Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 24 Calmness and self-control—a calm woman uses a rational mind to make herself gentle (3)
Before she died, Ms. Elizabeth said to Robin: "I have no regrets in this life. I am very happy. I not only tolerated those children, enjoyed the long-lost family happiness, but also rescued myself."

The power of tolerance is great.Ladies, you must also be happy for Ms. Elizabeth, because in her limited life, tolerance enabled her to walk with love instead of hatred.While caring for those delinquent teenagers, she also rescued herself from the pain of losing her son and pardoned her own soul.However, it is regrettable that although many women agree with Ms. Elizabeth's approach, they are not prepared to do so.

In my training class, many women complained to me about their unsatisfactory life, about their friends not caring enough for them, about the lack of warmth in the world, about the harm done to them by related or irrelevant people.In their narration, I can't experience the joy of life at all, but only complain.Whenever this happens, I will tell them the story of Ms. Elizabeth and teach them to be tolerant to others.Because tolerance can not only enable us to be loved by others, but also save ourselves, and even help us dissolve hatred and turn it into friendship.

Tolerance is not only a bridge of friendship, but also a lubricant for interpersonal communication.Many female friends think that tolerance is aimed at others, and that if we adopt a tolerant attitude, others can get rid of the accusations of conscience, so they are stingy and tolerant.As everyone knows, tolerance is not only for others, but also for ourselves.When you treat others with tolerance, the biggest beneficiary is yourself.Therefore, in the face of some people's mistakes, even if they are very serious mistakes, we should adopt a tolerant attitude. This will not only enable us to be loved and respected by others, but also help us free ourselves from pain.

save face

When getting along with people, the most important principle in the capital is to respect others, so that they have a sense of self-esteem and self-respect.I think most women realize this.Indeed, this point has played a vital role in the success of interpersonal communication. Only by dealing with this point can we get along with others happily and harmoniously.In fact, other people's sense of self-esteem and self-respect is what we call "face" in our daily life.In order to make everyone get along well with others, we must emphasize again that saving other people's face is a very important communication rule.

Regrettably, although many people have realized the importance of saving other people's face from a theoretical level, quite a few people still ignore this point when actually doing it.Ladies tend to have stronger vanity and self-esteem, yet one of the ways they satisfy themselves is by mercilessly pointing out the mistakes of others, trampling on their emotions, and stabbing their self-esteem.Many women like to put on airs, taking the opportunity to criticize their children or employees in front of others to show their high status and unchallenged authority.They rarely think hard enough to say something that makes the other person feel more comfortable, and they always have no regard for the other person's face.Such women are undoubtedly unwelcome, even feared.In fact, if we can calm down and think about it carefully, and adopt an appropriate way to talk to the other party, then we can avoid embarrassing situations.

A few years ago, General Electric was in trouble because they didn't know what to do with George Slime, their eccentric and irascible planning director.In the electrical department where he worked before, George Slime was a super talent and made outstanding contributions to General Motors, which is obvious to all directors.The directors regretted that George was transferred to the planning department, because George was not suitable for the work here.Although some people suggested that George be transferred again, in order to protect George's face, the directors had to deny this proposal.You know, George is not only a rare genius, but also a person with strong self-esteem.Finally, the directors racked their brains to come up with a new solution, which was to give George a new title of consulting engineer.Although the job content of the consulting engineer is exactly the same as that of George's previous electrical engineer in the electrical department, George is very satisfied with the company's arrangement and has no complaints.At this point, the company's senior leaders finally breathed a sigh of relief.

In fact, ladies and friends can also learn from the directors of General Electric Company and deal with problems in a tactful way.Most of the time, there is no need to criticize and punish in a face-to-face and straightforward manner. If we can give others opinions in a way that preserves their self-esteem and face, they will definitely correct themselves more actively.

For this, my accountant friend Sophie has a profound experience.

