FBI super mind-reading technique: teach you instant insight into people's hearts

Chapter 47 Hiding yourself and making others impeccable (6)
Second, if it is really because of our limited ability or some other objective reasons, we should be honest and tell our difficulties, so that the other party understands that you did not intend to evade, but that you are really powerless.

Third, in some cases, direct refusal is more effective than tactful refusal.Like the college professor in the previous example, in that case it is wisest to simply refuse to interrupt the class.We must remember that "continue to stop and accept the chaos". For certain things that violate the law or discipline, or things that break through your moral bottom line, you should clearly express your attitude instead of being ambiguous.

Fourth, pay attention to tone and attitude.Whether it is a direct refusal, a tactful refusal, or a circuitous refusal, we all need to pay attention to our attitude.It’s not that if others want something from you, you are superior. You must know that you also have something to ask for from others, so no matter who has something to ask for, our status should be equal.Even if you don't intend to help others, you should at least express your sincerity, give some smiles, give some encouragement, and eliminate the unhappiness that may be caused to the other party because of your rejection.

Fifth, take into account the dignity of the other party.Everyone has self-esteem. Sometimes when a person asks for help, he already feels very uncomfortable, because he will feel that this is a matter of lowering self-esteem, so you should not strengthen the other person's emotions, at least you should Let the other person relax, talk in a peaceful and friendly way, and in the end, even if you don't help him, at least you make him feel less uncomfortable.

Only when you have energy can you have strength
"Victory and defeat are unexpected in the family affairs, but shame and shame are men. The children of Jiangdong are so talented, and it is unknown to make a comeback." This is the famous work of Du Mu, a poet in the Tang Dynasty, called "Ti Wujiang Pavilion".The poem tactfully criticizes Xiang Yu, saying that if this well-known hero can be more tolerant, more patient, and then make a comeback, it is not impossible for him to make a comeback.

Kneeling Henry

There is a saying called "a prime minister can pull a boat in his belly", which literally means that as a prime minister under one person and above ten thousand people, he must have a broad mind and a large capacity. Only in this way can he tolerate the world and hold the prime minister This officer is doing well.But from the perspective of being a human being, this sentence has a deeper meaning. What it says is that being famous is only an external thing. What really makes you respected is not the false name, but your tolerance for the outside world. .

In 1076, Henry, the Holy Roman Emperor of Germany, and Pope Gregory fought for power, and the struggle became increasingly fierce, and finally developed to the point of irreconcilability.Henry wanted to get rid of the control of the Holy See, and the Pope wanted to deprive Henry of all autonomy.

Henry preemptively called the bishops of all dioceses in the territory to hold a religious meeting and announced the abolition of Gregory's papacy.Gregory, on the other hand, held a meeting of the entire Christian world in Rome and announced the expulsion of Henry. He not only wanted the Germans to rise up against Henry, but also hoped that the whole world would oppose Henry together.

Gregory's position was high and powerful, and his appeal was also great. For a time, waves of anti-Henry emerged one after another, especially in Germany, where feudal lords, large and small, rebelled and challenged Henry's throne.

Seeing such a situation, Henry had to compromise.In January of the following year, wearing ragged clothes and riding an old and weak donkey, he braved the severe cold and traveled across mountains and mountains to Rome to repent and plead guilty to the Pope.

Gregory was so powerful that he ignored Henry at all, and hid away from Rome before Henry arrived.Henry had no choice but to brave the severe cold to go to the Canossa Palace where Gregory was located to plead guilty.

Gregory closed the door tightly and did not let Henry in.In order to keep the emperor's throne, Henry endured the humiliation and knelt down in front of the closed gate of the Canossa Palace, in full view of everyone.

The winter there was really cold, there was heavy snow in the sky, and Henry was dressed in rags, unable to resist the severe cold at all.In this way, he knelt and took off his hat, and knelt for three days and three nights before Gregory opened the door to let him in and forgive his sins.

Henry resumed his membership and kept the throne.After that, he concentrated on rectifying the interior and knocked down those forces that threatened him one by one.After gaining a firm foothold, he immediately sent troops to attack Rome.

Great changes have taken place in the strength of both sides. In the face of Henry's reorganized strong army, Gregory fled the city and finally died in another country.

If Henry didn't have enough strength when he knelt down in the Canossa Palace, and didn't have enough tolerance and patience when he faced Gregory's hateful face, he wouldn't be able to continue to be his emperor, and it would be impossible for him to have Thereafter the supremacy and glory.

be bold
Lincoln began to enter politics at the age of 25, and finally became the President of the United States at the age of 51.During this period, he took a path different from that of ordinary people. He suffered repeated failures, and all kinds of rumors and gossips filled his life for a long time.His solution to these problems is almost all tolerance, tolerance and tolerance, tolerance of different voices, tolerance of others' incomprehension and opposition to him.

