Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 23 Calmness and self-control—a calm woman uses a rational mind to make herself gentle (2)
Kelly works as a salesman in a clothing design company, and is mainly responsible for selling the company's newly designed drawings to those clothing designers and manufacturers.During the several years of her work, Kelly's performance has always been excellent. She has attracted many orders for the company and created a lot of profits for the company.However, there is always a hurdle in Kelly's heart, that is, even though she has to visit a very famous fashion designer in New York every two weeks, she has never been recognized by the other party.By Kelly's own count, she has visited the designer a full 150 times.However, every time it ended in failure.It seems that the costume designer is not disinterested in the sketches Kelly brought, because he never directly rejected Kelly.However, every time after reading the drawings, he always said: "I have seen the sketches of your design, but unfortunately, our business still cannot be concluded."

Kelly was puzzled and unwilling, so she began to reflect on herself seriously and decided to take a new approach to her relationship with the famous fashion designer.

One day, Kelly came to visit the designer again with a sketch. The only difference was that this time Kelly brought an unfinished sketch.As soon as he knocked on the designer's door, Kelly said straight to the point: "I'm sorry to bother you again! However, this time I am not here to sell, but I want to ask you to give me some feedback on the work I have brought. You can modify and improve the sketch according to your ideas until you are satisfied.” This time, the designer did not ask Kelly to take the sketch away, but kept the sketch.He said to Kelly: "I left the sketch, please come back in a few days."

A few days later, Kelly visited the designer as scheduled, and improved and revised the sketch according to the designer's opinion.As a result, a miracle happened. The designer not only accepted the sketch, but also offered to cooperate with Kelly.Faced with Kelly's success, many colleagues came to ask for advice, asking how Kelly finally convinced the designer.Kelly said: "I didn't convince him, he made his own decision."

Let the other party make their own decisions. This method will not only enable you to sell yourself successfully, but also allow more people to accept and recognize you.

Ladies, do you often feel that your husband is stubborn?Even simply unreasonable?Although you really don't want to quarrel with him in your heart, but listening to the rambling words he said, you can't control your anger, and you can't wait to vent it right away.You feel that no matter how hard you try, you can't communicate well with him, and sometimes you feel that you are playing the piano against the cow.In fact, this phenomenon is normal in interpersonal communication, because everyone instinctively thinks from their own point of view, but few people can actively think from the point of view of others.If everyone can put themselves in the other person's shoes and consider the other person's feelings, then the conflicts and disputes in interpersonal communication will be greatly reduced.

If you want to handle the irreconcilable conflict with your husband well, you only need to find the reason why the husband is stubborn.Because, in this way, you have found the key to being considerate and understanding of your husband.As a result, many contradictions in life can be easily resolved.

Recently, Lisa has been very troubled.Because she found that her husband was not doing his job properly, no matter how busy he was at work, he would spend a lot of time every day tending flowers and plants.He spends almost three days a week in tending flowers and plants.Most importantly, Lisa never felt that the flowers and plants in the yard were made to look good, so she often complained that her husband was doing useless work.Whenever Lisa complains about her husband, of course her husband is not to be outdone, and a family war breaks out.

After listening to Lisa's complaints, I realized that Lisa is a person who doesn't think about problems from the perspective of others.Looking at the distressed Lisa, I thought that her husband must also feel very distressed.So, I reminded Lisa seriously: "Lisa, gardening after work is not a sin. Why can't you look at it from your husband's point of view? Maybe this is what he is interested in." Listen After reading my words, Lisa fell silent.After a long time, she said thoughtfully: "Indeed, Mr. Carnegie, my husband really likes flowers and plants. I remember that when we were in love, he often sent me some flowers that he planted by himself. Moreover, he once told me I think he likes flowers and plants very much. He can feel great happiness and satisfaction in the process of tending flowers and plants. I think I may have misunderstood him. He didn’t delay his work because of planting flowers and plants, but just entertained himself. You You’re right, I can’t deprive him of his happiness just because I don’t like it.” I agreed with Lisa’s words and encouraged her to change her attitude towards her husband as soon as possible.

It was just amazing, and within a few days, Lisa came to me again refreshed.It turned out that she changed her attitude towards her husband and changed their lives at the same time.That day, Lisa saw her husband coming home from get off work and couldn't wait to walk into the garden after changing his clothes. She also followed and said to her husband sincerely: "My dear, look, under your careful care, our How beautiful the garden has become! I think if we work together, our home will become even more beautiful, and even the neighbors praise our garden!" Lisa's husband was so moved that he almost burst into tears. Tears said: "Honey, do you really think so? I always thought you opposed me doing this, so I always felt guilty. I am so happy to have your support!" "Of course it is true! Lisa said without hesitation: "Maybe I did have some objections before, but now I have changed my mind. I can find my own interests after work and make our home more beautiful. What reason do I have?" Against it?"

Since then, Lisa has changed from her husband's opponent to her husband's supporter. She happily trims flowers and plants with her husband every time, fertilizes them, and removes insects.There were times when Lisa genuinely appreciated her husband when she didn't have time to work in the garden with her husband.Soon, their home was not only full of the fragrance of flowers, but also full of harmonious and warm tenderness.For such a harvest, Lisa was overjoyed.

Ladies, if you can think about problems from the perspective of others with empathy like Lisa, you will definitely be able to enhance your charm and conquer more people.

Resonate by listening

The most important thing when it comes to interacting with people is to give your full attention to the person who is speaking to you.Especially in business communication, there is nothing that makes people feel respected more than listening.

