Calm women are the most elegant

Chapter 16 You don’t feel safe, it’s not that the outside world is unreliable, it’s that you are not strong enough inside (3)
The law of the world is change, only change itself is eternal.Circumstances are always changing, and people are always changing.People are always planning what they will do next, and their "ignorance" can never keep up with the pace of "changes".Many women have gone through many twists and turns for their "plans", spent a lot of effort, shed a lot of tears, and had great expectations, but "change" will always ruthlessly obliterate these, which makes people helpless, because no one can Anticipate life changes.

Therefore, women should learn to grow in the midst of changes, don't be afraid of the changes and challenges brought about by changes, and learn to adapt to changes, because changes will make them more sober, more mature, and more confident!We often say that things are impermanent, but many times, fortunately, things are impermanent, because behind the fact of impermanence, there are often a series of surprises.

When my mother became paralyzed due to illness, I became miserable and panicked all the time. I didn't notice any beauty in my life. I just felt that my mother was so unfortunate and my life was so unfortunate.When I jumped out of this magic circle and gained inner liberation, I gradually realized the warmth that ordinary people cannot feel in life.For example, for rehabilitation training, my sister and I accompany my mother to do various rehabilitation exercises every day. Our family relationship has been further deepened, and the mother-daughter relationship and sisterhood have been sublimated. I have experienced the long-lost touch.We made many friends and heard many touching stories in the rehab center.

Every day, as soon as we enter the entrance of the rehabilitation center, the nurse in charge of acupuncture will stand up warmly and friendly, give acupuncture to my mother, and explain various health care knowledge to us. On the one hand, I can take good care of my mother, on the other hand, I have to I have gained a lot of knowledge and learned a lot of good diet therapy from nutrition doctors.

Sometimes, when we pushed our mother downstairs for a walk, the small vendors who set up stalls would greet us warmly, and would praise our mother for being young and our filial piety.Passers-by whom she didn't know encouraged her to move forward.All this really touched me, and I deeply felt the kindness and love of the people around me.And it was only when I accepted my mother's condition that I began to experience and appreciate this love, and I gained a sense of inner relief and peace from it.This was all unexpected and absolutely unexpected to me.

It is natural for women to feel fear and even pain about change, because it means jumping out of our comfort zone.At the beginning, it was very unhappy, such as working in a job you didn't like, getting stuck in an unhappy marriage, but that's because your brain interpreted that kind of life as "safety" in your familiar field.

Whenever women take on the challenge of change, they enter into territory they are not familiar with.For example, from never wanting to express your feelings to your husband, to telling him how you feel; from a low-key employee to a company boss with more responsibilities; people with whom others associate.

A woman's resistance to change will affect her own growth.Change is necessary and inevitable for growth.Simply put: if growth is the way you want to travel, then change is the vehicle to get from place to place.Just because the ride is uncomfortable doesn't mean you should get out of the car.

Life is constantly changing, whether you like it or not.Even if you don't accept the change, the facts will not change according to your will.People always thrive on change, because that's the purpose of life.Some women will continue to create wonderful things, while some women are obviously wonderful around them, but they don't notice it.If you have the courage to accept changes and change happily and willingly, you will feel the excitement brought about by the changes.

Life is more exciting because of change, accept change.When you practice to "see all changes as good changes", you will find that joy is everywhere in your life, and you will have a perfect world.

7.When you lose something, you treat it as if it doesn't belong to you
The woman and the man have been in love for three years. In the words of the woman, it is "an extremely happy and sweet three years". However, when the two are about to discuss marriage and the woman is waiting for a romantic "marriage ceremony", But a man gave a woman a bolt from the blue one day-he said he fell in love with another woman and decided to marry her.

The woman's world suddenly collapsed, she scolded the man as a heartless man, Chen Shimei, but she really felt that what the man said was so serious, even so sincere.

From then on, the woman indulged in sadness day and night, paralyzed herself with alcohol, and used sleeping pills to make her unconscious sleep longer, and then longer. In the end, the woman gently cut her wrist with a knife, looking forward to the long sleep and happiness. relief.

……

The woman opened her eyes and found that she was still alive, and it was an old man who saved her.

"Why did you save me? From the moment he left me, my heart was already dead. What's the point of being alive?"

"I'll show you a story." Then, the old man took out a mirror and flashed it in front of the woman's eyes, and some pictures appeared in the mirror:
A man lay quietly on the beach, motionless, as if dead.Until a woman came over, she probably went to check carefully with such doubts, and then exclaimed "Oh my god, a dead person!", then turned and fled the scene.

