they were peaceful and happy with each other.A strong grizzly bear can knock a skunk unconscious with little effort.However, it has no such idea at all.That's because, in Grizzly's experience, knocking out a skunk isn't very cost-effective.

In fact, I also understand why the grizzly bear understands.As a child, on a Missouri farmstead, I used to be able to catch four-legged skunks.As an adult, watching the flood of people on the streets of New York, I knew that there were people who looked like skunks despite having two feet.I've learned from years of experience that it's not a good idea to mess with both two-legged and four-legged skunks.Even so, there are still many people who don't understand this truth. They always use the excuse of hating others to make themselves unhappy, and they live in hatred all the time.

A friend of mine has a bad temper and once ended up in the hospital with a heart attack due to anger.After being rescued, the doctor warned him again and again that no matter what happened, don't get angry again, because getting angry would cause his heart attack, and it might even cause him to die.It is gratifying that in order to live better, this friend finally adopted the doctor's advice.After passing the test of life and death, he became much calmer.A restaurateur in Spokane, Washington, was not so lucky.The local police chief, Jerry Swart, wrote to me: "William Trancamp, a 68-year-old diner, was furiously arrested on one occasion when he discovered that the unrepentant chef was drinking coffee from a saucer again. He picked up a revolver and chased him out. No, he failed to catch up with the chef, but he fell down and died of a heart attack. He was still holding the gun firmly in his hand until he died. Regarding this, the autopsy The officer's examination report said: 'He died from a heart attack caused by anger.'”

In this case, the restaurateur punished the cook, but ended up killing himself.Accustomed to seeing many tragedies caused by anger, the Milwaukee Police Department even issued this notice: "Don't pay attention to, let alone try to get revenge on those selfish people who want to take advantage of you. If you are like him, then you You will be hurt more than he was hurt, in other words, you are hurting yourself..." If those who are grumpy and angry can really understand the meaning of this circular, then the crime rate may drop a lot.

In life, some women maintain innocent eyes even after going through the vicissitudes of time.Their faces were wrinkled, which made them all the more lovely without looking old and stiff.On the contrary, some women complain all day long that although they spend expensive money on high-end cosmetics, they cannot hide the stiff and aging wrinkles on their faces.When your heart is angry, no matter how much you take care of it, you cannot be like a tender, loving, forgiving woman, whose heart and face are always young.

(End of this chapter)