FBI super mind-reading technique: teach you instant insight into people's hearts

Chapter 38 Resolving hostility and making you feel like a duck to water (3)
This is the most effective way to suggest
We learn and use micro-expressions, on the one hand, we want to know what the other person thinks, and on the other hand, we hope to let the other party accept our own ideas on this basis.Let the other party listen to oneself, which not only depends on micro-expressions, but also combines some psychological skills.

Use negative expressions and words sparingly
If you want others to accept your ideas, you must use less negative expressions and words.As mentioned in the introduction to anger, negative attitudes are the easiest to trigger anger. Whether it is "you can't do it", "you can do it", or "he, he can't do it", it will arouse the anger of others to varying degrees.When people are angry, they will have the emotion of resistance, repulsion, and even make impulsive decisions.Therefore, if you want your ideas to be accepted by others, you must first hold less negative attitudes, thereby reducing the generation of negative expressions.

Just imagine, you are discussing a plan with colleagues in the department. Your idea is very good, but not everyone agrees.In order to make those who disagree with you nod, you use the wrong way: "You say my idea is not good, is yours okay? Look at your plan, what are they?" Even if you He doesn't say that in his mouth, but if he has such thoughts in his heart, he will make a contemptuous expression on his face.Don't underestimate this expression, no matter how slight it is, even if it's just a soft sneer, it's enough to drive the other person crazy.Once the other party perceives your expression, they will feel angry.If everyone has been working overtime day and night to plan the case these days, then they are already irritable. This expression of yours is undoubtedly the trigger, and a quarrel is inevitable.

Therefore, don't take a negative attitude easily, and don't show a negative attitude easily.When others do not agree with your plan, don’t deny other people’s plan. It is better to talk about the advantages of your own plan. This will not only allow everyone to have an objective understanding of your plan, but also ensure a harmonious atmosphere in the team.Not only that, but also use less negative words, such as "no" and "don't".

"Don't think about that plan, focus on it." What do you think when you see such a sentence?
I am afraid that you will first think about what the plan will look like. In this way, you are already thinking about it when you don’t want to think about it.People often use "no" and "don't" when dealing with children, such as "don't touch that thing, it's dangerous", "don't eat this, it's very spicy".But the child has to touch that and eat this, which makes people very headache.In fact, to a certain extent, negative words emphasize the following actions, making people pay more attention to the following actions.For example, if someone tells you "don't think about that red monkey", you will definitely think: what does a red monkey look like?How can there be a red monkey?Is it a baboon or an orangutan?As a result, you have lost your mind and focused on "thinking about the red monkey" instead of the previous "don't".

There was once a divorced man who was always depressed. He always thought that he was divorced.The psychiatrist told him that you should think of yourself as single, not divorced.Since then, his condition has improved a lot, and he has also met other excellent women.

Living with negativity can be tiring and demoralizing, and if you want to express yourself, it's better to use less negativity and direct advice.

suggest in the abstract

Communication is free from bias and misunderstanding if we always express or receive exactly what is being said.It is a pity that our communication process has not been smooth sailing. Some words sound like one meaning, but after repeated thinking, they mean another.And people like to use some non-quantifiers to express the degree. What makes people more ambiguous is that there is no reference object for comparison, such as not bad, not bad, a little, very, better, and so on.

You made a plan for the leader to see, and the leader said "it's okay".What does this "okay" mean? If the other party doesn't tell you directly, you will make more guesses, whether it is "not good enough" or "just like it".So when you hear this kind of expression, you must ask: "What does 'okay' mean? Pass or fail?"

However, in many cases, such vague, abstract communication is a good way to make suggestions.Because the concept is vague, the other party has to automatically fill in some information gaps.Let's take a look at an example.

A: How do you think the party went?
B: Not bad.

A: This is thanks to your support, thank you very much.

The "not bad" that B said is a vague concept, and its real meaning may have many kinds: [-]. I didn't pay much attention to it, so I just put it in a perfunctory sentence.Second, after reading it, it is not enough to compare with the top, and it is more than enough to compare with the bottom.[-]. I can't bear to watch it at all, but it can't hurt your self-esteem, so let's encourage it.But I didn't want to say it was great against my will, so I said "not bad" as a compromise.[-]. Among the evening parties of the same level, this evening party is considered wonderful.As for whether A has considered so much, it is his own business.So this way of making suggestions has a vivid explanation: "This is not what I said."

Sometimes, in order to let the other party deepen their impression of a certain suggestion, we choose to omit some information on purpose, so that the other party can feel that this effect will be better than saying it directly, at least taking into account the dignity of the other party.like this:

A: What do you think of this plan?
(A is very stubborn and has low self-esteem. If someone directly gives him an opinion, he will feel that the other party looks down on him. In this case, it is the best way to give advice vaguely.)
B: Not bad.

(Such a statement will not make A feel repulsive, it will only make him think about what it means to be "okay".)
A: Do you mean there is room for improvement?

B: Yes, I think you can do better.