Due to the seasonality of the accountancy profession, Sophie was helpless because she could not hire capable accountants without business.In this regard, she said helplessly: "Frankly speaking, Dale, I know that being fired by others is an embarrassing thing, so whenever I want to fire someone, I always feel embarrassed. However, I have no choice. After every income tax filing rush, I have to say sorry to those people. In fact, no one wants to fire someone, and no one wants to swing an axe. However, those of us who work in the industry know that, so whenever the off-season comes , we had to say: 'Sorry, the peak season is over and you have to temporarily lose your job. You can rest assured that when the peak season comes again, I will definitely hire you.' It's just brutal, and they often don't come back to work for this employer because they don't want to be dismissed in such cold hands again. So, I rarely say that."

I am very interested in what Sophie said. Sophie seemed a little proud. She said: "Actually, every accountant knows that when the time comes, he must leave his job and face unemployment. Therefore, I would say:' Mr. So-and-so, I have been very happy to cooperate with you recently, and your working ability is obvious to all. I remember that the last time you went to New York to handle that job was very difficult, but you handled it perfectly without any mistakes. Let me Surprisingly, you did nothing wrong, which would have been impossible with someone else. You are the pride of our company and we will always have your back and hope you always will.'” I was puzzled and asked Sophie, "And then?" "Then," Sophie smiled and said, "I paid them the bill, and they left. This way is easier for them to accept, because there are more Dignity. That way, when the season hits again, they'll come back and help me!"

In fact, it is very important to keep other people's face. It not only gives others a dignity, but also enables us to gain more harmonious and harmonious interpersonal relationships.

Use humor to show your demeanor
Everyone likes to associate with a humorous woman.Because humorous women are more approachable and can bring a sense of intimacy to others.People around a humorous woman will naturally be attracted by her wise inner world, and people around are willing to move closer to them.

Humor can show a woman's demeanor, quality and charm, and can make people work, live and study in a relaxed and lively atmosphere.Humor is a profound art of speaking. Humor can not only bring joy and happiness to those around you, but also improve your language charm and add icing on the cake to your conversation.In fact, women in life should have a sense of humor, and those women with a sense of humor will have an extraordinary charm.

Most women are not very humorous in public, not because she has no sense of humor, nor is it because she lacks the ability to express humor, but because she has a mindset: women should maintain a serious and serious work style in public and a woman's reserve.If you are too serious, others often don't know how to communicate with you. It is really difficult to take the first step of communication, so it is easy to keep a distance from you.Men are good at using humorous words and expressions to ease the tense atmosphere, making others feel that he is so kind, so others are more likely to accept his views, and real communication will be no problem.

Many people think that telling jokes is the specialty of men, and women are not born to tell jokes. Therefore, when female friends hear jokes, please try to open your smile to show that you are enjoying the humor they bring to you.Sometimes, even if you've heard the joke, don't tell the truth, still put on a big smile and create a light-hearted and humorous atmosphere for everyone.This is a way of expressing approval and encouragement, and your approval and encouragement can definitely win the favor of men and make them more willing to approach you.

Facing life with a relaxed mood and solving problems with humor and self-deprecating methods can make many small worries disappear invisible and avoid greater worries.You create a warm atmosphere for others with your light-hearted and humorous way, which conveys to them the attitude that those little things are completely unnecessary, and makes them happier, so you make a deeper impression on others .

The following story, which turned the atmosphere from embarrassment into rapport, also confirms the above point:
A young girl wanted to impress her fiancé's family at the engagement party, so she entered the room with a smile on her face, only to trip over a lamp, which in turn knocked out the small table. It turned over, and the worst thing was that she herself fell on the small table, her image was very embarrassing.

But the girl was so quick-witted that she immediately stood up and said, "Look, I can also perform acrobatics!"

It was this kind of self-deprecating banter that immediately reversed the awkward atmosphere at the banquet. She not only eliminated the tension of others, but also showed her self-confidence, and finally left a good impression on everyone present.

