Calm women are the most elegant

Chapter 14 You don’t feel safe, it’s not that the outside world is unreliable, it’s that you are not strong enough inside (1)
A bird standing on a tree is never afraid of a branch breaking, because what it believes in is not the branch, but its own wings.

"Ouba control", "Zhengtai control" and "Uncle control" are not as reliable as the upright "self control".

Relying on the collapse of mountains and falling trees, this is certain, and it is better to rely on yourself than to rely on anyone.

Therefore, if you have no sense of security, you don’t need to blame your fickleness. Don’t blame the world for being cold, but blame yourself for not being strong enough.

1.It's unreliable to want a sense of security with men
Because of their natural physical and psychological characteristics, girls are delicate in mind, fragile in emotion, dependent, and easily insecure.

When they were young, girls pinned their sense of security on their family members, and when they grew up, they tied the rope of their sense of security to men.The best thing is that no matter what she does, men will never tire of it; no matter how sloppy she is, men will always treat her as a sweetheart; no matter how troublesome, there will be men who will take care of her aftermath; Take it all.

Every woman has such a psychological appeal, and they often judge whether a man loves her or not, and how much he loves her.When a woman affirms that the other party loves herself, then she will have a sense of emotional security.If the other party fails to meet the requirements, they will lose and feel insecure.

If a woman's emotional security only comes from the love given by the other party, then how do you know that the other party will definitely catch you behind your back for decades?
To give an inappropriate example: No one wants to have a car accident one day.But we are also very sad to see that every day, nearly 3500 people die in car accidents in this world.When you drive out, do you simply hope that there will be no emergencies or traffic violations along the way, or will you remind yourself to be more careful?Compared with this, the chance of the other half betraying is much higher than this.

So the simplest truth is: the sense of security, you can give it yourself, you don't need to ask for it from a man.

There are only a handful of examples of female stars who have been married happily and remained consistent throughout their lives.In fact, any so-called conditions, such as being a good wife and mother, being a good husband and raising children, cooking well, being feminine, having a sexy body... There are a lot of failure cases.

The simplest way is actually: don't be infatuated, don't forget me.

Those who are infatuated must be hurt by love.A basic truth that veteran casino players know is not to bet all your chips.You can love a man well, but don't bet your life's happiness on him, and don't love a man with all your body, mind and property.In that way, you will lose money and he will also be tired.In fact, if you run your own business well, have your own hobbies, take care of yourself, and preferably have your own beliefs, such a woman will not be short of money, contacts, and charm .Therefore, there will be no shortage of men who love her.Even if there is a vacancy, it will not affect your life, and your sense of security will not be destroyed.

The sense of security has nothing to do with whether you love someone deeply or not, and it has nothing to do with whether your relationship is as flat as a pool of water. It is even less likely to come from how you do what your lover does. Neither floating watches nor foreign aid can give you a real sense of security.Regardless of men and women, things like a sense of security cannot rely on superficiality and externality, because you cannot control external changes, and superficial things have no support.Floating watches are always temporary and unreliable. What is reliable is the inner strength and self.Only when I have a certain strength can I respond to all changes with the same strength-I love deeply, I enjoy it, love ordinary, I enjoy ordinary, my lover can do this or that, and I will not do it because of him And happy to do that but sad, I just need to choose what I want.

Where does the sense of security come from?Its foundation is self-confidence.Where does self-confidence come from?From the love of parents when they were young, a child who was fully loved, fully satisfied and not suppressed in childhood will have self-confidence and a sense of security when he grows up.She doesn't worry about the past and the future; she doesn't get greedy and is easily satisfied; because she gets more, she prefers to give rather than receive.Even if you have a bad vision, encounter an inhuman person, or have an extramarital affair with a third party, you will not doubt yourself or others because of this, but you can make the most beneficial choice for yourself.

Some sisters will ask, if you are already in your 30s and [-]s and still looking for a sense of security, it is so late, can you still find a sense of security?Yes, treatment is required, and treatment is with the parents.Unfortunately, most of us don't know what a sense of security is, so we will regard houses, cars and other materials as a sense of security.

Now, let me tell you a few good ways to help women quickly develop a sense of security.

First of all, women need to be strong inside.

A strong heart may be difficult to teach, it needs to "learn" and "grow" slowly; some women have no confidence in themselves, so of course they don't have a "sense of security", as long as there is some trouble, they will be overly sensitive and scare themselves , torture yourself.

Second, women need to be financially independent.

Women have no sense of security and are afraid that men will leave. In fact, it is related to the most basic "survival security".If a woman has no financial income or is not enough to support herself, then naturally she will be anxious about imaginary enemies every day.Therefore, we must work hard, work hard, manage money well, and try our best to be a rich woman.

Finally, a woman's sense of security comes from constant psychological hints.

