speaking psychology

Chapter 3 Practical and Effective Speaking Principles

In the process of contacting, contacting and communicating with people, language is inseparable.Lenin once said that language is a very important means of interpersonal communication.Language can regulate people's behavior and stimulate inner emotions in many cases.As the saying goes: "A good word will warm the winter three times, and a bad word will hurt people and the June cold." This shows how much the words that people like to listen to play a role.

Points to pay attention to when speaking
Zheng Banqiao, a painter in the Qing Dynasty, once wrote a poem saying: "Take away the tediousness and leave it thin, and the painting is ripe when it is alive." The British Pope also said: "Words are like leaves. Where the leaves are too lush, it is difficult to see wise people." fruit.” Today’s language masters say: “It’s not enough to say too much, but to express your meaning.” It can be seen that using the fewest sentences and containing the most content is the best expression of the speaking level.It is rare to speak eloquently, but it is even more rare to speak concisely and to the point.

2000 years ago, the Macedonian king led an army to attack India. It happened to be midsummer at that time, and the soldiers were thirsty because of the long journey.The king had no choice but to send people to look for water everywhere, but only found a glass of water.The king raised the water cup high and shouted to the soldiers: "Now I have found a glass of water, and where there is water, there is a source of water. In order to find the source of water, go forward!" on the ground.Encouraged and enthusiastic, the soldiers rushed toward the front line tenaciously, and finally won the battle.

Just imagine, if the king drank the water himself, and then issued a lengthy instruction, I'm afraid it would not have the effect of "excitement".When people exchange ideas, introduce situations, state opinions, and express opinions, in order to let the other party quickly understand their intentions and grasp the gist, they usually use concise and general language to express the essential characteristics of the problem. Come out, to achieve the effect of one sentence, win more with less.Many leaders have this ability. They are good at grasping the situation from a high-level perspective, grasping the essence of the problem, and using simple and appropriate language to make a general summary, which has an extraordinary impact.

The No. 16 President of the United States, Lincoln, shook hands with the crew during a river inspection, but one crew member withdrew his hand and said shyly to the president: "President, my hands are too dirty." " Lincoln laughed when he heard that, and said, "Hold out your hand, your hand was blackened for coaling the Union."

Although it is only a short sentence, which sounds extremely ordinary, it is highly generalized, in-depth and full of emotion.In daily life and work, some people always speak too implicitly. It is fine if the other party can understand the meaning. If the other party does not understand, not only will the purpose of communication not be achieved, but unnecessary trouble will be caused.Since ancient times, there have been too many misunderstandings caused by wrong meanings, and even loss of wealth and death abound.

Facing today's highly competitive social environment, if you want to gain a firm foothold, it is natural to have more friends, and the fewer enemies or opponents, the better.If it is said that fighting against others because of interests is forced by the situation and required by reality, then it is not worth the loss to offend others because of inappropriate words.We must admit that in the process of interpersonal communication, many misunderstandings are caused by not understanding the meaning of the other party.Finding the problem is not the end, but solving the problem is the goal.As the saying goes: "It is better to draw fire from the bottom of the pot than to stop the boiling water." How can we avoid the overtones?The following methods are worth a try.

1.be precise in what you say

Say what you have, and every word you say should revolve around your purpose.If you have nothing to say, it is easy to cause unnecessary trouble.

2.use words as precisely as possible
Don't use ambiguous words or sentences, even if sometimes you need to say more words, a little longer, don't use other words instead.

3.When working in other places or dealing with outsiders, speak Mandarin
The dialect is not easy for outsiders to understand, and it is easy to cause unnecessary misunderstandings.Of course, the level of Mandarin you speak does not have to be very high, you just need to be able to express yourself clearly.

4.Don't be held accountable for someone else's slip of the tongue

no one is perfect.When doing things, no one can be [-]% perfect. If you always care about others, others will definitely make things difficult for you. Conversely, if you are magnanimous, others will give you convenience.

5.have good relationships
If the people around you respect and trust you, even if you sometimes say something with subtext, it will not have a bad influence, and everyone will usually think of it in a good way.

6.Don't criticize people behind their backs, speak ill of others

If you keep bad-mouthing B in front of A, over time, A is likely to think that you will also bad-mouth B in front of him.What's more, good things don't go out, and bad things spread thousands of miles, so it's better to be cautious when speaking.

