Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 22 Calmness and self-control—a calm woman uses a rational mind to make herself gentle (1)
Women are emotional, men are rational, many people have such a consensus.Indeed, compared with the rational and calm men, women are indeed more emotional and impulsive.However, times are changing, and women are gradually stepping into society and taking on certain social roles.Therefore, women also need to be calm and self-controlled like men in order to work better and handle complex interpersonal relationships.If a woman wants to walk gracefully in the world, she must be good at using rational thinking to show herself a "gentleman" demeanor.

Women need more vision
Compare a grain of sand to a grain of dust, and you'll see that sand is really big and heavy.Compare a grain of sand with a grain of wheat and you will see that the sand is not as large as the wheat, but not so small as to be ignored.Compare a grain of sand to an egg, and you'll see that the sand is too small to lift gas.Comparing a grain of sand with the sky, you will find no trace of the sand at all, and you will be surprised to find that the sand has disappeared without a trace.If you compare sand to many troubles in life, if you own the whole sky, then these troubles will never disturb your heart.On the contrary, if your world is only the size of a dust, then this grain of sand will become your disaster.Such a sudden change is not because the size of the sand has changed, but because our hearts have changed.If you have a big heart, your troubles will become smaller; if you have a small heart, your troubles will become infinitely magnified.

In life, I believe that many people have had such an experience. They were uneasy and worried about a small thing, but as time went by, they found that all the worries and worries did not bring anything to your life. Substantial impact.Even, you have forgotten what the so-called ups and downs were at the beginning, this is growth.The river of life takes everything away, leaving only the memories that truly haunt us.After understanding this truth and realizing that life is short, do we still need to worry about those little things?As long as you enlarge your field of vision and enlarge your life background, all difficulties will be easily solved.

Some years ago, I invited some friends to visit a Rockefeller property in Teton State Park with Mr. Charles Simmond, Director of the Wyoming Highway Department.Because I was in a hurry to drive, I took the wrong road and took a long detour before returning to the right road. Therefore, Mr. Simond, who arrived early, had to wait in the sweltering forest for more than an hour because he did not have the house key.I had expected him to fly into a fit of rage, but I found him playing the flute in the midst of the mosquito-flying woods.It turned out that he had been waiting for us for a long time, so he picked a local material and folded a poplar branch to play the flute.The same experience, if replaced by an anxious person, will definitely have a different result.We admire Mr. Simond's indifference and peace of mind.

The trees on the slopes of a mountain in Colorado terrified us even more.This big tree has no complete trunk, only the residual trunk can prove that it really existed.Scientists speculate that the tree is at least 400 years old.The tree has been struck by lightning at least 14 times in the long and difficult [-] years.During this period, it also experienced countless blows from violent storms.However, none of this stopped it from surviving tenaciously.But in the end, it died to a swarm of tiny beetles.The beetle gnawed off its roots from the inside, depriving it of a way to transport the nutrients of life.

In life, how many people have experienced the test of life like this big tree that has experienced many battles, but finally collapsed in the sky of life because of small setbacks.In fact, since we can face the big wind and rain, we should also be able to calmly face the insignificant troubles in life.If we can calmly face the unexpected embarrassment of life with a big heart, we will be able to deal with the gift of life more calmly.Whether you are a man or a woman, especially a woman, you should have a bigger vision, so that you can dilute the troubles in life and enjoy life better.

Experts believe that many couples divorce because of trivial things.Referring to the more than 4 divorces he has arbitrated, Judge Joseph Shabas of Chicago said: "It's often the little things that make marriages less than perfect."

When she was first married, Mrs. Roosevelt was always bothered by the cook in the house.Now that the matter has passed, she said to me more than once: "If it happened now, I would shrug my shoulders, smile, and forget about it." is the most sensible course of action.In fact, many women have been troubled by the problem of chefs, such as the famous autocratic queen Catherine in history, but she laughed off the attitude of the chef's poor cooking skills.

Once, I went to a friend's house in Chicago for dinner.When sharing food, because my friend didn’t do some small things well, his wife immediately blamed him furiously: “John, what’s wrong with you? Can’t you even do such a small thing as food sharing?” In fact, if it wasn’t for his wife There was such a rage that everyone didn't notice John's inconsiderateness at all.Later, John's wife began to complain about John like a bitter woman: "He is always like this, no matter what he does, he will make some mistakes." Maybe John's wife is right, but I sympathize with John more. 20+ years of life.You know, I'd rather eat poorly than listen to her nagging.

