speaking psychology
Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Polite language has a weight that cannot be ignored when speaking and doing things.Everyone subconsciously wants to be respected.Therefore, when seeking help from others and making suggestions and requests, we must pay special attention to using polite language, consider the other party's face, and take care of the other party's inner thoughts, and then make our own requests step by step and ingeniously, and speak politely, so that the other party can be in control of the situation. Inadvertently open up to you.
Can talk and get things done
Incompetent bungler.Those who can speak often get twice the result with half the effort, and those who can't speak often get twice the result with half the effort.
Talking is the most basic way for people to communicate. If you want to do things well, you must first be "able to speak" and "speak well".People who can speak will use the power of language to shorten the distance between each other and enhance friendship.When doing things, they are good at using language to persuade others and let them adopt their opinions.
An author who is about to publish a new book wants to have a cultural personality write the title for his book.When the writer explained his purpose, the cultural celebrity did not express his opinion immediately, but said humorously: "It is not impossible to write an inscription, but in today's society, everything pays attention to economic benefits. If I write an inscription for you, do I have to pay some labor fees? Here It’s cheaper for you, 2000 yuan per word, what do you think?” This sentence sounds like a joke at first, but the writer still understands the meaning behind the words.The cultural figure seems to complain about the fact that his handwriting is often used.
The writer remained calm, and then said: "Sir, you are being self-effacing. Please write an inscription, and you should pay for it. What's more, how can you buy a word of yours for 2000 yuan? It's like worth 2000 yuan. If you can’t buy a piece of clothing in this store, you can go to another store. But for your ink, there is nowhere else to find it except you. Every word of yours is priceless to me, it is priceless Bought it!" These few words were very useful to the celebrity, and he gladly picked up a pen and presented them with words.
How can I speak easily to be accepted by others?Here are a few good suggestions that are worth learning.
1.play the wise man who listens
A person who likes to talk at length and chatter does not mean that he can speak, but he can speak well if he can grasp the words just right.For example, when asking for help, you must first learn to be a listener.Carnegie said such a sentence: "Speaking less does not mean not speaking, but giving yourself enough time to listen and think. Only when every word you say has weight can you be valued. Wonderful words always Can easily impress."
2.praise each other verbally
Everyone wants to be recognized by others.When doing business, saying respectful words to each other and praising each other more can quickly win the favor of the other party and shorten the distance between each other.Lay the groundwork for things to succeed.
3.Words of courtesy and welcome
When asking for help, paying attention to language etiquette is indispensable.Only when you speak with humility and elegance, and with the right strength, can you win the respect of others and be welcomed by others, which can pave the way for the next step of communication.On the contrary, it will cause the other party to be reluctant to get close to you and screw things up.
4.Bring out the other person's point of interest
Knowing the interests and hobbies of the other party is beneficial to you. When asking for help, knowing the interests of the other party can help you quickly find a topic with the other party.Don't talk about what you have to do, you should first establish a friendly relationship with the other party.
5.Sincere attitude enhances feelings
When asking for help, your attitude determines how others accept you.Keeping a sincere attitude will be another boost on your way to success.
A three-inch tongue is stronger than a million soldiers; one person's debate is more important than the treasure of nine tripods.Being able to speak is a language skill. It can be said that if you want to get things done, you must first master the ability to speak.People who can talk can always easily break through the other party's psychological defense line, grasp the other party's psychology, and meet their own needs.
master the essentials of speaking
Finding someone to do things is difficult and simple, and simple and difficult.The essentials of speaking play a decisive role in it, and only by mastering the essentials of speaking can we be invincible.
1.Do what you like and meet the psychological needs of the other party
When looking for someone to do something, many people don't know what to say when they encounter something difficult to say.In fact, whether the other party will help you or not, and whether or not he will try his best to help you is entirely up to him.You can find out the common ground between the two parties and arouse the interest of the other party. As long as you are interested, no matter your friends, colleagues, or even strangers, you will do your best to help you.
In order to raise funds, Edward Challiver, who was engaged in scout education, went to a large company in the United States alone to visit its chairman, hoping that he would sponsor a scout to participate in the World Scout Conference.Edward once heard a story about the chairman. It is said that there was a check for 100 million US dollars on the wall of his office. Frame it and hang it on the wall.
As soon as Edward stepped into his office, he said that he wanted to see the huge check, and went back to tell the Boy Scouts.For his request, the chairman agreed without saying a word, and told Edward about the situation of writing the check at that time.
What was the result?After telling the story of the check, before Edward could open his mouth, the chairman took the initiative to ask why Edward came to find him, and Edward told him about the funding.
Unexpectedly, the chairman agreed to his request. In addition, he also agreed to sponsor another five scouts to go to the scout meeting.
Edward is smart, he stays put, does what he likes, seizes the interest of the chairman, and satisfies the psychological needs of the other party as the starting point, so that things go smoothly.
Similarly, when we ask someone to do something, we can also learn from his practice. We might as well find some topics that can arouse the other party's interest, open up the other party's chatterbox, and shorten the distance, thereby reducing the resistance to doing things.
2.Empathy, think what others think
If you want to get things done, you must learn to think from the standpoint of the other party. When people face a person who can think for themselves, they will lower their defenses and even feel that you are "one of them".When dealing with people, the behavior of those who are always self-centered is very undesirable.As psychologists say: "Only by talking to people with your heart, you may gain more friendship in two months than a person who always likes to make others interested in you will know in two years." There are more people."
There are many such salesmen in life: "Your refrigerator is too old, please replace it with a new one!" Hearing such words, customers are often disgusted.They will only think that you are selling your own products, and you are not thinking of yourself at all.But an experienced salesman said: "Your refrigerator seems to have been used for a long time, and the quality is really good. It is very durable!" Customers are always very happy to hear compliments, and replied: "Yes, It has been used for many years, and now it feels a bit old, and I want to replace it with a new one.”
It can be seen that if you want the other party to agree with you, you must consider the problem from the other party's perspective, care about the other party's interests, and pay attention to the other party's interests.Only in this way can we achieve our goals.
Dale Carnegie's social training courses are very popular. Due to the large audience, he often rents the hotel's auditorium to attend the class.Once, when all the preparations were about to be completed, the landlord suddenly notified him that the rent had risen, and he needed to pay three times more than the original rent.At this time, it was too late to change the venue.Tickets have already been printed out, and other preparations have been arranged.Time is running out, he must deal with this matter as soon as possible.
Carnegie found the manager to discuss: "I was a little surprised when I received the notice, but I can understand your approach. If I were you, I might do the same. After all, profit is the cost of survival for a hotel. But please change it Thinking about it from a different perspective, there are many middle- and upper-level managers among the audience who come to listen to the lecture. For homeowners, is this a live advertisement? It won’t be more than mine, but my training class can do it, isn’t it a good deal?” After speaking, Carnegie got up to leave: “Please think about it carefully.”
The next day, Carnegie was notified again, and the rent was changed to a 50% increase.
From Carnegie's story, we can see that when talking with others, standing in the perspective of the other person and making a reasonable analysis based on the situation is one of the ways to do things efficiently.
Thinking from the standpoint of the other party can sometimes achieve a win-win effect.We often say that being convenient to others is to be convenient to ourselves.In speaking, if you have the ability to empathize, you may gain a heart-to-heart understanding and success.
Start with simple requirements
People are more likely to lend a helping hand to easier requests than to more difficult ones.Because the difficult requirements are not only time-consuming and labor-intensive, but also very difficult to implement.The same is true for asking for help. You might as well put forward simple requests first, and then go further and ask for more difficult ones, that is, the difficulties you really need to ask for help, so that it is easier for people to accept.
Friedman is a social psychologist. He once did such an experiment: let his assistant visit several housewives.
And let them agree to hang a small signboard on their windows.They complied with the request.Half a month later, the assistants visited again. This time, the housewives were asked to put a signboard in the courtyard, which was very large and unsightly.And such a request was also made to the housewives who had not let the small signboard go before.As a result, 55% of housewives who had hung small signs accepted the request, while only 17% of housewives who did not hang small signs agreed to this request.This psychological phenomenon is known as the "increasing effect".
This shows that when faced with various goals and requirements, people will instinctively choose those that are easier to achieve.When new goals and demands larger than this appear, people will still choose new goals and demands, even if this demand is a bit too much, in order not to give people an image of inconsistency and inconsistency.Similarly, in asking for help, we can make use of people's psychology skillfully.