Therefore, when we communicate with people in the future, we should try our best to be concise and concise, and don't create subtext, so that others will misunderstand and cause unnecessary trouble.As the saying goes, "It's easier to travel when you have more friends." Having more friends and fewer enemies will definitely make your life smoother and smoother in this materialistic society.

Use more words and sentences

Words are the most basic elements of human speech. Using the right words can not only impress others, but also bring out actions, and the result of actions is to show another kind of life.Mark Twain said: "The right words are very powerful. Whenever we use the right words, there will be great changes in our minds and bodies."

Throughout history, many people have inspired others by using the right words: When Patrick Henry stood before representatives of 13 states and said, "I don't know what other people are going to do, But for me, death is better than freedom!" It was such a simple sentence that inspired generations of people in the United States to vow to overthrow the tyranny that had oppressed them for a long time, and the result was a prairie fire. , established the United States of America.

A great man in the United States said in his speech: "When we can enjoy freedom today, don't forget the Declaration of Independence. Although it has only a few words, it has given us every one of us for 200 years. Similarly, when we fight for race When equality is constantly striving, don't forget that it is also caused by the enthusiasm inspired by certain combinations of words. Please, who can forget the exciting speech of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in the United States. He said :'I have a dream, hoping that one day this country can really stand up and abide by the principles and spirit of its founding...'" The following is the story of Martin Luther King and this wonderful speech.

Before 1963, the American people had been in an unfree environment, coupled with frequent violent movements, finally aroused Martin Luther King’s long-standing anger in his heart, and he decided to use a passionate speech Wake up the sleeping people and let them fight for freedom.

On August 1963, 8, leader Martin Luther King presided over a rally attended by 28 people in Washington, after which he led the crowd from the Washington Monument down to the Lincoln Memorial.The rally was watched by millions, many of whom still remember it vividly.At the same time, the speech article was selected into the textbook, which made Martin Luther King Jr. famous.

At this rally, Martin Luther King gave a speech that excited Americans - "I Have a Dream"."This ideal of mine stems largely from the American dream," he said. "I dream of a day when we will stand up as a nation and truly live out its creed that we hold these truths to be self-evident and that all men are created equal." "Dreams of a future in Georgia where 'sons of slaves and sons of masters' sit together, brother and foot, at the dinner table; dreams of a future in Mississippi where freedom and justice will replace oppression and exploitation; dreams of a time when its people will be free at last, be free , thank God, be free."

Martin Luther King Jr. slowly stepped down from the pulpit, and the crowd was so shocked that they didn't know what to do for a while.It was so frustrating that the speech ended so abruptly.A few seconds passed, and the disappointment was washed away by joy.When Martin Luther King walked out of the church, the applause followed him, and the believers leaned forward to touch him.It can be said that his speech this time was a success.

It is precisely because of Martin Luther King's speech that the American people's minds were awakened and they gained today's freedom.

Not only that, when the Second World War broke out, the words of a person made the British people firm in their resistance to the Nazis. As a result, they used their tenacious will to survive the most difficult moment and broke the myth that Hitler's troops were invincible. It was Churchill.

To a certain extent, the history of mankind is constantly moving forward in those passionate words, but few people know that the power of language possessed by those great men can also be found in themselves.It can change our emotions, inspire our will, and make us dare to face everything and challenge life.

Most of us are cautious when we speak to others, but we don't pay attention to the words we use, which can affect our emotions and feelings.So, if we don't have a good grasp of how to use words, if we continue to use words as we are used to without concealing them, we may distort the truth.If a person only has a limited vocabulary, then he can only experience limited emotions; on the contrary, if he has a rich vocabulary, then he has a palette of colors that can be mixed in his hands, and he can experience as much as he wants. Sprinkle your own life experience, not only for others, but also for yourself.

When you say good things, you need to focus on the target
The purpose of speaking is not to let others listen, but to make others willing to listen, understand, and understand clearly. At this time, you need to pay special attention to the problem of the speaking object.

Because each person plays a different role in life, and different roles will always have some characteristics in people's psychology and feeling, which in turn determines people's certain feelings about the content and method of language expression and the choice of acceptance. orientation.

