Fall in love with school, no longer tire of learning

Chapter 27 Family Education Guidance (2)
When solving the relationship and problems of people and things around you, the child's attitude towards the parents can easily resonate.When the parents are happy, the children will also be happy; when the parents are restless and unhappy, the children's emotions are easily affected, even young children.If the parents are irrational and emotional and have a bad temper, the children will blindly absorb their weaknesses.When parents deal with some emergencies, they show panic, unpreparedness, and the influence on their children is not good; if the parents are calm and firm, they will also make their children calm when encountering problems, which will play a role in cultivating children's psychological quality. positive effect.

Therefore, while educating their children, parents should improve their abilities and self-cultivation, lead by example, teach by precept and example, and set a good example for their children.

Convenient and timely tutoring

In terms of time, children spend more time with their families.The younger you are, the more time you spend together.The process of family education is the individual education behavior of parents and elders in the family. Compared with kindergarten and school education, it is more convenient and timely than kindergarten and school education.

As the saying goes: "Know a son like a father, and know a daughter like a mother." Parents get along with their children day and night, and they can be said to know their situation well. A slight change in the child, even a look or a smile can make parents understand. Therefore, As a parent, you should be good at grasping their children's mental state at this moment through every action, every word and deed, discovering the problems in the children, educating them in time, correcting deviations in time, not letting the problems stay overnight, and eliminating bad behavior habits. in an embryonic state.

In kindergartens and schools, teachers face a large group of children and can only conduct general education for children of this age, that is, group education.With time and energy constraints, it is impossible to take care of the characteristics of each child, and it is easy to lose sight of the other, and even make the child feel distrustful of the teacher's lack of care. Parents can guide the child to correct the understanding in time.

Parents' correct family education for their children can not only make the children form good behavior habits before entering kindergarten, but also lay a good foundation for receiving collective education, and on the other hand, it can make up for the lack of collective education in schools.

Parents should learn from Meng Mu
If you want to stay away from the influence of bad classmates, it should be like the description in the "Three Character Classics": "Xi Mengmu, choose a neighbor." Parents and teachers should let students often associate with positive and motivated classmates, stay away from and isolate students who do not seek to make progress, Try to form a good learning atmosphere.

Mencius, named Ke, was born in the State of Lu (now in Shandong Province) during the Warring States Period. His father died when he was 3 years old, and he was raised by his mother alone.

Mencius was very playful and imitative when he was a child.His family used to live near the cemetery, and he often played the game of building tombs or imitating others' crying and praying.Mother thought this was not good, so she moved her family to the market, and Mencius imitated other people's business and killing pigs.Mother Meng thought that the environment was not good, so she moved her family to the side of the school.Mencius followed the students to learn etiquette and knowledge.Meng's mother thought that this is what students should learn, and she was very happy, so she didn't move anymore.This is the famous story of "Meng's mother moved three times".

Mother Meng paid more attention to Mencius' education.In addition to sending him to school, he also urged him to study.One day, Mencius played hookey from his teacher Zisi and came home. Mother Meng was weaving. When she saw Mencius playing hookey, she was very angry, picked up a pair of scissors, and cut off the cloth on the loom.Mencius was terrified when he saw it, and knelt on the ground to ask why.Mother Meng scolded him and said: "You read books just like I weave. Weaving cloth must be connected into one inch, one foot, one foot, and one piece. Only after weaving is it useful. It must be accumulated over time, day and night. If you are lazy, don’t study hard, and give up halfway, it will become useless like this piece of cut cloth.”

Mencius felt deeply ashamed after listening to his mother's teachings. From then on, he concentrated on studying, worked hard, and practiced the teachings of the sages.Meng Mu (? ~ 317 BC), Mencius' mother, Zhang family, was born in Zou State during the Warring States Period.She is industrious and frugal, endures hardships, sticks to her moral integrity, and raises her sons. From Shenshi, inspirational, honest, and encouraging learning, to making appointments and becoming gold, for decades, she has been meticulous and never relaxes. Not only has she achieved Mencius, but also later generations. The mother left a complete set of parenting plans, and she herself has become an eternal model mother and is generally respected in Chinese history.

The people of the Li people eulogized her story. Scholars and scholars praised her biography. The dignitaries and descendants of the Meng family built monuments and temples for her. Tao Mu, Tao Kan's mother, was listed as a model mother in the Jin Dynasty, known as China's "four virtuous mothers", and ranked first among the "virtuous mothers".

