Calm women are the most elegant

Chapter 17 You think the world is cold, it's not because others bully you, it's because you are not considerate enough (1)
Don't say pessimistic words like the world is cold and people's hearts are not old, you have to know that it is affection for others to treat you well, and it is duty to treat you badly.You are not qualified to ask others to treat you well. In fact, there is no kindness in the world that is taken for granted.

The human heart is very cunning, and its cunning is reflected in:

Be pampered to yourself and harsh to others.

Think badly of others.

I like to analyze conclusions along my own thinking line.

So let go of your attachments and try to be as selfless as possible, so that the world will be brighter and your heart will be warmer.

1.How many times have you misunderstood someone
She is my best friend, for many years, we share the same fate, in the face of bad luck, regardless of each other.For a period of time last year, because many things were rushing together, the capital turnover was difficult, and I needed to borrow a sum of money to solve the urgent need.

She is the first friend I think of.But I was still too embarrassed to call and say it directly, because I was afraid that others would have difficulties and I was too embarrassed to refuse. Seeing that her QQ profile photo was lit up, I left a message for her.

I blushed and expressed embarrassment.And said some other words of greeting.

After half an hour, she didn't answer me.And never mention anything about borrowing money.

I was very hurt, and felt that this friend of more than ten years was so hypocritical, it didn't matter whether I borrowed it or not, why didn't I say anything?So I started to resent her.

A few days later, she learned about my difficulties from another friend, and asked me if I needed money.I told her about my unhappiness that day, and she apologized repeatedly and explained it to me in detail.It turned out that she was online on her mobile phone that day and was busy with work, so she didn't see my key text message to borrow money!
The truth is so simple, my resentment for those few days was really undeserved.

Because of this incident, my understanding of friendship and human relationship has deepened.

In fact, a lot of estrangement between good friends comes from misunderstanding.

I think of a story in "Lu Shi Chunqiu": Confucius traveled around the world, and because of the turmoil, the journey was difficult, and he ate wild vegetables for three meals. Everyone hadn't eaten a grain of rice for seven days.

One day, Yan Hui finally got some white rice to cook. When the rice was almost cooked, Confucius saw Yan Hui lift the lid of the pot and stuffed some white rice into his mouth. Confucius didn't see it when he was a fashionista, so he didn't ask him.

After the rice was cooked, Yan Hui invited Confucius to eat. Confucius pretended to be thoughtful and said: "I just dreamed that my ancestors came to see me. I want to sacrifice the clean rice that no one has eaten to ancestors first."

Yan Hui suddenly panicked and said, "No, I have already taken a bite of this pot of rice, so I can't sacrifice to my ancestors."

Confucius asked why.

Yan Hui blushed, and muttered, "When cooking rice just now, I accidentally dropped some ash in the pot. It's a pity to lose the ash-stained white rice, so I had to grab it and eat it first."

When Confucius heard this, he suddenly realized that he felt guilty for his wrong observation, and said apologetically, "I have the most trust in Yan Hui, but I still doubt him. It can be seen that our hearts are the most difficult to determine. Disciples, please write down this It's really not easy to understand a person!"

The so-called knowing people is difficult, knowing and cherishing each other is even more difficult.Every thing must be understood and discerned from various angles of up and down, left and right, and front and back. Our subjective understanding and observation are only one-thousandth of the truth, and judgments from a single angle cannot see all aspects!

When you want to draw a conclusion about a person, think about it:

Is what you see really true?
Or do you only observe a person from one side, one point?
Most people have already commented on the other party when they don't understand the other party's position and difficulties at all, especially when there is a conflict of interest.

Today's people have high education and high knowledge, but they often rely too much on high knowledge and forget to let themselves grow in wisdom.

Many people and things are not what we infer subjectively, and sometimes what we see with the naked eye is not necessarily true.So, don't jump to conclusions about people and things.Only by jumping out of stereotypes can we have a chance to get closer to the truth.

