Calm: Be a calm woman

Chapter 27 Grace and Highness——A Calm-hearted Woman Dilutes Grievances and Resentments with a Broad Mind (3)
So how does this specialized class for anxious patients work? In 1930, Dr. Joseph Pratt, who studied with Sir William Osler, noticed that many patients who came to Boston for medical treatment had no substantial physical symptoms, and the reason why they showed signs of suffering from a certain disease Signs, because they psychologically believe that they are sick.

For example, one woman was in pain from stomach cancer, and another was unable to move her hands because of arthritis.In addition, there are many women who suffer from headaches, back pain, and even feel achy or tired all year round.Although their bodies were truly afflicted, a comprehensive medical examination proved that they were physically free of any disease.Why is this?Many experienced old doctors agree that this kind of pain only exists in their hearts and minds, and it is caused by their psychological effects.

Of course, Dr. Pratt knew that it was impossible to make them forget the pain.If it were easy to forget the pain, people would not torture themselves so much.So, what can be done to completely cure this disease that only exists in their spirit?

For this problem, the most important treatment method in the medical curriculum of Boston Hospital is to "speak what is deep in the heart."Saying the words deep in the heart is equivalent to giving one's own "heart disease" a shot in the arm.In fact, we can do this treatment at home.

First of all, you can prepare a notebook and record your favorite poems or famous quotes in the notebook.If you're feeling down or down, just flip through this book and you'll feel better.In Boston, there are many patients who use this method to relieve their mood, and this book is a good medicine for them.

Second, ignore the shortcomings of others.Many women have narrow-mindedness, and they always keep in mind the things they hate.In life, most wives have discovered shortcomings that they cannot tolerate from their husbands.Why don't we ask ourselves, do we want to marry a saint?In this medical course, there was a female patient who became extremely picky, harsh and annoying because of her dissatisfaction with her husband.Regarding the continuous deterioration of this situation, a person asked her: "If your husband died suddenly, what would you do?" This question was so loud that it made her wake up.She thought calmly, recalled all the advantages of her husband, and after listing them out, she was surprised to find that her husband's advantages were much more than those disadvantages that troubled her.Therefore, female friends, when you are uncontrollably picky and complain about your husband, you can also list the advantages of your husband like the lady above.In this way, you may find that your husband is exactly the ideal man you are looking for.

For most housewives, family life occupies an important position in their daily arrangements.Therefore, it is inevitable for most housewives to socialize with neighbors and people on the same block.A housewife's leisure time is much more enjoyable if she can maintain a healthy and friendly interest and attitude towards them.A patient was once very lonely. She always felt that she was isolated from others because she didn't even have a friend.At this time, someone suggested that she take the next person she will meet as the protagonist in the story, and then make up a story for it.In this way, she began to try to make up stories for the people she saw on the bus, trying to imagine everyone's background and life.In this kind of assumption, she developed a good impression of the original stranger, and found an opportunity to chat with him.Now, her life circle is getting bigger and bigger, she has more and more friends, and her isolation is completely cured.It is not difficult to see from this that mood has an important influence and effect on our physical health and life, and a good mood can dispel our unreasonable ailments.That being the case, what reason do we have to not let our mood get better?

Say your own mistakes before criticizing others

No one likes being criticized by others.In order to make it easier for others to admit and correct their own mistakes, before criticizing others, we should first humbly admit that we also make mistakes.In this way, there is no tension between the critic and the person being criticized.

A few years ago, my niece Josephine Carnegie graduated high school.She came to New York from her hometown in Kansas City to work as my secretary.At that time, she was only 19 years old and had no work experience. Now, she seems to be a very good secretary.

When she first arrived, Josephine Carnegie was not good enough to work as a secretary.One day, as I was about to criticize her, I suddenly asked myself: "Dale, wait a minute, you are not only twice as old as Josephine, but also have a lot more life experience than her. How can you use yourself as a standard?" Come to ask her? Think of yourself at 19, maybe more stupid than her." Eventually, I realized that I never praised Josephine Carnegie for being better than me at 19 she.

From then on, whenever Josephine made a mistake, I always said: "Josephine, you made a mistake, God knows, I did a lot worse than you when I was young. You are very smart and lack It's just experience. So I don't want to criticize you. But don't you think you'd be better off doing it?"

If a person humbly admits that he will make mistakes when he first accepts criticism from the other party, then when he criticizes your mistakes again, you will be easy to accept.Clarence Zhou Hassing of Timonim, Maryland, knows this.

Once, he discovered that his 15-year-old son was learning to smoke. How did he deal with it?You know, he doesn't want his son to smoke.He said: "It is true that in my heart I do not want David to smoke. However, my wife and I both smoke, so we cannot play the role of example. Therefore, I did not tell David not to smoke, nor did I tell David not to smoke. I didn't scare him about how dangerous smoking is to his body. I just told him how I got addicted to it myself, and let David know that at first I was just as curious or interesting as he was, but in the end I became addicted and I endangered my health because of it."

"After a moment of contemplation, David told me that he decided to stop smoking until he finished high school. As it turns out, he hasn't smoked again until now."

"After that conversation, I realized that my behavior was setting a bad example for my children, so I also decided not to smoke. Today, with the help of my family, I have successfully quit smoking. "

Here's the thing, if you can reflect on yourself before criticizing someone, the other person will take what you say seriously and take your advice into account.

