FBI super mind-reading technique: teach you instant insight into people's hearts

Chapter 39 Resolving hostility and making you feel like a duck to water (4)
Successful interviews with big names

There is a reporter in the United States who is very successful in interviewing important people. When he was 25 years old, he was already well-known in the news circle.Many people are curious about why he has such a high achievement at such a young age, but those who have seen him are even more surprised, because he is a simple and shy person with rosy cheeks.As everyone knows, it was this simple appearance that helped him a lot.

Every time he went to interview big shots, he would pretend to be a naive reporter, and he was a little scared when he first said the first sentence, so as to arouse the sympathy of those big shots instead of hostility.With this trick, he was able to complete the task quickly almost every time.

If you ask him about his experience as a reporter, he will tell you that the most important strategy is that you don't emphasize that you are important.If you know how to elevate the other party and let the other party feel your humility, then the other party's hostility towards strangers will soon be eliminated.

keep yourself humble

Rear Admiral Price of the U.S. Navy once narrated such a thing.Before the outbreak of the Spanish War, he met Hargrove, a famous congressman who had just come out of the White House, on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington. Laughing, walking like a breeze, even waving his cane very high.

Price greeted him warmly: "Hello, Mr. Hargrove, you look really happy today."

Seeing that it was Price, Hargrove came over and put his arm on Price's shoulder, and said with an intimate look: "Yes, my friend, I just came out of the president's office."

Price knew that Hargrove and the president had been at odds politically.Many times when they talked about this matter, Hargrove had expressed this view: he would never support the president, and he probably didn't even have to be a friend.But why has the situation changed so much today?Price looked curious.

"You know," said Hargrove excitedly, "when I first walked into the Oval Office, he came up to me and shook my hand and said, 'Man, you're the one I trust and trust most. It’s up to you, this time it’s all about your help, otherwise I can’t win this battle.” Although I disagreed with Mr. President’s actions on many things in the past, and he knew about them, but now I am very supportive Him. You see, he still has to ask me to help."

Looking at the beaming Hargrove, Price knew that the president had used a brilliant strategy. He first elevated Hargrove and expressed his needs in the most humble manner, making Hargrove feel that he was more important to the president than others. If Yan Yan is an indispensable helper, then the hostility that existed because of disagreements before will disappear.Once the knot is untied, many things will be easier to handle.

In fact, the president has won the support of many people by relying on such tactics.Not only that, he will also invite some friends to private parties. These friends may not be very close, or they may have different opinions, but in the private party, what they experience is the importance of the president and the secrecy of the party. It feels like the president respects and trusts them.As a result, many people became real supporters of the president after the president's private party.

The famous American politician Hay John is also a very easy to like person, the reason is that no matter how ordinary people you face, he can make you feel that you are important, and he will make you feel that interacting with him is It's as natural as communicating with relatives.

If you want to have one more friend instead of one more enemy, what you need to do is to elevate the other party subtly and eliminate his hostility invisible.Even if you are better than the opponent, you can hide those things.If you are humble enough, even if the other person is jealous, they will not be hostile to you, but will become your most supportive friend.

shifting the emotional focus of others

Man is a social animal, and everyone wants to be recognized by others, not criticized and accused.Psychological research has found that when people are recognized by others, they will recognize others more quickly.Conversely, when we are criticized and accused, even if the criticism and accusation are correct, it is difficult for us to restrain our resistance, which is undoubtedly not conducive to our friendly interpersonal communication.If we have to face the malice or hostility of others, how can we ease the conflict and turn the enemy into a friend?

no focus

When Abraham Lincoln became the president of the United States, the United States was facing the crisis of division. There were irreconcilable contradictions between the slave owners in the south and the bourgeoisie in the north, which greatly hindered the unity and development of the country.Lincoln was ordered in the face of danger, conformed to the will of the people, and firmly advocated the abolition of slavery.For this reason, politicians representing the interests of southern slave owners often attacked him maliciously.

