speaking psychology
Chapter 4 Pleasant Social Eloquence
Chapter 4 Pleasant Social Eloquence
The so-called "one word determines the country", "one word rejuvenates the country", "one word shocks four people", "a three-inch tongue is better than a million teachers", "iron teeth and copper teeth", "one word reveals the truth" and so on, all of them are not true. I am admiring the magical function of oral communication.If you want to have a smoother life path, if you want to be successful in interpersonal communication, you must pay attention to good social eloquence.Proficiency in social eloquence skills will make you even more powerful and show your talents in social interactions, thereby creating a more exciting life.
meeting for the first time, seeking common ground
Meeting for the first time is the reason for a person to judge whether another person is suitable for friendship for the first time, and it is the beginning of two people's relationship.As the saying goes, "everything is difficult at the beginning", as long as you seize this opportunity, you will get along more harmoniously; if you lose this opportunity, the relationship between two people will be deadlocked and cannot continue to develop smoothly.
Usually, when meeting for the first time, both parties will feel very awkward and nervous, but as long as the two parties find common ground and have a common topic, it is easy to narrow the distance between each other.For example, if two people are away from home, go to the same school, know the same people, etc., then they will feel very cordial during the conversation.For another example, when we first met, one party asked the other party: "Where are you from?" If the other party replied: "I am from Hangzhou." He would then say: "Hangzhou! I have been there before. I I still remember that the local specialty products are..." After a short time, the two of them became acquainted, and even felt like they hated seeing each other later.
Therefore, when meeting a stranger for the first time, try to find something in common.Check out some other party's information first, or ask the other party for background information, so that you can have a general understanding of it.In this way, when you ask questions at the symposium, the other party will have a good impression of you and like to talk to you because you know something about him. In this way, your relationship can also be established naturally.However, here you need to remember: Even if this topic has nothing to do with the topic of communication between you, you can only have a better conversation if you open the chatterbox, have the possibility of further communication, and have a feeling of intimacy.
Of course, you need to leave a good impression on the other party, which is another aspect.In addition, you have to pay attention to the use of skills, and at the same time, pay attention to the following points.
1.When meeting for the first time, the topic should not be deep
When meeting for the first time, the two parties have not yet established enough trust, so don't ask the other party too in-depth questions, especially those related to personal privacy.If the way of asking questions is not correct, it is likely to put both parties in an awkward situation, so that it will have a bad impact on the conversation.
2.let the other party talk more
If you want to establish a relationship with the other party who can talk about everything, don't interrupt the other party's train of thought casually.
3.avoid impolite gestures
Usually people know that it is very impolite to hold their chests and feet when talking to their elders. In fact, when communicating with colleagues and friends, some impolite behaviors should also be avoided.Especially for those who meet for the first time, impolite posture will make others feel disgusted with you, and even think your attitude is arrogant, which will have a bad influence.
4.don't talk about sensitive topics
For sensitive topics such as politics and religion, it is best not to discuss with others except your own close friends, so as to avoid antagonism.In addition, questions about education, family background, etc. should also be avoided.
5.to use elegant speech
Elegant conversation is like a neat appearance, which will make people feel happy physically and mentally.If you are used to using elegant words to talk with people, even if you sometimes joke or say some witty words, the other party can still feel your temperament and connotation, and like to associate with you.
Therefore, when the two parties meet for the first time, leaving a good impression on the other party is the key to whether the relationship will be smooth afterwards.And if you want to make a good impression on the person you meet for the first time, you need to use your brains, use your intelligence and excellent eloquence to conquer the other party, and let the other party sincerely communicate with you.
Greetings should also be in place
For those who meet for the first time, the conversation between the two parties can start with greetings. In this regard, many people take measures to find something to say and chat with each other casually.In fact, effective greetings can quickly open up the topic, make the other party interested in talking to you, and establish a relationship of mutual trust between the two parties, but inappropriate greetings will make the other party bored with you at the beginning, and then you will have to turn around if you want to reverse the situation. It's difficult.Therefore, pleasantries are definitely not a dispensable link.We need to effectively master the way of greeting the other party so that the other party can take off their guard.
Xiao A chatted with his new friend like this: "Your temperament must be a person who is engaged in a good industry. What kind of work do you do?" The other party said politely: "There is nothing serious, just busy work. "Little A smiled and said: "You are really humble. Judging from your clothes, you can tell that you are a person of great taste. The clothes are tailored and the colors are very consistent with your temperament. You look energetic and refreshed. Unlike me, it is very difficult to buy clothes every time. I often buy some clothes that I like very much but they are very unsightly to wear. I don’t know where you go shopping? "My friend said with a smile : "That is, some wholesale markets, like zoos... You can still find good clothes if you search hard. Look, my clothes are..."
Here, although it was some pleasantries, Xiao A chose to use the way of praise. This not only connected the relationship, but also opened up the topic, which can be said to kill two birds with one stone.Of course, not all greetings can be done in this way. You can find the topic of greetings according to the other party’s warmth or actual situation.In addition to the other party's privacy such as economic income and other issues can be discussed, as long as not too much to get to the bottom of it.Here are some tips for making pleasantries.
1.Confirm that it is appropriate to greet each other
Greetings are a way to open the topic, which is equivalent to the introduction in front of the article. It needs to be selected according to the actual situation of the conversation, and it is not mandatory.But the selection criterion is whether the other party has time. If the other party is busy, you need to go straight to the topic, explain the purpose of your visit concisely, and then chat with the other party on the topic that most attracts the other party, and then hang up the phone at the right time to prepare for the next time. Visit to lay the groundwork.If the other party has plenty of time, your introduction can be more leisurely.You can directly ask the other party: "Sir, are you busy recently?" After that, you can answer according to the other party's answer.It should be noted that you must never ask the other party if you have time, because it is easy to find an excuse to shirk it. You only need to give the other party two choices and let the other party choose one.
2.Dare to find a topic
When two people meet for the first time, it is easy to be cold, not knowing what to say to each other, and worried that what they say will offend each other and make the other party have a bad impression of themselves.But if you don’t dare to speak because of this, you will completely lose the opportunity. Therefore, if you want to greet the other party, you must first communicate with the other party bravely and find a common topic.
3.Different people have different ways of greeting
For the person you are visiting for the first time, because you are not very familiar with them, there is no common topic. At this time, you need to actively find topics.Commonly used greetings are politeness, simple inquiries, etc., such as: "Good morning, I heard from a friend of yours that you have planned a project recently, and the effect is very good. How did you come up with this method?"
If you have learned something before, you can choose different greetings according to each person's personality, education level, age and other factors.For example, you can have an open conversation with someone with a cheerful personality, as long as you don’t touch the taboo of the other person; you must be very careful when talking with an introverted person, and you need to always take into account the psychological state of the other person.In front of people with higher education, you can fully express your professionalism and elegance, but you can't be polite when speaking with people with lower education.For older people, you can be considerate and gentle, and for young people, speak in a trendy way.
4.Naturally appropriate
When exchanging greetings, you should be very humble, and communicate with the other party as if you have met many times with friends, and you can't force it. If you have nothing to say, you will leave a negative impression on the other party.In addition, no matter when, greetings are just a kind of entertainment, the purpose is to shorten the distance between each other, and smoothly transfer the topic to the question you want to ask, so the greetings should be moderate and not too lengthy.
Greeting words are important, but you must master the skills in order to use them freely!
say what others want to hear
When you chatter around your favorite topic, the other party may not buy your account.When you enthusiastically talk about topics that others are interested in, it will not only make the other party feel happy, but also allow both parties to establish a relaxed and happy relationship.
In modern society, such "talking" social masters are never uncommon. As long as they meet someone once or twice, they can know what the other person likes and what they dislike. Not a word.They can do both at any time, like a fish in water.For us, this is also a skill that needs to be mastered.
