FBI super mind-reading technique: teach you instant insight into people's hearts

Chapter 36 Resolving hostility and making you feel like a duck to water (1)
Interpersonal communication is a psychological warfare without smoke.

Only by knowing yourself and the enemy can you be victorious in all battles;
Insight into human nature can move people's hearts.

It is better to show weakness than to be strong, and it is better to communicate than to criticize.
It is better to be able to speak than to be able to listen, and it is better to be persuaded than to be persuasive...

Once you understand these little secrets, you will be able to be successful in both the workplace and in life.

Psychological strategies to defuse hostility in others

The weak are not really weak, but know how to show weakness and retreat to advance.It is these people who are despised by the powerful who can survive smoothly and achieve unexpected achievements.

Everyone has heard of Darwin's theory of evolution, which can be summed up in one sentence - "Natural selection, survival of the fittest".But is the fittest necessarily the strong?

I don't think so. The dinosaurs were so powerful. They once dominated the earth for 1.6 million years. No creature could compete with them, but they ended up with genocide.Instead, the weak lizard has survived to this day because it has a strong adaptability.In order to avoid the enemy's attack, it can constantly change its skin color according to the environment: on the yellow land, its color is yellow-brown; in the grass, its color is green...

It is instinct for a lizard to change color, but in order to be invincible and invincible in the workplace and life, what one needs to do is to adapt.But it is not so simple to adapt.Adaptation is not blindly pretending to be strong and showing off your talents. The real winners are always the weak.

The weak know that survival is not easy for them and success is rare, so they will face themselves squarely and grow silently in the cracks.Just as Sun Wu, the sage of soldiers, said: "Soldiers are deceitful. Therefore, they can show that they can't, use them to show they don't use them, use them to show them that they don't need them, use them to show them they don't need them, use them to show them they are far away, and use them to show them they are far away... Those who use soldiers well hide their appearance, and they use them to show them that they are not. Show it as nothing." Only by showing weakness to others can we not attract envy from others and dissolve the hostility of all parties invisible, so that we can become the final winner.

The weak are not weak because they can show others their weakness.The thought of the great ancient Chinese philosophers Laozi and Zhuangzi has always run through this main line, that is, "survival of the weak".For example, Lao Tzu said: "The highest goodness is like water. Water is good for all things without fighting for it. It is what everyone hates, so it is more than Tao." Water is the weakest in the world. Xeon.

The way to show weakness lies in hiding, letting and forbearance.Those who are good at hiding will hide their purpose and feelings, show others their own unbearable, helpless and overwhelmed, and reveal their shortcomings to others.

Just like Xu Jie (1503-1583), the minister of the Ming Dynasty, he did not directly impeach the treacherous minister Yan Song like Yang Jisheng did after he entered the cabinet, because he knew that Yan Song was gaining the emperor's favor at that time, and once he took action, he must let Yan Song have no chance to stand up. Otherwise, not only will he fail to achieve his goal, but he will die without a place to bury himself.So he chose "Tibet" to hide his sincerity and purpose, and pretended to serve Yan Song. Even though he was also the prime minister, he never violated Yan Song's will for more than ten years, and married his granddaughter to Yan Song's grandson, bearing the burden of humiliation , Hidden loyalty and betrayal, eventually overthrew Yan Song, and became a famous official of a generation.

A person who is good at humility is a person who will not fight.As Lao Tzu said: "The sage puts his body behind him and puts his body before him, and keeps his body outside his body. Isn't it because of his selflessness? Therefore, he can become his own selfishness." To show your sharpness, you should abandon the desire to be first and win, and embrace the attitude of retreating to advance in life, so as to achieve the effect of "the husband is the only one who does not compete, so the world cannot compete with him".

When the word "forbearance" is mentioned, one can't help but think of Han Xin, one of the three outstanding generals in the early Han Dynasty.Han Xin endured the humiliation of the crotch, and only then did he have the great achievements of leading thousands of troops and deciding the outcome of the Chu-Han struggle.However, after the establishment of the Western Han Dynasty, Han Xin, one of the founding heroes, was too aggressive and didn't know how to restrain himself, and finally ended up dying at the hands of a woman.This is how history ruthlessly tells us that those who can endure for a lifetime are the big winners, just like Zhang Liang, another of the Three Heroes in the early Han Dynasty, who retired to the mountains and forests after he became famous, and the glory behind him is admirable.