After a while, another woman came, she also stepped forward to examine carefully, she was startled at first, then covered the man with her overcoat, and sighed: "Alas...you died at such a young age, Sea Breeze It's so big..." After saying that, he turned and left.

After another three hours, a third woman appeared on the beach. She looked carefully and said, "It's dead. It's too pitiful to lie here. The beach is beautiful, but it will rot if left in the sun. It's safe to be buried in the ground, but I can't move you, I think it's a pleasure to have this beach as a company... I hope you can be at peace." As she said, the woman buried the man with the sand around him bit by bit, and found Come and cover it with a few branches and leaves, and then leave.

When she was leaving, the woman saw the third woman clearly, and she was shocked: Isn't she the woman the man wants to marry?
"Fate is predestined. When fate comes, people will be separated. It cannot be forced. That is your previous life. The man who died was the one you loved deeply, and you are the second woman. You gave him three Hours of cover and care, so in this life he will give you three years of happy and sweet time. So, after three years are over, he will leave to repay the lifelong kindness buried by the third woman and marry her as his wife. Do you understand? "

The woman nodded, understood, and gained a new life from then on.

Everyone knows that if you can't get what you want, or if you get it and then lose it, that kind of emotion is quite painful, your heart is empty, and you have the desire to die.When we encounter destiny and fate, we don’t often meet such old men who “awaken the dreamer with one word”, so many women can only resent and grieve, making the injured heart suffer more intensely. , Drinking to drown your sorrows will only add to your sorrows, and suicide is even more foolish.

Although this is a fable about broken love, in fact, many things can be enlightened by this incident.In a world of fates that come and go, everyone has their own fate, some only have a "3-year fate", and some may only have a "7-year fate". Fate is over, don't force it.But don't give up, because there is still "love in the first life" in the predestined fate in the previous life, waiting for us to wait and find for the rest of our lives, and finally live happily and happily together.

Therefore, in the face of loss, it is better to let it come and go naturally. The detached state of "everything follows fate" will make us more calm and calm when facing the gains and losses in life, and our life will be more free and easy.

Maybe at the moment when you lose the beauty, you feel that your heart is broken, but the more this is the case, the more you have to put the grief far away, so that you can welcome your new life.Only by ending grief can we start a new life.As you heal your wounds and look to the future, you'll find opportunities of all kinds awaiting you—enjoyments, hobbies, friends, family, or other activities.While you don't know if you'll be as happy as you were, at least you put yourself in a situation where you have a reason to smile.Along the way, you feel that everything is going to be alright, that the future is bright because you have learned lessons and grown through your pain.Over time, you will start to feel better and present yourself as a newer and better woman.

8.It's never too late to find yourself
Many of the friends around me have left the ranks of the single team. Many times, they seem to be very happy in the eyes of outsiders-they can be with the person they like.But only those who really understand know that they are not very happy in fact.A friend of mine once said to me that I don’t know what I’m after. Every day when I do something with my boyfriend, I have to fully consider whether the other party will like it. It seems that accommodating the other party has become a habit—I don’t know Who is the original self.

"Why do I look good, but I'm not happy or at ease?" She asked me puzzled.

I said you lost yourself.

When you think of women today, what do you think of?
Independent, strong, open-minded, or open?
It seems that the lives of our modern women are completely different from those of the past. We don't need to regard men as heaven, we can choose freely and live happily.However, it is not.

I have observed carefully and found that the vast majority of women usually make sacrifices for men after they fall in love with men or get married.Even highly educated women have a tendency, no matter how assertive and talented they are, to start losing parts of themselves once they're in a relationship with a man - including alone time, socializing with their own friends, opportunities to learn and grow ...

As the famous writer Eileen Chang said:

"When a woman falls in love with a man, she will become very low, very low, as low as the dust." The "dust" of modern women is to think what men think, to be what men need, and everything is centered on men.

Of course there is nothing wrong with falling in love with someone, and of course there is nothing wrong with being willing to do things for him. Love is all about giving, but everything in this world has a bottom line, and love is no exception.At any time, the protagonists in love are two independent individuals, and they should not lose themselves even when the love is deep.

Losing oneself, most of the time it will bring bad results in the end.

Xiao Tao is a proud woman. She was born beautiful and grew up loved by her family and friends.Smart and beautiful Xiao Tao certainly has no shortage of men's pursuits, but she never takes them seriously until her new boss Pengfei appears.With just one glance, Xiao Tao knew that Pengfei was her favorite.