Because of this, different people may express the same meaning in different ways, but what we need to emphasize here is the same sentence, different people will have different or even diametrically opposite attitudes when they hear it.

In this way, the speaking object becomes an inevitable and important object in the communication process.If you ignore or ignore this requirement, it will definitely have adverse effects, and even make the communication impossible.

There are huge differences between people. As far as oral expression is concerned, the biggest practical differences mainly exist in the following aspects. However, "not looking at the object" in oral communication is also manifested in the following "not paying attention".

1.not paying attention to age difference
Because of the difference in age, the degree of aversion to the object of the speaker is different.For the elderly, mentioning the word "death" is the most taboo.

Several young people went to visit an old man who had retired for many years...

"Your old body is really strong, so you will live a long life this year?"

"79, almost 80."

"Okay, seventy is a rarity in life, and now you are the oldest in the factory?"

"Where, Lao Song is the champion. He lived to be 85 years old. But time is not forgiving, and this old man passed away not long ago."

"Now it's your turn!"

When the old man heard this, his expression suddenly changed.

Therefore, when having a conversation with others, not only the gender of the other party must be considered, but also the age of the other party.

2.Pay no attention to language differences
There are many kinds of languages ​​in the world, and they are subject to various restrictions. Most people can only master and use the language of their own country or nation.Even with national or national languages, there is the problem of dialects.For example, Chinese is spoken by people all over the country, but each region has its own dialect, which causes great difficulties for communication.In the same word, the meaning may be different in different regions, so pay attention to language differences when talking.

Some people don't pay attention to this, and they also use dialects in front of people from different regions, resulting in big jokes and sometimes even bad consequences.

There is such a joke that a person from Guangdong was queuing up to buy things in Beijing. He said to the young woman standing in the last row: "You are the most beautiful (tail)?" Chinese girls are not like Western girls She likes people to praise her for her beauty in public, especially people who have never met her before. As a result, this person is stared at by young women.Seeing that she was silent, the man from Guangzhou followed her and said, "I love you standing!" This made the young woman angry, and scolded her head and face: "You must be sick, you are in broad daylight. Do you still want to be a hooligan? I don’t know you, what’s ‘beautiful’! ‘Love’! Believe it or not, I’ll call the police...” The Cantonese was scolded for no reason, but he couldn’t tell.Later, an enthusiastic person who had been to Guangzhou explained clearly to the young woman.It turned out that what the Guangzhou native said was: "You are the last one in line, right?" He said "the last" as "the last", the word "tail" and the word "beauty", Guangzhou people can't express clearly in Mandarin; Similarly, the pronunciations of the characters "恨" and "·爱" are also very confusing.

We have a vast territory, and although the written characters are the same, the languages ​​are different. Southerners cannot understand the northern dialect, and northerners cannot understand the southern dialect. This not only affects social interaction, but also causes many jokes.The above story truly reflects this reality.It can be seen that when conducting oral communication, if you do not pay attention to the language differences of the communication objects, it will inevitably cause obstacles to communication.

3.Pay no attention to cultural differences
As the saying goes, when you go to the mountain to sing what song, when you have a dialogue with people of different cultural levels, you need to use his limited speaking level to conduct dialogue.Usually, educated people always like to use some elegant words.

4.Whether you are happy or frustrated, it is best to remain silent

Talk about your disappointment with a proud person, he will do superficial at most, it is absolutely impossible to sympathize with you, and sometimes it will cause unnecessary trouble, thinking that you are begging for help, he will be on guard, so that you do not The method has been discussed for a long time.Therefore, if you want to complain, you should complain to those who are "sick."If you want to talk about something you are proud of, you should talk to the person who is proud of you. If you praise him, you are like-minded.If you are not good at keeping things secret, you will tell others as long as you are a little bit proud. As a result, people will call you a villain, and you may be jealous of others unintentionally.In addition, encountering unsatisfactory things occasionally makes you feel depressed and complaining, like a bone in your throat, and you always want to spit it out quickly: put the good things in your belly, and put the bad things in your stomach, don’t be casual tell others.