(It's much better to let the other party realize that there is still room for improvement than to say it directly.)
Although it is sometimes appropriate to use vague advice with regard to another's ego, it is not always recommended here.Because it will bring more misunderstandings to people, and treating each other with sincerity is the basic principle for people to get along with each other.

Bringing closer with sensory vocabulary
EAC (Eye Interpretation Cues) can aid in determining what an individual's dominant sense is.The dominant senses are divided into visual senses, auditory senses and kinesthetic senses.The dominant sense determines our profession and the way we behave in the world. For example, the dominant sense of a musician is hearing, the dominant sense of an athlete is kinesthetic, and the dominant sense of a photographer is vision.Understanding the dominant senses of the person you're communicating with can help you communicate better.You can bring each other closer by using sensory vocabulary that makes them comfortable.

sight word
People who are dominated by visual senses like to use some visual words to make the described things come alive.Such as see, picture, look, manifest, observe, foresee, see, clarify, fantasize, exhibit, illuminate, sight, describe, represent.

Such people like to say things like this:

i need to see clearly
i hope to see you
you can say what you mean

bright future
Your words are like a light

you must be able to imagine that scene

……

When describing something to a visually-dominant person, you need to speak more vividly, try to let him see the benefits of doing so, and it is best to present a bright future.

auditory vocabulary
People with a dominant sense of hearing like to use these words: speak, nice, listen, silence, scream, tell, discuss, rhythm, harsh, monotonous, loud.

Such people like to say things like this:

you listen to me
tell me what you mean

sounds good

i have never heard of such a thing

i want to speak for everyone

……

When communicating with auditory-dominant people, let them hear the benefits of this matter. Using more auditory vocabulary can shorten the distance between you.

Kinesthetic vocabulary
Kinesthetic-dominant people are generally feeling-dominant people who use touch or emotion to recall what happened, and they also like to use taste or smell.Words commonly used by such people are: contact, touch, pain, cold, warmth, firmness, softness, roughness, creaminess, lightness, heaviness, sourness, sweetness, bitterness, aroma.

When they express it, they often say:
have to try this

Really fragrant
我 可以 感觉 到
this thing is strong

she looks so sweet

he is soft and gentle

……

To communicate with such people, it is best to let them feel the benefits of this matter more.

In real life, many people do not chat speculatively. There are many reasons that two people are using different dominant sensory vocabulary.To give a simple example:

A: Didn't you understand what I meant?
B: I heard it, but I didn't understand it.

If you can cater to the sensory vocabulary of the other party, the effect of communication will undoubtedly be much better.Like the conversation below, it will be much smoother.

A: Do you understand now?
B: Yes, I understand.

So how to find out the dominant sense organ of the other side?This requires some work on your part.A few methods are briefly introduced here for reference.

A question
"How do you want me to introduce?" When you are facing a client or other communication partner, you can ask this first, so as to know the dominant sense of the other party.

"Let's hear it!" This kind of answer is a typical auditory sense dominant.

"You write down everything you say, with a chart, so it's clear at a glance." This is a typical visual sense dominant.

"No matter how you introduce it, just make me comfortable." This is typical kinesthetic sensory dominance.

Or you can ask, "How does it look?" If the other person doesn't respond well, try another way: "How does it sound?" (or "What do you think?")
behavior
People with dominant visual senses are usually very fast in walking and speaking, and are also very sensitive to color, structure, shape, and light.For this kind of people, everything they can see will disappear, so they need to remember quickly. Over time, they form a habit, which leads to walking and talking very fast.Because of their quick actions, such people have shortness of breath and large chest heaves when they express themselves, and their body movements accompanied by speech are also very frequent.Moreover, people who are dominated by visual senses will look to the upper left to activate memory.

People who are dominated by auditory senses have slower speech and walking speeds than those who are dominated by visual senses. They are used to answering questions while thinking, and the speed of speech follows the speed of thinking.The body movements when speaking are basically controlled in the middle of the body, which is one of their ways of expression and relaxation.Because auditory memory is dominant, they are very sensitive to sounds, and often divert their attention because of the appearance of some sounds.In addition, people who are dominated by auditory senses are used to tilting their heads when listening to people speaking. This action strengthens the function of the ears and makes it easier to hear the other party's voice more clearly.When they themselves speak, they pay great attention to the tone and intonation, hoping to complete the expression with a more pleasant voice.

People with kinesthetic senses are very concerned about everything they can touch, such as whether the clothes are comfortable, whether the seat is soft, and whether the environment is elegant.When this kind of person expresses, the speech speed is moderate, the body movement is mainly concentrated in the abdomen, and the breathing is also with the abdomen.Compared with the requirements of sound and picture, this kind of people are more inclined to use touch to express their opinions.You must have met people who touch this and that every now and then when they talk, and often pat you with their hands and bump you with their elbows.They are kinesthetic people, feeling more important than anything else.

Rhythm
As mentioned above, people who are dominated by visual senses have a very fast rhythm no matter what they do, even breathing fast; people who are dominated by auditory senses do things and speak slowly, and are used to breathing through the diaphragm; A sensory-oriented person speaks at a moderate rate and is accustomed to breathing through the abdomen.