Once, Chen Hong accepted a friend's invitation to attend a party.The party was held at the house of a friend of a friend. There were not many people at that time, and Chen Hong was the only one who met the other party for the first time.She wanted to communicate with the other party, but she didn't know where to start, and it was very awkward to sit there.
At this time, Chen Hong found that there were many books on "The Analects of Confucius" in Mr. Wang's bookcase, and there was also a copy of "The Analects of Confucius" on the desk.So she immediately found a breakthrough.She smiled and said to the other party: "It seems that you are very interested in Chinese classical culture, especially "The Analects of Confucius". You should have a high opinion in this regard?"
After hearing Chen Hong talking about "The Analects of Confucius", the originally awkward person suddenly became energetic and said: "Well, I have a very strong interest in "The Analects of Confucius", and I agree with some aspects of "The Analects of Confucius" that Dan talked about." Yes, there are reservations in some places."
Chen Hong took advantage of the opportunity and said: "Actually, I have also read the "Analects" given by Yu Dan in the 'Baijia Lecture Forum' before, but because of my limited research, I can't hear anything wrong! If we have time in the future, we can Explore it in depth."
The other party was immediately attracted, became interested, and started a discussion with Chen Hong.During the discussion, the two had a feeling of seeing each other late.By the time the party was over, the two had become good friends.
Everyone has their own topics of interest. Men prefer things that can reflect a man's sense of power. You can choose such topics consciously; when talking with women, you can talk about clothing, cosmetics, etc.It should be noted that whether you are chatting with a man or a woman, don’t let the other party feel that you know more about this aspect than the other party. You only need to find the point they are interested in, and then press a few times to open their Chatterbox, I just need to be a good listener and give them an appropriate response when necessary.
When talking with someone higher than yourself, you can start with his career, work and experience, and you need to put on a posture of asking them for advice.In fact, as long as people with a higher status than you like to play the role of the elders, they like to give some advice to those who are not as good as you.When talking to such a person, you just need to listen carefully, and even if the other person wants you to talk, you just need to simply answer them.It should be noted that when getting along with such people, don't be a respondent, that will only make them look down on you.
When talking with people whose status is not as good as yours, you can talk about their ideals, family, etc.You can talk to him about his outstanding performance at work and talk about their spare time.However, you need to be extra careful when speaking with this type of people, be polite, kind, and dignified, and don't leave the impression of being careless to the other party, which will make them think you are superior and unwilling to talk to you.
When talking with young people, you can talk about classmates, friends, love, work, hobbies, etc.Today's young people have many ways to understand information. They are generally cynical in their advanced thinking, and it is easy to admire those who are stronger than themselves.When talking to them, you should come across as well-informed and willing to talk to them.
When talking with older people, you can talk about their past experiences and experiences. This definition is very broad, but as long as it is their past experiences, you can let them open the box.They have more experience than you, and that's what interests them.All you have to do is humbly listen.Of course, when talking to such people, it is best not to ask their age directly.Many old people will say: "People are old, it's not good to be old!" But in fact, they are not old in their hearts, and they don't want to be asked about their age. Therefore, you'd better not touch this sensitive topics.
When talking with people with higher education, you can connect theory with practice and talk about what is happening now, but your words must be elegant and reserved.
When talking with people with lower education, you can talk about what happened in their lives, such as parents, children, and their means of earning a living.
learn to praise each other
Praise seems to have a magical power, like a torch, which can illuminate the hearts of others as well as one's own life.Everyone wants to be praised by the people around them, everyone wants others to look at themselves with appreciation, and everyone wants to be affirmed for their own existence. This is not a manifestation of vanity, but just a desire to make progress and seek encouragement and support. which performed.It is a very normal psychological need to like to hear compliments from others out of self-esteem.Therefore, making praise a habit will be a good thing for both yourself and others.
1.turn praise into a habit
Shabb, the first president of the U.S. Steel Company, once said: "I was born with a temperament that can arouse people's enthusiasm, and I know that the best way to make people use their abilities without reservation is to Praise and encouragement. I never criticize others, because I have always believed that rewards are the focus of people's work, so I am used to praise and hate to criticize. If you ask me what I like, it is to praise others sincerely and generously."
Praise others sincerely and generously, this is the secret of success that Xiabu told us.The reason why many people can be successful is mainly because they know and practice this secret.But the average person often forgets to praise or is not good at praise at all, which more or less reduces the probability of success.
In addition to driving our career success, constant compliments are a requirement for good relationships.
Rockefeller, the American oil magnate, had a partner named Edward Bedford.Once, Bedford lost the company $100 million in a business with South America.After this incident, he came to see Rockefeller dejectedly and prepared to accept a severe criticism.But the result was just the opposite. Rockefeller did not accuse him of his fault, because he knew that Bedford had tried his best, not to mention that things had reached such a point that accusations could not recover the loss.So I said to him: "This is really great. This not only allowed us to temporarily recover the 6% investment in South America, but also sounded the alarm for us. We have been working hard and trying to succeed, but neglecting Yes, so far we haven’t tried the taste of failure. This is also good, we can discover our own shortcomings more, and then strive for greater success. Your work is done very well, and I believe there will be greater achievements in the future .” These few short words warmed Bedford’s heart, and his admiration for Rockefeller also arose spontaneously.
Therefore, making praise a habit can not only meet the needs of the person being praised, but also increase more opportunities and accumulate more supporters. Why not?
2.Praise needs to pay attention to timing
As everyone knows, praising others also needs to choose the right time. Sometimes, whether the timing is right or not will directly affect the effect of praise.The "timing" here mainly includes two meanings, one is to be timely, and the other is to be appropriate.
In daily life, the advantages of family members and friends can be revealed anytime and anywhere.Moreover, a certain behavior or language of people is in the process of a certain movement, and it will pass soon. If we cannot affirm it face to face in time, the effect of praise will be greatly reduced.Therefore, when a person learns to praise, he must know how to seize the opportunity to win the favor of the other party, which will have the effect of conquering people's hearts.
As the saying goes, it is better to come early than to come early.The same is true for praise. If it is time to act, don't be stingy. If the time is not yet ripe, you need to wait patiently.Only in this way can things be done.
3.Praise also needs innovation
There is also a difference between stale and fresh in compliments.Fresh compliments can be memorable and impressive.Therefore, innovation praise is very important.Try to find out the difference in the other person and make the compliment different.
In England, there was a general who was invincible and invincible on the battlefield. He has always maintained the title of "General Victory" and made great military exploits.Every time he triumphs, he will receive a lot of applause and flowers, and praises are endless.For example, "You are really an excellent military strategist." Or, "General, you are our pride!" However, the General remained indifferent to these words.Because in his eyes, winning a battle is what a general should do, and there is no need to boast like this.Later, a clever subordinate said cleverly: "General, your beard is so beautiful, like a dense forest." The general laughed when he heard it.
This subordinate unexpectedly praised the general's beard, which made him very happy. From then on, the general will keep this subordinate who once praised his beard firmly in his heart. This is the harvest obtained by making good use of unique compliments.
This is a power that praise exudes.Therefore, we must praise others without hesitation and make praise a habit.
be a talker
Most people do not have the ability to talk, so they need to accumulate talking skills in daily life and work, because only in this way can they talk freely in social life.At the same time, it is also possible to intervene naturally, or to participate in various topics.
1.Accumulate conversation resources and be a "chat chat" person
Small talk is your warm-up preparation before you have a deep relationship with a person, and it is also the best way for you to get closer to strangers, make new friends, and strengthen friendships.Many times, small talk can make two unrelated people become good friends and even become confidants.
How, however, should we engage in small talk with others in social situations?There are several methods that can be used.
(1) Chat about the weather
Weather is a constant topic of conversation on almost everyone.Weather has a huge impact on life.If the weather is fine, you might as well praise it in unison; if the weather is too hot, you might as well complain in unison; news about typhoons, rainstorms, and snow disasters is even more worth talking about, because those are topics that everyone cares about.