If you want to ask someone for a big favor, you might as well ask someone for a small favor first, and then ask for a big favor after the other party agrees.Because once the other party agrees to do a small favor, it seems to have crossed a psychological threshold, and it will be difficult to get out of the rest. He doesn't want to ruin his reputation and image because of this.
As the editor-in-chief of the "New York Daily", Leiter urgently needed a shrewd and capable assistant.After careful selection, he felt that John was the most suitable candidate, but he was not in a hurry to tell John this request, because at that time John was preparing to return to Illinois, his hometown, and there was a good lawyer job waiting with him.
After a meal, Leiter mentioned that he wanted to invite John to the newspaper office.John readily agreed.At that time, there was a shortage of foreign news editors for the newspaper. Leiter took the opportunity to say to John: "I have a small favor to ask for your help. Is it possible? Can you write an editorial for this news? It will be published in the newspaper tomorrow." .” This request was too simple for John, and he immediately began to write.Seeing the editorial written by John, Leiter praised loudly: "Your writing is really great!" and asked John to replace the foreign news editor for a week, and John agreed.A week later, John was asked to take over for another month, and gradually, John took full charge of the position.Time passed unconsciously, and John gave up his plan to return to his hometown and chose to stay in New York to continue working as a journalist.
If Rhett had told John about his request from the very beginning, John might have flatly refused, because he already had a plan to return to his hometown at that time.But the clever Leiter used a clever method of asking for help to keep Leiter, and achieved his goal.In life, when we encounter the need to ask others for help, we can also choose this method.
Say something that makes the other person feel
It is difficult for two strangers to resonate with each other at the beginning. In such a situation, you have to take the initiative to chat with each other to arouse their interest. Only after an in-depth dialogue can you get to know each other better.However, if you know that the other party does not agree with your ideas, or reveal your intentions prematurely, the other party is likely to resist.Persuasion is the best way to succeed in persuading others.
How to use psychological resonance to persuade others?May wish to follow the following 4 steps.
1.Introduction of humorous topics
Introduce with a relaxed and humorous topic, talk about him first, and test the mood of the other party at this time.
2.Transfer to topic
Step by step, change the topic, and bring it to the point.
3.Discuss the topic
Tell each other your suggestions and ideas.
4.end negotiations
Make the request clear and point out how it will benefit the other party, making it easier for the other party to accept.
When he was young, Galileo had already set his ambition to achieve something in the scientific world.To make his ambition a reality.He asked his father for support and help.
In one conversation, he said to his father: "Why did you marry your mother?"
"Of course it's because I like your mother." Father replied.
Galileo asked again: "Have you never thought of marrying someone else?"
"No. At that time, my family asked me to marry a rich lady, but I only had a soft spot for your mother. I dreamed of marrying her. Your mother was a beauty when she was young."
"Because you love your mother so much, you only want to marry her. I am facing the same situation as you were at that time. I love science so much that I don't want to choose another career except it. Science is the only thing I have. , I love it like I love a beautiful woman." Galileo said.
"How can science and women be compared?"
"Father. I am an adult. Other students have already begun to think about their own marriages, but I have never thought about it. I have never loved other women, and probably never will, because in this life I only want to be with science. "
Father did not speak, but listened carefully.
Galileo continued: "I will become an excellent scientist in the future. And make a living by it. I believe I can live a better life than others."
"But we are very poor, and your tuition fees have not yet been paid." The father looked a little embarrassed. "I've already thought about it. The Duke will give a lot of scholarships to poor students. I can also get one! You have many friends in Florence, you can ask them for help. Ask them to ask Ostello Lich, He is the Duke's teacher and knows my ability."
Seeing Galileo's persistence, his father was moved and said: "You are right, this is an excellent idea."
With his father's consent, Galileo said very excitedly: "Father, thank you for your willingness to help me. My best thanks to you is to strive to become a scientist."
In the end, Galileo persuaded his father and got his support and help, and became a famous scientist.
Galileo used "psychological resonance" to persuade his father.He started with a topic that his father was interested in, and then approached the topic of the conversation step by step, making his father feel the same way, and finally achieved his goal.
When asking for help, we can use psychological warfare to impress the other party from the "heart", let the other party empathize with the other party, consider the problem from our own standpoint, and then understand our own mind, so as to achieve the goal of getting things done.
Grasp the propriety of speaking
In the face of any thing, if you just blindly talk about it and talk about its good side, it is easy to cause mistrust in others.
In fact, when asking for help, it is often easier to win the trust of others and achieve your own goals by retreating.If you are always holding on to your own ideas, overemphasizing your purpose.Not necessarily good results.
It should be noted that the premise of retreating into advance is to have a preliminary understanding of the other party, grasp the other party's psychology, and grasp the propriety of speaking, in order to tilt the balance of victory to your side.
It was Franklin's ingenious use of the strategy of retreating into advance that gave birth to the US Constitution.In the process of negotiating business with people, when you feel that your retreat has won the other party's favor for you, your opportunity will come.But at this time, there is no need to rush straight to the topic, it is better to talk about other topics casually, or say: "We can talk about it another day, I will leave first."
Hearing this sentence, the other party couldn't help being puzzled: "Aren't you here to discuss business?"
Of course, your intention is not to leave here.Now, you can move down the ladder and move on to business.
Showing your cards so tactfully will reduce the opponent's repulsion.At the same time, the more important the content of the discussion, the more relaxed you have to be, so that emotional means are enough to convince the other party.
For example, a colleague asks you for help, but you remind him to pay attention to his own behavior. This is out of good intentions, but he may be retorted by the other party.There are many self-righteous people in society nowadays. They live in their own world and are unwilling to accept criticism from others. They always think that their own is the most correct.
Therefore, when persuading others, we must pay attention to the proper wording, otherwise the loss may not be worth the gain. Not only will we not be able to persuade the other party, but it may also cause the other party's resentment.
There are many examples of this in life. For example, one day a colleague tells you that he wants to leave the company.
At this time, if you admonish the other party and say: "What else can you do if you leave here?" Even if you are persuading with good intentions, your position in his mind has already been reduced.
"If you've made up your mind to do this, then I'm with you. And I'm sure you'll do well when you get out of here." Saying this is more acceptable than the above approach.When in a dilemma, it is better to respect his opinion.
Replacing admonishment with encouragement may have a better effect.If the other party does not leave the job in the end, it is not good to be arrogant in front of you.If he leaves and succeeds, his gratitude to you will naturally go without saying; if he fails, he will naturally learn a lesson, and only the lessons he has personally experienced will be remembered.
There is a way to make a request
When asking for help, you must pay attention to details, be polite and orderly, and attack the other party's psychological fortress step by step.Don't be impatient because you can't achieve your goal temporarily, otherwise you will not only leave a bad impression on people, but also easily mess things up.When asking the other party to do things, you should be more polite and thoughtful, so that the other party will feel respected and have a lot of face.
The elegant, courteous and warm-hearted Yanyin can open the other party's heart inadvertently.Let's look at a few ways to politely make a request.
1.euphemism, easy to accept
You can first make some relevant requests in a negotiating tone, which is tactful and easy to accept.For example, "Could you please help me with this as soon as possible" is more polite and effective than "Can you please help me with this as soon as possible".
2.With the help of the law, reduce the pressure of speaking
When speaking, using additional questions, adverbial clauses, etc. in the discourse can indirectly reduce the pressure of discourse, and the semantic expression is not so blunt.Not only avoiding abruptness, but also maintaining the face of the other party.For example, "Give him this letter" is not as polite as "Can you take this letter to him for me?"
3.Provocative method, give people time to think
Adopt some aggressive methods in language, express your original intention indirectly through your skeptical attitude towards the success of the matter, and leave room for the other party to consider, for example, "This matter may be a bit difficult, but I still want to trouble you Help me fight for it."
4.Request method, reduce the other party's pressure
In order to let the other party accept your request smoothly, try to make your request as small as possible. This is not deception. When people ask for help, they first talk about small things, just to appropriately reduce the psychological pressure of the other party so as to draw the main topic.
5.Courtesy, elevate the other person
Appropriately elevating the other party will give him a superior mentality, for example, "All the guests are waiting for you! Don't be humble when you are old." Respect for the other party will make the other party feel that they are needed and respected. And happy to obey.This is a good way to ask the other person for help.
6.remorse, helplessness
In interpersonal communication, it is impolite to ask on certain occasions and at certain times, but when you have to mention it due to the situation, you can express to the other party that you should not make such a request at this time, but you are helpless due to reality. But I have to bring it up, hoping to get the understanding of the other party.For example, "I know this is the wrong time to bother you, but this is an urgent matter, and the only thing you can do to help me is you."