In 1909, the German Kaiser Wilhelm II was arrogant and arrogant, trying to conquer the world.His arrogance made the European continent and the whole world angry, especially Britain.For this reason, German politicians panicked and did not know how to respond.For such a bad situation, William II, who spoke wild words, couldn't stand it anymore.In order to find a scapegoat, he had to turn to Prince Blow, the German chancellor at the time, who wanted to put the blame on Prince Blow and let Prince Blow take all the responsibility for him.Of course Prince Blow would not agree, and immediately refused.For this reason, William II was furious.

Looking at the angry emperor, Prince Buluo realized that he had made a mistake.He decided to flatter the emperor right away, to calm him down and not to get angry.He said respectfully: "I don't mean to accuse Your Majesty. You must know that Your Majesty is wise and decisive in many aspects, and he also knows a lot of knowledge about physics and astronomy. I am ignorant, and I just learned a few things to make up for my ignorance." Knowledge of politics and history." Hearing Prince Blow's self-deprecation and hearing Prince Blow elevate him so high, William II turned his anger into joy.

The reason why Prince Blow was able to rescue himself from a crisis in time was because he spoke out his own shortcomings in time, and also praised and flattered William II.Ladies, in life, if we can also use this method flexibly, then we will be more comfortable when interacting with others.

Share the beauty and help you eliminate the jealousy of your female partner

There is often jealousy among women, and it is no exception in the workplace.Things such as position, salary, appreciation from superiors, appearance, clothing, family status, etc., will cause strong jealousy among female colleagues.Therefore, how to deal with the jealousy of female colleagues has become a problem that women in the workplace must face.Especially those women who perform well in the workplace, they are surrounded by the jealousy of their female colleagues almost all the time.

Although jealousy will not bring direct losses to our careers, it will bury hidden dangers in our careers. We don't know when this untimely bomb will explode.Therefore, ladies, when you encounter the jealousy of your female colleagues in the workplace, don't ignore it, let alone add fuel to the flames.The correct approach is to skillfully deal with the jealousy of female colleagues, so that they accept you and like you from the bottom of their hearts, thus turning enemies into friends.

Since it is women's nature to love beauty, it is beauty that women are most likely to arouse the envy of other women.In many cases, women may be able to tolerate a woman with a higher position, higher salary, and stronger abilities than her, but they cannot tolerate another woman who is more beautiful than her.Therefore, if a woman becomes the focus of the office because of her beauty, then she also becomes the public enemy of all female colleagues at the same time.Women are almost inherently hostile to women who are more beautiful than themselves, so while your beauty may help you get that great job to some extent, it can become a liability once you're in the job.Working together under such circumstances, the taste can be imagined.

Mina is born beautiful, with delicate facial features, smooth skin like satin, and cascading hair, all of which show that Mina is an out-and-out beauty.On the first day of work, in order to leave a good impression on her colleagues, Mina specially put on light makeup and wore a carefully selected dress.Looking at her perfect image in the mirror, Mina felt complacent, thinking that she would be able to integrate into office life quickly.However, what happened later was completely beyond Mina's expectations.That is, most of the male colleagues like Mina very much, they strike up a conversation with Mina whenever they have the opportunity, and they will try their best to help Mina at work.And what about female colleagues?They are lukewarm towards Mina, and sometimes they deliberately exclude Mina.Some female colleagues even teased Mina loudly on purpose: "Oh, why do you dress like a beauty pageant lady? Did you go to the wrong place?" Mina felt wronged because she felt that she had tried her best to get along with her colleagues. Why do all the female colleagues dislike her?Minaj's problem, no doubt, is that she is too "pretty."I decided to help Mina without hesitation, so I suggested to her: "Mina, it is right for you to dress yourself up 'beautifully'. However, have you ever thought that facing your natural beauty and careful grooming, those Female colleagues who are not as good as you in appearance or temperament will feel jealous. In fact, if you can share your experience in dressing up with other female colleagues, so that everyone can become more beautiful together, then maybe they will be jealous of you. Your attitude will improve."

Mina is smart, and she took my advice.When she went to work the next day, Mina deliberately changed into plain clothes without makeup.She greeted her female colleagues as soon as she entered the office, and shared her experience and experience in dressing with female colleagues during her spare time between work.All the female colleagues listened with gusto. They not only expressed their gratitude to Mina, but also hoped that Mina could continue to share beauty with them.In this way, Mina successfully eased the jealousy of female colleagues. Now, she is not only a beautiful consultant for female colleagues, but also shares with Mina as soon as everyone has any troubles or happy things. .

Ladies, when other ladies are jealous of you because of your beauty, the best thing to do is to share your beauty with them like Mina.In this way, they will be transformed from your "enemy" into your "ally", because no woman can deny beauty.

Regarding envy, Lukes Pound, a professor of psychology at the University of California, said: "Envy is a very poor psychology. Many times, people feel that what originally belonged to them has been taken away by others, so they feel lost, which leads to envy. The way to deal with other people's jealousy is very simple, that is to find the place where you are not as good as them, so that their original unbalanced psychology can be balanced. In this way, the jealousy will naturally disappear." Ladies, everyone has flaws, You are no exception. In addition to sharing beauty, you can also adopt Professor Pound's statement and show weakness appropriately. These are good ways to eliminate jealousy.

(End of this chapter)