The so-called "the weak are invincible", the means of being invincible does not necessarily mean turning yourself into a strong one, you might as well learn how to put yourself in a disadvantaged position, adapt to changes in the environment as much as possible, and take appropriate "showing weakness" methods, so as to strive for greater strength. living space.

Historically, Goujian, king of Yue in the Spring and Autumn Period, "showed weakness".After the state of Yue was defeated by the state of Wu, in order to preserve its strength, Goujian begged for peace from the state of Wu and served as a slave to Fuchai, the king of Wu, to show his weakness.Sun Bin, a great military strategist in the Warring States period, once "showed weakness". He ordered the army of Qi State to reduce the number of stoves every day. The way to show weakness is to paralyze the Wei army.Emperor Liu Bang of the Han Dynasty also "showed weakness". At the Hongmen Banquet, he urinated from the banquet in order to survive.In the end, they all succeeded, which is enough to show that "showing weakness" is a strategy of struggle and an effective means to turn a weak into a strong.

So "weakness" is not terrible, it is precisely because of their weakness that they have not attracted the envy of others, and have not been surrounded by ubiquitous hostility.In fact, the most terrifying thing is that the outside is strong but the middle is dry, and the fox pretends to be the tiger.Just like the bushes and moss under the wall, the trees in front of the door are all cut down after they are useful, but they are still there, because they are "useless", do not attract the wind, and they have nothing to do with the world.

"Hostile" is an important cause of conflict

When facing strangers, people are prone to anxiety, doubt, and hostile psychological emotions.This hostility to strangers is a fence that prevents us from interacting normally with others.How to tear down this fence will be our compulsory course.

I don’t know if you have noticed such a situation: a child, even a newborn baby, will show unnatural emotions when he (she) faces a stranger who suddenly appears around him.Maybe he (she) was still laughing just now, but he or she will immediately quiet down when seeing strangers, and this situation will become more and more obvious as the age grows.To put it another way, if a stranger appears in front of the child, take the initiative to say something sweet to the child, or even bring out food and toys, the child’s hostility towards the stranger can be resolved, and the child will get along with the stranger very affectionately .

People's defense against strangers increases with age and experience.In the face of strangers, children who are ignorant of the world have such hostility, one can imagine the adult's reaction.In the adult world, hostility towards strangers is an important psychological source of aggression and conflict.So when we get along with people, especially when establishing interpersonal relationships with strangers, we must first let the other party resolve their hostility towards you.

According to social psychologists, when a corporate crisis occurs, the public often has a suspicion and vigilance called "stranger's hostility" towards the company.The public uses the occurrence of a certain accident to see through the serious problems of related companies, and then has a strong sense of distrust.This "stranger's hostility" leads to public attacks on one group, one group of people on another.

Similarly, when we get along with people around us, especially when we get along for the first time, if we don't pay attention to defuse the "stranger's hostility", it is easy to cause conflicts and conflicts.We must know that people need to have a sense of security, and getting along with strangers will greatly reduce each other's sense of security, making the relationship between two people have distrust, fear, precautions, etc., which can easily lead to attacks and conflict.

So how can we resolve this "hostility between strangers" and make the relationship between two people develop in a more intimate direction?
As the saying goes, if you want to eliminate the effect, you must know the cause. The reason why "stranger's hostility" can trigger attacks and conflicts is mainly because when people face a stranger, they are prone to three psychological emotions: anxiety, suspicion, and hostility.Therefore, in order to resolve the "hostility of strangers", we must start with these three aspects of emotion.

[-]. Resolve anxiety
Everyone experiences some degree of anxiety when they are around strangers.This is the emotional agitation that everyone will have when facing strangers, but this anxiety will affect the relationship between two people.To resolve the anxiety of the other party, you can try to talk to the other party about your own situation and give the other party enough information about you, so that the other party will slowly let go of their worries and talk to you with confidence.

[-]. Resolving doubts
Everyone can't help thinking when interacting with others: Why does he want to associate with me?Is there any attempt?This is a natural reaction of people's self-protection awareness.If you want to communicate with a stranger and establish a harmonious relationship, you must learn to resolve the other party's doubts and let the other party trust you.Know that a relationship with doubts is unlikely to last long.At this time, it is best to be sincere, introduce yourself in detail, and show something that can prove your identity, so that the other party will put away their doubts.