You know which sense-oriented person the other person is, which helps you understand what the other person really wants to express.If you cater to the other party's expression mode, you can also better let the other party understand what you mean, eliminate a certain sense of distance, and thus establish a good relationship.

Build rapport with loved ones

If it is said that the relationship with strangers can be as light as water, then surely no one wants to be as light as water with the person they like, which requires mastering the skills of getting along with people.

When you meet someone you like, how do you build a rapport with him?The first thing to mention is the most attractive of all expressions: the smile.Few people respond with indifference when they smile at others.Most of the time, when you smile at a stranger, the stranger will smile back at you.

You must have encountered such a situation: on the train, there are people next to and opposite, and there is a young man about your age among them.You think the journey is very long, and having a personal chat will reduce the boring and long feeling.You look at him, and he happens to see you, and you smile at him, and he smiles back.Because of the similar age, there is a sense of intimacy, and this feeling will be deepened after smiling. Soon you will find that he will take the initiative to find topics to chat with you.

This method is also very effective if you meet the opposite sex you like.Smiling is the first step in establishing a good relationship between you and opening your hearts to each other.If in the vast crowd, you see someone who makes your heart move, then first use a kind smile to let the other person let go of your arms.

In addition to smiling, eye contact is one of the ways to build rapport.At a certain dinner party, you see a strange friend, and you immediately feel good about him, and you can't help but want to get closer to him.You can strike up a conversation with a smile first, and then try to maintain an open posture, such as taking away your arms crossed on your chest, taking away the wine glass and tableware in front of you, in short, keep a clean and tidy space, which will reduce the sense of distance .After chatting for a while, you want to test whether the other party wants to have further development with you, you can use the change of sight to do it.Look at the person, make eye contact for a second or two, then shift your gaze to the floor.Looking down is a signal of invitation, a sign of compliance, and the subtext is "can be closer to me".It should be noted that this is common in women.

When the other party feels noticed, they will instinctively want to show their best side: women will maintain an elegant posture, or touch up makeup, and arrange their hair and clothes; men will stand upright, showing their chests, Show your strength.If it's a woman, she's seemingly unconsciously flicking her hair or earrings as a signal of acceptance.In fact, fiddling with hair or earrings is secondary, and the most important thing is to show your wrist.Of course, the person involved will not realize that he is doing this.This gesture of showing my wrist or palm is a long-term evolution, which means that I have no offensive weapons in my hands and can be friendly.This is how the habit of meeting and shaking hands was formed.

Here are some seductive poses, some of which are common to women.

standing face to face

Standing and talking face-to-face exposes all the vulnerable parts of the body to each other, so we instinctively stagger a little when we stand and talk with strangers or people we don't trust.In other words, if the other party is willing to stand and talk with you face to face, it proves that the other party does not exclude you from becoming closer, which means that you are attracted to and trust each other.Similarly, don't approach from the front as soon as you meet, this will cause psychological pressure on the other party, and thus have a sense of defense.

If the other party is not used to standing and talking with you, and will turn sideways, cross his arms in front of his chest, or touch his neck or collar with his hands, you'd better keep a certain distance at this time.However, such actions can also occur when the other person is not interested in the topic you are talking about, in which case you'd better change the subject.

If the other party does not object to standing and talking with you, then this will be a good opportunity to build a good relationship, because you can see the other party's micro-expressions more clearly.Use the micro-expression judgment skills you have learned before to see if the other party is willing to get close to you or has a good impression of you.

sitting face to face
You may get tired after standing for a while, so you choose to sit down and chat face to face.With a table in front, the other party's mood will be a little more relaxed, because the vulnerable parts are blocked.If there is no table in front of you, just remember: don't cross your legs, because crossed legs will get in the way; don't wear sunglasses, it will make people feel insecure.

At this time, you should pay attention to observation. If the other party is interested in what you have to say, your body will unconsciously lean forward, and your hands and feet will be very relaxed.If the other person is not interested in what you have to say, there will be a feeling of restlessness, such as patting the ground with your feet or playing with the cup at hand.Of course, there are some micro-expressions that will also reveal true emotions, which requires you to practice constantly.

Eat

This is common in women.Women show their sexy lips by chewing things, such as olives, chewing gum, chocolate, ice cubes, accompanied by some lip licking movements.Of course, this is not advisable if you are dining.

These techniques won't do everything you need to build a rapport with someone you like, they're just an initial tool for you to get to know each other.Whether you can make the other party like you depends on your personality, background and many other aspects.

Elevate the other person, make him take off his guard

Psychology tells us that people always have a certain degree of defense when facing strangers, and when facing strangers who are stronger than themselves, the possibility of disgust is far greater than the possibility of liking.The reason is that the dark side of our hearts will make jealousy burst out earlier than sincere submission.In other words, if you are above all when dealing with people, the first thing that arouses is the hostility of the other party.

(End of this chapter)