It can be seen that a decent humor can eliminate a misunderstanding, and a clever humorous remark can outperform many bland conversations.

In daily work and life, if women can always make witty remarks and talk and laugh in a timely manner, then they can easily connect to the hotline of feelings.Lenin said: "Humor is a beautiful and healthy quality." On appropriate occasions, using humorous conversation to enhance the vividness and intimacy of communication has been regarded as a person's advantage. "Sense of humor" is one of the criteria for evaluating a person's character. It can be seen how important a sense of humor is to women.

When a female writer visited the United States, a very friendly Chinese came with her whole family, and the two sides had a very happy conversation.Suddenly, the writer discovered that the guest's child had jumped on her white sheets with her shoes on, which was very unpleasant, but the child's parents just didn't notice this.If a female writer adopts any words or expressions of disapproval, it may cause embarrassment for both parties.The writer's sense of humor comes into play at key moments.She said to the parents of the children very relaxed and happy: "Please bring your children to the earth." Both the host and the guest smiled knowingly, and the problem was satisfactorily resolved in a very harmonious atmosphere.

In terms of the use of language, the writer just replaced "floor" with "earth", and the whole meaning is quite different.

Of course, humor is just a means, not an end.You can't be humorous for the sake of humor. You must choose humorous words appropriately according to the specific context.In addition, humor requires high cultural literacy and language expression skills, and people have different talents. Some people can be humorous, and some people can't.For those who can't be humorous, don't force it.Otherwise, pretending to be humorous will be self-defeating.

Of course, a sense of humor, like any other skill, can be developed.Here are a few ways you can improve your sense of humor:

(1) Create a database of funny cartoon books and jokes.

(2) Post funny things where you can see them all the time so you can laugh every time you see them.

(3) Collect your favorite funny movies and funny books and read them from time to time.

(4) Recall the things you have done and write them into some interesting anecdotes or funny stories. From today's perspective, those things that made you toss and turn in the past are also very ridiculous.

In interpersonal communication, a decent joke can relax the nerves, activate the atmosphere, and create a relaxed and happy atmosphere suitable for communication.However, if the joke is overdone and something inappropriate is done, it can backfire and hurt feelings.

If a woman makes fun of a man, the most important thing to pay attention to is the problem of self-esteem.A man's self-esteem cannot be stabbed, so if you want to make a joke, you should try to make a joke of yourself!If you say something that hurts someone too much, be sure to sincerely apologize.In addition, white-collar workers in the workplace should also pay attention to the following requirements when joking:
1. avoid taboo
Taboo refers to being taboo against certain things or actions due to customs or personal physical defects.Almost everyone has their own taboos more or less, and we must be careful to avoid them when joking.

2. To divide the occasion
Joking can not be too much, especially to distinguish the occasion.If the occasion is wrong, the joke will not only fail to achieve the effect, but also may be ridiculed by others, and even arouse disgust from others.

3. Don’t make fun of women’s looks
When joking, never say something that is sarcastic about another woman's appearance.Beauty is everything to a woman, and it is cruel to be criticized for her appearance.Therefore, no matter what, you must not make fun of other people's appearance.

4. Varies from person to person
People have different identities, personalities, and moods, and they have different tolerances for jokes.The same joke can be played on A, but not necessarily on B.Therefore, before making a joke, be sure to understand the character of the other party.

5. The content should be elegant

Jokes should be beneficial to physical and mental health, enhance unity, and abandon vulgar tastes.The content of the joke depends on the ideological taste and cultural accomplishment of the joker.Jokes with healthy content and elegant style can not only inspire and spiritually enjoy the other party, but also powerfully shape your own beautiful image.

6. Be friendly

Being kind to others is a principle of joking.The process of joking is the process of mutual exchange and transmission of feelings. If you use jokes to sneer at others and vent your inner disgust and dissatisfaction, this is absolutely unacceptable. Doing so will destroy your interpersonal relationship.

(End of this chapter)