7.hesitation, moderation
In the speech, he expressed that he was unwilling to disturb the other party, but due to the situation, he then said his request to ease the tone of the speech.For example, "I don't want to bother you about this matter, but the situation is urgent and I have to trouble you."
8.adjudication, ask for forgiveness
When asking for help from others, you can give specific reasons and explain your difficulties according to the situation, so that the other party can understand and feel that they should help.For example, "I'm an outsider in this business, and I don't know what to do. You're an expert in this field, help me!"
9.Beg for forgiveness, avoid abruptness
In order to avoid abruptness, you can first seek the understanding of the other party, and then draw out your original intention and tell the other party your request.For example, "That's a shame, I'm going to trouble you again this time."
In short, when asking for help, polite language should be used in place. Subconsciously, people always hope that they can be valued and respected. Modesty, polite and kind language can leave a good impression on people, and can also maintain the face of the other party, so that the other party is willing Grant your request.
nice talk
Scene talk is indispensable in interpersonal communication, how to say good scene talk?Relevant experts have summed up such a passage: To talk to intelligent people, the knowledge must be profound.When talking with erudite people, a strong discriminating logic is indispensable; when talking with eloquent people, you must avoid chattering; when talking with your boss, you must pay attention to what you say in his heart; Don't force yourself to do what others don't want to do; strongly support what others want to do; it's okay to say more if others want to hear; it's better to say less if others don't want to hear.
After Emperor Gaozu of the Han Dynasty Liu Bang settled the world, he began to discuss meritorious deeds and rewards for his courtiers, but courtiers therefore appeared to compete with each other for meritorious service.In Liu Bang's mind, Xiao He is naturally the one who deserves the most credit.Granting him a marquis and land should be done, but some ministers in the court disagreed with his idea. They were dissatisfied, and began to discuss this matter in private: "In terms of credit, Pingyang Marquis Cao Shen should be ranked first. He not only captured the most land , and he was injured 12 times for this. He should be given the most fief."
Liu Bang was in a dilemma. There were so many people who accompanied him to fight in the country. On the issue of rewards, it was inevitable that some people would be wronged.Although I have a preference for Xiao He, I still feel that Xiao He deserves the most credit.
Seeing Liu Bang's dilemma, Guannei Hou Ejun guessed Liu Bang's mind.Stepped forward and pushed the boat forward and said: "Everyone, listen to me. Cao Can captured a lot of land, and the credit is indeed not small, but it is only a temporary credit. The emperor and Xiang Yu fought fiercely for a long time. They often fled around and lost contact with the troops. Every time it was Xiao He Jizhongshengzhi dispatched troops from Guanzhong, and was able to fill the loopholes in the front line in time, ensuring that the King of Han would not suffer heavy losses. The conflict between Chu and Han has been going on for a long time. Whenever there is a shortage of food and grass, it is Xiao He who is trying to find a way to transport food to the army. , the soldiers will not be hungry. The king of Han fled to Shandong many times, and every time it was because of Xiao He's help, he was able to ensure that the king of Han was safe. It will not be too big, and the Han Dynasty will not perish because of this. How can one-time merit be higher than eternal merit? Therefore, I advocate that when it comes to rewarding merit, Xiao He should be ranked first, and Cao Shen should be second."
The scene of Guannei Hou Ejun really touched Liu Bang's heart. Liu Bang was very happy, and then said: "Okay, then this matter is settled."
Guannei Hou Ejun was also deeply loved by Liu Bang because of this incident. His observation of words and deeds not only helped Liu Bang realize his wish, but he was also named "Marquis of Anping" because of this, and his fiefdom was more than doubled.
It can be seen that the effect of speaking well on the scene is also great, but it needs to grasp a "degree" when speaking on the scene. The words on the scene are not blindly flattering.
Confucius said: "Smart words make people look good, but benevolence is rare." When negotiating with people, just the right words on the scene may turn your situation around.It is very important for your situation to speak properly and to be able to speak to the other party's heart.
Be polite when asking for help
China is a country of etiquette. When getting along with others, everything is inseparable from the word etiquette.Isn't there such an idiom, it's not surprising that there are many people who are polite.Etiquette is even more indispensable when asking for help. Only when politeness is in place, others will be willing to give you advice. Otherwise, even if you agree, it will only be perfunctory.
A young man drove to the countryside to play, and met an old man on the way.He asked the old man the way: "Hey! Old man, how do I get to xx?" The old man looked at him and said loudly, "You are rude." After hearing this, the young man continued to drive the car forward and walked for 10 miles He didn't arrive at the destination either. Later, he turned around and went back to look for the old man. Only then did he find that the place he was looking for was right in front of him. It was less than 100 meters away from the place where he asked for directions. Turn right and you can see arrive.Only then did he realize that what the old man said just now was "disrespectful", not "5 miles".
Need to know: When asking for help, be sure to ask for the word, and the word of etiquette is at ease.For example, when you want someone to teach you how to make a software, you can say this: "Do you have time? I would like to ask you how to use this software. They all say that you are an expert in this field." When you ask When someone asks for directions, you should say: "Excuse me, how can I get to the place of ××?" In short, when asking for help, it is better to use the word "please" at the beginning, which will give people a sense of being respected and make them more willing to respond to you. request.
Be mindful of your manner and tone of voice when asking for help.When some people ask for help, they show a domineering look, as if it is only natural for others to help them. If others refuse to help, they have to endure his ruthlessness and complaints. Such people are doomed to fail. .
Although even if you need help from others, you will not beg for mercy regardless of your personal dignity, but you should not speak in a confident tone. If the other party is not satisfied, you will turn your face and deny him. May agree to your request.Such as: "Hello, can you help me?" "Will you go shopping with me?"
If the other party can't help you for some reason, you should also smile and respond to the other party: "It's okay, you are busy with your work." If you can do what you can, I believe that the other party will try their best to help you. If you adopt an inconsiderate attitude, and if you don’t get help, you will speak ill at each other. From then on, others will not be willing to help you.
When asking for help, you must also know how to choose the right time.Generally speaking, when the other party is in a comfortable mood and has plenty of time to make a request, it is often easy to get the other party's consent.On the contrary, if the other party is so busy at this time that he can't spare time.But you are entangled on the sidelines, then your request will only make him feel upset.
In addition, after getting the help of the other party, you must sincerely express your gratitude to the other party.Don't give people the impression that you have said all the good things beforehand and don't say a word afterwards. It will make people feel like they are leaving the tea cold and killing the donkey.Since then, I have been chilling with you, and I am no longer willing to lend a helping hand to you.Relatively speaking, a thank you afterwards will make people feel that their hard work has been rewarded, and their goodwill towards you will also be greatly enhanced, and they will feel proud of being able to help others.
After the work is done, you can find a suitable time to visit and express your gratitude. You don't need expensive gifts. Sometimes some thoughtful gifts and a few words of thanks are enough to make the other party feel satisfied.Many words of greetings during the New Year and holidays, and a phone call from time to time can also convey the deep friendship to the other party.
But what you must remember is that you must know how to restrain yourself in front of the other party.No matter how much the other party's help has brought you, don't boast about it in front of the person who helped you. You have to remember that you came to express your gratitude, not to boast about your achievements.
eloquence is the trump card
When you want to do something, but your strength and ability are not enough for you to do it, you can use the strength of others to accomplish your own thing.After all, a person's strength is limited, and it is very difficult to conquer the world alone.But everyone will have their own strengths and advantages. In many cases, what you don't have happens to be what the other party is good at. What you have to do is to learn from each other's strengths to achieve your own goals.
A little boy went to the market with his mother.When he arrived in front of a stall selling cherries, the little boy refused to leave and did not speak.The boss saw that the little boy was very cute, so he let him eat the cherries by himself.The little boy likes to eat cherries very much, but he has no reaction at all.The boss thought he was shy, so he yelled several times in a row, but the little boy stood still.In the end, the boss simply grabbed a large handful of cherries and stuffed them into the little boy's pocket.
Later, the mother asked the little boy why he didn't grab the cherries by himself, and the little boy said, "His hands are bigger than mine, so he can grab more cherries.
From ancient times to the present, none of the successful people achieved their careers by relying on the strength of one person, each of them achieved themselves by relying on the strength of others.