Arouse children's interest in learning
Interest is the greatest driving force for attention. Therefore, when correcting children's weariness caused by distraction, the purpose is to arouse children's interest in learning. The methods are as follows:
(1) A variety of learning methods should be used, such as using vision and reading; using kinesthetic and writing; using auditory and dictation.You can also review the content of several homework alternately.You can also use the way of discussion and questioning to learn.

(2) When studying, if you are distracted, you can take a few deep breaths or relax exercises to relax your mind, overcome tension, and learn with peace of mind.

(3) When you are not concentrating, you can go for a run or do exercises outside for about 10 minutes to clear your mind and improve your concentration.

Cultivate children's stable learning emotions

Parents should improve their children's understanding of learning and make them realize that learning is their own need.The gradual improvement of understanding will help children gradually stabilize their learning emotions and cultivate their good study habits. This should be done from the following aspects:

(1) You must start from a young age, many habits can only be successful if you start from a young age;

(2) Start from scratch, such as sitting upright when writing, and holding the pen accurately;
(3) Parents only provide guidance for learning, and must not arrange it instead;

(4) Parents should constantly put forward requirements, check, supervise and encourage their children's learning frequently;

(5) Once you find that your children have bad study habits, such as sloppy homework, you should point out and correct them in time.

Improve children's emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence, also known as emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence or emotional intelligence, or EI for short, is a hot topic discussed by psychologists over the years.So what is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence can be defined as 4 main components:

(1) the ability to accurately and appropriately feel, perceive, evaluate, and express emotion;
(2) the ability to use emotion to think;

(3) the ability to understand and analyze emotions, and to use them effectively;

(4) The ability to regulate emotions, the ability to promote emotional and intellectual development.

In fact, this definition emphasizes the role of emotions in promoting intellectual development and can make people smarter.So how to promote the development of children's emotional intelligence?

1. Encourage children to express emotions

First, teach children how to express their emotions.In the education of young children, we often fall into a misunderstanding, that is, whenever a child cries, we must find ways to deal with it immediately, and we cannot let the child cry for too long, so the best state is to hope that the child can always keep smiling.In fact, this is not conducive to the development of children's EI, because in this way, children lose the ability to express other types of emotions besides joy.

2. Teach children to learn to regulate their own

Emotions, sorrows and joys. EI emphasizes the positive role of emotions on intellectual development, so children should learn to regulate their bad emotions, put them in a positive emotional state, and promote the further development of their intelligence.When introducing the method of emotional regulation to children, we should pay attention to adopting the education method that the child can understand and accept best according to the specific situation of the child.

Among them, the method of teaching children to regulate emotions by giving examples from children or around them is widely used.For example, let children learn the reasonable emotional method in the method of emotional regulation.The core point of rationalized emotion law is that the individual's emotion about an event is not caused by the event itself, but by the person's interpretation of the event.If you tell the child this directly, the child will definitely not understand.Then, this method of emotion regulation can be illustrated by giving an example.

If your daughter is in kindergarten and sleeps late in the morning, but she is late for school and is criticized by the teacher in public, she will feel very sad because she feels that she has lost face in front of her friends.At this time, how do you teach your child to use the reasonable emotional method to regulate her emotions?
As a parent, you should explain the truth to her: the reason you are sad is that you were criticized by the teacher after you were late.Then you think about it, this is actually telling you a truth, that is, you must be punctual in class.Otherwise, you will be criticized by the teacher in front of your classmates.Therefore, don't be sad anymore, and don't sleep late, don't be late for class, and won't be criticized by the teacher.By gradually guiding the child in this way, with your patience and perseverance, the child will gradually learn how to regulate his emotional problems.Therefore, other emotional regulation methods can also be taught to children in a similar way.

Needless to say, crying often serves the function of language quite naturally until the child is unable to speak.For example, a child needs something, but he can't express it through language, so he uses crying to get the attention of his parents, so as to achieve his goal.For example, if a child is hungry, he will cry; if he feels hot, he will also cry.However, as the child grows up and learns to speak, crying gradually loses its original function and becomes another tool for expressing needs.

For example, a 5-year-old boy saw a very beautiful toy on the street and clamored to buy it.However, the price of the toy is ridiculously expensive, so the boy's parents are reluctant to buy it for the child.So the boy burst into tears.At this time, what do ordinary parents do?