(2) Talk about family
All aspects of the family, such as shopping experience, socializing with relatives and friends, how to get along with husband and wife, children's education, family arrangement... These will become topics of great interest to everyone.
(3) Talk about sensational social news
Breaking news is the most engaging gossip material.If you have some news of unique value or special opinions and suggestions, it is enough to attract a group of enthusiastic listeners to your surroundings.
(4) Talk about health and medical knowledge
Health is a topic of concern to almost everyone, because everyone is very interested in health and medicine topics.Famous doctors, their own or relatives’ experience in curing illnesses, tricks to lose weight, secrets to prolong life, nursing knowledge of common diseases… These kinds of topics may be discussed by only one person, but they are enough to attract everyone’s attention.Especially when a friend or relative has a health problem, if you can provide valuable advice, the other party will be grateful to you and hope to have further communication with you.
2.good at interrupting
Smart people are good at catching up on other people's squabbles, and then make use of the problem, turn it up and down, deal with it skillfully, touch the heartstrings of others, and solve some problems that have been unable to find the answer for a long time.How should a person intervene in a conversation to achieve better results?Generally, there are the following methods.
(1) Comforting interjection
When the other person talks to you about something, because he is worried that you may not be interested in it, and shows hesitation and embarrassment, you can take this opportunity to comfort him. "Can you talk about that matter? I understand very well." "Please continue." "I am very interested in this matter." At this time, what you said shows a meaning: I am willing to listen to you Talk it out, no matter what you say or how you say it.In this way, the other party's hesitation can be eliminated, and his confidence in confiding can be strengthened.
(2) Grooming interjection
When the other party cannot control their emotions during the narration process due to anger or other reasons, you can use one or two sentences to guide them. "You must be very angry." "You look upset." "Are you feeling bad?" After saying this, let the other person vent their feelings, whether it's crying or fussing.Because, the purpose of saying these words is to "induce" the depression in the other party's heart. After the other party vents, he will feel relaxed and relieved, and then calmly complete the description of the problem.
(3) Speculative interjection
When the other party is very eager for you to understand the problem he described, you can use one or two sentences to "summarize" the meaning of the other party's words. "Are you saying..." "Your opinion is..." "Is this what you want to say..." Such words can not only let the other party clearly know your understanding of the issues he narrated, but also deepen his impression , It can also let the other party feel your sincerity and help you correct the deviation in understanding.
The above three interjection techniques in the conversation all have one thing in common, that is, not to comment on the content of the other party's narration, not to express yes or no to the other party's emotions, and to maintain a neutral attitude from beginning to end.This is an important boundary, and if you try to go beyond it, you will fall into communication misunderstandings, which will make a conversation meaningless.
Playing by ear is also a compulsory course in life
In social situations, we often meet all kinds of people. Everyone has different ages, genders, personalities, hobbies, educational backgrounds, beliefs, etc., and their acceptance and sensitivity to language are also different.For these people, we can learn the eloquence skills of "talking to people when you see people, talking to ghosts when you see people", saying easy words in relaxed occasions, cool words in cool occasions, warm words in warm occasions, and warm words in sad Speak sad words on occasions, and joyous words on festive occasions. Try to cater to the hearts of the audience. You must not speak recklessly, and you will not know what happened until you offend someone.Once upon a time, there was such a person who was good everywhere and was very kind, but he just couldn't speak.
One day, his neighbor had a wedding and invited him to the wedding.The man turned his head and said to his parents: "Let me go to the wedding alone. Anyway, you are too old to eat any good food..."
His parents reprimanded him helplessly: "You are already so old, how to speak is still such a muscle, and when you arrive at the wedding scene, you should say more auspicious words, praise other people's food and so on, and don't say anything else Already!"
The banquet was very sumptuous, and the man started eating sullenly as soon as he saw the delicious food on the table.It wasn't until I was about to leave after eating that I suddenly remembered that I hadn't said auspicious words.So, he walked up to the bridegroom officer and said: "Groom officer, congratulations, your family's food is really rich, I have never eaten such a good meal in my life..."
The groom had always known that he couldn't speak, so he didn't take it to heart. In addition, the words were pleasing to the ear, so he just said, "It's fine if you like it, and I will come here often in the future..."
The man was invigorated when he heard it, and immediately grabbed it and said, "Come often? You probably won't be willing to make such delicious food next time, as long as you remember to invite me when you get married next time."
The bride turned green with anger when she heard this sentence, and the groom's father was also very angry, but on the one hand, because of the neighbor's face, and on the other hand, he didn't want him to say shocking things again, so he came up to persuade: "Please eat it after eating." Let's go back!"
This person was about to go back, but when he was about to leave the gate, he turned around and said, "What I said today is for your own good. If one day your son and daughter-in-law divorce, don't blame me!"
So, the family was furious after hearing this, and immediately kicked him out.
Only by saying the right words to the right people on the right occasion can you get good results.You must know that the communication between two people is not just a matter of you coming and going to practice your words, but the result of a specific environment and a collection of moods. If you don’t pay attention to these, you will definitely become the object of exclusion by others.
Lin Ya is an only child, so he has been favored by his family since he was a child. Even if he says or does something wrong by chance, his family members feel that there is nothing to make a fuss about, and they will not criticize him deliberately.As a result, Lin Ya became more casual and rarely cared about other people's feelings, but as he got older, he caused more and more troubles.Once, Lin Ya met her high school friend by chance. They hadn't seen each other for three years, so they chatted about each other's recent situation.From the chat, Lin Ya learned that her friend was still attending the cram school for the third year of high school.Lin Ya asked in amazement: "Why are you still studying? Do you really want to live and learn?" After hearing Lin Ya's words, his friend's face turned red, so he made an excuse Gone, and since then, this friend never took the initiative to contact Lin Ya again, even if Lin Ya took the initiative to contact him, he behaved indifferently, and dismissed Lin Ya in a few words.
In this case, Lin Ya did not say anything wrong, but for a friend who is still repeating the study, the words "Live to be old, learn to be old" will inevitably give people a negative impression, because in In this specific situation, his words seemed very inappropriate.
It can be said that it is a language skill to learn to read words and expressions, and to say different words to different people. You need to know what to say and what not to say.As the saying goes: "If the mountain is not high, there will be immortals; if the water is not deep, there will be dragons." Similarly, when you speak, it does not depend on whether you say or how much you say, but that every word you say can be just right , can speak to the hearts of others.
How to overcome shyness in social life
Everyone knows the importance of good eloquence to a person.It allows you to get the help of good friends, the support of more people, and the opportunity to get promoted, but many people see other people's eloquence and strong aura, and they will unconsciously feel inferior, thinking that others can say He is so good and has unique insights, but his own insights are very superficial, and it will be troublesome if he makes a fool of himself.
Especially in front of strangers, if you can not speak without speaking, even if you speak, you are timid and have no confidence at all.In social situations, once this happens, you will have no way to show your charm and create a good atmosphere.
Xiao Ling is very timid.In front of his parents, he said what he wanted to say, jumping and jumping, but when he was in front of strangers, he seemed to be a different person.Especially in front of unfamiliar people, he will blush when he speaks, and sometimes people can hear his voice trembling. If you want him to speak in front of everyone, it is like killing him.He felt that everyone else said it so well, if he said something wrong, wouldn't he be laughed at to death?
In a blink of an eye, when it was time to get married, he encountered a new problem: how to communicate with the opposite sex?On the Internet and on the phone, everything is fine with him, but whenever he meets, he will be beaten up, because his face turns red when he sees a girl, he stutters when he speaks, and he is very timid.As time went by, he still hadn't found his other half, so his family became anxious and arranged a series of blind dates for him. In the end, they met each other and asked the girl why. The answer from the other party was: he won't speak.
Xiao Ling really can't speak?Of course not, because it is normal for him to speak in front of his family, but he will show a feeling of timidity in front of strangers. This is mainly because of the communication barrier caused by the cowardly psychology in the conversation.