Sloan, the general manager of General Motors, once said: "Even if all my property is taken away, I will not be afraid. As long as I keep my talents, after another 4 years, I can get it back." Taiwan Chen Yongtai, the richest man in the world, also said: "Smart people achieve their goals through the strength of others." Even Xunzi said that people who rely on chariots and horses don't have to worry about running fast, but they can travel far. Thousands of miles: People who rely on boats can cross rivers without being good at water.
A gentleman is not born different from others, but because he is better at borrowing and using external things.So how do we do it?Here are some ways you can learn from:
(1) Borrowing emotional offensive
People have feelings, and under the fluctuation of feelings, it is easy to do things against one's own will, and accept other people's persuasion or help.Therefore, if you can’t get good results by directly asking the other party for help, then you can use your emotions to disturb the other party’s mind, gain the other party’s approval, and then provide you with the help you want.
(2) Borrowing the celebrity effect
Some celebrities always have some stronger authority and persuasive power than others. Using the advantages of celebrities can sometimes help you achieve your goals.Just like the fox in the story "The fox pretends to be the tiger", although he is small and weak, no one takes it seriously, but he wins the tiger to be his friend and establishes a close relationship with the tiger. And tigers often walk together.In this way, with the help of the tiger's authority, even other animals look down on it, they should look up to it, so the fox can naturally live in the forest.
The company used the president's fame to advertise its product, which was recognized by consumers.As the saying goes, "You can enjoy the shade by leaning on a big tree", if you have good celebrity resources around you, you have to make good use of them, and don't lose opportunities in vain.
(3) Borrowing the talents of others
No one in this world is omnipotent. There are always things that one is good at and not good at. If one is only one person, one cannot sing a chorus and accomplish great things. If one wants to achieve success, one has to rely on the strength of others.For example, if you have funds and connections, but no technology, then if you can unite with some people who understand technology, it will be a strong alliance, which can create huge benefits.George Bernard Shaw said: "If you have an apple and I have an apple, and we exchange apples, you and I still each have an apple. But if you have an idea, and I have an idea, we exchange These thoughts, then, the two of us will have two thoughts.” Therefore, to do things for others is to learn to cooperate and share with others.
The truth is very simple to say, and there are thousands of abilities to do things, but there are three core skills among them.First of all, you must have a long enough social tentacles and be able to accurately find suitable resources.Relationships are the key to getting things done.Secondly, you must have a glib mouth that can persuade others and gain their trust.Secondly, eloquence is the lubricant for doing things.Finally, you also need to be able to have all the "wrists" you need to do things.The wrist is the trump card for doing things.
skillful use of provocative method
In this world, there are some people who are gentle and kind, who are soft-spoken but not hard-working;For the first kind of people, you need to persuade them with good words. For the second kind of people, you must use strong means to deal with them. Use your prestige, ability and talent to persuade them. For the third kind of people, you cannot use conventional methods to deal with them. , but to find other ways to let the other party use it for themselves.
In the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Ma Chao led his troops to attack the Shu army at Jianjia Pass. General Zhuge Liangliang later discovered that only Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun could face Ma Chao. Although Zhang Fei was in the tent, he was reckless, short-tempered, and greedy for drinking. If he went wrong with drinking, the consequences would be unimaginable.But at the juncture of employing people, Zhuge Liang had no choice but to think of another way. He said in front of Zhang Fei: "Now Ma Chao has invaded the pass, and no one can be an enemy; unless you go to Jingzhou to invite Guan Yunchang to come, you can be an enemy... Yide resists water. The bridge was broken, so Cao Cao didn't know the truth; if he knew the real situation, how could the general be fine? Everyone in the world knows the bravery of Ma Chao today. In the Sixth Battle of Weiqiao, Cao Cao was killed so much that he cut his beard and abandoned his robe. He almost died. But Guan Yunchang may not be able to win." Zhang Fei's fighting spirit and sense of responsibility were immediately aroused, and he immediately issued a military order to lead the army to attack Jianjiaguan, and fought Ma Chao for more than 100 rounds.
It can be seen from this that the aggressive method is indeed a good method when asking for help.It can make the listener emotionally fluctuate or angry, happy, or guilty, but as long as the heart is moved, it is much easier to ask the other party to do things.
A child, he wants his mother to buy him a laptop computer, but he already has a desktop computer at home. Although the style is very old, it can meet the basic needs. If he asks his mother to buy it rashly, his mother will definitely not agree.In order not to be rejected by his mother, the child adopted a very unique way. He no longer begged his mother for things or played tricks like before, but looked at his mother seriously and said: "Mom, My classmate told me that he has a notebook, what does the notebook look like? Is it page by page like the notebook I use for writing?"
The mother was moved by these innocent words. She felt that she must buy a laptop for the child to let him see the world. She would rather buy a few less clothes and eat less for the child. Otherwise, I am really sorry. he.It can be said that if the child directly asks the mother to buy a notebook, it is likely that the goal will not be achieved.However, this kind of provocative method can make the mother feel guilty, so as to meet the child's request at all costs, and even if the mother pays the money in the end, she may not necessarily think that her child has used tricks on herself.
Of course, when the radical method is actually used, specific implementation methods can be adopted according to different people.For example, a husband slaps his wife in a fit of anger, but the wife bursts out laughing, "Okay, go ahead and slap me, and I will make you regret it for the rest of your life." What he was afraid of, his anger disappeared.Such a method is actually a kind of reverse psychology.For some people, the more you don't let him do something, the more he wants to do something.If you want these people to do something, you can first assume that he is unwilling or unable to do it, and then you can wait for the result.In short, you don't have to use conventional methods to attack someone when you ask someone to do something. If these methods don't work, you can use the aggressive method to make the other person excited.As long as the other party is excited, you can also achieve your goal.
Restricted areas to be aware of when asking for help
Asking for help is not a simple matter, it must be taken seriously.When communicating with people, pay attention to what to say and what not to say.At the same time, avoid endless persuasion.Only in this way, the other party will accept you, and then act for you under your sincere plea.On the contrary, it is not.
1.What not to say when asking for help
When asking someone to do something, you must pay attention to your wording and tone. For example, if you say "you must help me", the other party will definitely feel disgusted.Only by making the other party feel comfortable and comfortable, will it be more likely to help you get things done.Then, when asking for help, it is best not to say the following types of words.
(1) Harsh words
When asking someone to do something, the first step is to gain the other person's favor. Your words must be polite and kind.For those who are outspoken, they should be more thoughtful and cautious, and don't say something that disgusts or offends people.
(2) Self-deprecating words
Some people like to elevate others by belittling themselves, but they don't know that sometimes their modesty is a kind of shrinking in the eyes of the other party.In addition, if the person you are looking for happens to be bullying and afraid of the strong, then your self-deprecation will become a kind of bullying performance in his eyes, and he will naturally not try his best to help you. Perfunctory and deal with you.Therefore, humility must be used in the right place. When you can't be self-deprecating, it is better to seek truth from facts.
(3) Ambiguous words
Since you are asking someone to do something, first of all, you have to make your words clear to attract the attention of the other party.If the words are ambiguous, the other party will quickly lose interest.
(4) Depressing words
Since you are asking for help, it means that you have encountered some difficulties, such as marriage failure, career setbacks, etc. These things often make people exhausted and depressed.When you need something from others, telling the other party too much will make people feel depressed or even unhappy, which will affect the communication between the two parties.
2.Pay attention to over-limit effect when asking for help
Endless persuasion is often repulsive.On the contrary, concise and concise sentences can avoid arousing the antipathy of the listener and make it more receptive!In psychology, this phenomenon is called "over-limit effect".
The so-called over-limit effect refers to a phenomenon of very impatient or rebellious psychology caused by too much stimulation, too strong and too long acting time.
The famous American humorist Mark Twain once listened to the pastor's speech in church.At the beginning, he felt that the pastor's speech was very good and touching, so he took out all the money on his body and prepared to donate.After 10 minutes, the pastor hadn't finished speaking, Mark Twain became a little impatient, so he changed his mind and decided to donate only a small amount of change.After another 10 minutes, the pastor still hadn't finished speaking, so Mark Twain decided not to donate any money.When the pastor finally finished his speech and began to solicit donations from the audience, Mark Twain was so angry that he not only refused to donate the money, but also took 2 yuan from the plate.
Why was Mark Twain so angry in the end, instead of donating money, he made a move to steal money?Apparently the pastor's speech was so long that it bored Mark Twain.Indeed, after you have made things clear, you can no longer nag repeatedly.Otherwise, even a particularly touching speech will bore even the most patient person!
Indeed, anyone who knows how to communicate knows that "succinct and concise" can make the other party help, and "twice a few words" can make him think deeply.