Lincoln himself was unattractive, with a long, thin face.Once, his political opponents ridiculed him for being a hypocrite and double-faced.Faced with the ridicule of his political opponents, Lincoln did not let his anger control him. He did not accuse the other party of slandering, nor did he yell at the other party to produce real evidence.He simply responded: "If I really have two faces, do you think I will meet people with this ugly face?" The people next to him applauded Lincoln's humor, and his political opponents were embarrassed to say goodbye. Been obsessed with this issue.

On another occasion, Lincoln made a speech in a city that supported slavery.Lincoln sincerely expressed his hope that the north and south of the United States would unite and struggle together. His speech was very wonderful and achieved great success. Even the opposition could not find a place to attack.After the speech, Lincoln set aside a portion of the time to answer questions from the audience.At this time, a small note was passed to Lincoln.He opened the note and saw that there were only two words on it - "stupid".For a while, the scene looked a little awkward.Lincoln unhurriedly raised the note in his hand, and said to the audience: "I don't know which careless audience member only wrote the name but not the question." After listening to Lincoln's words, the nervous staff and audience laughed stand up.A malicious attack against Lincoln also came to nothing, and became an opportunity for Lincoln to show his personality charm.

You know, when the opponent shows hostility towards you, he must be ready to counterattack.At this time, your anger and counterattack will only aggravate his hostility and make the differences between the two more serious.Conversely, if you can restrain your emotions and not respond positively to the opponent's attack, the opponent who is ready to fight back will reduce their hostility towards you because of your unreasonable playing of cards.

Avoid the serious and take the light to resolve the contradiction

During the Spring and Autumn Period, the relationship between Chu and Qi was tense, and there were occasional frictions between the two countries.Once, Qi State sent envoy Yan Zi to Chu State.The king of Chu deliberately made things difficult for Yan Zi, embarrassing the Qi people.

When the king of Chu was entertaining Yanzi, he had soldiers tie a Qi national who had committed theft to the palace.The king of Chu said arrogantly to Yanzi: "This man is from Qi. He stole property from his master's house and was caught by officers and soldiers. Tell me, does this mean that Qi people are good at being thieves?"

Of course the envoy Yanzi knew that this was a game deliberately set up by the King of Chu to discredit Qi.He shoulders the mission of the envoy, and cannot directly refute the king of Chu and aggravate the conflict between the two countries, but he must also maintain the reputation of Qi and the dignity of the envoy.

Yanzi didn't answer the King of Chu's question in a matter-of-fact manner, but told a story from the side. "I heard that when an orange tree grows in the south, it can bear big and sweet oranges, but if it is moved to the north, it can only bear small and sour fruits. Why is this? It is because of the differences between the north and the south. The water, soil and environment are all different! This person from Qi State kept his own place and worked hard in Qi State, but now he has become a thief in Chu State, this is probably also the impact of the environment!"

The implication of Yan Zi's words is obvious. The people of Qi State were honest and gentlemen in Qi State, but they became thieves when they came to Chu State. It was because of the influence of Chu State's bad atmosphere.Yanzi's words were polite and restrained, and the king of Chu couldn't criticize him, so he could only hide his embarrassment and said, "Oh, I shouldn't be joking with smart people. Now I'm taking my own humiliation."

Yan Zi did not directly refute the fallacy of King Chu, but cleverly chose the example of the orange tree to express his opinion.In the end, the arrogant King Chu also had to bow his head to make peace with Yan Zi, and never dared to speak provocatively again.

If the other party's hostility is very straightforward, you will only make the situation worse if you fight back head-on.It's better to stay calm and take a detour, without losing your position, without intensifying the conflict, and giving both parties a time to buffer their emotions.As long as you remain unmoved, the other party's provocation will only be self-defeating.

praise your enemies
The hero Jin Yong described a kind of miraculous martial arts in his novel "Tian Long Ba Bu", which is called "Using the way of the other, and giving it back to the other body".Martial arts knights also like to say, "A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye".After being treated unfairly, one must reciprocate to the opponent intact, in order to make people feel relieved.However, if Tit for Tat could really solve the problem, there probably wouldn't be so many tragedies in the world.

be tolerant
Do you believe that tolerance can be used to resolve hostility?Maybe you will say, I am not a saint, how can I be slapped on one side of the face, and I have to send the other side up to get another slap?Then take a look at the story below.

