Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 4 Mature and stable—a calm woman who knows how to be calm can avoid detours (3)
If we don't have the generosity to love our enemies, we should at least love ourselves.Our health, happiness, and good looks are all tied to our inner peace, so a wise woman is sure to keep anger at bay.As Shakespeare said: "Don't burn yourself in a fire over your enemy."

Don't Let Worry Hinder Your Life
There are two kinds of things in life, one is what has happened, and the other is not yet happened.For things that didn't happen, you can take precautions, but don't worry too much, because it's meaningless.In fact, everyone will encounter setbacks and ups and downs in life, and will involuntarily fall into the quagmire of worry.In fact, it is very simple to get rid of worry. First, you need to recognize what makes you worry with an objective attitude, and then take corresponding measures to solve the problem.Once the problem that caused the worry has been solved in a real sense, what is the basis for your worry?Everyone has their own life, therefore, everyone has their own worries and troubles.Moreover, even the same person may have different worries at different times.Therefore, there are many ways to deal with worry, and the principle of dealing with it is universal, that is, to recognize the essence of worry and overcome it fundamentally.Imagine, if you don't even know the truth of the facts, how can you find a way to completely solve the problem?In fact, everything you do, those ideas and plans without reason, are clueless groping in chaos, without any meaning.

If we allow worry to bind our lives, then we are nothing but fools.Life is for enjoyment, and should be accompanied by happiness. Therefore, everyone should set a "stop loss point" for their worries, so as to set a reasonable limit for worries.

Investment advisor Charles Roberts told me: "When I came to New York from Texas, I brought with me the $[-] my friend entrusted me to invest in the stock market, but I lost all the money. The friend's money Losing it all made me feel bad. I was terrified to see my friends again, however, their upbeat reaction was beyond my expectations."

"After that, I began to devote myself to learning about stocks. The most successful forecaster Burton Cases told me that one of the most important principles in stock trading is to set a 'stop point' for stocks. That is to say, Set a limit for the stocks you buy until you lose money. For example, if you buy a stock worth 50 yuan a share, you can stipulate that the minimum standard that you can no longer lose is 45 yuan. Once the stock price falls below 45 yuan, then sell it quickly In this way, the loss will only be limited to 5 yuan. In this way, you may earn a lot, but the loss is limited to less than [-] yuan. Even if there is a misjudgment, it can still be considered comprehensively. Made a lot of money. This method has saved a lot of money for me and my customers."

"I later discovered that the 'stop here' principle applies not only to stocks, but to many other areas of life. To put a stop to my worries, I add a The 'stop here' restriction, and I found myself less anxious as a result."

It's a great way to set a "stop loss point" for worry.When we worry about endless things in life, we should tell ourselves: "This thing is only worth worrying about a little bit!"

Sometimes people worry because they don't have enough knowledge to make a decision.The late Columbia professor Harbert Hedges recognized this through research and helped over 20 students get rid of anxiety.

During the chat, Harbert Hedges said: "Dale, do you understand? The most important cause of worry is confusion. For example, I have a problem that must be solved by next Tuesday, so when I arrive at the specified time Before, I had no way to make any decisions, but I could only search for relevant information. If I still can't understand the truth of the matter, then I will definitely fall into worry and worry. On the contrary, if I can as soon as possible If I know the truth, then I won't worry, because the problem is already in my mind."

In the end, Professor Hedges came to the conclusion that the only way to avoid worry is to discover the truth of the facts with an objective and detached attitude.This is of course a good way, but most people don't really think deeply when they encounter difficulties, but try to achieve their goals through various opportunistic means.Even if they think about it, people will be affected by prejudice, follow the routine and inertia of thinking, so they cannot understand the essence of things.This is why many people always have false perceptions and cannot find the answers to their questions.

Maybe you still remember someone once said: "Yesterday you can eat jam, tomorrow you can eat jam, but today you don't eat jam." In life, most of us are indeed like this-worrying about yesterday's jam , worrying about tomorrow's jam, but never realizing that what we have to do now is to slather jam on the bread we eat today.

Everyone makes this mistake, even the great French philosopher Montagny.Regarding all this, he said: "My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, and I am grateful and regretful that most of these misfortunes never happened." Not only my life, your life the same.The poet Dante once said: "Think about it, this day will never come again." Time is like water, life is flying by at an unimaginable speed, only today is the only time we can grasp, It is also our most cherished time.

At any time, the things that have happened will not be changed because of our worries and frustrations today, and the things that have not happened will not be changed in the slightest because of our unfounded worries.It turns out that the odds of what we worry about happening are only 1 percent.That being the case, why should we bother with things that will never happen?The only thing we can do is to grasp today.Only by grasping today can we grasp the future.

How anxious you are when you worry about being struck by lightning and overturning on a train.And when you think about the probability of these things happening, you must laugh at your unfounded worry.Today, it seems ridiculous to me to think about the things that used to be so big when I was a kid.

One summer I met the Herbert Salingees on the shores of Bow Lake in the Canadian Rockies.Mrs. Salinger was very composed and calm.In my impression, she never seemed to fall into unnecessary worries, but enjoyed today's happiness calmly.When I asked if she was ever troubled by worry, she said: "My life was a total mess for 11 years before I learned to conquer it. At that time, I was always worrying about a lot of things that didn't happen, such as , I was worried about servants running away, kids getting hit by cars, stuff like that. Those kinds of anxieties led to the failure of my first marriage.”