(End of this chapter)
Polite language has a weight that cannot be ignored when speaking and doing things.Everyone subconsciously wants to be respected.Therefore, when seeking help from others and making suggestions and requests, we must pay special attention to using polite language, consider the other party's face, and take care of the other party's inner thoughts, and then make our own requests step by step and ingeniously, and speak politely, so that the other party can be in control of the situation. Inadvertently open up to you.
Can talk and get things done
Incompetent bungler.Those who can speak often get twice the result with half the effort, and those who can't speak often get twice the result with half the effort.
Talking is the most basic way for people to communicate. If you want to do things well, you must first be "able to speak" and "speak well".People who can speak will use the power of language to shorten the distance between each other and enhance friendship.When doing things, they are good at using language to persuade others and let them adopt their opinions.
An author who is about to publish a new book wants to have a cultural personality write the title for his book.When the writer explained his purpose, the cultural celebrity did not express his opinion immediately, but said humorously: "It is not impossible to write an inscription, but in today's society, everything pays attention to economic benefits. If I write an inscription for you, do I have to pay some labor fees? Here It’s cheaper for you, 2000 yuan per word, what do you think?” This sentence sounds like a joke at first, but the writer still understands the meaning behind the words.The cultural figure seems to complain about the fact that his handwriting is often used.
The writer remained calm, and then said: "Sir, you are being self-effacing. Please write an inscription, and you should pay for it. What's more, how can you buy a word of yours for 2000 yuan? It's like worth 2000 yuan. If you can’t buy a piece of clothing in this store, you can go to another store. But for your ink, there is nowhere else to find it except you. Every word of yours is priceless to me, it is priceless Bought it!" These few words were very useful to the celebrity, and he gladly picked up a pen and presented them with words.
How can I speak easily to be accepted by others?Here are a few good suggestions that are worth learning.
1.play the wise man who listens
A person who likes to talk at length and chatter does not mean that he can speak, but he can speak well if he can grasp the words just right.For example, when asking for help, you must first learn to be a listener.Carnegie said such a sentence: "Speaking less does not mean not speaking, but giving yourself enough time to listen and think. Only when every word you say has weight can you be valued. Wonderful words always Can easily impress."
2.praise each other verbally
Everyone wants to be recognized by others.When doing business, saying respectful words to each other and praising each other more can quickly win the favor of the other party and shorten the distance between each other.Lay the groundwork for things to succeed.
3.Words of courtesy and welcome
When asking for help, paying attention to language etiquette is indispensable.Only when you speak with humility and elegance, and with the right strength, can you win the respect of others and be welcomed by others, which can pave the way for the next step of communication.On the contrary, it will cause the other party to be reluctant to get close to you and screw things up.
4.Bring out the other person's point of interest
Knowing the interests and hobbies of the other party is beneficial to you. When asking for help, knowing the interests of the other party can help you quickly find a topic with the other party.Don't talk about what you have to do, you should first establish a friendly relationship with the other party.
5.Sincere attitude enhances feelings
When asking for help, your attitude determines how others accept you.Keeping a sincere attitude will be another boost on your way to success.
A three-inch tongue is stronger than a million soldiers; one person's debate is more important than the treasure of nine tripods.Being able to speak is a language skill. It can be said that if you want to get things done, you must first master the ability to speak.People who can talk can always easily break through the other party's psychological defense line, grasp the other party's psychology, and meet their own needs.
master the essentials of speaking
Finding someone to do things is difficult and simple, and simple and difficult.The essentials of speaking play a decisive role in it, and only by mastering the essentials of speaking can we be invincible.
1.Do what you like and meet the psychological needs of the other party
When looking for someone to do something, many people don't know what to say when they encounter something difficult to say.In fact, whether the other party will help you or not, and whether or not he will try his best to help you is entirely up to him.You can find out the common ground between the two parties and arouse the interest of the other party. As long as you are interested, no matter your friends, colleagues, or even strangers, you will do your best to help you.
In order to raise funds, Edward Challiver, who was engaged in scout education, went to a large company in the United States alone to visit its chairman, hoping that he would sponsor a scout to participate in the World Scout Conference.Edward once heard a story about the chairman. It is said that there was a check for 100 million US dollars on the wall of his office. Frame it and hang it on the wall.
As soon as Edward stepped into his office, he said that he wanted to see the huge check, and went back to tell the Boy Scouts.For his request, the chairman agreed without saying a word, and told Edward about the situation of writing the check at that time.
What was the result?After telling the story of the check, before Edward could open his mouth, the chairman took the initiative to ask why Edward came to find him, and Edward told him about the funding.
Unexpectedly, the chairman agreed to his request. In addition, he also agreed to sponsor another five scouts to go to the scout meeting.
Edward is smart, he stays put, does what he likes, seizes the interest of the chairman, and satisfies the psychological needs of the other party as the starting point, so that things go smoothly.
Similarly, when we ask someone to do something, we can also learn from his practice. We might as well find some topics that can arouse the other party's interest, open up the other party's chatterbox, and shorten the distance, thereby reducing the resistance to doing things.
2.Empathy, think what others think
If you want to get things done, you must learn to think from the standpoint of the other party. When people face a person who can think for themselves, they will lower their defenses and even feel that you are "one of them".When dealing with people, the behavior of those who are always self-centered is very undesirable.As psychologists say: "Only by talking to people with your heart, you may gain more friendship in two months than a person who always likes to make others interested in you will know in two years." There are more people."
There are many such salesmen in life: "Your refrigerator is too old, please replace it with a new one!" Hearing such words, customers are often disgusted.They will only think that you are selling your own products, and you are not thinking of yourself at all.But an experienced salesman said: "Your refrigerator seems to have been used for a long time, and the quality is really good. It is very durable!" Customers are always very happy to hear compliments, and replied: "Yes, It has been used for many years, and now it feels a bit old, and I want to replace it with a new one.”
It can be seen that if you want the other party to agree with you, you must consider the problem from the other party's perspective, care about the other party's interests, and pay attention to the other party's interests.Only in this way can we achieve our goals.
Dale Carnegie's social training courses are very popular. Due to the large audience, he often rents the hotel's auditorium to attend the class.Once, when all the preparations were about to be completed, the landlord suddenly notified him that the rent had risen, and he needed to pay three times more than the original rent.At this time, it was too late to change the venue.Tickets have already been printed out, and other preparations have been arranged.Time is running out, he must deal with this matter as soon as possible.
Carnegie found the manager to discuss: "I was a little surprised when I received the notice, but I can understand your approach. If I were you, I might do the same. After all, profit is the cost of survival for a hotel. But please change it Thinking about it from a different perspective, there are many middle- and upper-level managers among the audience who come to listen to the lecture. For homeowners, is this a live advertisement? It won’t be more than mine, but my training class can do it, isn’t it a good deal?” After speaking, Carnegie got up to leave: “Please think about it carefully.”
The next day, Carnegie was notified again, and the rent was changed to a 50% increase.
From Carnegie's story, we can see that when talking with others, standing in the perspective of the other person and making a reasonable analysis based on the situation is one of the ways to do things efficiently.
Thinking from the standpoint of the other party can sometimes achieve a win-win effect.We often say that being convenient to others is to be convenient to ourselves.In speaking, if you have the ability to empathize, you may gain a heart-to-heart understanding and success.
Start with simple requirements
People are more likely to lend a helping hand to easier requests than to more difficult ones.Because the difficult requirements are not only time-consuming and labor-intensive, but also very difficult to implement.The same is true for asking for help. You might as well put forward simple requests first, and then go further and ask for more difficult ones, that is, the difficulties you really need to ask for help, so that it is easier for people to accept.
Friedman is a social psychologist. He once did such an experiment: let his assistant visit several housewives.
And let them agree to hang a small signboard on their windows.They complied with the request.Half a month later, the assistants visited again. This time, the housewives were asked to put a signboard in the courtyard, which was very large and unsightly.And such a request was also made to the housewives who had not let the small signboard go before.As a result, 55% of housewives who had hung small signs accepted the request, while only 17% of housewives who did not hang small signs agreed to this request.This psychological phenomenon is known as the "increasing effect".
This shows that when faced with various goals and requirements, people will instinctively choose those that are easier to achieve.When new goals and demands larger than this appear, people will still choose new goals and demands, even if this demand is a bit too much, in order not to give people an image of inconsistency and inconsistency.Similarly, in asking for help, we can make use of people's psychology skillfully.