Gray and Hall don't like each other, but their boss puts them together on a mission.Instead of taking the initiative to cooperate with Hall, Gray deliberately delayed Hall many times, and spread the word that Hall was incompetent and couldn't do things well.Hall felt sad, but he still insisted on putting his work first, and endured it in silence.When the boss asked Hall about Gray, Hall also took the initiative to speak for Gray, saying that he was serious and demanding in his work.

The cooperation between the two finally succeeded. Gray triumphantly claimed that it was all due to himself, and Hall modestly said that he still had a lot to learn.

Later, when the boss assigned work again, no one in the company was willing to cooperate with Gray anymore.Everyone talked about him behind his back, thinking that he is narrow-minded and loves to take credit; difficult to get along with and loves to hold grudges.The silent Hall received unanimous praise, and his colleagues felt that he was magnanimous, not fussy, capable and virtuous.

Does the outcome of this story surprise you?Who dares to cooperate with Gray if he speaks ill of his partner whenever he sees anyone?How can such Hall not be praised for swallowing his anger and putting work first?
Sometimes, praising the enemy is the first step to defusing hostility and taking the lead.Speaking ill of the enemy will only make people think you are a small belly.On the contrary, praising the enemy and appreciating his strengths will make people feel that you are tolerant and generous. "Don't reach out and hit the smiling face", you praise the enemy's goodness in front of everyone, does the enemy have the nerve to say bad things about you in front of everyone?Even if he said it, it would only make people feel that his character is despicable.

respect the opponent
Even if you know that in the next moment, you will fight to the death, it does not prevent you from praising your enemy and recognizing his ability at this moment.In many cases, the opponent is your ladder to success.No one has stipulated that an opponent must be an enemy, not a friend.

When Jordan was in the Bulls, there was a rookie named Pippen who regarded him as his rival. Not only did he often confront him, but he often taunted him, always saying that he had the strength to surpass Jordan, and sooner or later Jordan would give himself Make way or something.

Faced with Pippen's hostility, Jordan did not use his influence to crowd out and attack him. Instead, he was tolerant, often mentioning him in terms of his skills and encouraging him.

Once, the two met on the practice field, and Jordan took the initiative to ask Pippen: "Who do you think can shoot better three-pointers?"

Pippen curled his lips, "I know you shot well, what, are you trying to show off to me? Sooner or later I will surpass you."

Jordan smiled, "Although my three-point shooting success rate is a little higher than yours, I think you actually shoot better than me."

Pippen looked at Jordan in surprise.

Jordan explained: "I have carefully observed that your shooting movements are smooth and natural, and you can always grasp the best timing. This is a talent I don't have. The most important thing is that I am only used to shooting with my right hand, and you are both right and left. , you will definitely surpass me in the future."

Pippen was moved by Jordan's straightforwardness and sincerity, and truly realized Jordan's tolerance.From then on, Pippen still regarded Jordan as an opponent, but he never ridiculed him again.

Yes, maybe we have different understandings, positions, and value orientations, maybe we don’t like each other’s living habits and behaviors, or even we are incompatible enemies, but these don’t prevent us from seeing clearly the flaws in our opponents. Advantages and strengths do not affect our appreciation of the opponent's qualities and personality.

What's more, if your opponent can get the number one in the world, then you are number two in the world, and you deserve people's respect!If you reduce your opponent to nothing, where do you put yourself?You have nothing to be proud of in defeating a worthless opponent.Conversely, if the opponent is worthless, but you are defeated by the opponent, doesn't that mean that you are even more worthless?
To respect your opponent is to respect yourself. This will not only win the respect and friendship of your opponent, but also show your tolerance and mind.

Being soft is actually taking the initiative
We often see that the two parties in the dispute refuse to give in to each other, their faces are flushed, and in the end they even escalate to fistfights.If you see such a scene, will you distinguish who is right?I'm afraid not, we will only think that it is unmannered for two people to quarrel with red faces, and it is even more embarrassing to escalate to fistfights.Is it so difficult for the two parties in the dispute to say a soft word first?