In fact, in social interaction activities, no one interacts with you with the mentality of watching you make a fool of yourself. They also hope to get your psychological approval. Maybe, when you feel uneasy, the other party is also worried. Do you like him, can you accept him, are you worried that you will say the wrong thing?Therefore, when communicating with others, we must overcome this inferiority complex.Let your psychological feelings return to their original position, look at each other correctly and objectively, and at the same time evaluate yourself accurately and fairly, and maintain sufficient self-confidence and a clear mind at all times.Here, you need to always remember that no matter who you are talking to, you and him are equal in personality, and there is no distinction between high and low, so you don't have to deify or elevate the other party wishfully.
Second, don't expect too much of yourself.In many cases, the reason why we fail is not because of our lack of ability, but mainly because our expectations of ourselves are too high, which causes huge psychological pressure and affects our normal performance.For example, many people always want to be a blockbuster, think clearly and express themselves like others, and even hope to overwhelm others.Once your true performance fails to meet your wishes, you will feel lost. After a long time, you will be afraid to speak, and the more afraid you are, the worse you will be.
However, when we communicate with others, we do not speak to show that our eloquence is better than others. It is just a means to establish a relationship with others. Loss, but if you have a grudge because of this matter, you will inevitably encounter failure.What's more, a person's views on a certain matter are only some of his views after careful consideration, which will naturally be deeper than those that come up temporarily.If you have a good opinion, you can say it and share it with everyone.Therefore, no matter what you do, even if you are communicating with people, you must have a normal heart and don't ask for anything deliberately.
Find an emotional breakthrough
Normal social interactions don’t just happen between acquaintances. In many cases, we will enter into an unfamiliar circle to deal with people. At this time, we need to quickly open up the situation so that both parties can establish a harmonious relationship and create good vibe.
However, this point makes many people unable to start: they don’t know each other, they don’t understand each other, they don’t know what the other person likes or dislikes, there is no point of intersection in life, and there is no way to find a topic. What is the reason for this?
Actually, the answer is very simple.We all know that when conquering a bunker, you only need to find the most vulnerable part of the bunker and concentrate on attacking to take it down easily.When eating watermelon, we only need to insert a sharp knife into it, and then force it along the grain to solve it.To deal with hedgehogs, we only need to concentrate on dealing with the hedgehog's stomach and nose.Similarly, when dealing with strangers, we only need to find a breakthrough, especially emotionally, and then we can start from one to the other, from point to point, and slowly expand the topic, and finally eliminate the sense of distance between the two parties the goal of.
For example, young and middle-aged people are more defensive and usually don't like to talk to strangers.When you sell a product to a middle-aged man, although he is very polite on the surface, but psychologically he will not give in. You have been busy for a long time without touching the substantive issues.But if there are children or old people around him, at this time, you can choose to start with these people, build a good relationship with them first, and then you can naturally establish some kind of relationship with middle-aged customers.For you, the children and old people here are your breakthrough.
An insurance salesman came to an insurance company on the recommendation of a friend.
Because the chairman was dealing with some affairs, he sat patiently on the sofa and waited.At this time, a female secretary poked her head from the door and said, "Sorry, I didn't collect any stamps today."
"My son is obsessed with collecting stamps. I am collecting stamps, and I am also looking for stamps." The chairman said to the salesman in a relieved manner.
The salesman explained his purpose directly, but the chairman has no intention of buying.Seeing this situation, the salesman had no choice but to leave wisely.
On the way back, the salesman suddenly remembered the unintentional words of the chairman: "My son is obsessed with philately and is collecting stamps..." At the same time, he thought that his insurance company would have people from all over the world every day Naturally, he also has a lot of stamps, so he has another plan in mind.He immediately acted to collect a lot of stamps, and thought about what he would say when he saw the chairman the next day.
The next afternoon, the salesman came to the chairman's office again, saying that he was delivering stamps for his son, and the chairman received him very warmly.The chairman smiled, took the stamps, and said to himself as if he had got a treasure:
"Simply fantastic, my son will be ecstatic!"
In this way, the chairman talked for a long time with the salesman about stamp collecting, and asked the salesman to take a group photo for their family.In the end, he not only bought insurance for the whole family, but also called the salesman to introduce him to other good friends.A few stamps are enough for the salesman to successfully sign the bill and achieve impressive sales results.
There is such a truth in the above example: the easiest way to please a father or mother is to please his children.As long as you find the medium of children, you can easily break down the fortress, and the seemingly difficult relationship becomes much simpler.
Of course, in actual communication, everyone's weaknesses are different. At this time, you need to observe the words and expressions, know what the other party cares about, and then prescribe the right medicine to open up the communication situation.
social taboo
In social situations, people talk about various topics casually.In the process of conversation, issues that should not be touched are usually mentioned inadvertently, such as mantras, swearing, talking to others, etc. These words will affect the image of the talker invisibly.Therefore, in the process of communicating with people, such things should be avoided as much as possible.
1.Mantras cause impression stereotypes
To some extent, mantra is one of the ways to establish image and build confidence for both parties in the conversation.For mild-mannered people, words like "thank you" will be their mantra.Therefore, mantras can easily make others think about you.The mantra that you have a certain temperament will make people see you as a person with a certain temperament.
Almost all people have mantras, just as everyone has their own habitual movements.A person who often likes to insert a few words "tell the truth" and "I speak realistically" when speaking will appear sincere in the eyes of others.
But people who often say "really boring" and "really boring" in front of others, although these words are spoken casually, gradually, his image appears a little tired in the eyes of others.This kind of habitual language is hard for me to notice.But others will be impressed.Failure to get rid of these mantras can make you persona non grata in social situations.
2.Talking to everyone will arouse the resentment of others
Some people like to tell others about their misfortunes and pains, hoping to get spiritual comfort.However, they ignore that doing so will have a negative impact on others at the same time.
Although Li is a man, he is weak by nature and pessimistic in thinking, so he must immediately find someone to complain about when he has something on his mind.When he was in college, he had a romance, which ended for many reasons. Since then, whenever he chatted with people, he would describe his bitterness to others very sadly.
Once, Li participated in a colleague's birthday party, and the colleague introduced many friends to him.After the meeting, a colleague’s friend complained: “It’s really tiring to chat with your colleague. He kept telling the bitter story of falling in love with a girl in the same class when he was in college, and then broke up. I can’t get in a word. , but show sympathy and listen patiently to the end."
Everyone will have frustrations, including emotional frustrations, family frustrations, and career frustrations.Psychologists believe that hiding frustrated things in your heart will cause heart disease, so it is a good way to find someone to talk to.When you confide in others, you really feel relaxed and can relieve the pressure in your heart, but it is not advisable to tell your thoughts when you see someone.Confiding frustration, whether actively or passively, can have the following negative effects.
(1) Telling about your frustrations will portray yourself as cowardly and incompetent
Although everyone has frustrations, if others are proud when you express your frustrations, then others will feel that you are a weak and incompetent person.When talking about frustration, it is very likely that the loss of emotional control will cause serious consequences that are out of control, causing embarrassment to others.
(2) Telling about your disappointment will lower other people's impression of you
Many people rate others based on subjective impressions.Usually, a confident and determined person has a better impression on others. If he is a successful person, it is easy to gain everyone's respect.If your disappointment is known to others, they will subconsciously have a bad impression of you, and may change their attitude towards you from respect and enthusiasm to disdain and indifference.Also, if you talk too much about your frustrations, people will label you a "loser" and think of those things whenever you are mentioned.
In addition, when you confide in frustration, you will inevitably speak ill of others.Talking bad about someone is the same as complaining.Maybe you were very happy at the time, but the other party couldn't accept it; maybe the other party would still think, "I don't know what this person is talking about me behind my back", so they no longer trust you, or even feel disgusted with you.
Therefore, when talking in front of people you are not very familiar with, it is best to choose a more relaxed and pleasant topic, and try not to involve other people or personal unpleasant experiences, so as not to make the other party feel dull, boring, or even have the idea that they don’t want to see you again .