If you want to ask someone for a big favor, you might as well ask someone for a small favor first, and then ask for a big favor after the other party agrees.Because once the other party agrees to do a small favor, it seems to have crossed a psychological threshold, and it will be difficult to get out of the rest. He doesn't want to ruin his reputation and image because of this.
As the editor-in-chief of the "New York Daily", Leiter urgently needed a shrewd and capable assistant.After careful selection, he felt that John was the most suitable candidate, but he was not in a hurry to tell John this request, because at that time John was preparing to return to Illinois, his hometown, and there was a good lawyer job waiting with him.
After a meal, Leiter mentioned that he wanted to invite John to the newspaper office.John readily agreed.At that time, there was a shortage of foreign news editors for the newspaper. Leiter took the opportunity to say to John: "I have a small favor to ask for your help. Is it possible? Can you write an editorial for this news? It will be published in the newspaper tomorrow." .” This request was too simple for John, and he immediately began to write.Seeing the editorial written by John, Leiter praised loudly: "Your writing is really great!" and asked John to replace the foreign news editor for a week, and John agreed.A week later, John was asked to take over for another month, and gradually, John took full charge of the position.Time passed unconsciously, and John gave up his plan to return to his hometown and chose to stay in New York to continue working as a journalist.
If Rhett had told John about his request from the very beginning, John might have flatly refused, because he already had a plan to return to his hometown at that time.But the clever Leiter used a clever method of asking for help to keep Leiter, and achieved his goal.In life, when we encounter the need to ask others for help, we can also choose this method.
Say something that makes the other person feel
It is difficult for two strangers to resonate with each other at the beginning. In such a situation, you have to take the initiative to chat with each other to arouse their interest. Only after an in-depth dialogue can you get to know each other better.However, if you know that the other party does not agree with your ideas, or reveal your intentions prematurely, the other party is likely to resist.Persuasion is the best way to succeed in persuading others.
How to use psychological resonance to persuade others?May wish to follow the following 4 steps.
1.Introduction of humorous topics
Introduce with a relaxed and humorous topic, talk about him first, and test the mood of the other party at this time.
2.Transfer to topic
Step by step, change the topic, and bring it to the point.
3.Discuss the topic
Tell each other your suggestions and ideas.
4.end negotiations
Make the request clear and point out how it will benefit the other party, making it easier for the other party to accept.
When he was young, Galileo had already set his ambition to achieve something in the scientific world.To make his ambition a reality.He asked his father for support and help.
In one conversation, he said to his father: "Why did you marry your mother?"
"Of course it's because I like your mother." Father replied.
Galileo asked again: "Have you never thought of marrying someone else?"
"No. At that time, my family asked me to marry a rich lady, but I only had a soft spot for your mother. I dreamed of marrying her. Your mother was a beauty when she was young."
"Because you love your mother so much, you only want to marry her. I am facing the same situation as you were at that time. I love science so much that I don't want to choose another career except it. Science is the only thing I have. , I love it like I love a beautiful woman." Galileo said.
"How can science and women be compared?"
"Father. I am an adult. Other students have already begun to think about their own marriages, but I have never thought about it. I have never loved other women, and probably never will, because in this life I only want to be with science. "
Father did not speak, but listened carefully.
Galileo continued: "I will become an excellent scientist in the future. And make a living by it. I believe I can live a better life than others."
"But we are very poor, and your tuition fees have not yet been paid." The father looked a little embarrassed. "I've already thought about it. The Duke will give a lot of scholarships to poor students. I can also get one! You have many friends in Florence, you can ask them for help. Ask them to ask Ostello Lich, He is the Duke's teacher and knows my ability."
Seeing Galileo's persistence, his father was moved and said: "You are right, this is an excellent idea."
With his father's consent, Galileo said very excitedly: "Father, thank you for your willingness to help me. My best thanks to you is to strive to become a scientist."
In the end, Galileo persuaded his father and got his support and help, and became a famous scientist.
Galileo used "psychological resonance" to persuade his father.He started with a topic that his father was interested in, and then approached the topic of the conversation step by step, making his father feel the same way, and finally achieved his goal.
When asking for help, we can use psychological warfare to impress the other party from the "heart", let the other party empathize with the other party, consider the problem from our own standpoint, and then understand our own mind, so as to achieve the goal of getting things done.
Grasp the propriety of speaking
In the face of any thing, if you just blindly talk about it and talk about its good side, it is easy to cause mistrust in others.
In fact, when asking for help, it is often easier to win the trust of others and achieve your own goals by retreating.If you are always holding on to your own ideas, overemphasizing your purpose.Not necessarily good results.
It should be noted that the premise of retreating into advance is to have a preliminary understanding of the other party, grasp the other party's psychology, and grasp the propriety of speaking, in order to tilt the balance of victory to your side.
It was Franklin's ingenious use of the strategy of retreating into advance that gave birth to the US Constitution.In the process of negotiating business with people, when you feel that your retreat has won the other party's favor for you, your opportunity will come.But at this time, there is no need to rush straight to the topic, it is better to talk about other topics casually, or say: "We can talk about it another day, I will leave first."
Hearing this sentence, the other party couldn't help being puzzled: "Aren't you here to discuss business?"
Of course, your intention is not to leave here.Now, you can move down the ladder and move on to business.
Showing your cards so tactfully will reduce the opponent's repulsion.At the same time, the more important the content of the discussion, the more relaxed you have to be, so that emotional means are enough to convince the other party.
For example, a colleague asks you for help, but you remind him to pay attention to his own behavior. This is out of good intentions, but he may be retorted by the other party.There are many self-righteous people in society nowadays. They live in their own world and are unwilling to accept criticism from others. They always think that their own is the most correct.
Therefore, when persuading others, we must pay attention to the proper wording, otherwise the loss may not be worth the gain. Not only will we not be able to persuade the other party, but it may also cause the other party's resentment.
There are many examples of this in life. For example, one day a colleague tells you that he wants to leave the company.
At this time, if you admonish the other party and say: "What else can you do if you leave here?" Even if you are persuading with good intentions, your position in his mind has already been reduced.
"If you've made up your mind to do this, then I'm with you. And I'm sure you'll do well when you get out of here." Saying this is more acceptable than the above approach.When in a dilemma, it is better to respect his opinion.
Replacing admonishment with encouragement may have a better effect.If the other party does not leave the job in the end, it is not good to be arrogant in front of you.If he leaves and succeeds, his gratitude to you will naturally go without saying; if he fails, he will naturally learn a lesson, and only the lessons he has personally experienced will be remembered.
There is a way to make a request
When asking for help, you must pay attention to details, be polite and orderly, and attack the other party's psychological fortress step by step.Don't be impatient because you can't achieve your goal temporarily, otherwise you will not only leave a bad impression on people, but also easily mess things up.When asking the other party to do things, you should be more polite and thoughtful, so that the other party will feel respected and have a lot of face.
The elegant, courteous and warm-hearted Yanyin can open the other party's heart inadvertently.Let's look at a few ways to politely make a request.
1.euphemism, easy to accept
You can first make some relevant requests in a negotiating tone, which is tactful and easy to accept.For example, "Could you please help me with this as soon as possible" is more polite and effective than "Can you please help me with this as soon as possible".
2.With the help of the law, reduce the pressure of speaking
When speaking, using additional questions, adverbial clauses, etc. in the discourse can indirectly reduce the pressure of discourse, and the semantic expression is not so blunt.Not only avoiding abruptness, but also maintaining the face of the other party.For example, "Give him this letter" is not as polite as "Can you take this letter to him for me?"
3.Provocative method, give people time to think
Adopt some aggressive methods in language, express your original intention indirectly through your skeptical attitude towards the success of the matter, and leave room for the other party to consider, for example, "This matter may be a bit difficult, but I still want to trouble you Help me fight for it."
4.Request method, reduce the other party's pressure
In order to let the other party accept your request smoothly, try to make your request as small as possible. This is not deception. When people ask for help, they first talk about small things, just to appropriately reduce the psychological pressure of the other party so as to draw the main topic.
5.Courtesy, elevate the other person
Appropriately elevating the other party will give him a superior mentality, for example, "All the guests are waiting for you! Don't be humble when you are old." Respect for the other party will make the other party feel that they are needed and respected. And happy to obey.This is a good way to ask the other person for help.
6.remorse, helplessness
In interpersonal communication, it is impolite to ask on certain occasions and at certain times, but when you have to mention it due to the situation, you can express to the other party that you should not make such a request at this time, but you are helpless due to reality. But I have to bring it up, hoping to get the understanding of the other party.For example, "I know this is the wrong time to bother you, but this is an urgent matter, and the only thing you can do to help me is you."
