Calm women are the most elegant

Chapter 13 You are troubled, not because the outside world is too noisy, but because you are not calm enough inside (4)
I know the advertising director of a magazine. She dresses up like a Korean female star every day. She is over 50 years old and still insists on taking the pink route. She wears pink pink clothes all year round, covered with gold and silver, high and domineering. .In terms of management methods, he yells at his subordinates all day long, reports to his superiors that "one person prospers the country", and thinks that others are incompetent waste.Even though he made a mistake in his management, he must have blamed his subordinates for all the crimes, and he didn't take any responsibility at all.You need someone to serve you when you eat, someone to wake you up when you sleep, and someone to help you when you want to walk.Such a leader is not accepted by his subordinates. On the surface, he is respectful to her, but behind closed doors he sneers and abuses her.Such a department would not perform well without a united fighting force from top to bottom.This female director is troubled all day long, thinking that her subordinates are disobedient, disobedient, and incompetent, and she is also in family life. She always maintains a queen-like style and never cooks. She said that getting married is just for enjoyment.She has been divorced twice. In her words, her first husband was "too strong", so she found an "obedient one". People "fired squid".A department that was originally very good was brought to its knees by her.The two men who were originally good were scolded by her for nothing.Complaining all the time like this, even she herself said that she had a "split personality".

To live and live, you don't need to be so tall, but you need a lot of down-to-earth.Groundedness means simplicity, peace and simplicity, which is the essence of life and the foundation of happiness.

No one can live without eating and drinking, steamed buns for [-] cents a piece, fragrant pancakes for [-] yuan a piece, occasionally cooking two dishes at night, and cooking some porridge.Chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea, this is my down-to-earth life.I like to take a bus to wander, or to observe the expressions and postures of passers-by while driving at a red light. I clearly know that I am one of them. We are all the same.No flattery, no low self-esteem, living like this, happy, content, grateful, quite down-to-earth, without so much loss and complaints.

A few days ago, I, who never liked to follow dramas, even watched the popular "Fashion Female Editor".Halfway through, I couldn't help but cry.I empathize with the people around me, the things around me, and even what happened to me.Life is about staggering forward in entanglement and compromise.Happy moments are short-lived.Life is not like movies and TV dramas. After doing one thing, after going through untold hardships, the final outcome is very successful.This show is as simple as plain water, and the models still can't find a job even when they are mixed abroad. The pioneer of a local fashion magazine with a unique approach, after two years of operation, it can barely maintain a flat income.The photographer who dreamed of being an artist has always been like that, and he didn't become a great artist in the end.

Through this play, the fashion industry, which is regarded as a high fashion tall level by outsiders, exposes its true side like being skinned.Being the editor-in-chief of a fashion magazine is the background of Beijing Hutong Girl.The big star who is regarded as the first sister by everyone was also an unknown person before, and also suffered from the embarrassing situation of being hung up on Wia.The model was favored by the director, and he didn't like it for no reason.Unspoken rules, unspoken rules, do you understand?

My girlfriend, who looks like a fairy, actually recommended me to watch this film, which really surprised me.She is a girl with a sense of superiority. After marriage, she has a bad relationship with her in-laws, because her in-laws can't understand her dressing herself up as a super fashionable prodigal all day long.After giving birth, in order to maintain her figure, the child was not allowed to breastfeed, and she did not cook for the family. All three meals a day were served by the nanny.Just like that, I envy the ultra-luxury life of celebrities all day long, and keep saying that the houses outside the third ring road in Beijing are not called houses.She always said that her father-in-law was not used to seeing her. On that rainy day, we both had things to do together, but when she refused to get out of the car because of her pair of expensive leather shoes, I told her mercilessly that I cherished her so much. As a mother of your own feathers, your child must have a sense of distance from you, and it is reasonable for your father-in-law to have opinions on you.It's not that if you look like a fairy, you have to live a life that doesn't eat the fireworks of the world.Unless you're not planning on having a good time.

Maybe it was my bluntness that spoke to her, and her life began to change.When I went shopping with her in the nearby Wumart supermarket, and then went to Haidilao to eat "pig brains" with big bags, I finally felt relieved of her, and I was thinking, this is life.

Life is about being grounded.Go to your high school, live my down-to-earth air.Only a down-to-earth woman can have stable happiness.

8.Open your mind and show the big picture of your life
Women have a lot of worries and worries, but their worries are pitifully small.

Colleagues clashed with her, her best friend married better than her, her classmate's house was bigger than hers, and which girl her boyfriend or husband looked at more, all of which made her feel aggrieved.