Not long after, my wife and I invited some friends to dinner as well.The guests are coming soon, but the wife suddenly finds that the color of three napkins does not match the color of the tablecloth, because the three napkins that originally matched the tablecloth have been sent to dry cleaning.For this reason, the wife was very annoyed: "It was a perfect dinner, how could I make such a stupid mistake?!" But she quickly changed her mind, if the good mood of the night was ruined because of these three napkins, Wouldn't it be worse?So she got rid of the trouble of the napkin completely, and devoted herself to the merry supper.She believes that it is better to be regarded by friends as a lazy housewife than to leave a bad impression of being neurotic.As it turned out, no one noticed the mismatched napkins at all that night.

The priority of things is all about comparison. If female friends don't get entangled in some unnecessary trivial matters and plunge themselves into the abyss of troubles, life will suddenly become brighter.

Women need to be assertive, but don't be stubborn
When I was a student at Wallensburg State College, I enjoyed participating in various debate and speech contests.Once, in order to select players representing the college to participate in the national debate competition, the college held a selection contest.For those of us who are debate enthusiasts, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so no one wants to pass it up.After hearing the news, several classmates and I signed up quickly, and I, because I was a little famous at the time, was actually elected as the team leader.In the first few matches, our side clearly had the upper hand. We passed all the way, won several debate matches one after another, and went straight to the finals.However, perhaps because we were dazzled by the victory, our situation took a turn for the worse in the rest of the games when we were able to continue to make persistent efforts. Later, I realized that it was me, the team leader, who became "authoritarian" in the halo of victory.

At that time, I couldn't listen to the opinions of any teammates, and firmly believed that only under my command can we win.In fact, I knew in my heart that the opinions of other teammates were reasonable and feasible, but I couldn't listen to them at all.I always say: "What you say makes sense, but I am the captain, and I will be responsible for you, you have to trust me!" In this way, I have always been dominated by my own ideas and controlled our participation in the game. which performed.However, as the competition entered a fierce stage, I gradually found that the opponent's strength was getting stronger and stronger, and many of the issues they raised were not considered by us.In fact, my teammates once asked these questions in front of me, and I overruled them.In the end, we were at a loss and lost the whole game, and at the same time lost the opportunity to represent the college in the national debate competition.

Facing the championship that was already at your fingertips, and the upcoming opportunity to participate in the national debate competition, the teammates knew that the failure was caused by my dictatorship, but they did not say anything to complain about me.Even if they don't say anything, I know they are very sad.In private, a classmate with a good relationship on weekdays secretly told me: "Dell, everyone is really disappointed this time." This sentence made me very sad.

The reason why I mentioned this sad past to all the ladies is that I hope that everyone can learn from it and not make the same mistake as me again.Looking back, I must admit it was one of the great regrets of my life.I believe that many women have made the same stubborn mistake like me, that is, not listening to other people's opinions.Seeing this, some female friends may say: "Since not listening to other people's opinions has brought us so much trouble, then let's listen to other people's opinions extensively!"A senior psychologist said that people who do not listen to other people's opinions are equally immature as those who blindly listen to other people's opinions.

Mrs. Lano's distress stems from the fact that she believed too much in the mixed opinions given by others, which eventually led to her becoming a person with no opinion.It turned out that Mrs. Lano was originally a full-time housewife. Some time ago, because Mr. Lano lost her job, she wanted to go out to work in order to alleviate the family's economic crisis.To this end, she extensively solicited the opinions of relatives and friends.I don't want to, but everyone gave completely different opinions.First of all, Mr. Lano disapproved of Mrs. Lano going out to work, because he believed that women should stay at home and take care of the family.Moreover, he believed that he would find a new job soon, so he tried his best to persuade Mrs. Lano not to go out to work.Contrary to Mr. Lano's opinion was Mrs. Lano's sister.My elder sister is a working lady who has been struggling in the workplace since she entered the society independently. Therefore, she suggested that Mrs. Lano should leave the family and enter the society to open a new chapter in her life.In addition, some friends suggested that Mrs. Lano should find a part-time job, which would not affect the care of the family; others advised Mrs. Lano that since she was ready to work, she should devote herself to making a career; of course, some Many people persuaded Mrs. Lano to find a light job and focus on taking care of the family.All in all, everyone expressed their opinions, the public said the public was right, and the woman said the woman was right. Everyone seemed to be able to find a lot of reasons to persuade Mrs. Lano to adopt their own opinions.In this way, Mrs. Lano lost her mind and didn't know what to do with herself.