In short, when talking, you must look at the object and see whether he is a person who is willing to talk to you.If not, it is better not to speak.Is this when you speak?If it is not the time, it is best to choose silence.The success of speaking has a lot to do with failure and timing. Talking more does not necessarily mean that you are capable, and speaking less does not necessarily mean that you are stupid.

tactfully point out the shortcomings of others
In the process of communication, if the way of speaking is not correct, the other party will misunderstand your meaning accordingly.When there is ambiguity in understanding, it may have adverse consequences, which will affect normal communication and violate the original intention of the speaker.

Sarcasm and sarcasm are strong and stimulating expressions.It often speaks out the opponent's shortcomings and shortcomings in a mocking tone, making this person embarrassing in public, which is unbearable. At the least, it will cause the opponent to retort, and at the worst, they will fight violently, causing very bad effects.

A certain director commented on his subordinates in this way: "Huang X has spent his life in vain. Although he is a college graduate, he can't find a wife. Girls shake their heads when they meet. The article he wrote seems to be written by a primary school student." Composition, the preface does not match the postscript, and the writing is not as good as the dung beetle. If I were him, I would have found a crooked neck tree and hanged myself..."

Later, after Huang X heard these discussions, he simply didn't write a single word at work, and used his spare time to write novels and reportage.

As a boss at work or an emotional friend, when you discover the shortcomings of your subordinates or friends, you should point them out positively, help him, guide him, and motivate him to move forward instead of sarcasm and ridicule.Those who always make fun of others usually lack self-confidence, have a certain sense of fear about the future, and worry that others will look down on them, so they release their inner repressed emotions and maintain their own image by making fun of others.As everyone knows, this will not only damage their own image, but also arouse the disgust of others.

Therefore, sarcasm and sarcasm should not be used casually.Vulgar and abusive speech should also be abandoned.Speaking should be civilized and polite, which is the minimum requirement for a person.In daily communication, uncivilized speech such as vulgarity and swearing is an act that hurts the self-esteem of others and is not accepted by others.This way of speaking often affects the other person's emotions and makes communication impossible.

Judging from the tone of expression, there are still differences in the way of speaking.Generally speaking, speaking softly, with a gentle tone and appropriate words, is like gentle wind and light rain, which makes people feel more cordial, easy to be accepted by others, and creates a good impression.Even if the two parties disagree on their views, they will not offend each other on the spot.On the contrary, strong words, with a blunt tone and a loud voice, as if reprimanding a lesson, sound very harsh and make people feel uncomfortable. Sometimes even if the content of the speech is not problematic, it is because the tone of the speech is too strong, which will make people feel uncomfortable. People get angry and even offend people.

To a debate opponent who disagrees with your point of view, if you say: "This person is unreasonable!" The other party will definitely react strongly.

When your opinions are not recognized by the other party, you will say angrily: "Talking to you is like playing the piano against the cow!" The other party will definitely feel disrespected and confront you.

Most of the blunt words and angry words come out of the mouth without deliberation, so it is inevitable that they will be out of proportion.This kind of language is mostly "speech out of anger", it is like a raging fire, and it often stings the other party.

Everyone has a strong "self-awareness".When persuading others, in order not to hurt the self-esteem of the other party, one should choose to respect the "self-awareness" of the other party.However, when we communicate with others, the dialogue often ends in failure because we do not consider the vanity and self-esteem of the other party.Especially when persuading people with strong self-esteem and vanity, this situation will become inevitable.Therefore, when we speak, we must be careful not to hurt the self-esteem of the other party, but we need to take care of the other party's strong "self-awareness" and let him gradually accept your suggestion.

Just like in the story, Huang X's self-esteem was seriously hurt by the director's behind-the-scenes discussion. Although Huang X did not argue with the leader face to face, his behavior has already expressed serious protest.This requires us to conduct deep introspection.Although criticism is something we often do, especially when you play the role of a leader or an elder, some people's criticism makes others feel ashamed and unable to step down.In fact, this kind of criticism not only fails to achieve the purpose of letting others correct their mistakes, but also affects your interpersonal relationship.That being the case, why choose such a drastic way to accuse others?In life and work, it is impossible to be without criticism, but we should learn to criticize subtly so that others can recognize their mistakes and correct them as soon as possible. At the same time, we will understand your kind reminder and be grateful to you.Or summarize the advantages of others before criticizing, and then slowly draw out the shortcomings.Before others taste the bitterness, let him eat some sweetness, and it will be easier to accept the bitterness when he tastes it.