In fact, the world is so wonderful. If you think that a man may cheat all day long, then the person next to you must run faster than a rabbit; not far.This kind of psychological method of "I am safe" is really not so easy to practice.But once you practice it, you will be "invincible".

2.All kinds of "man control" are not as good as "self control"

Women like to be controlled and follow trends, so a year ago, when the Korean drama "My Love from the Star" became popular, there were more women "professor-controlled".Because the male lead is so handsome that he has no edge, he has become the admiration object of thousands of wives.However, not all professors are gentle, charming, and handsome guys who respond to requests. Besides professors, there is also a creature called "beast" in this world.

In fact, with the popularity of Korean dramas in China these years, from Ouba to Zhengtai, from uncles to professors, women are either controlling this or that. They can control so much, are they happy?Then let's talk about it in the order of the various controls.

Let’s talk about “Oubacon” first, it’s even used in snack food advertisements.Ouba is gentle and considerate, Ouba is steadfast, Ouba is knowledgeable, and Ouba responds to every request.If women don't return to "Ouba control", they seem to be sorry for themselves, and they have come to this world for a while.But it didn't take long for the woman to realize that she had been duped, and this Ouba was not Bi Ouba.Those touching oppas in Korean dramas have already been packaged.Oppas in reality are not romantic, not interesting, they snore and drool while sleeping, stinky socks and dirty clothes are thrown all over the floor, only the age of Oppa, not the realm of Oppa.

Since Ouba is a dead end, he simply turned around and set his sights on the young and innocent men.As a result, many mature women joined "Zhengtaikong" one after another.

Compared with Obama, "Zhengtai" seems to be more in line with a woman's nature.Zhengtai has a wanton youth, a pure and shy smile, and infinite plasticity, which are enough to make women scream crazy.Moreover, being too cute and pitiful can even arouse the innate maternal nature of mature women.It's no wonder that each of the cute Zhengtais is embraced by the sisters, composing countless epic sibling relationships.

But as time passed, the women felt something was wrong again.Let’s talk about the plasticity of the ladies first, it’s really not that reliable.It is necessary for people to go to high places; but it is unavoidable to aim at "low" places.Men in their 18s and [-]s still like [-]-year-old girls.As a result, the sisters took great pains to shape the Zhengtai into a pleasant appearance both inside and outside.But when he was getting old, Mrs. Zheng left her sister and went to sing Winter Sonata with the cute little girl.

Moreover, marriage is the prerequisite for most women to fall in love.Madams are cute enough, but can cuteness be eaten as food?Can Meng beat the power of firewood, rice, oil and salt?Therefore, women are always in contradiction.The ladies are mature, worried that this relationship will not be able to withstand the vicissitudes of the years, but if it keeps being cute, how will they live in the future?
In the struggle, "Uncle Control" came from behind!The uncles have been on the battlefield for a long time and have a solid material foundation; the uncles have experienced ups and downs, and they have developed copper skin and iron bones; the uncles have already worn away their hot temper, gentleness and consideration in the years... There are all kinds of signs It shows that "uncle control" seems to be the final destination of women.

But the women will realize in a blink of an eye that not everything they see is beautiful when they step on the uncle's shoulders.The uncles are scheming, and long before the women fantasize about happiness, they have already cracked their abacus in their hearts, secretly weighing the profit and loss of this transaction.Not all uncles are tolerant and honest "daddy long legs", and some uncles are big bad wolves.Whether Little Red Riding Hood is happy or not depends on how much conscience the wolf still has.

It can be seen that there is no absolute in everything.In the world of happiness, there is no constant and flat road.Professor, Ouba, Mrs. Zheng or Uncle are not a panacea that can be applied immediately.After all, if women want to be happy, they have to rely on themselves, be a woman with a strong heart and control their own destiny, so that they can control their happiness.

In fact, as long as a woman reasonably controls her emotions, she is already a qualified "happiness controller".Because women are emotional animals, emotion is the most difficult part for women.

You can look in the mirror every morning and ask, "What do I really want?", and then stick to your plan for the rest of the day.

You have to keep an eye on your work and your lifestyle at all times.Find some good teachers and helpful friends, and make more friends who can encourage you and increase your confidence.

In striving for new knowledge, it is best to itemize the steps of action, replacing fantasies with actual actions.Vitality removes obstacles.You can't escape reality with chocolate and cranky thoughts all the time, it won't help.Friends who make you gang up all day long are not real friends.It is foolish and ridiculous to evade responsibility by pretending to be a pitiful little woman, it is too innocent.Can you break free from control and make some serious decisions?There will come a day in life when you realize that you have to pay for the decisions you make.

Think a few questions in your mind.Besides working to earn money, who do you support?Can you cut your bank balance?Would you avoid adult responsibilities by declaring yourself incorrigible (in reality because of your laziness)?Do you feel happy when someone tells you that you are a childish child?It's time to mature yourself.