7.hesitation, moderation
In the speech, he expressed that he was unwilling to disturb the other party, but due to the situation, he then said his request to ease the tone of the speech.For example, "I don't want to bother you about this matter, but the situation is urgent and I have to trouble you."
8.adjudication, ask for forgiveness
When asking for help from others, you can give specific reasons and explain your difficulties according to the situation, so that the other party can understand and feel that they should help.For example, "I'm an outsider in this business, and I don't know what to do. You're an expert in this field, help me!"
9.Beg for forgiveness, avoid abruptness
In order to avoid abruptness, you can first seek the understanding of the other party, and then draw out your original intention and tell the other party your request.For example, "That's a shame, I'm going to trouble you again this time."
In short, when asking for help, polite language should be used in place. Subconsciously, people always hope that they can be valued and respected. Modesty, polite and kind language can leave a good impression on people, and can also maintain the face of the other party, so that the other party is willing Grant your request.
nice talk
Scene talk is indispensable in interpersonal communication, how to say good scene talk?Relevant experts have summed up such a passage: To talk to intelligent people, the knowledge must be profound.When talking with erudite people, a strong discriminating logic is indispensable; when talking with eloquent people, you must avoid chattering; when talking with your boss, you must pay attention to what you say in his heart; Don't force yourself to do what others don't want to do; strongly support what others want to do; it's okay to say more if others want to hear; it's better to say less if others don't want to hear.
After Emperor Gaozu of the Han Dynasty Liu Bang settled the world, he began to discuss meritorious deeds and rewards for his courtiers, but courtiers therefore appeared to compete with each other for meritorious service.In Liu Bang's mind, Xiao He is naturally the one who deserves the most credit.Granting him a marquis and land should be done, but some ministers in the court disagreed with his idea. They were dissatisfied, and began to discuss this matter in private: "In terms of credit, Pingyang Marquis Cao Shen should be ranked first. He not only captured the most land , and he was injured 12 times for this. He should be given the most fief."
Liu Bang was in a dilemma. There were so many people who accompanied him to fight in the country. On the issue of rewards, it was inevitable that some people would be wronged.Although I have a preference for Xiao He, I still feel that Xiao He deserves the most credit.
Seeing Liu Bang's dilemma, Guannei Hou Ejun guessed Liu Bang's mind.Stepped forward and pushed the boat forward and said: "Everyone, listen to me. Cao Can captured a lot of land, and the credit is indeed not small, but it is only a temporary credit. The emperor and Xiang Yu fought fiercely for a long time. They often fled around and lost contact with the troops. Every time it was Xiao He Jizhongshengzhi dispatched troops from Guanzhong, and was able to fill the loopholes in the front line in time, ensuring that the King of Han would not suffer heavy losses. The conflict between Chu and Han has been going on for a long time. Whenever there is a shortage of food and grass, it is Xiao He who is trying to find a way to transport food to the army. , the soldiers will not be hungry. The king of Han fled to Shandong many times, and every time it was because of Xiao He's help, he was able to ensure that the king of Han was safe. It will not be too big, and the Han Dynasty will not perish because of this. How can one-time merit be higher than eternal merit? Therefore, I advocate that when it comes to rewarding merit, Xiao He should be ranked first, and Cao Shen should be second."
The scene of Guannei Hou Ejun really touched Liu Bang's heart. Liu Bang was very happy, and then said: "Okay, then this matter is settled."
Guannei Hou Ejun was also deeply loved by Liu Bang because of this incident. His observation of words and deeds not only helped Liu Bang realize his wish, but he was also named "Marquis of Anping" because of this, and his fiefdom was more than doubled.
It can be seen that the effect of speaking well on the scene is also great, but it needs to grasp a "degree" when speaking on the scene. The words on the scene are not blindly flattering.
Confucius said: "Smart words make people look good, but benevolence is rare." When negotiating with people, just the right words on the scene may turn your situation around.It is very important for your situation to speak properly and to be able to speak to the other party's heart.
Be polite when asking for help
China is a country of etiquette. When getting along with others, everything is inseparable from the word etiquette.Isn't there such an idiom, it's not surprising that there are many people who are polite.Etiquette is even more indispensable when asking for help. Only when politeness is in place, others will be willing to give you advice. Otherwise, even if you agree, it will only be perfunctory.
A young man drove to the countryside to play, and met an old man on the way.He asked the old man the way: "Hey! Old man, how do I get to xx?" The old man looked at him and said loudly, "You are rude." After hearing this, the young man continued to drive the car forward and walked for 10 miles He didn't arrive at the destination either. Later, he turned around and went back to look for the old man. Only then did he find that the place he was looking for was right in front of him. It was less than 100 meters away from the place where he asked for directions. Turn right and you can see arrive.Only then did he realize that what the old man said just now was "disrespectful", not "5 miles".
Need to know: When asking for help, be sure to ask for the word, and the word of etiquette is at ease.For example, when you want someone to teach you how to make a software, you can say this: "Do you have time? I would like to ask you how to use this software. They all say that you are an expert in this field." When you ask When someone asks for directions, you should say: "Excuse me, how can I get to the place of ××?" In short, when asking for help, it is better to use the word "please" at the beginning, which will give people a sense of being respected and make them more willing to respond to you. request.
Be mindful of your manner and tone of voice when asking for help.When some people ask for help, they show a domineering look, as if it is only natural for others to help them. If others refuse to help, they have to endure his ruthlessness and complaints. Such people are doomed to fail. .
Although even if you need help from others, you will not beg for mercy regardless of your personal dignity, but you should not speak in a confident tone. If the other party is not satisfied, you will turn your face and deny him. May agree to your request.Such as: "Hello, can you help me?" "Will you go shopping with me?"
If the other party can't help you for some reason, you should also smile and respond to the other party: "It's okay, you are busy with your work." If you can do what you can, I believe that the other party will try their best to help you. If you adopt an inconsiderate attitude, and if you don’t get help, you will speak ill at each other. From then on, others will not be willing to help you.
When asking for help, you must also know how to choose the right time.Generally speaking, when the other party is in a comfortable mood and has plenty of time to make a request, it is often easy to get the other party's consent.On the contrary, if the other party is so busy at this time that he can't spare time.But you are entangled on the sidelines, then your request will only make him feel upset.
In addition, after getting the help of the other party, you must sincerely express your gratitude to the other party.Don't give people the impression that you have said all the good things beforehand and don't say a word afterwards. It will make people feel like they are leaving the tea cold and killing the donkey.Since then, I have been chilling with you, and I am no longer willing to lend a helping hand to you.Relatively speaking, a thank you afterwards will make people feel that their hard work has been rewarded, and their goodwill towards you will also be greatly enhanced, and they will feel proud of being able to help others.
After the work is done, you can find a suitable time to visit and express your gratitude. You don't need expensive gifts. Sometimes some thoughtful gifts and a few words of thanks are enough to make the other party feel satisfied.Many words of greetings during the New Year and holidays, and a phone call from time to time can also convey the deep friendship to the other party.
But what you must remember is that you must know how to restrain yourself in front of the other party.No matter how much the other party's help has brought you, don't boast about it in front of the person who helped you. You have to remember that you came to express your gratitude, not to boast about your achievements.
eloquence is the trump card
When you want to do something, but your strength and ability are not enough for you to do it, you can use the strength of others to accomplish your own thing.After all, a person's strength is limited, and it is very difficult to conquer the world alone.But everyone will have their own strengths and advantages. In many cases, what you don't have happens to be what the other party is good at. What you have to do is to learn from each other's strengths to achieve your own goals.
A little boy went to the market with his mother.When he arrived in front of a stall selling cherries, the little boy refused to leave and did not speak.The boss saw that the little boy was very cute, so he let him eat the cherries by himself.The little boy likes to eat cherries very much, but he has no reaction at all.The boss thought he was shy, so he yelled several times in a row, but the little boy stood still.In the end, the boss simply grabbed a large handful of cherries and stuffed them into the little boy's pocket.
Later, the mother asked the little boy why he didn't grab the cherries by himself, and the little boy said, "His hands are bigger than mine, so he can grab more cherries.
From ancient times to the present, none of the successful people achieved their careers by relying on the strength of one person, each of them achieved themselves by relying on the strength of others.
Sloan, the general manager of General Motors, once said: "Even if all my property is taken away, I will not be afraid. As long as I keep my talents, after another 4 years, I can get it back." Taiwan Chen Yongtai, the richest man in the world, also said: "Smart people achieve their goals through the strength of others." Even Xunzi said that people who rely on chariots and horses don't have to worry about running fast, but they can travel far. Thousands of miles: People who rely on boats can cross rivers without being good at water.