Pointing out other people's mistakes indirectly is far milder than blurting it out directly, and it will not arouse resentment from others.No matter what the purpose of speaking is, we should adopt a tactful way, so that the effect will be higher.

don't praise yourself too much
Usually, a person who always likes to praise himself can't make real friends, because he is proud, conceited, doesn't like to listen to other people's opinions, and only brags.This kind of person always seeks out the masses who flatter and obey him, not friends, and friends are afraid to avoid them.He often thinks he is the most capable person. If he is a businessman, then he will think that no one can compare with him; if he is an artist, he will think that he is a master of a generation; Only oneself can save mankind.

Face is given by others, face is lost by oneself.If you really have real talents and learning, then the words of praise should come from other people's mouths, and boasting is actually losing face.As long as you are a well-cultivated person, you will definitely not talk about yourself casually, let alone boast about yourself.Because he is very clear that his behavior has long been in the impression of others.

During the Yongzheng period of the Qing Dynasty, Jiang Shui was recommended to the imperial court as an official.When the emperor summoned him, he was very nervous, trembling and unable to answer, so he recommended his student Dai Zhen.Dai Zhen's eloquence is eloquent, and when analyzing problems, he is concise and concise.After the emperor heard it, Longyan was very happy.Ask Dai Zhen: "Who is more capable than you and the teacher?" Dai Zhen replied: "My level is low." The teacher is old and his ears are a little deaf, but his knowledge is far beyond what I can achieve." The emperor praised his humility and granted him the title of Hanlin.

Please stop bragging, instead of bragging, it is better to be humble. Maybe you think you are great, but others may not agree.It is absolutely impossible to praise yourself very highly.It is good to exaggerate the importance of one's own career and brag about oneself indirectly, and others will not be particularly happy to hear this sentence.Everything in the world is like this. When you don’t boast, others will praise you. When you praise yourself, others will look down on you.

Don't deliberately hold the opposite opinion with others. Some people like to express different opinions from others, and always disagree with others. For example, if you say it is black, at this time he just says it is white ; Later you changed your mind and said this is white, but he said this is black instead.

This kind of person is just as annoying as the one who goes along with everyone else and is more likely to end up being perceived as an inauthentic person.

Good eloquence helps you deal with others. No one wants to be a good eloquent and communicative person.However, if you try to show off your eloquence, you will only get bored by others, so you should express your eloquence flexibly and correctly.

During the conversation, there may be some disagreements. If you raise an objection immediately, the other party will definitely feel disrespected and your opinion will be completely rejected. Such a result is unpleasant.

If this kind of situation really happens, you need to explain the situation clearly, explain which places you agree with and which places you don't agree with at all, and then speak out about a point you don't agree with.In this case, the other party can easily accept your criticism or correction, because at this time he knows that most of his views have been approved by the other party.

In any case, you must state what you agree with in the other party's point of view in advance, even if it is not important, you must also clearly state it. The purpose of this is to ease the atmosphere of the conversation.

In short, try to avoid bragging about your achievements and influence in front of strangers, or telling others how capable your son is.Of course, don’t take your friends’ shortcomings and failures as the content of the conversation and complain indifferently in general public places. Complaining and complaining are not the best way to gain sympathy.This is the basics of being a human being.

don't blame others
Just as nagging is the rock to successful persuasion, so useless and heartbreaking accusations are a stumbling block to successful persuasion.Don't always blame the other party blindly, so there is no way to make the other party change.However, some people accuse their partners in front of acquaintances and friends because of the only internal conflicts in the family. As everyone knows, such accusations will not only fail to change the mistakes of the other party, but will affect the relationship between both parties.If the other party is indeed wrong, then point it out tactfully, and sincerely help, and even use the power of emotion to influence the other party, I believe the other party will be moved by everything you have done.

Criticizing others will only make others try to cover up their mistakes.This not only hurts the self-esteem of the accused, but also arouses the resentment of the criticized.For example, if the owner of a store is always criticizing how bad the guys in the store are, then the guys will definitely not work sincerely, so the store will not develop; if a housewife always criticizes her own Employing people, and employing people will not do things faithfully, so the housewife will not get any benefits.