Didn’t someone say that the criterion for measuring the quality of friendship between women is whether they can happily say bad things about the third person together.You see, women's narrow-mindedness is really ridiculous.

A woman’s pettiness is first reflected in love. Take me as an example. I remember that many years ago I went shopping with my boyfriend. Taking a sneak peek, it brought him a "killing disaster".Of course, the murderer was me. I raised my pointed high-heeled foot and stomped on him fiercely. I also blatantly accused him of being a pervert on the road, making him dumbfounded.

Besides friendship, friendship between women is always so interesting, so subtle.Everyone says that three women make one drama, but I think one woman is one drama.A woman is a delicate, gentle, and sensual animal, but a woman is ruthless.Women usually call each other "baby, dear, sisters, buddies, iron..." and so on, but they can often turn against each other because of a piece of paper or a careless word, and what's more, they don't speak for a lifetime, and go around Say bad things about the other party.Why?It's not because they are bad, or because anyone is really wrong, just because of this nature, narrow-minded.There is also a situation where two sisters have a good relationship, and they tell each other their secrets, grievances, and displeasure at seeing XX, and finally add a sentence: "We are sisters, so I will sue you, so don't tell it." agreement.As a result, because of a small conflict, the two began to expose each other.Women and tolerance are sometimes at odds.

Because of small-mindedness, intolerant, incomprehensible, preoccupied, brooding, and vengeful, all troubles and confusions come to you.

I still remember a friend once told me that she thought she was very strange. She would be helpful and tolerant to friends of the same sex and strangers; At this point, it is replaced by love to play petty temper or lose his temper because of trivial things.

Yes, in fact, which woman is not like this?A woman's narrow-mindedness largely stems from love.Lin Daiyu in Dream of the Red Chamber is narrow-minded.Her wandering background gave birth to a sentimental and withdrawn character since she was a child.Her "little sex" is well known.Maybe it was because of her narrow-mindedness that Lin Daiyu suffered from a strange disease.Her illness was caused by narrow-mindedness, and this narrow-mindedness was caused by Baoyu, so in the final analysis, her cause of disease was unhealthy in love.Rather than saying that her narrow-mindedness is a physical problem, it is better to say that she is haunted by demons.

Maybe it is really the fault of love, maybe love is selfish.When a person loves another person deeply, the other person is the most perfect in her eyes, and this dream lover is completely her own, and no third party's intrusion or interference is allowed.When love gets out of hand, love cannot tolerate a grain of sand.Ever since, the narrow-mindedness unknowingly took root and sprouted in the depths of my heart.Just imagine, if Lin Daiyu didn't love Baoyu deeply, she wouldn't keep Baoyu's words in her heart. When Baoyu's inadvertent words accidentally hurt her fragile heart, she would "be on fire for a while", The jealousy began to spread all over the body, until at the end tears flowed down my face, and I was suddenly saddened.As a result, the disease became more serious day by day, and there was no sign of improvement at all.

To be honest, once this woman's narrow-mindedness is aroused by love, it is as if she has been poisoned by the love flowers in the valley of lovers.As long as there is a slight thought of thinking about the person you like, your whole body will suffer from severe pain, and in severe cases, there will be no cure and you will die.

And many times, women always commit crimes knowingly, fall in love, and make mistakes again and again.Because women's narrow-mindedness is nothing but generated around men, the fatal part of this kind of heart disease is that women always unconsciously fall into the trap of narrow-mindedness and struggle and cannot extricate themselves.It's like when a woman falls in love with a man, she will always cast jealous eyes on the women around the man.Women will worry about the man they love deeply for other women anytime and anywhere, and their narrow-mindedness is all given to the man they care about so much.

A woman who can abuse her petty mind is likely to backfire!Not only did he frighten himself, but he also scared his lover away.Therefore, if you want to worry less, you must be a woman with a big heart, a big heart, and a big pattern.There is such a proverb: No matter how big a pancake is, it is not as big as the pan it is baked in.The philosophy of this sentence is: You can bake a big cake, but no matter how big the cake you bake, it must be limited by the pan in which it is baked.The future we hope for is like this big pie. Whether we can make a satisfactory "big pie" depends entirely on the "pot" in which it is baked—this is the so-called "pattern."In dealing with others, your pattern is your mind and your bearing.

Yu Dan said it well: the key to growth is to build a life pattern for yourself.

The limitation is that the layout is too small, which is limited by it.A woman's small breasts only affect her appearance, but her small heart affects her life and life.So, let go of your troubles and open your heart as much as possible, a little bigger, a little bigger.