If you want a relationship with a guy, don't act emotionally hungry.Only accept your ideal man.By the way, there is no shortage of good men in this world, but you have to dominate your own life, just like this, one day you will meet the person you expect.

3.Most of the strongest feelings are like-minded
Women most want to gain a sense of security from marriage, and dream of a stable relationship and stable happiness for a lifetime.

But you know, most of the most stable relationships are like-minded.

There used to be a tall building on the End of the World. It was about the original partner and Xiaosan during the Republic of China period. It is rather embarrassing to see the stories of the old people who have long since passed away.

Many people reprimanded those scumbags who abandoned their wives in their replies, and they were hoarse, so they remembered the sentence reposted by countless girls, "One day with a sword in hand, I will kill all the heartless dogs in the world".Can't help but dumbfounded.Worried about men's safety and women's ignorance.

I actually think that most of the relationship matters are due to like-mindedness.Come if you agree, go if you don't agree. What people can restrain themselves is morality and responsibility, not emotion.

Whether a relationship can last and be strong is largely a game between two people, and only those who are evenly matched can go to the end.

Evenly matched is not only reflected in their wealth and background, but also in their talents, personalities, abilities, interests and preferences.That is what we often call like-mindedness.

Zhang Xueliang didn't like Yu Fengzhi, who was more beautiful and dignified, but liked Miss Zhao Si, simply because she had a hot, outgoing and eclectic personality, which was more in line with his aesthetics and his taste.

Lu Xun, a radical revolutionary fighter, naturally also couldn't feel admiration for Zhu An, a woman with small feet.

If you seriously evaluate the three women related to Xu Zhimo, Zhang Youyi is actually more beautiful and gentle, and has a deeper affection for Xu Zhimo. She is even tenacious. She brought up her children, attended American schools, and became a strong woman.But in the eyes of Xu Zhimo, a young man of the Western School, she is still just a dull and boring country woman. What he likes more is Lin Huiyin's gentleness, intelligence and talent, and Lu Xiaoman's enchanting beauty.

As for Chairman Jiang who once loved Chen Jieru, after his political marriage with Song Meiling, the two have walked hand in hand for so many years, and they may have been overwhelmed by Song Meiling's talent and demeanor long ago, and have forgotten Chen Jieru.Looking at the later photos, the old Generalissimo Jiang with a bald head was smiling like a child with his mouth open beside the elegant and charming Soong Meiling.The so-called "holding the hand of the son, grow old together with the son" is like this, right?

I am most envious of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang, and the reason why they have been able to stay in love for many years, apart from their good character, I think the most important reason is that their talents, learning and temperament complement each other.In terms of talent and learning, Qian Zhongshu is full of knowledge, and Yang Jiang is also proficient in foreign languages ​​and has excellent writing skills.The most rare thing is that their personalities complement each other just right. Qian Zhongshu is a child at heart and doesn't care about the world at all, but Yang Jiang is willing to take care of his life and handle world affairs for him.I think, the most perfect combination is this, right?They have similar interests, complementary personalities, can speak well, and live a good life.

Having said so much, I just want to explain one point. Perhaps many people are unwilling to admit that: many times, you think that your lover has failed you. In fact, it is often because your growth cannot keep up with his footsteps. Just communicate and talk on the same channel.Many times, you are helpless because your love has experienced setbacks and was interfered by both parents.In fact, in the eyes of more sensible parents and relatives, it is just that your conditions are too unsuitable.In other words, you are not rivals on the same level, and you cannot be evenly matched to maintain the balance of the relationship between the two parties. In this, feelings can often play a very small role, and in the end, the damage will only be deeper.

There are always so many ordinary and ordinary girls dreaming of Cinderella's dream, hoping that one day they can meet their own prince, fall in love at first sight, fall in love, and cannot extricate themselves.

But then?
A girl from a poor background, even if she is really destined, can meet a president who looks right to her.Will you be able to live a happy and beautiful life from now on?

Perhaps, the more common situation is that in their relationship, she was always fearful and cautious, not daring to make trouble, not entangled, not sending text messages or calling, and even knowing that he had another woman, she chose to swallow her anger and accept him. justification.

And all this is just because, in this love affair, they have never been evenly matched, and they are not evenly matched at the same level, so they cannot communicate.

In an unequal relationship, the weaker party does not even have the qualifications to express dissatisfaction.

In "Love in the Allure", Zhang Ailing used the destruction of an entire city to complete the love between Fan Liuyuan and Bai Liusu. This is not the grandmother Zhang, the ancestor of the romance novel, deliberately playing with the alluring romance, but experiencing the family She knows better, that only when the country’s destruction is at stake, the various secular and prejudices that lie between Fan Liuyuan and Bai Liusu will be frightened away by this deafening artillery, and only two are left. A heart that is throbbing.

Sometimes love is not absent, but it has never been so pure.

(End of this chapter)