Finally, Mrs. Lano was introduced to me, and she asked me, "Mr. Carnegie, can you help me make a decision?" Without hesitation, I told her, "Mrs. Lano, I think you should follow your own , After all, only you know your own situation best. Although everyone is enthusiastic to give you advice, they all have their own perspectives to think about the problem. No matter how they put themselves in the situation, they don’t know your own situation better than you.” After hearing my words, Mrs. Lano said helplessly: "Mr. Carnegie, you don't know, I'm used to listening to other people's opinions. If you can't tell me how to make a decision, I'll go find someone else!" Facing Mrs. Lano's attitude, I had no choice but to laugh or cry.I think Mrs. Lano couldn't make a choice in the end, because she didn't know what she wanted.

If I had to choose between "stubbornness" and "no opinionatedness", I think I would rather choose stubbornness. People who are "unpretentious" can't act when things happen, and have no chance of success at all, while people who are "stubborn" are paranoid, but at least they can take action to win opportunities for themselves.Having said that, in fact, whether it is "stubborn" or "no opinion" is immature.I think that every woman must want to become mature, so she should not only accept other people's opinions, but also have her own opinions.

Leave the right of choice to the other party

I think a lot of women have had those unexpected guests at home - "nasty" salesmen.Every time we opened the door, they immediately started babbling about the product and giving us all sorts of inappropriate advice.In fact, instead of helping them win us over, these endless words make us turn them away faster.Facing such potential customers, the salesman must also be very confused. Why did his enthusiastic sales get such a result?

Ladies and friends, do you often encounter such embarrassing situations in your life?When you try to sell your ideas to others, what you get in return is rejection from others.If this turns out to be the case, then you are a failed salesman.Because you can't sell yourself and get approval and support from others.

Susan worked as a salesman in a medical equipment manufacturing factory. Although she worked hard, the sales results were not always good, and she was very distressed.She asked me for help: "Mr. Carnegie, I have really tried very hard. I don't know where I am wrong. I always introduce our products to customers sincerely and truthfully, and I have also learned from the books I sell. There are a lot of sales skills. However, I can't always impress the hearts of those doctors. They are like hard-hearted, no matter how hard I say, they are not moved. Facing an honest little girl like me, Why don't they want to believe me?" After hearing Susan's description, I knew where her problem was.In fact, what she lacks is not about sales skills, but how to get others to accept her suggestions.

I said to Susan, "Perhaps those doctors don't want others to make decisions for them. If so, why don't you think of a way to make them feel that buying your product is their own decision, not something you imposed on them?" Think, they'd rather make their own decisions."

At my suggestion, Susan decided to treat her clients differently.Immediately after returning home, she wrote a letter to Dr. Roger in Florida, because she knew that the hospital was getting an X-ray machine.After hearing the news, many manufacturers sent salesmen to Dr. Roger to promote it. Only Susan decided to seriously write a letter to Dr. Roger.In the letter, Susan introduced the newly produced equipment in the factory in detail, and left Dr. Roger the right to meet and discuss in detail.The effect of this letter was very good, and soon, Dr. Roger not only came to visit Susan himself, but also decided to buy new equipment from Susan.The reason is that Dr. Roger said that among the many salesmen, only Susan made him feel the importance of himself and left him the right to choose.

There is no doubt that Susan is very smart.She understood exactly what I was saying.In life, many women always like to express their opinions when communicating with others, and completely impose their opinions on others.Doing so, in addition to causing resentment from others, is also a kind of harm to others' self-esteem and self-respect.By imposing your opinion on others, it is almost impossible to sell yourself.

In life, almost no one likes to accept sales, or to be forced to do something.This is because everyone has a sense of self-esteem and self-respect, hopes and likes to do things according to their own ideas, and also hopes and likes to be valued and consulted by others.We must be aware of this if we are to sell successfully.

(End of this chapter)