Recently, I was invited to a bridge party.Since I couldn't play bridge, I had to sit around doing nothing.Coincidentally, there was also a beautiful lady who couldn't play bridge, so we chatted out of boredom.Knowing that I had been Mr. Thomson's personal assistant, and that I had given Mr. Thomson's place in the upcoming lecture on a lively trip, the beautiful lady implored excitedly: "Ah! Mr. Carnegie, if you tell me all about your The famous places I have been to and the wonders I have seen, how wonderful it would be!"

Once seated on a comfortable and comfortable sofa, the lady told me that she and her husband had just returned from a trip to Africa.I expressed my interest and said, "Africa, that's an interesting place! You know, I've always wanted to go to Africa, but unfortunately, I've only been in Algeria for 24 hours. You in Have you ever encountered a wild beast in Africa? How lucky you are! I envy you so much! Please tell me what you have seen in Africa, I can't wait to find out!"

In this way, the conversation between me and the lady lasted for 45 minutes.During the entire conversation, the lady kept talking about what she had seen in Africa without asking me about what I saw during my travels.What she really needs, I think, is an attentive listener, and she needs to tell what she's seen in order to satisfy her pride.

After the party, my friend asked in amazement how I had attracted that beautiful lady, and I told him I hadn't done anything but listen intently.In fact, as Woodford writes in "The Loved Ones," "Few people can resist the kind of compliment that is hidden in attentive listening." And what I did went a step further than attentiveness.

Often, those who talk about themselves tend to be self-centered and think only of themselves, with little regard for the feelings of others.So if you want people to belittle you behind your back, laugh at you, and run away from you, the only thing you need to do is talk about yourself all the time without listening to anyone else.If you suddenly have an idea when others are expressing their opinions, then you don't have to waste time waiting for him to finish speaking, but as long as you interrupt him without hesitation, you can arouse extreme disgust from others.

In real life, there are many people who need to be heard by others.

Recently, at a banquet given by the famous publisher Glebe in New York, I happened to meet a famous botanist.The identity of a botanist is very attractive to me, because I have never talked to a botanist before.I sat on the chair without hesitation and listened to him introduce all kinds of knowledge about plants.I have a small indoor garden myself and I took the opportunity to ask the botanist a lot of questions and he answered them all in detail.

Of course, at this banquet, I completely ignored everyone else, except for hours talking with this botanist.

Late at night, when I was about to say goodbye to the crowd, the botanist suddenly complimented me in front of my host, saying that I was "the most stimulating person" and "the most interesting talker".

Frankly, I don't consider myself an interesting conversationalist at all, because I hardly ever talk during a conversation.Because my knowledge of botany is limited and poor.However, I listened to him very carefully and attentively, and really became interested in what he had to say.Apparently the botanist was also aware of this, so he talked with more interest.

It can be seen that when we want to compliment someone sincerely, listening attentively is a good way.

Ladies, if you want to be a good talker, you must first become a good listener.As Mrs. Lee said: "If you want people to be interested in you, you have to show interest in them first." In fact, you just have to ask people questions they like to answer, and encourage them to talk about themselves and others. What they have accomplished, you will be able to successfully demonstrate your interest in them.

Remember, the person with whom you are having a face-to-face conversation is 100 times more interested in himself, his needs, and his problems than he is in you and your problems.The reason is simple. Even if there are 40 earthquakes in Africa, it is far from being able to attract people's attention to a little mole on their necks.

tolerance makes people happier

Robin is a famous psychiatrist who lives in Washington.Once, I made a special trip to Washington to visit him.During the dinner, he told me a story.

Robin met Ms. Elizabeth at the "Save Soul" charity event a few years ago.Ms. Elizabeth was 59 years old at the time. Although she came to participate in this public welfare activity, Robin could see that her eyes were full of hatred and disgust when she looked at those delinquent teenagers.Robin wanted to help Ms. Elizabeth very much, so he went up to greet her and asked her if she needed help.At this time, Ms. Elizabeth looked at the children and said viciously: "They are all murderers, murderers!"

It turned out that Ms. Elizabeth once had a son named George. When George was 15 years old, he was brutally killed by those wandering bad boys in the society because of an accident.From then on, as long as Ms. Elizabeth saw those idle gangsters, she would think of her son's tragic death, and her heart was naturally filled with hatred.She wanted to rush up and kill them, the murderers who had killed her son, and her desire was getting stronger and stronger.

After knowing all this, Robin knew that Ms. Elizabeth's heart was actually extremely painful.He wants to help her out of the shadows so she can start a new life.He found Ms. Elizabeth and said to her: "Ms. Elizabeth, I can understand your pain of losing your beloved son, and I also know how deep the hatred in your heart is. In fact, these bad boys are also very pitiful. They were abandoned by their parents when they were very young." Now, wandering alone in the society, but the society does not give them enough respect, which gradually distorts their hearts. It can be said that from the day they were born, these poor children have never felt the taste of warmth."

"So what?" said Lady Elizabeth emotionally, "what have these things to do with me? They have taken my little George, and have left me alone all my life, and no one can change that."

Robin did not give up, and still tried to untie the dead knot in Ms. Elizabeth's heart: "It was just an accident, you should let go of the resentment in your heart. I can assure you, as long as you treat these children with tolerance, let their dry hearts feel love With warmth, maybe your little George will come back!"

Under Robin's repeated explanations, Ms. Elizabeth finally let go of the hatred in her heart.She began to try to approach these children, giving them love and care.She not only began to devote herself to the social welfare activities of "saving souls", but also often went to the juvenile delinquency center near her home to get close contact with the children who once made her hate and hate deeply.Gradually, she discovered the truth and kindness hidden behind the cruelty and cynicism of those children, and began to accept these children from the bottom of her heart.Later, like everyone else, she adopted two children.After those two children reformed and entered the society, she adopted the other two children.This approach made her completely let go of her hatred from the bottom of her heart, and began to treat these errant teenagers with a tolerant attitude.

(End of this chapter)