(End of this chapter)
The so-called "one word determines the country", "one word rejuvenates the country", "one word shocks four people", "a three-inch tongue is better than a million teachers", "iron teeth and copper teeth", "one word reveals the truth" and so on, all of them are not true. I am admiring the magical function of oral communication.If you want to have a smoother life path, if you want to be successful in interpersonal communication, you must pay attention to good social eloquence.Proficiency in social eloquence skills will make you even more powerful and show your talents in social interactions, thereby creating a more exciting life.
meeting for the first time, seeking common ground
Meeting for the first time is the reason for a person to judge whether another person is suitable for friendship for the first time, and it is the beginning of two people's relationship.As the saying goes, "everything is difficult at the beginning", as long as you seize this opportunity, you will get along more harmoniously; if you lose this opportunity, the relationship between two people will be deadlocked and cannot continue to develop smoothly.
Usually, when meeting for the first time, both parties will feel very awkward and nervous, but as long as the two parties find common ground and have a common topic, it is easy to narrow the distance between each other.For example, if two people are away from home, go to the same school, know the same people, etc., then they will feel very cordial during the conversation.For another example, when we first met, one party asked the other party: "Where are you from?" If the other party replied: "I am from Hangzhou." He would then say: "Hangzhou! I have been there before. I I still remember that the local specialty products are..." After a short time, the two of them became acquainted, and even felt like they hated seeing each other later.
Therefore, when meeting a stranger for the first time, try to find something in common.Check out some other party's information first, or ask the other party for background information, so that you can have a general understanding of it.In this way, when you ask questions at the symposium, the other party will have a good impression of you and like to talk to you because you know something about him. In this way, your relationship can also be established naturally.However, here you need to remember: Even if this topic has nothing to do with the topic of communication between you, you can only have a better conversation if you open the chatterbox, have the possibility of further communication, and have a feeling of intimacy.
Of course, you need to leave a good impression on the other party, which is another aspect.In addition, you have to pay attention to the use of skills, and at the same time, pay attention to the following points.
1.When meeting for the first time, the topic should not be deep
When meeting for the first time, the two parties have not yet established enough trust, so don't ask the other party too in-depth questions, especially those related to personal privacy.If the way of asking questions is not correct, it is likely to put both parties in an awkward situation, so that it will have a bad impact on the conversation.
2.let the other party talk more
If you want to establish a relationship with the other party who can talk about everything, don't interrupt the other party's train of thought casually.
3.avoid impolite gestures
Usually people know that it is very impolite to hold their chests and feet when talking to their elders. In fact, when communicating with colleagues and friends, some impolite behaviors should also be avoided.Especially for those who meet for the first time, impolite posture will make others feel disgusted with you, and even think your attitude is arrogant, which will have a bad influence.
4.don't talk about sensitive topics
For sensitive topics such as politics and religion, it is best not to discuss with others except your own close friends, so as to avoid antagonism.In addition, questions about education, family background, etc. should also be avoided.
5.to use elegant speech
Elegant conversation is like a neat appearance, which will make people feel happy physically and mentally.If you are used to using elegant words to talk with people, even if you sometimes joke or say some witty words, the other party can still feel your temperament and connotation, and like to associate with you.
Therefore, when the two parties meet for the first time, leaving a good impression on the other party is the key to whether the relationship will be smooth afterwards.And if you want to make a good impression on the person you meet for the first time, you need to use your brains, use your intelligence and excellent eloquence to conquer the other party, and let the other party sincerely communicate with you.
Greetings should also be in place
For those who meet for the first time, the conversation between the two parties can start with greetings. In this regard, many people take measures to find something to say and chat with each other casually.In fact, effective greetings can quickly open up the topic, make the other party interested in talking to you, and establish a relationship of mutual trust between the two parties, but inappropriate greetings will make the other party bored with you at the beginning, and then you will have to turn around if you want to reverse the situation. It's difficult.Therefore, pleasantries are definitely not a dispensable link.We need to effectively master the way of greeting the other party so that the other party can take off their guard.
Xiao A chatted with his new friend like this: "Your temperament must be a person who is engaged in a good industry. What kind of work do you do?" The other party said politely: "There is nothing serious, just busy work. "Little A smiled and said: "You are really humble. Judging from your clothes, you can tell that you are a person of great taste. The clothes are tailored and the colors are very consistent with your temperament. You look energetic and refreshed. Unlike me, it is very difficult to buy clothes every time. I often buy some clothes that I like very much but they are very unsightly to wear. I don’t know where you go shopping? "My friend said with a smile : "That is, some wholesale markets, like zoos... You can still find good clothes if you search hard. Look, my clothes are..."
Here, although it was some pleasantries, Xiao A chose to use the way of praise. This not only connected the relationship, but also opened up the topic, which can be said to kill two birds with one stone.Of course, not all greetings can be done in this way. You can find the topic of greetings according to the other party’s warmth or actual situation.In addition to the other party's privacy such as economic income and other issues can be discussed, as long as not too much to get to the bottom of it.Here are some tips for making pleasantries.
1.Confirm that it is appropriate to greet each other
Greetings are a way to open the topic, which is equivalent to the introduction in front of the article. It needs to be selected according to the actual situation of the conversation, and it is not mandatory.But the selection criterion is whether the other party has time. If the other party is busy, you need to go straight to the topic, explain the purpose of your visit concisely, and then chat with the other party on the topic that most attracts the other party, and then hang up the phone at the right time to prepare for the next time. Visit to lay the groundwork.If the other party has plenty of time, your introduction can be more leisurely.You can directly ask the other party: "Sir, are you busy recently?" After that, you can answer according to the other party's answer.It should be noted that you must never ask the other party if you have time, because it is easy to find an excuse to shirk it. You only need to give the other party two choices and let the other party choose one.
2.Dare to find a topic
When two people meet for the first time, it is easy to be cold, not knowing what to say to each other, and worried that what they say will offend each other and make the other party have a bad impression of themselves.But if you don’t dare to speak because of this, you will completely lose the opportunity. Therefore, if you want to greet the other party, you must first communicate with the other party bravely and find a common topic.
3.Different people have different ways of greeting
For the person you are visiting for the first time, because you are not very familiar with them, there is no common topic. At this time, you need to actively find topics.Commonly used greetings are politeness, simple inquiries, etc., such as: "Good morning, I heard from a friend of yours that you have planned a project recently, and the effect is very good. How did you come up with this method?"
If you have learned something before, you can choose different greetings according to each person's personality, education level, age and other factors.For example, you can have an open conversation with someone with a cheerful personality, as long as you don’t touch the taboo of the other person; you must be very careful when talking with an introverted person, and you need to always take into account the psychological state of the other person.In front of people with higher education, you can fully express your professionalism and elegance, but you can't be polite when speaking with people with lower education.For older people, you can be considerate and gentle, and for young people, speak in a trendy way.
4.Naturally appropriate
When exchanging greetings, you should be very humble, and communicate with the other party as if you have met many times with friends, and you can't force it. If you have nothing to say, you will leave a negative impression on the other party.In addition, no matter when, greetings are just a kind of entertainment, the purpose is to shorten the distance between each other, and smoothly transfer the topic to the question you want to ask, so the greetings should be moderate and not too lengthy.
Greeting words are important, but you must master the skills in order to use them freely!
say what others want to hear
When you chatter around your favorite topic, the other party may not buy your account.When you enthusiastically talk about topics that others are interested in, it will not only make the other party feel happy, but also allow both parties to establish a relaxed and happy relationship.
In modern society, such "talking" social masters are never uncommon. As long as they meet someone once or twice, they can know what the other person likes and what they dislike. Not a word.They can do both at any time, like a fish in water.For us, this is also a skill that needs to be mastered.
Once, Chen Hong accepted a friend's invitation to attend a party.The party was held at the house of a friend of a friend. There were not many people at that time, and Chen Hong was the only one who met the other party for the first time.She wanted to communicate with the other party, but she didn't know where to start, and it was very awkward to sit there.