This man, who is only 32 years old, has a firm and unruly face, calm eyes, and a calm smile. Behind his elegance is a kind of domineering, which makes him even more handsome.Standing by his side, you will be completely attracted by the strong masculinity and the charm of successful people exuding from him.On the stage, Pengfei was speaking forcefully to the employees.Under the stage, Xiao Tao looked at Pengfei, reluctant to take his eyes away a little.Fortunately, the younger sister has a lover who is interested, and the two stand together like a perfect couple. I don't know how many people are secretly envious and jealous.

With Pengfei, Xiaotao was indeed happy.However, her change also started from the moment she was with Pengfei.Pengfei likes women with long, straight hair, and Xiao Tao never changed his hair to other hairstyles.The women in the streets and alleys are all perming their curly hair, big and small, Xiao Tao is still the same, although he wants to try, but thinking about Pengfei, he endured his little wish.Pengfei likes women to dress up like a lady, so Xiao Tao's closet has become an exhibition of all kinds of western clothes.Pengfei didn't like women eating food stalls outside, so he walked across the street and looked at those tempting mutton skewers, stinky tofu, hot and sour noodles... Xiao Tao could only envy him.

Just like that, Little Tao became another person little by little, unconsciously.She has become Pengfei's ideal girlfriend, but this is not Xiaotao himself.

Xiaotao thought that in this way, she would be able to go on happily and achieve a positive result. When she was dreaming, she received a breakup notice from Pengfei. Pengfei fell in love with a woman with a completely different personality from her current self.Xiao Tao was very unconvinced and insisted that Pengfei give a reason, so Pengfei could only say, "I like people with a rebellious personality, and being with you is not challenging at all."

Xiao Tao was almost pissed off, because she was like that before!
Think about it, are there countless women like Xiaotao around us?Once they start dating a man, they lose part or all of themselves.As a result, he fell into his own city.

Dear sisters, when you read this far, you might as well ask yourself in your heart whether you have lost yourself after associating with men.The following questions will help you decide.If you fit at least three of these, you've lost part of yourself.

Once in a relationship, he will resist his job, often desert in class, think only about him, and even make mistakes at work.

In order to be with her boyfriend, she will find excuses to turn down her friends' dates.

He will give up his own interests for the sake of his boyfriend and turn to things he is interested in.

You have fewer and fewer friends, but you often accompany your boyfriend to his and his friends' parties.

In order to please her boyfriend, she will change herself, including the way she speaks, her makeup, her habits, etc.

The dependence is getting stronger and stronger, and I can't even make decisions by myself, and I have to ask my boyfriend about everything.

If you get the result you don’t want to see in the above test, don’t be discouraged, we still have ways to help you find yourself:

Step one, give up man-centered thinking

Cherish your man, but don't run circles around him.Investing in men is not as good as investing in yourself.Don't be a dodder, don't play the foolish game of vines wrapping around trees.To realize your own value.

Step [-]: Listen to your inner voice

Dr. Leonard Manrodino said: "Follow your inner voice, and you will truly appreciate the joy and meaning of life."

In real life, too many women pay too much attention to their lovers and children and ignore their own hearts, ignoring and suppressing their true wishes.They are swayed by some public opinions in the society, thinking that women should give up their needs for men and families, or they think that changing is a troublesome thing. They are used to this kind of life, and although they are dissatisfied, they are unwilling to change. So resist listening to the true voice of your heart.

If you don't understand your needs and hear your inner voice, how can you start to act?Only when you start to clearly capture your own feelings can you embark on the road of self-growth.Therefore, only by understanding your own needs can you invest in yourself correctly, add value to yourself, and grow yourself.

The third step is to save those fading dreams

As a woman, the last thing you should give up is your dream.It is definitely a sin to watch a beautiful dream quietly pass away. Having a dream is a lucky thing in itself. A woman's investment in her dream is always worthwhile.Even if it doesn't blossom and bear fruit in the end, it's better than letting it die quietly as the years go by.

The fourth step is to reserve your own time and place

Without the guarantee of time and space, you can neither listen to your true inner voice nor save your sweet dreams. Therefore, you must defend your own time and space, and leave an outlet for yourself no matter how busy you are.Don't feel guilty, and don't feel selfish. For women, investing in yourself is more important than anything else.

You have to know that once you lose your individuality, you will become a walking dead shell, and no one likes you.

(End of this chapter)