Every failure is like fate abandoning Lincoln, but it never means that he will compromise.Lincoln has always been able to judge the situation, ignore those abuses, and adjust his goals in a timely manner, so every endurance is a big step forward.After 28 years of hard work, countless failures, and countless restarts, he finally became the president.He once made a humorous note for his patience: "I would rather give way to a dog, because even killing it will not help."

Oil magnate Rockefeller once encountered such a thing.One day, a stranger broke into his office, went straight to his desk, slammed his fist on the table, and shouted loudly: "Rockefeller, I hate you to death, I have every reason to hate you!" Then, the The uninvited guest scolded Rockefeller with ugly words for 10 minutes.

The employees thought that he would call the security guards to drive this annoying person away, but Rockefeller stood there without saying a word, and at the same time looked at the person with kind eyes until he stopped cursing and turned around boringly. Lose.Afterwards, Rockefeller went on working as if nothing had happened.

In fact, for big figures like Rockefeller, their prestige is generally proportional to their breadth of mind.

don't judge others by yourself
During the Five Dynasties period, there was a man named Li Zairen, who was a descendant of the royal family of the Tang Dynasty. This man had two characteristics, one was pedantic, and the other was that he did not eat meat.One day, he was going to be summoned by a superior official. As soon as he got on the horse, two of his followers started fighting.Li Zairen was very angry, and immediately ordered people to bring flatbread and pork from the kitchen, and punished the two followers for eating Roujiamo, and warned them: "Next time there is a fight, I will add some pastry to the pork as punishment." You eat!"

False empathy bias
The above story is called "Punishing People for Eating Meat", which comes from "Ancient and Modern Tan Gai" by Feng Menglong in the Ming Dynasty.Although this is a story that makes people laugh, it also explains a truth to us. If Li Zairen doesn't eat pork, he thinks that others don't eat pork either. Eating pork is almost a punishment for him, so he eats pork. Pork to punish others.

In fact, there are many people like Li Zairen in life, but they don’t look as ridiculous and pedantic as him, but the problem we often make is that we tend to use our own principles to measure others.

We usually believe that our hobbies and needs are the same as those of most people. For example, if we prefer white, we will naturally measure the people around us with this preference, and we will also prefer to choose white when sending gifts to friends. thing.We love playing computer games, assuming most of us should, and wonder at the ones who don't, that their lives aren't fun at all.We even overestimate the number of people who vote for our favorite, overestimate our own authority and leadership in the group, and so on.In psychology, such behavior has a name called "false empathy bias".

False consensus bias, also known as false consistency bias, refers to the fact that we often overestimate or exaggerate our beliefs, judgments, and behavioral results.When encountering conflicting information, this bias will make us stick to our social perception, which means that many times our stubborn opinion is not because that opinion is absolutely correct, but because we stubbornly believe that it is correct.

others think the same as me

In 1977, a professor from the Department of Sociology of Stanford University designed two small experiments to prove the impact of this false empathy bias on our social life.

In the first experiment, the professors recruited some college students as subjects, asked these students to read a material about conflict, and told them two ways of responding to the conflict.

Next, the subjects were asked to complete three questions:

[-]. Guess what other people will choose;
[-]. Tell me which way you choose;
[-]. Make a general description of the characteristics of the people who choose these two different ways.

The results of the experiment do not depend on what people will choose, but on whether as an individual, no matter which way he chooses, he will think that others will choose the same way as himself.If so, it is the same thing that the main experimenter wants to verify-we always think that other people's thoughts are the same as our own.

The experiment was successfully completed. When analyzing the answers to the third question, the professors also discovered an interesting phenomenon. People made more extreme predictions about people who made different choices from themselves.That is to say, people even think that people who think differently from themselves are somewhat abnormal, but this prejudice is actually baseless.

In the second experiment, the professors changed the experimental situation. They chose new college students as subjects, and asked each of them if they would hang a billboard with "Welcome to XXX restaurant" on their chests, and then Hang out in school for 30 minutes.The professors did not tell the subjects the real purpose of the experiment, only that they could learn something useful from it.Of course, if the subjects don't want to, they can refuse.

The results of the experiment showed that more than 60% of those who agreed to put up the billboard felt that others would agree to do the same.But of those who disagreed with the billboards, only about 30 percent thought others would.

In fact, their estimates and judgments of others are incorrect, at least not objective, but people are hardly aware of it.For example, women who do not smoke think that women should not smoke, and almost all women do not smoke, so when they see women smoking, they will be surprised and incomprehensible, and they will even call it "the woman who smokes is Bad Woman" fixed rating.In addition to making people think that most people should be the same as themselves, this kind of fixed evaluation also has a stereotype effect in it-judging others with their own fixed image and principles.

Don't judge others by your own fixed ideas
During the Three Kingdoms period, Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong had the reputation of "Crouching Dragon and Phoenix Cub". "Crouching Dragon" Zhuge Liang was a good-looking talent, but this "Phoenix Cub" Pang Tong who was as famous as him was not so lucky.

(End of this chapter)