At this time, Chen Hong found that there were many books on "The Analects of Confucius" in Mr. Wang's bookcase, and there was also a copy of "The Analects of Confucius" on the desk.So she immediately found a breakthrough.She smiled and said to the other party: "It seems that you are very interested in Chinese classical culture, especially "The Analects of Confucius". You should have a high opinion in this regard?"
After hearing Chen Hong talking about "The Analects of Confucius", the originally awkward person suddenly became energetic and said: "Well, I have a very strong interest in "The Analects of Confucius", and I agree with some aspects of "The Analects of Confucius" that Dan talked about." Yes, there are reservations in some places."
Chen Hong took advantage of the opportunity and said: "Actually, I have also read the "Analects" given by Yu Dan in the 'Baijia Lecture Forum' before, but because of my limited research, I can't hear anything wrong! If we have time in the future, we can Explore it in depth."
The other party was immediately attracted, became interested, and started a discussion with Chen Hong.During the discussion, the two had a feeling of seeing each other late.By the time the party was over, the two had become good friends.
Everyone has their own topics of interest. Men prefer things that can reflect a man's sense of power. You can choose such topics consciously; when talking with women, you can talk about clothing, cosmetics, etc.It should be noted that whether you are chatting with a man or a woman, don’t let the other party feel that you know more about this aspect than the other party. You only need to find the point they are interested in, and then press a few times to open their Chatterbox, I just need to be a good listener and give them an appropriate response when necessary.
When talking with someone higher than yourself, you can start with his career, work and experience, and you need to put on a posture of asking them for advice.In fact, as long as people with a higher status than you like to play the role of the elders, they like to give some advice to those who are not as good as you.When talking to such a person, you just need to listen carefully, and even if the other person wants you to talk, you just need to simply answer them.It should be noted that when getting along with such people, don't be a respondent, that will only make them look down on you.
When talking with people whose status is not as good as yours, you can talk about their ideals, family, etc.You can talk to him about his outstanding performance at work and talk about their spare time.However, you need to be extra careful when speaking with this type of people, be polite, kind, and dignified, and don't leave the impression of being careless to the other party, which will make them think you are superior and unwilling to talk to you.
When talking with young people, you can talk about classmates, friends, love, work, hobbies, etc.Today's young people have many ways to understand information. They are generally cynical in their advanced thinking, and it is easy to admire those who are stronger than themselves.When talking to them, you should come across as well-informed and willing to talk to them.
When talking with older people, you can talk about their past experiences and experiences. This definition is very broad, but as long as it is their past experiences, you can let them open the box.They have more experience than you, and that's what interests them.All you have to do is humbly listen.Of course, when talking to such people, it is best not to ask their age directly.Many old people will say: "People are old, it's not good to be old!" But in fact, they are not old in their hearts, and they don't want to be asked about their age. Therefore, you'd better not touch this sensitive topics.
When talking with people with higher education, you can connect theory with practice and talk about what is happening now, but your words must be elegant and reserved.
When talking with people with lower education, you can talk about what happened in their lives, such as parents, children, and their means of earning a living.
learn to praise each other
Praise seems to have a magical power, like a torch, which can illuminate the hearts of others as well as one's own life.Everyone wants to be praised by the people around them, everyone wants others to look at themselves with appreciation, and everyone wants to be affirmed for their own existence. This is not a manifestation of vanity, but just a desire to make progress and seek encouragement and support. which performed.It is a very normal psychological need to like to hear compliments from others out of self-esteem.Therefore, making praise a habit will be a good thing for both yourself and others.
1.turn praise into a habit
Shabb, the first president of the U.S. Steel Company, once said: "I was born with a temperament that can arouse people's enthusiasm, and I know that the best way to make people use their abilities without reservation is to Praise and encouragement. I never criticize others, because I have always believed that rewards are the focus of people's work, so I am used to praise and hate to criticize. If you ask me what I like, it is to praise others sincerely and generously."
Praise others sincerely and generously, this is the secret of success that Xiabu told us.The reason why many people can be successful is mainly because they know and practice this secret.But the average person often forgets to praise or is not good at praise at all, which more or less reduces the probability of success.
In addition to driving our career success, constant compliments are a requirement for good relationships.
Rockefeller, the American oil magnate, had a partner named Edward Bedford.Once, Bedford lost the company $100 million in a business with South America.After this incident, he came to see Rockefeller dejectedly and prepared to accept a severe criticism.But the result was just the opposite. Rockefeller did not accuse him of his fault, because he knew that Bedford had tried his best, not to mention that things had reached such a point that accusations could not recover the loss.So I said to him: "This is really great. This not only allowed us to temporarily recover the 6% investment in South America, but also sounded the alarm for us. We have been working hard and trying to succeed, but neglecting Yes, so far we haven’t tried the taste of failure. This is also good, we can discover our own shortcomings more, and then strive for greater success. Your work is done very well, and I believe there will be greater achievements in the future .” These few short words warmed Bedford’s heart, and his admiration for Rockefeller also arose spontaneously.
Therefore, making praise a habit can not only meet the needs of the person being praised, but also increase more opportunities and accumulate more supporters. Why not?
2.Praise needs to pay attention to timing
As everyone knows, praising others also needs to choose the right time. Sometimes, whether the timing is right or not will directly affect the effect of praise.The "timing" here mainly includes two meanings, one is to be timely, and the other is to be appropriate.
In daily life, the advantages of family members and friends can be revealed anytime and anywhere.Moreover, a certain behavior or language of people is in the process of a certain movement, and it will pass soon. If we cannot affirm it face to face in time, the effect of praise will be greatly reduced.Therefore, when a person learns to praise, he must know how to seize the opportunity to win the favor of the other party, which will have the effect of conquering people's hearts.
As the saying goes, it is better to come early than to come early.The same is true for praise. If it is time to act, don't be stingy. If the time is not yet ripe, you need to wait patiently.Only in this way can things be done.
3.Praise also needs innovation
There is also a difference between stale and fresh in compliments.Fresh compliments can be memorable and impressive.Therefore, innovation praise is very important.Try to find out the difference in the other person and make the compliment different.
In England, there was a general who was invincible and invincible on the battlefield. He has always maintained the title of "General Victory" and made great military exploits.Every time he triumphs, he will receive a lot of applause and flowers, and praises are endless.For example, "You are really an excellent military strategist." Or, "General, you are our pride!" However, the General remained indifferent to these words.Because in his eyes, winning a battle is what a general should do, and there is no need to boast like this.Later, a clever subordinate said cleverly: "General, your beard is so beautiful, like a dense forest." The general laughed when he heard it.
This subordinate unexpectedly praised the general's beard, which made him very happy. From then on, the general will keep this subordinate who once praised his beard firmly in his heart. This is the harvest obtained by making good use of unique compliments.
This is a power that praise exudes.Therefore, we must praise others without hesitation and make praise a habit.
be a talker
Most people do not have the ability to talk, so they need to accumulate talking skills in daily life and work, because only in this way can they talk freely in social life.At the same time, it is also possible to intervene naturally, or to participate in various topics.
1.Accumulate conversation resources and be a "chat chat" person
Small talk is your warm-up preparation before you have a deep relationship with a person, and it is also the best way for you to get closer to strangers, make new friends, and strengthen friendships.Many times, small talk can make two unrelated people become good friends and even become confidants.
How, however, should we engage in small talk with others in social situations?There are several methods that can be used.
(1) Chat about the weather
Weather is a constant topic of conversation on almost everyone.Weather has a huge impact on life.If the weather is fine, you might as well praise it in unison; if the weather is too hot, you might as well complain in unison; news about typhoons, rainstorms, and snow disasters is even more worth talking about, because those are topics that everyone cares about.
(2) Talk about family
All aspects of the family, such as shopping experience, socializing with relatives and friends, how to get along with husband and wife, children's education, family arrangement... These will become topics of great interest to everyone.