9.If the heart is calm, the wind will not
There are still many women who sigh with emotion from time to time: the tree wants to be quiet but the wind does not stop.This is used to describe the situation where I want to be quiet, but the outside world is constantly worrying about trifles.Press the gourd to float the ladle, one thing after another, so that things backfire, and life is always restless.

But, dear sister, be quiet in your heart, if your heart is quiet, what will happen to the wind?
The elder sister next door often complained to me, saying that she was under a lot of pressure to decorate the house.So annoying.

Two months passed, and the house was finally renovated, but I was worried about how to rent it out.

Later, the house was rented out, and her parents-in-law came from the countryside to stay for a short time, and she was so annoyed that her parents-in-law had bad living habits and had no space for herself, etc.She talked about it like a big deal, but I heard that it is a trivial matter that exists in every family and everyone will encounter it.

At the end of the year, my in-laws finally returned to their hometown for the New Year, and she lived a happy life as a family of three again, but she was even more depressed, because her child did not do well in the midterm exam, and she was worried that she would not be able to get into a good high school next summer.

Just like that, a happy full-time wife who didn't have to go to work to earn money, and her husband obeyed her orders, actually got depression!That day she confided to me again, saying: "Life is too short, how come there is no time to live in peace?!"

Listening to her nagging for one autumn and one winter, I have a clear understanding of her state of mind, and I told her: "Stay in my heart."

Regarding the peace of mind, I remember Bai Luomei said: "The real peace is not to avoid the hustle and bustle of driving and horses, but to plant chrysanthemums in the heart." I think it is very reasonable.I always feel that it is quiet to avoid the hustle and bustle and find a quiet place, among the green mountains and green waters, to watch the scenery quietly and think about things silently.In fact, think about it, if the mind is quiet, how can the outside world be intrusive, and what else can break this tranquility?
The "Six Patriarch Altar Sutra" records the story of the debate between Master Huineng, the sixth patriarch of Zen Buddhism, and two monks:

During the lecture, the wind blows the prayer flags.

A monk said that the wind moves,

A monk said that the flag moved.

The two argued endlessly.

Master Huineng, the sixth patriarch of Zen Buddhism, stood up and said, it is your heart that is moving!

Yes, whether you are quiet or not is not determined by the outside world, but by your heart.The Buddha said that a pure heart is tranquility, a state of mind like a lotus is tranquility, a thought, and everything is tranquility, and everything returns to the heart, originating from the heart and emanating from the heart.

For this, I already have a deep understanding.When you are young and immature and not calm enough, when you get upset, you will do all kinds of amazing things, clubbing, traveling, talking to friends, the most unusual time is to go to Babaoshan for three days and three nights.As a result, because I couldn't figure it out, I couldn't bear it, and I still couldn't purify my mind, what should be annoyed was still annoyed.

Later, as I grow older and my mind matures, when I am in a bad mood, I will no longer be like that. No matter where I am, as long as I stay alone quietly.Be it coffee, tea, or movies, enjoy them all.When I devoted myself to admiring the food and the beautiful scenery, my impetuous heart calmed down unconsciously.

Of course, in terms of seeking tranquility, I also have a trump card, and that is to watch the water or the sky.When I am overwhelmed by negative emotions such as worry, depression and despair, I will find a suitable place, look at the water surface, and look at the sky, so that the bad mood will disappear like a cloud.

Perhaps there are many kinds of stillness, quietness, silence, quietness, many, many quietnesses... But where is the source of these feelings, and where is the carrier for feeling these situations?
There is no paradise in the world, even if there is, it is still lively. If you have to put yourself in a quiet place, then a place without human habitation is quiet, but can we bear such an environment?How long can we bear it?

Quiet, no doubt, at ease.When the mind is quiet, the world is quiet; when the mind is quiet, everything is quiet. If we close the door and ponder carefully, quietness is actually a piece of pure land in our hearts and the sublimation of the soul.

If it is combined with life, it seems that some of the relief, steadiness, simplicity and purity of our life should also be incorporated.

I think that the real tranquility should be a kind of state of mind, a kind of realm. It does not need to be extraordinary and refined, but it needs to be washed away. It is a feeling after being purified.

At this time, it seems that the quietness of the countryside, the quietness of the morning light, and the quietness of the night are all appearances. You don’t need to distinguish quiet things with your mouth, eyes, nose and ears. If you want to, just grasp the rhythm of your heart, then even Standing on the busiest street, you can also realize what is quiet.

And at the moment when I am writing, my mind is still and quiet, quietly looking at the heavy world outside the window, as if I have reached the other shore...

(End of this chapter)