[-]. Resolve hostility
Because of anxiety, because of doubt, people will naturally feel hostile towards strangers.I remember a friend of mine once said that when he was transferred from Beijing to Wuhan Branch as a manager, no matter what he did, he would easily attract criticism from others, and even the orders he gave to his subordinates would be executed every time. It will never be smooth sailing.Because of unfamiliarity, because he is afraid of being fired by the newcomer, and because he doubts his ability, his colleagues in the company are always hostile to him.Although he is polite on the surface, he understands that everyone treats him as a public enemy behind the scenes.In order to break this situation, my friend at that time took a lot of brains.

In fact, it is not difficult to resolve the hostility of strangers. The easiest way is to first understand what the other party expects and why they are hostile to you, and then try to act according to the other party's wishes in a targeted manner.Secondly, you must resolve the hostility of the other party with a candid attitude, and disclose your thoughts to the other party as soon as possible, so that the other party feels that you are not hiding some ulterior secrets.

Self-esteem is not as fragile as you think
People have strong self-esteem, and many people even use their lives and blood to defend their self-esteem.This is indeed lamentable, but is self-esteem really so fragile that it cannot be hurt a little?Perhaps sometimes we value self-esteem too much, but lose something more precious.

I remember that a group of our friends were once crazily obsessed with the American drama "Friends". There was such a plot in the drama.Rachel asked everyone: If you had to choose between sex, food, and dinosaurs, what would you choose?The gluttonous Monica chose food without hesitation, while Ross, who was obsessed with dinosaur research, blurted out almost crazily - choose dinosaurs.

After reading this paragraph, everyone laughed, and a friend suddenly asked us: If you put self-esteem, life, self-improvement, even a house, a car in front of you, and let you choose, what would you choose?I still remember that we were busy graduating, looking for a job, and facing a series of problems that were about to enter our lives.When everyone listened to this question, we, who were still immersed in the funny plot just now, suddenly became quiet.All of a sudden, everyone began to lament the difficulty of life, and finally someone said outrageously: "In fact, sometimes self-esteem is worthless garbage!" These words seemed to resonate with everyone, and we condemned self-esteem together.

A long time has passed, and when I think back to the scene at that time, I will no longer be so excited and loudly declare that self-esteem is worthless, because I have a more objective understanding of self-esteem.

I still remember that when we announced our conclusion excitedly, that friend told us such a story.He had a classmate whose family was too poor, and his father died of illness when he graduated from high school, so although he was admitted to university that year, he had to give up in the end.In this way, he entered the society early.After working for two years, the situation at home has improved. At this time, he was lucky enough to be admitted as a civil servant.When he took up the post of civil servant, he worked very hard because he felt that his academic qualifications were far inferior to those around him and he had no background support.He will do his best to complete the affairs in the unit, big or small, respects the leaders, and treats all colleagues with sincerity.In this way, relying on his own efforts, at the end of the year, he actually won the highest bonus of the unit.However, what he didn't expect was that this actually caused rumors. Some said that it was because he flattered the boss, some said that he must have used various means to curry favor with his boss, and some said that he simply sold his dignity in exchange for money. ...

Although this high bonus greatly relieved his financial pressure, he fell into deep anxiety.He is a face-saving person. You must know that in high school, in order not to let everyone show sympathy because of his situation, he would rather choose to hide all the misfortunes in his family than accept poverty subsidies.You must know that no matter how hard and tiring he was at work, he never showed any pain in front of his colleagues.In the eyes of everyone, he is a "glamorous" person.In the end, in order to get rid of this kind of gossip and maintain his self-esteem, he resolutely gave up the bonus and the job that others desperately wanted to get.

My friend told us that this is a true story, but regardless of whether it is true or not, I put aside the excitement and indignation of the past, and re-interpreted this story, I can't help feeling: Is self-esteem as fragile as we imagined?
No, self-esteem is not as fragile as you think.As long as you have a clear positioning for yourself, why worry about the "turmoil" of the outside world.I don't know if my friend's classmate really cares too much about his self-esteem, or he has low self-esteem towards his family and his own identity, and chooses to use such a "stupid" way to maintain his so-called self-esteem.