(3) Talk about sensational social news
Breaking news is the most engaging gossip material.If you have some news of unique value or special opinions and suggestions, it is enough to attract a group of enthusiastic listeners to your surroundings.
(4) Talk about health and medical knowledge
Health is a topic of concern to almost everyone, because everyone is very interested in health and medicine topics.Famous doctors, their own or relatives’ experience in curing illnesses, tricks to lose weight, secrets to prolong life, nursing knowledge of common diseases… These kinds of topics may be discussed by only one person, but they are enough to attract everyone’s attention.Especially when a friend or relative has a health problem, if you can provide valuable advice, the other party will be grateful to you and hope to have further communication with you.
2.good at interrupting
Smart people are good at catching up on other people's squabbles, and then make use of the problem, turn it up and down, deal with it skillfully, touch the heartstrings of others, and solve some problems that have been unable to find the answer for a long time.How should a person intervene in a conversation to achieve better results?Generally, there are the following methods.
(1) Comforting interjection
When the other person talks to you about something, because he is worried that you may not be interested in it, and shows hesitation and embarrassment, you can take this opportunity to comfort him. "Can you talk about that matter? I understand very well." "Please continue." "I am very interested in this matter." At this time, what you said shows a meaning: I am willing to listen to you Talk it out, no matter what you say or how you say it.In this way, the other party's hesitation can be eliminated, and his confidence in confiding can be strengthened.
(2) Grooming interjection
When the other party cannot control their emotions during the narration process due to anger or other reasons, you can use one or two sentences to guide them. "You must be very angry." "You look upset." "Are you feeling bad?" After saying this, let the other person vent their feelings, whether it's crying or fussing.Because, the purpose of saying these words is to "induce" the depression in the other party's heart. After the other party vents, he will feel relaxed and relieved, and then calmly complete the description of the problem.
(3) Speculative interjection
When the other party is very eager for you to understand the problem he described, you can use one or two sentences to "summarize" the meaning of the other party's words. "Are you saying..." "Your opinion is..." "Is this what you want to say..." Such words can not only let the other party clearly know your understanding of the issues he narrated, but also deepen his impression , It can also let the other party feel your sincerity and help you correct the deviation in understanding.
The above three interjection techniques in the conversation all have one thing in common, that is, not to comment on the content of the other party's narration, not to express yes or no to the other party's emotions, and to maintain a neutral attitude from beginning to end.This is an important boundary, and if you try to go beyond it, you will fall into communication misunderstandings, which will make a conversation meaningless.
Playing by ear is also a compulsory course in life
In social situations, we often meet all kinds of people. Everyone has different ages, genders, personalities, hobbies, educational backgrounds, beliefs, etc., and their acceptance and sensitivity to language are also different.For these people, we can learn the eloquence skills of "talking to people when you see people, talking to ghosts when you see people", saying easy words in relaxed occasions, cool words in cool occasions, warm words in warm occasions, and warm words in sad Speak sad words on occasions, and joyous words on festive occasions. Try to cater to the hearts of the audience. You must not speak recklessly, and you will not know what happened until you offend someone.Once upon a time, there was such a person who was good everywhere and was very kind, but he just couldn't speak.
One day, his neighbor had a wedding and invited him to the wedding.The man turned his head and said to his parents: "Let me go to the wedding alone. Anyway, you are too old to eat any good food..."
His parents reprimanded him helplessly: "You are already so old, how to speak is still such a muscle, and when you arrive at the wedding scene, you should say more auspicious words, praise other people's food and so on, and don't say anything else Already!"
The banquet was very sumptuous, and the man started eating sullenly as soon as he saw the delicious food on the table.It wasn't until I was about to leave after eating that I suddenly remembered that I hadn't said auspicious words.So, he walked up to the bridegroom officer and said: "Groom officer, congratulations, your family's food is really rich, I have never eaten such a good meal in my life..."
The groom had always known that he couldn't speak, so he didn't take it to heart. In addition, the words were pleasing to the ear, so he just said, "It's fine if you like it, and I will come here often in the future..."
The man was invigorated when he heard it, and immediately grabbed it and said, "Come often? You probably won't be willing to make such delicious food next time, as long as you remember to invite me when you get married next time."
The bride turned green with anger when she heard this sentence, and the groom's father was also very angry, but on the one hand, because of the neighbor's face, and on the other hand, he didn't want him to say shocking things again, so he came up to persuade: "Please eat it after eating." Let's go back!"
This person was about to go back, but when he was about to leave the gate, he turned around and said, "What I said today is for your own good. If one day your son and daughter-in-law divorce, don't blame me!"
So, the family was furious after hearing this, and immediately kicked him out.
Only by saying the right words to the right people on the right occasion can you get good results.You must know that the communication between two people is not just a matter of you coming and going to practice your words, but the result of a specific environment and a collection of moods. If you don’t pay attention to these, you will definitely become the object of exclusion by others.
Lin Ya is an only child, so he has been favored by his family since he was a child. Even if he says or does something wrong by chance, his family members feel that there is nothing to make a fuss about, and they will not criticize him deliberately.As a result, Lin Ya became more casual and rarely cared about other people's feelings, but as he got older, he caused more and more troubles.Once, Lin Ya met her high school friend by chance. They hadn't seen each other for three years, so they chatted about each other's recent situation.From the chat, Lin Ya learned that her friend was still attending the cram school for the third year of high school.Lin Ya asked in amazement: "Why are you still studying? Do you really want to live and learn?" After hearing Lin Ya's words, his friend's face turned red, so he made an excuse Gone, and since then, this friend never took the initiative to contact Lin Ya again, even if Lin Ya took the initiative to contact him, he behaved indifferently, and dismissed Lin Ya in a few words.
In this case, Lin Ya did not say anything wrong, but for a friend who is still repeating the study, the words "Live to be old, learn to be old" will inevitably give people a negative impression, because in In this specific situation, his words seemed very inappropriate.
It can be said that it is a language skill to learn to read words and expressions, and to say different words to different people. You need to know what to say and what not to say.As the saying goes: "If the mountain is not high, there will be immortals; if the water is not deep, there will be dragons." Similarly, when you speak, it does not depend on whether you say or how much you say, but that every word you say can be just right , can speak to the hearts of others.
How to overcome shyness in social life
Everyone knows the importance of good eloquence to a person.It allows you to get the help of good friends, the support of more people, and the opportunity to get promoted, but many people see other people's eloquence and strong aura, and they will unconsciously feel inferior, thinking that others can say He is so good and has unique insights, but his own insights are very superficial, and it will be troublesome if he makes a fool of himself.
Especially in front of strangers, if you can not speak without speaking, even if you speak, you are timid and have no confidence at all.In social situations, once this happens, you will have no way to show your charm and create a good atmosphere.
Xiao Ling is very timid.In front of his parents, he said what he wanted to say, jumping and jumping, but when he was in front of strangers, he seemed to be a different person.Especially in front of unfamiliar people, he will blush when he speaks, and sometimes people can hear his voice trembling. If you want him to speak in front of everyone, it is like killing him.He felt that everyone else said it so well, if he said something wrong, wouldn't he be laughed at to death?
In a blink of an eye, when it was time to get married, he encountered a new problem: how to communicate with the opposite sex?On the Internet and on the phone, everything is fine with him, but whenever he meets, he will be beaten up, because his face turns red when he sees a girl, he stutters when he speaks, and he is very timid.As time went by, he still hadn't found his other half, so his family became anxious and arranged a series of blind dates for him. In the end, they met each other and asked the girl why. The answer from the other party was: he won't speak.
Xiao Ling really can't speak?Of course not, because it is normal for him to speak in front of his family, but he will show a feeling of timidity in front of strangers. This is mainly because of the communication barrier caused by the cowardly psychology in the conversation.