Even Confucius would be suspicious of his most trusted disciple, let alone us?
Don't we often have a certain impression of others because of what we "see and hear with our own eyes", and thus put a certain "label" on them?
Saint Kong can use wisdom right now to easily understand the truth and eliminate misunderstandings, but what about us?
How many people have been brooding or even holding grudges because of what they "saw with their own eyes"... The sad thing is that they may never know it all their lives.
When two people communicate, there are actually six people communicating: the you you think, the other you think, the real you; the him he thinks, the you he thinks, the real him.

How many misunderstandings do you think there will be, how many misunderstandings will arise?

You are always communicating with "the person you think" is, do you know what the "real person" thinks?
Are you aware of the real you again?What is your inner need?What are the needs of the other party?

How many times have you misunderstood your family, friends and colleagues?

Everyone knows that the friendship between Marx and Engels is like the friendship between Guan and Bao in the Spring and Autumn Period of China, but few people know that there was a misunderstanding between this pair of close comrades-in-arms.At that time, Engels' wife passed away, and he was very sad, so he wrote a letter to his good friend Marx to inform him of the incident.At that time, Marx was busy with theoretical research and did not attract attention, so he did not mention this matter in his reply.Engels, who was in the deep valley of grief for losing his beloved wife, longed for the comfort and understanding of his best friend, and Marx's neglect seriously hurt his heart.He became angry and stopped writing to Max for some time.Marx felt very puzzled, so he wrote to ask his old friend.It was only after Engels explained the situation that Marx realized his mistake and quickly wrote a letter to apologize.So the misunderstanding was eliminated, and the two reconciled as before, and continued to work hand in hand for the great cause of communism.

This enlightens us: misunderstanding can be eliminated, it depends on how we do it.

When being misunderstood, the initial mood is always very depressed and anxious. At this time, what is needed most is calmness, calmly think about the ins and outs of the problem, and think with a fair attitude. Don't easily deny others, don't easily Draw conclusions about things, let alone take impulsive actions, such as circumcision and personal attacks.It is necessary to empathize and consider the difficulties of others. Is there any unforeseen third-party reason or external interference?Only when the root cause is found can the right medicine be prescribed to ensure smooth communication.

"The bystander is clear".When insiders think about problems, it is inevitable that they see things one-sidedly and vaguely.Whether you misunderstand or are misunderstood, you can talk to your close friends, listen to their opinions and opinions, calmly analyze and adopt your friends' suggestions reasonably.

If you have misunderstood someone, there are several ways to resolve the misunderstanding.First of all, you must have a broad mind, know how to understand and tolerate others' contempt and harshness. Tolerance is a manifestation of self-confidence; Talk, remove the gap, or write a note to explain; if you are misunderstood by your relatives, give them more care and love; Prove yourself with practical actions, persevere, misunderstandings will naturally disappear, and everyone will still understand and trust you.

2.Think of the world as a better place, life will be much easier

How do we usually protect our bodies?
If you are sick, treat the disease, if you have a trauma, put a band-aid on it to relieve pain and stop bleeding.

This is not the best way to take care of the body. The best way is to take preventive care at ordinary times. Ancient medical books say that "a good doctor cures the disease", which is to prevent and treat the disease in advance when it does not appear on the body.

The same is true for protecting the mind. The most meaningful thing we can do to protect the mind should not be to put a Band-Aid on it after it is injured. It should be protected in advance, just like a mechanic maintains his mechanical equipment.The best mental defense is to think warmer about the world and better about others.Not for anything else, just to warm the heart. When the heart is warmed, there is no panic or boredom, so the spirit is also happy, and the body is healthy.

When I was in college, our dormitory was an ordinary university dormitory with four rooms.Four girls, four different styles, bumps and bumps are unavoidable.What I want to talk about today is what happened at that time.

She and I have two completely different personalities. In the words of other roommates: "You and her are like the South Pole and the North Pole. One pursues the spirit and the other pursues the material. Both of them have the kind of character that refuses to admit defeat." Yes , in my opinion, in the eyes of most people, we are not compatible.It was true that I didn't speak a word to her for a while.She can't understand my sour writing and fake jealousy, and I can't understand her treating boys like monkeys all day long.