Retreat
When the two sides disagree, in order to reach an agreement, someone must be willing to take a step back.However, very few people are willing to take the initiative to back down. In anyone's view, taking the initiative to back down means giving up and compromising, suffering a disadvantage, or being taken advantage of by others.Is this really the case?

During the Spring and Autumn Period, the army of the State of Qi invaded the border of the State of Lu.King Lu Zhuang led his counselor Cao GUI on an expedition, and met the Qi army at Changshao.King Lu Zhuang immediately ordered the army to beat drums to fight, but Cao GUI persuaded King Lu Zhuang not to rush to fight, but to let the soldiers rest and rectify first.

King Lu Zhuang followed Cao GUI's suggestion. He ordered that the army of Lu State set up camp in a valley not far from the Qi army, built fortifications, and lit bonfires to prepare food.

Qi's army came from afar. After encountering Lu's army, they thought there would be a fierce battle, but Lu's army avoided fighting and retreated into the valley.The general of the Qi State thought that the Lu army must have some kind of conspiracy, maybe it was preparing to attack at night, so they also sent troops to step up patrols at night, and the soldiers were too nervous to sleep.Unexpectedly, for several days in a row, the Lu army did not take the initiative to attack, but the Qi army, who was on guard day and night, had exhausted itself.

The general of Qi State thought that there could be no further delay, so he took the initiative to attack the Lu army.When he heard the Qi army beating drums for the first time to attack, King Luzhuang was ready to send soldiers to meet him, but Cao GUI persuaded King Luzhuang not to attack, but to close the gate of the camp, and ignored it.King Luzhuang did as Cao GUI wanted.It was not until the drums of the Qi army's third attack stopped that Cao GUI agreed to the Lu army's battle.

The two armies fought, and the Qi army was quickly defeated.King Luzhuang was surprised that the mighty Qi army was defeated in one blow.

Cao GUI explained with a smile: "First, the Qi army came from a long distance, and the sergeants were more tired than our army; second, the Qi army was on guard against our army's sneak attack day and night, and the soldiers were more tired. When the drums beat three links, the morale of the Qi army is low, but the morale of our army is strong, how can the Qi army be undefeated?"

The center of Cao GUI's strategy is to retreat to advance. On the surface, avoiding and not fighting is a kind of retreat; in fact, avoiding the time when the morale of the Qi army is highest is precisely for the later attack.Isn't it easier to win when the Qi army is exhausted and morale is low than to fight head-to-head?

In the same way, instead of arguing with the opponent and exhausting your patience, it is better to actively avoid the opponent's strong momentum and resolve the dispute when his momentum is low.

Avoid the edge
In a psychological war, whoever reveals the bottom line first loses.Only by making your opponent unable to see your true intentions and touch your psychological defense, can you gain more benefits from it.If the enemy is clear and we are dark, the initiative will fall into your hands.

You get into a heated argument with someone, and you both end up on the verge of losing control, and you yell at him, "If you don't apologize, then don't expect our conversation to continue."

When you say that, you are actually mentally prepared because you think your opponent will never apologize.You have even thought about it, if he says he will never apologize, you will rush up and give him two punches.

However, after you yelled, your opponent unexpectedly apologized to you.At this time, you are at a loss and your head can't turn around, but your opponent has taken over the initiative of the conversation.He can ask you to calm down and continue the conversation. If you still plan to continue the argument, then of course he can sneer at you: "You apologized first and then continued the conversation. Now I apologize. Aren't you going to keep your promise?" ?”

The opponent's just right subduing not only disrupts your plan, but also takes the initiative of the conversation.You see, what a bad situation blindly tough has gotten you into!If you don't want to lose the initiative in psychological warfare, you might as well take the initiative to give in at the right time.You know, taking the initiative to bow your head does not mean losing your benefits, but it is a good way for you to take the initiative.Because you lower yourself and break the opponent's defense at the same time.You squat down, causing the other party to not know what you want at all, and then your chance to speak or fight back will come.

(End of this chapter)