In fact, in social interaction activities, no one interacts with you with the mentality of watching you make a fool of yourself. They also hope to get your psychological approval. Maybe, when you feel uneasy, the other party is also worried. Do you like him, can you accept him, are you worried that you will say the wrong thing?Therefore, when communicating with others, we must overcome this inferiority complex.Let your psychological feelings return to their original position, look at each other correctly and objectively, and at the same time evaluate yourself accurately and fairly, and maintain sufficient self-confidence and a clear mind at all times.Here, you need to always remember that no matter who you are talking to, you and him are equal in personality, and there is no distinction between high and low, so you don't have to deify or elevate the other party wishfully.
Second, don't expect too much of yourself.In many cases, the reason why we fail is not because of our lack of ability, but mainly because our expectations of ourselves are too high, which causes huge psychological pressure and affects our normal performance.For example, many people always want to be a blockbuster, think clearly and express themselves like others, and even hope to overwhelm others.Once your true performance fails to meet your wishes, you will feel lost. After a long time, you will be afraid to speak, and the more afraid you are, the worse you will be.
However, when we communicate with others, we do not speak to show that our eloquence is better than others. It is just a means to establish a relationship with others. Loss, but if you have a grudge because of this matter, you will inevitably encounter failure.What's more, a person's views on a certain matter are only some of his views after careful consideration, which will naturally be deeper than those that come up temporarily.If you have a good opinion, you can say it and share it with everyone.Therefore, no matter what you do, even if you are communicating with people, you must have a normal heart and don't ask for anything deliberately.
Find an emotional breakthrough
Normal social interactions don’t just happen between acquaintances. In many cases, we will enter into an unfamiliar circle to deal with people. At this time, we need to quickly open up the situation so that both parties can establish a harmonious relationship and create good vibe.
However, this point makes many people unable to start: they don’t know each other, they don’t understand each other, they don’t know what the other person likes or dislikes, there is no point of intersection in life, and there is no way to find a topic. What is the reason for this?
Actually, the answer is very simple.We all know that when conquering a bunker, you only need to find the most vulnerable part of the bunker and concentrate on attacking to take it down easily.When eating watermelon, we only need to insert a sharp knife into it, and then force it along the grain to solve it.To deal with hedgehogs, we only need to concentrate on dealing with the hedgehog's stomach and nose.Similarly, when dealing with strangers, we only need to find a breakthrough, especially emotionally, and then we can start from one to the other, from point to point, and slowly expand the topic, and finally eliminate the sense of distance between the two parties the goal of.
For example, young and middle-aged people are more defensive and usually don't like to talk to strangers.When you sell a product to a middle-aged man, although he is very polite on the surface, but psychologically he will not give in. You have been busy for a long time without touching the substantive issues.But if there are children or old people around him, at this time, you can choose to start with these people, build a good relationship with them first, and then you can naturally establish some kind of relationship with middle-aged customers.For you, the children and old people here are your breakthrough.
An insurance salesman came to an insurance company on the recommendation of a friend.
Because the chairman was dealing with some affairs, he sat patiently on the sofa and waited.At this time, a female secretary poked her head from the door and said, "Sorry, I didn't collect any stamps today."
"My son is obsessed with collecting stamps. I am collecting stamps, and I am also looking for stamps." The chairman said to the salesman in a relieved manner.
The salesman explained his purpose directly, but the chairman has no intention of buying.Seeing this situation, the salesman had no choice but to leave wisely.
On the way back, the salesman suddenly remembered the unintentional words of the chairman: "My son is obsessed with philately and is collecting stamps..." At the same time, he thought that his insurance company would have people from all over the world every day Naturally, he also has a lot of stamps, so he has another plan in mind.He immediately acted to collect a lot of stamps, and thought about what he would say when he saw the chairman the next day.
The next afternoon, the salesman came to the chairman's office again, saying that he was delivering stamps for his son, and the chairman received him very warmly.The chairman smiled, took the stamps, and said to himself as if he had got a treasure:
"Simply fantastic, my son will be ecstatic!"
In this way, the chairman talked for a long time with the salesman about stamp collecting, and asked the salesman to take a group photo for their family.In the end, he not only bought insurance for the whole family, but also called the salesman to introduce him to other good friends.A few stamps are enough for the salesman to successfully sign the bill and achieve impressive sales results.
There is such a truth in the above example: the easiest way to please a father or mother is to please his children.As long as you find the medium of children, you can easily break down the fortress, and the seemingly difficult relationship becomes much simpler.
Of course, in actual communication, everyone's weaknesses are different. At this time, you need to observe the words and expressions, know what the other party cares about, and then prescribe the right medicine to open up the communication situation.
social taboo
In social situations, people talk about various topics casually.In the process of conversation, issues that should not be touched are usually mentioned inadvertently, such as mantras, swearing, talking to others, etc. These words will affect the image of the talker invisibly.Therefore, in the process of communicating with people, such things should be avoided as much as possible.
1.Mantras cause impression stereotypes
To some extent, mantra is one of the ways to establish image and build confidence for both parties in the conversation.For mild-mannered people, words like "thank you" will be their mantra.Therefore, mantras can easily make others think about you.The mantra that you have a certain temperament will make people see you as a person with a certain temperament.
Almost all people have mantras, just as everyone has their own habitual movements.A person who often likes to insert a few words "tell the truth" and "I speak realistically" when speaking will appear sincere in the eyes of others.
But people who often say "really boring" and "really boring" in front of others, although these words are spoken casually, gradually, his image appears a little tired in the eyes of others.This kind of habitual language is hard for me to notice.But others will be impressed.Failure to get rid of these mantras can make you persona non grata in social situations.
2.Talking to everyone will arouse the resentment of others
Some people like to tell others about their misfortunes and pains, hoping to get spiritual comfort.However, they ignore that doing so will have a negative impact on others at the same time.
Although Li is a man, he is weak by nature and pessimistic in thinking, so he must immediately find someone to complain about when he has something on his mind.When he was in college, he had a romance, which ended for many reasons. Since then, whenever he chatted with people, he would describe his bitterness to others very sadly.
Once, Li participated in a colleague's birthday party, and the colleague introduced many friends to him.After the meeting, a colleague’s friend complained: “It’s really tiring to chat with your colleague. He kept telling the bitter story of falling in love with a girl in the same class when he was in college, and then broke up. I can’t get in a word. , but show sympathy and listen patiently to the end."
Everyone will have frustrations, including emotional frustrations, family frustrations, and career frustrations.Psychologists believe that hiding frustrated things in your heart will cause heart disease, so it is a good way to find someone to talk to.When you confide in others, you really feel relaxed and can relieve the pressure in your heart, but it is not advisable to tell your thoughts when you see someone.Confiding frustration, whether actively or passively, can have the following negative effects.
(1) Telling about your frustrations will portray yourself as cowardly and incompetent
Although everyone has frustrations, if others are proud when you express your frustrations, then others will feel that you are a weak and incompetent person.When talking about frustration, it is very likely that the loss of emotional control will cause serious consequences that are out of control, causing embarrassment to others.
(2) Telling about your disappointment will lower other people's impression of you
Many people rate others based on subjective impressions.Usually, a confident and determined person has a better impression on others. If he is a successful person, it is easy to gain everyone's respect.If your disappointment is known to others, they will subconsciously have a bad impression of you, and may change their attitude towards you from respect and enthusiasm to disdain and indifference.Also, if you talk too much about your frustrations, people will label you a "loser" and think of those things whenever you are mentioned.
In addition, when you confide in frustration, you will inevitably speak ill of others.Talking bad about someone is the same as complaining.Maybe you were very happy at the time, but the other party couldn't accept it; maybe the other party would still think, "I don't know what this person is talking about me behind my back", so they no longer trust you, or even feel disgusted with you.
Therefore, when talking in front of people you are not very familiar with, it is best to choose a more relaxed and pleasant topic, and try not to involve other people or personal unpleasant experiences, so as not to make the other party feel dull, boring, or even have the idea that they don’t want to see you again .
(End of this chapter)
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