Some people like to blame others very much. Whenever a problem arises, the first thing they think of is to shirk the responsibility on others.Some people seem to have developed a disapproving habit of criticizing others all the time, even taking pleasure in it.

There are also some people, who originally did not do well in some areas, but insist on slandering others.How can this kind of accusation be justified?The result will only be hurting others, or being resisted by others, and ultimately hurting yourself.In fact, try to understand others and put yourself in others' shoes as much as possible. I believe this is much more beneficial than criticism and blame. Not only will it not hurt people, but it will even make people look at them with sympathy and pity. "Understanding is forgiveness", why not be gentle?So, when we criticize others, we have to think about ourselves first: How am I doing?Should someone else be blamed entirely?In this way, you may completely change your behavior and attitude, and establish a good relationship with others.

Bob Hoover was a famous test pilot, often performing stunts in the air.Once, he was about to fly back to Los Angeles after performing in San Diego.According to the "Aircraft Operations" magazine, Hoover happened to have two engine failures when he was 100 meters away from the altitude.Fortunately, he reacted properly and the plane landed safely.Although there were no casualties, the plane was destroyed.

The first thing Hoover did after the emergency landing was to check the plane's fuel.As expected, the propeller plane ran on jet fuel.

Back at the airport, Hoover demanded to see the maintenance mechanic immediately.The young mechanic was already remorseful for his mistakes, and when he saw Hoover, tears rolled down his cheeks.Not only did he destroy an expensive plane, he even threatened the lives of three people. You can imagine Hoover's anger at that time.But Hoover didn't blame the mechanic. He just put his arms around the worker's shoulders and said, "To prove that you won't make mistakes again, I'll ask you to help me fix my F-3 tomorrow."

This is indeed the case. When some people talk, they often only care about their own happiness, and only realize that they have hurt others after the incident; especially when others do something wrong or suffer a loss, they will feel wronged, so I try to make fun out of my mouth, so some harsh and harsh words come out unconsciously, and the result is often that I hurt others by being happy.

As long as you don't accuse others for no reason, before you speak, others will be in a passive state of mind, because they feel that they have done something wrong, and the psychology of self-blame will allow you to say hurtful things, but It is definitely not at your disposal, you can vent as you like.When your blame has touched their self-esteem, then the self-blame will disappear immediately, and there will be unhappiness, and slowly, this unhappiness will develop into resentment.There are taboos in the service industry, because these taboos are impolite and disrespectful to customers; and the taboos of teachers are those words that hurt students' self-esteem. As a teacher, you must not say "you are stupid like a pig" to students, otherwise your original Some good intentions will be washed away by this sentence.

And when friends are accusing each other, they can't settle old accounts with new ones, turn over the previous things, or repeat the words that have been repeated before.Between friends, never repeat the blame for the second time, even the less blame the better.Dr. John said, "God himself is unwilling to judge until the end of judgment." So why should we?Therefore, you have to help the other party recognize and correct mistakes, and convince the other party.From now on, please remember this principle: Don't always blame others.

Always leave a way out for yourself and others

For other people's requests, you can accept, but don't "guarantee", you should use words such as "I will try my best" or "I will try it"; for the things explained by the superior, of course you must accept, but never say "guaranteed problem", should say "should be no problem, I'll do my best" or something like that.This is to find a way out in case you fail to achieve your goal, and this is actually to preserve your sincerity, but to show your caution, and others will trust you more. Even if things are not done well in the end, others will not. will blame you.

In the process of interacting with people, if you have a disagreement with the other party, you must not speak wild words, let alone say "incompatibility". No matter who is wrong, the best way is to keep silent. So that there is still "face" when we need to work together in the future.Special attention should be paid to saving face with people, and not to make premature conclusions. It is best not to say things like "this person has no future in his life".