"My second husband is a lawyer. He is very calm and analytical. I rarely see him worrying about things. Whenever I feel nervous or anxious, he always calmly analyzes what I have. The probability of what I worry about will happen, which helps me to free myself from worry.”

"One summer, we went camping in the Rocky Mountains, and unfortunately encountered a storm at an altitude of 7000 feet. Listening to the wind and rain, I was worried every second that the tent would be blown down. I was very worried. Yes, my husband kept reassuring me 'Honey, we have some Indian guides, they said that the tent has never been blown away by the wind in 70 years. According to the probability, our tent will be safe and sound. Even if it was really blown away, there are other tents! You see, you don't have to be nervous at all. 'Under his comfort, I slept soundly that night. As it turns out, nothing happened...' According to the probability, this kind of thing will not happen', this sentence seems to have a magical power, which makes 90% of my worries disappear, and makes my life in the past twenty years happy and worry-free."

Living in the present, if we can also realize that worrying about the future is useless like Mrs. Salingji, so as to free ourselves from unnecessary worries and worries, then the lives of most women will inevitably become More peaceful and happy.

Ladies, now you know what to do?Compared with men, women are always more easily affected by emotions. Therefore, when thinking, you should first exclude the emotional factors in your thoughts, so that you can recognize the truth of the matter with an objective and detached attitude.

It has to be admitted that people who are in anxiety are always emotional and difficult to calm down, so it is difficult to be objective and detached.However, in order to get to the root of the problem of worry, we have to do this.First of all, you can know the truth as a third party; second, you must analyze the collected facts objectively and effectively.If you can do this, you will undoubtedly be farther away from worry.

Don't fight the things you can't change
When I was young I did an adult education class in Missouri.Because of insufficient financial management, after a period of time, although a lot of investment is made, the return is very little, which belongs to the type of making ends meet.For this reason, I often blame myself and feel extremely distressed for my negligence of financial issues.Because of the setbacks in my career, I was even in a trance, decadent and depressed.One day, I found my middle school teacher George Johnson. After listening to my troubles, the teacher handed me a glass of milk without saying anything.I picked up the milk and was about to drink it, but the teacher suddenly knocked over the milk in my hand.I looked at the teacher puzzled, and the teacher only said one sentence: "Don't cry over spilled milk, because it's useless!" This sentence was like enlightenment, and my troubles disappeared immediately, and my spirit was refreshed. .

Now that the milk has been spilled, it is impossible to refill it into the cup.No matter how much you regret, no matter how much you lament, you can't change the fact that it has already happened.Only by understanding the truth of "don't cry over spilled milk" and doing it in accordance with this truth is the great wisdom in life.The same story happened in China.As early as thousands of years ago, in order to make ends meet, Meng Min, a minister of the Eastern Han Dynasty, once sold steamers when he was young.Once, his burden accidentally fell on the ground, and all the retorts were broken.The onlookers originally thought that he would regret it, but they didn't want to, but he left without looking back.People asked him: "It's a pity to break the steamer, why not care about it?" Meng Min replied: "The steamer is already broken, so what's the use of it." Indeed, no matter how precious the steamer is, it has been broken, and even if it feels extremely sad Unfortunately, it doesn't help.

Happiness comes from our hearts, and we will be happier if we live in our hearts.Only by learning to give up and give up, can our hearts be emptied and there will be space for happiness.

Life is always full of helplessness, and almost everyone will encounter various misfortunes and disasters in their lives.Sometimes, we can be optimistic, and other times, we feel hopeless and just want to escape.In fact, our spiritual power is extremely powerful, and it can overcome all sufferings.Booth Tarkington said: "I can't bear it except blindness. I can accept all the arrangements of fate." Fate is cruel, and it seems to test this 60-year-old man. He is really blind.Looking at the blurry world in front of him, Booth Tarkington realized that the most unacceptable thing had happened to him.However, Booth Tarkington's attitude was beyond everyone's expectations.Instead of falling into sadness and despair, he was very happy.Sometimes, he even used his own illness to hold a silence.In the past, he was always worried because of the "black spot" floating in front of his eyes. Now, he just said: "Haha, the weather is so sunny today, and the old black spot grandpa came out again. Where does he want to go?"

Booth Tarkington became completely blind in both eyes due to the deterioration of his condition.He said: "I found that I could bear the loss of vision like anything else, and even if all my senses were gone, I could still think and live well."

Booth Tarkington underwent 12 eye surgeries within a year to restore his vision.His bravery is beyond people's imagination.Every time he was in the ward, he tried his best to make other patients happy too.For surgery, he is optimistic.Although he still lives in the dark for a long time, he said: "I don't want to trade my unusual experience for other happy things." As Fulton said: "Blindness is not sad, you can't accept blindness That’s what’s really sad.” Booth Tarkington bravely accepted it all for the sake of being happy, and always remained optimistic.

Faced with the inevitable facts that have happened, sadness and despair cannot change them. The only thing we can do is to change ourselves and adapt ourselves to these disasters.

(End of this chapter)