The most common behavior is to comfort the child, tell the child not to cry, coax the child, or simply calm down and buy toys, so as to make the child smile through tears.In fact, this is extremely detrimental to the expression of children's emotions and the development of EI.Because, in this way, the child will form a misunderstanding: crying is a means to achieve a goal, rather than expressing an emotion.It stands to reason that the boy should feel a kind of frustration at this time, and cry to express the feeling of frustration.

Therefore, when dealing with the situation of the boy above, parents should learn to ignore it, have a tough attitude, let him cry and express his emotions to his heart's content, and at the same time monitor the child's behavior not far from the child.Do not continue to communicate with the child until the child stops crying.Through this, let the child understand that crying is just a way of expressing emotions, not a means to achieve their goals.At the same time, let children understand that life is full of joys, sorrows, sorrows and joys, and they must learn to express their emotions.

Cultivate children's passion for learning

In terms of studies, there are some children with mediocre grades, neither good nor bad. However, teachers and parents believe that from the perspective of these children's abilities, they can achieve better grades. The mediocre grades are because the children are not working hard enough.

Why does this happen?
Liu Zhuoyuan, director of the Liaoning Provincial Family Education Society, pointed out that the potential of these children has not been fully developed. The reason is the lack of passion.

He suggested that parents, if they find that their children are not interested in learning and are depressed, they should talk to their children about life, help them establish their ideals, and guide them to build a road to success leading to their ideals.

At the same time, parents should also overcome their own negative emotions. When encountering children's education problems, don't blame the children, and don't blame others. They should lead by example and influence their children with a positive family culture.

encourage children to believe in themselves
For those children with excellent grades, the closer the exam is, the higher the enthusiasm and efficiency of learning.

However, some other children are completely different. The closer the exam is, the less confident they are, and they even feel nervous and panic, thinking that they can do nothing.For such children, helping them regain their self-confidence is the key to improving their performance.

Liu Zhuoyuan, director of the Liaoning Provincial Family Education Society and an educator, pointed out that parents should discover more about their children's advantages and affirm them; on this basis, help children find ways to let them experience the joy of progress and success, instead of Use skeptical, warning language to dampen your child's confidence and enthusiasm.Help children build self-confidence. After children overcome their psychological panic, it will not be difficult to improve their academic performance.

protect children's self-esteem

During the chat, several parents talked about their children. One said that my child had learned this specialty, and the other said that my child had learned that specialty. It seemed that all children had geniuses and artistic talents.Of course not.

For a small number of children, they do have certain talents, and it is a waste not to learn or dig.And for most children, being buried in various specialty classes by their parents is not developing, it is simply being destroyed.

All in all, the reason is that the vanity of the parents is at play. They are afraid that their children will not learn their specialties and be compared with other children. They will not have the capital to show off, but parents who love their children have thought about it. What you have paid is not only money?At the same time you hurt a child, and you hurt yourself.

There is a book "Who Takes Children's Happiness", which contains many stories that parents can learn from.In fact, it is much more meaningful and positive for children to learn only one specialty that they like than to force them to learn a lot of specialties that they don't like.Letting children learn specialties that they don't really like is simply killing them. If you watch children enter the specialty training class with your heart, do they really put their hearts on it?
The actual situation is that when you leave the child's sight, he is simply coping with it, let alone going to school. Instead of wasting the parents' time and money, it is better to choose the one that the child is interested in. Only in this way can learning be motivated.

Many parents are used to comparing their children with the children of relatives and friends around them, and come to the conclusion that other children are superior to their own children in some aspects, and continue to infiltrate such conclusions into their children, asking them to "exceed them". I hope this will motivate children to make progress.

Liu Zhuoyuan pointed out that in fact such a method is not suitable for every child, and it may even hit the child's self-esteem and cause them to give up on themselves.Self-esteem is the source of a person's motivation to make progress.Many children lose self-esteem, become manic or cowardly, and lose interest in learning because of frequent and inappropriate motivation from their parents.

Protecting children's self-esteem can not only help children face learning with a correct attitude, but also help children grow up physically and mentally.

Parents' devious tactics to children
There is a parent whose daughter did not do well in a certain final exam.To be honest, the parents were also quite disappointed.Although the parents tried their best to pretend to be ignorant, they could still clearly feel the child's depression.

Considering that the school will be on holiday and the learning tasks are not heavy, let the children reflect for two days.While pondering, the parents struggled to find an entry point for the conversation to avoid making their children uncomfortable.

Finally, at dinner one day, the father and daughter watched a rare episode of the TV series "The Long March".

My father asked: "Mao Zedong wrote a poem called "The Long March". I can't remember it. Do you still remember it?"

(End of this chapter)