Someone once told me this sentence: Only those who have extremely low self-esteem will have extreme self-esteem.It seems really interesting to think about it today. If it is not inferiority, why do you care about the "turbulence" of the outside world?True self-esteem can never be taken away by someone else's ridicule or sarcasm.Only those who have a good face and are too vain will carefully offer their self-esteem as a fragile crystal to adorn themselves.

Since ancient times, everyone has said that they are worthy of the sky and bow down, so why can't we treat self-esteem rationally?Self-esteem is not as fragile as we think. As long as we feel that we have no regrets, as long as we identify our own goals, as long as we have a clear position for ourselves, why should we be afraid of those "talks that hurt people's self-esteem"?

It doesn't matter if it is insulted or slandered by the outside world, as long as we recognize what we want to stick to.If you act impulsively for the sake of temporary face and vanity, not only will you not be able to restore the so-called self-esteem, but you may lose more.

avoid vicious competition

A brave and ruthless person always hopes that he can win, but no matter whether he wins or loses, he still loses in the end, because he paid a high price for the final result.It will only make people regret it for a while.

Everyone is familiar with the word competition, and modern society is full of competition.In schools, students compete with each other for good grades; in companies, employees compete with each other for promotion; in shopping malls, businessmen compete with each other for profits;

It is true that competition can promote people's progress and bring certain benefits and glory to the winner, but no one can deny that there is always a loser in the competition, and what the loser has is some disdain and humiliation.The ending of one win and one loss is not what everyone likes to see, let alone those who lose both due to competition.

In November 2010, a network war started between Qihoo 11 and Tencent QQ.First, Tencent released the "World Shocking" "A Letter to QQ Users", allowing users to choose between QQ and 360.Then, 360 launched a counterattack. First, it released the news about Ma Huateng's purchase of affordable housing, and then used 360QQ bodyguards to "hijack" more than 360 million Tencent users.Ma Huateng, president of Tencent, started to fight back, and Zhou Hongyi, the head of 2000, was not to be outdone.Fortunately, the Ministry of Industry and Information Technology intervened in the end, and the 360Q war was temporarily extinguished.But the losses of both parties are also immeasurable. The stocks plummeted, the users lost, and the actions of the two companies caused strong dissatisfaction among the online public. The evil consequences of their competition cannot be eliminated in the short term.Qihoo 3 and Tencent QQ reaped the consequences of their own actions and shot themselves in the foot.

If they didn't want to dominate by one company and use vicious competition to attack dissidents, why would the two major Internet companies be here?It can be seen from this that using means of competition, especially vicious competition to obtain the fruits of victory, the result can only be "dumb eating coptis, unable to tell if there is suffering".

So how to avoid vicious competition and achieve the expected goal at the same time has become an unavoidable topic for us.

In business activities, we often encounter some competitors. A wise businessman should avoid direct competition with competitors, and focus on tolerance and cooperation.Sun Tzu said: "Therefore, the first strategy is to attack the army, the second is to attack the enemy, the second is to attack the army, and the next is to attack the city. The method of attacking a city is a last resort." Competition is a last resort, and a wise person will choose a strategy. It is best to "not Fight and subdue the enemy's soldiers."

"The sense of smell needs to be sharp, and the estimation must be accurate. Whenever there is an opportunity, we must firmly grasp it and never let it go." This is the principle Liu Hongsheng set for himself.In terms of business, Liu Hongsheng does not miss any opportunity, but he is also cautious in his actions, not blindly impulsive. In 1930, the Meili brand matches produced by Liu Hongsheng’s Greater China Match Company were very popular, while the Meili brand cigarettes produced by Huacheng Tobacco Company at that time were vigorously promoting them.After hearing the news, Liu Hongsheng took the initiative to contact Huacheng Company, and proposed to reprint the trademark of beautiful women printed with the word "beautiful" on Huacheng Company's Meili brand cigarettes, and advertise it on the matchboxes produced by Dazhong Company. Huacheng Company, which opened up the market, readily agreed.As a result, Liu Hongsheng not only got an advertising fee from Huacheng Company, but also his Meimei brand matches became even more popular.

(End of this chapter)