A gentleman is not born different from others, but because he is better at borrowing and using external things.So how do we do it?Here are some ways you can learn from:
(1) Borrowing emotional offensive
People have feelings, and under the fluctuation of feelings, it is easy to do things against one's own will, and accept other people's persuasion or help.Therefore, if you can’t get good results by directly asking the other party for help, then you can use your emotions to disturb the other party’s mind, gain the other party’s approval, and then provide you with the help you want.
(2) Borrowing the celebrity effect
Some celebrities always have some stronger authority and persuasive power than others. Using the advantages of celebrities can sometimes help you achieve your goals.Just like the fox in the story "The fox pretends to be the tiger", although he is small and weak, no one takes it seriously, but he wins the tiger to be his friend and establishes a close relationship with the tiger. And tigers often walk together.In this way, with the help of the tiger's authority, even other animals look down on it, they should look up to it, so the fox can naturally live in the forest.
The company used the president's fame to advertise its product, which was recognized by consumers.As the saying goes, "You can enjoy the shade by leaning on a big tree", if you have good celebrity resources around you, you have to make good use of them, and don't lose opportunities in vain.
(3) Borrowing the talents of others
No one in this world is omnipotent. There are always things that one is good at and not good at. If one is only one person, one cannot sing a chorus and accomplish great things. If one wants to achieve success, one has to rely on the strength of others.For example, if you have funds and connections, but no technology, then if you can unite with some people who understand technology, it will be a strong alliance, which can create huge benefits.George Bernard Shaw said: "If you have an apple and I have an apple, and we exchange apples, you and I still each have an apple. But if you have an idea, and I have an idea, we exchange These thoughts, then, the two of us will have two thoughts.” Therefore, to do things for others is to learn to cooperate and share with others.
The truth is very simple to say, and there are thousands of abilities to do things, but there are three core skills among them.First of all, you must have a long enough social tentacles and be able to accurately find suitable resources.Relationships are the key to getting things done.Secondly, you must have a glib mouth that can persuade others and gain their trust.Secondly, eloquence is the lubricant for doing things.Finally, you also need to be able to have all the "wrists" you need to do things.The wrist is the trump card for doing things.
skillful use of provocative method
In this world, there are some people who are gentle and kind, who are soft-spoken but not hard-working;For the first kind of people, you need to persuade them with good words. For the second kind of people, you must use strong means to deal with them. Use your prestige, ability and talent to persuade them. For the third kind of people, you cannot use conventional methods to deal with them. , but to find other ways to let the other party use it for themselves.
In the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Ma Chao led his troops to attack the Shu army at Jianjia Pass. General Zhuge Liangliang later discovered that only Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun could face Ma Chao. Although Zhang Fei was in the tent, he was reckless, short-tempered, and greedy for drinking. If he went wrong with drinking, the consequences would be unimaginable.But at the juncture of employing people, Zhuge Liang had no choice but to think of another way. He said in front of Zhang Fei: "Now Ma Chao has invaded the pass, and no one can be an enemy; unless you go to Jingzhou to invite Guan Yunchang to come, you can be an enemy... Yide resists water. The bridge was broken, so Cao Cao didn't know the truth; if he knew the real situation, how could the general be fine? Everyone in the world knows the bravery of Ma Chao today. In the Sixth Battle of Weiqiao, Cao Cao was killed so much that he cut his beard and abandoned his robe. He almost died. But Guan Yunchang may not be able to win." Zhang Fei's fighting spirit and sense of responsibility were immediately aroused, and he immediately issued a military order to lead the army to attack Jianjiaguan, and fought Ma Chao for more than 100 rounds.
It can be seen from this that the aggressive method is indeed a good method when asking for help.It can make the listener emotionally fluctuate or angry, happy, or guilty, but as long as the heart is moved, it is much easier to ask the other party to do things.
A child, he wants his mother to buy him a laptop computer, but he already has a desktop computer at home. Although the style is very old, it can meet the basic needs. If he asks his mother to buy it rashly, his mother will definitely not agree.In order not to be rejected by his mother, the child adopted a very unique way. He no longer begged his mother for things or played tricks like before, but looked at his mother seriously and said: "Mom, My classmate told me that he has a notebook, what does the notebook look like? Is it page by page like the notebook I use for writing?"
The mother was moved by these innocent words. She felt that she must buy a laptop for the child to let him see the world. She would rather buy a few less clothes and eat less for the child. Otherwise, I am really sorry. he.It can be said that if the child directly asks the mother to buy a notebook, it is likely that the goal will not be achieved.However, this kind of provocative method can make the mother feel guilty, so as to meet the child's request at all costs, and even if the mother pays the money in the end, she may not necessarily think that her child has used tricks on herself.
Of course, when the radical method is actually used, specific implementation methods can be adopted according to different people.For example, a husband slaps his wife in a fit of anger, but the wife bursts out laughing, "Okay, go ahead and slap me, and I will make you regret it for the rest of your life." What he was afraid of, his anger disappeared.Such a method is actually a kind of reverse psychology.For some people, the more you don't let him do something, the more he wants to do something.If you want these people to do something, you can first assume that he is unwilling or unable to do it, and then you can wait for the result.In short, you don't have to use conventional methods to attack someone when you ask someone to do something. If these methods don't work, you can use the aggressive method to make the other person excited.As long as the other party is excited, you can also achieve your goal.
Restricted areas to be aware of when asking for help
Asking for help is not a simple matter, it must be taken seriously.When communicating with people, pay attention to what to say and what not to say.At the same time, avoid endless persuasion.Only in this way, the other party will accept you, and then act for you under your sincere plea.On the contrary, it is not.
1.What not to say when asking for help
When asking someone to do something, you must pay attention to your wording and tone. For example, if you say "you must help me", the other party will definitely feel disgusted.Only by making the other party feel comfortable and comfortable, will it be more likely to help you get things done.Then, when asking for help, it is best not to say the following types of words.
(1) Harsh words
When asking someone to do something, the first step is to gain the other person's favor. Your words must be polite and kind.For those who are outspoken, they should be more thoughtful and cautious, and don't say something that disgusts or offends people.
(2) Self-deprecating words
Some people like to elevate others by belittling themselves, but they don't know that sometimes their modesty is a kind of shrinking in the eyes of the other party.In addition, if the person you are looking for happens to be bullying and afraid of the strong, then your self-deprecation will become a kind of bullying performance in his eyes, and he will naturally not try his best to help you. Perfunctory and deal with you.Therefore, humility must be used in the right place. When you can't be self-deprecating, it is better to seek truth from facts.
(3) Ambiguous words
Since you are asking someone to do something, first of all, you have to make your words clear to attract the attention of the other party.If the words are ambiguous, the other party will quickly lose interest.
(4) Depressing words
Since you are asking for help, it means that you have encountered some difficulties, such as marriage failure, career setbacks, etc. These things often make people exhausted and depressed.When you need something from others, telling the other party too much will make people feel depressed or even unhappy, which will affect the communication between the two parties.
2.Pay attention to over-limit effect when asking for help
Endless persuasion is often repulsive.On the contrary, concise and concise sentences can avoid arousing the antipathy of the listener and make it more receptive!In psychology, this phenomenon is called "over-limit effect".
The so-called over-limit effect refers to a phenomenon of very impatient or rebellious psychology caused by too much stimulation, too strong and too long acting time.
The famous American humorist Mark Twain once listened to the pastor's speech in church.At the beginning, he felt that the pastor's speech was very good and touching, so he took out all the money on his body and prepared to donate.After 10 minutes, the pastor hadn't finished speaking, Mark Twain became a little impatient, so he changed his mind and decided to donate only a small amount of change.After another 10 minutes, the pastor still hadn't finished speaking, so Mark Twain decided not to donate any money.When the pastor finally finished his speech and began to solicit donations from the audience, Mark Twain was so angry that he not only refused to donate the money, but also took 2 yuan from the plate.
Why was Mark Twain so angry in the end, instead of donating money, he made a move to steal money?Apparently the pastor's speech was so long that it bored Mark Twain.Indeed, after you have made things clear, you can no longer nag repeatedly.Otherwise, even a particularly touching speech will bore even the most patient person!
Indeed, anyone who knows how to communicate knows that "succinct and concise" can make the other party help, and "twice a few words" can make him think deeply.
(End of this chapter)
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