Xiao Huang worked as a director in a decoration company. Once, they made light boxes for an advertising company.On the day of installation, a person in charge of the advertising company insisted that Xiao Huang’s subordinates install it according to what he said. As a result, halfway through the installation of the light box, the light box fell to the ground due to improper operation. seek monetary compensation.Xiao Huang was very angry when he found out about this matter, and he reasoned with the person in charge confidently; "You are too much in charge, and the installation of light boxes is our business, why are you pointing fingers?" The person in charge saw Xiao Huang's words So sharp, even though he was reluctant, he still expressed his apology: "I'm sorry, I said something too much, but I didn't expect to cause such serious consequences." Xiao Huang still didn't calm down: "Could it be that you can solve it by saying a word of embarrassment?" ? Who is to blame for this loss?"

Seeing Xiao Huang being so unreasonable, the person in charge was very unhappy, and said: "Although I said something, as professionals, you are too uninitiated. I just give a casual suggestion." Xiao Huang heard This remark made him furious, and he said, "Do you still want to renege on your debt?" The person in charge became even more unhappy, and said, "Why do you speak so badly, the most important thing is to distinguish responsibility, we can't just wrong others at will."

The two people quarreled more and more intensely, and finally, Xiao Huang said: "Then let's see you in court." Then he left.On the second day, Xiao Huang's boss severely criticized him: "Can you use your brain when you do things? Is it because of a light box that this is the case? If this is the case, how can we cooperate in the future?" At the end of the reprimand, the boss said to Xiao Huang: "Suppress your anger, take the initiative to admit your mistake, and try to minimize the loss!"

Xiao Huang had no choice but to bite the bullet and go to the person in charge.To Xiao Huang's surprise, the person in charge sincerely admitted his mistake to him, and the two settled their suspicions and agreed to each bear half of the loss.The two people can say that they didn't know each other without fighting, and they became good friends, and their business contacts became more frequent.

In fact, the person in charge is not a caring person, but Xiao Huang is angry and speaks too fiercely, which makes the conflict between the two continue to escalate.

Talking without leaving room means leaving no way out. The simple logic of "either succeed or fail" no longer exists in this complex society.And the price to pay for this is sometimes something you can't bear.Instead of competing with yourself, it is better to change the way you speak, use more vague words, and leave a way out for yourself.

Using uncertain words can often lower other people's expectations.If you can't complete the task smoothly, people will replace dissatisfaction with understanding because they have low expectations of you, and sometimes they will see your efforts because of this, and will not erase all your achievements; if you can complete the task well , They are often overjoyed, and this added-value joy will bring you many benefits.

Talking too much can't be equated with self-confidence.Modesty is a philosophy of life.From the way a person speaks, we can tell whether a person is confident or not.A truly confident person knows how to be humble and will not speak too much.

In short, leaving room for speaking and not talking too much is a strategy for dealing with interpersonal relationships.

speak with your own personality

Everyone must have their own characteristics when speaking, showing their own unique personality.

In this fashionable society, what you say should have its own unique style.Life would be no fun if everyone spoke in the same way.However, in life, we can often see such people, they are the representatives of "following what others say", and they talk as others say.When others make generous statements, they also speak in a rough voice; when others speak with eloquence, they also put on airs.The result can only be "fake tricks", which makes people laugh.Parrots learn tongues because they are animals and cannot speak human language, but why should we be parrots as humans?From this moment on, learn to speak in your own way and form your own unique way of speaking. Only in this way can you leave a deep impression on others and be remembered by others.

The city of Signey is located in Iowa, USA. The Kaiokook Hotel in the urban area is very famous in the local area. Thousands of tourists come here every year. The reason is that the owner of this store is a " "Happy Weller", always smiling, no matter who you meet, you can say a few comforting words, people who know him have never heard him say a bad word.

You must know that a person's language style and the way a person talks to others can reflect the person's self-cultivation and connotation.If you speak arrogantly or even contemptuously to your subordinates, then the subordinates will keep you at a respectful distance; if you speak too humblely to your superiors, they may think you are incompetent or spineless, and dare not entrust important tasks to you. you.

Knowing how to learn from others is a good thing, but you can't blindly learn from others about your speaking style or tone of voice.When communicating with others, some people try to convey friendliness to others, while others are eager for quick success, just like advertising on a TV station.Their biggest failure is that what they show is not the truest side, so others will not buy them, and even hate their behavior very much.

Therefore, we must always keep one thing in mind: you are you, and you are what you are. No matter whether others like it or hate it, you should at least let the other person know that you are treating him sincerely, not hypocrisy.

(End of this chapter)