In fact, I have always wanted to improve my relationship with her, because we are in the same dormitory, and we can’t see each other when we look up, and it’s too uncomfortable not to talk, and it’s very inconvenient to live.And if the two of us don't speak, others feel very awkward.Once, with the encouragement of my roommate, I finally let go of my airs and took the initiative to strike up a conversation with her, but she looked indifferent, and her tone was very bad. I felt her hostility and rejection, and I hated her even more. I think : Why do you treat me like this!What's so great about you?

As a result, our relationship became even worse. I felt that this dormitory was very annoying, and it was even more annoying to see other students talking to her. I felt that talking to her was to isolate me and make me an enemy. I simply ignored them.I hate living in that dormitory, and I even hate being classmates with them.I even came up with the idea of ​​changing dormitories and changing departments, but of course it didn't work out.

After a series of extreme moves, I was very frustrated.I was alone in the dormitory, I didn't talk to them, and they didn't talk to me.When they were in the dormitory, I ran out to press the road, and when I was in the dormitory, they went out together.You can imagine how difficult it was.

At that time, computers were just becoming popular, so I made friends with computers and learned basic programs.Once, when I was typing, I suddenly thought: I have always said that I can’t communicate with people, I can’t speak, I don’t know how to express my feelings, so what about her, does she not know what words to use to answer? And me?Are you as stupid as me?Also, always acting too obsequiously because I want to get close to her is not the real me.In order to live a little more comfortably, I want to try again.

The next night, when we were the only ones left in the dormitory, I tentatively whispered to her, with admiration in my eyes, and she responded naturally, without refusing to be with her. hostility.She said, in fact, we two are quite right-tempered, and I also like your personality.We became best friends and are still like sisters to this day.

After the reconciliation, the dormitory is no longer like the original ice hole, on the contrary, it is more like a sunny garden.

If I don't change the way I look at my roommates and the world, I can't imagine how gloomy my life will be in my four years of college!
We should think of the world better, think of others more simply, and always be grateful for the little things, remember the good of others and forget their bad.It's none of your business because they don't need to know what you're thinking.Doing so just makes you happier.If you think too badly of others and the world is too dangerous, then your heart will be clouded with clouds every day, and your life will not be clear.In life, everyone bears their own costs and constraints, and everyone has their own difficulties and imperfections. When you learn to forgive and be optimistic, the world will be more brilliant because of you.

Even if, as you think, other people are bad people, that's a bad thing, you can't change the situation at all, it will only make your heart hurt more.It's better to be grateful, be optimistic and positive, love bravely, seize every moment of light, and enjoy the beauty of life.

3.Be a kind woman, warm yourself first
When it comes to kindness, our first reaction is to be kind to others, and others are the main beneficiaries.But in fact, kindness benefits oneself first.Kind thoughts, beautiful our face, dignified our life.

During the Spring Festival, I went back to my hometown to visit relatives, and saw old classmates and friends whom I hadn’t seen for many years.After the joy of reunion, I found that the faces of these familiar friends have changed. This change not only refers to wrinkles on the face, but more importantly, their respective psyches are also quietly written in the face, changing their appearance.

The formerly cheerful one now has a lively and moist face; the formerly stubborn one now has a stubborn and tightened face;Among the classmates, the most gentle and amiable Wang Xiaoli, whom we called "Jasmine", was not very good-looking when she was in school. When I met her this time, she became so kind and beautiful.

Could it be that we can change our own face?
I asked many people and checked a lot of information, and the answer is: yes.

Human appearance is plastic, we can use our thoughts and behaviors to change our appearance.

A friend of US President Lincoln once recommended someone to him, but Lincoln didn't use him after meeting him.A friend came to ask why, and Lincoln said, "I don't like his looks."

The friend said: "How can you judge a person by his appearance? This is too harsh. He can't be responsible for his natural face."

Lincoln replied, "No, a man is responsible for his own face after the age of 30."

This is true. Our ancestors said that "a person's appearance is determined by the heart", and they believed that a person's appearance is determined by the heart, telling us to be responsible for our own face.Modern people say that their appearance "depends on their parents before the age of 30, and depends on themselves after the age of 30", which is the same reason.

Therefore, a kind heart makes a person beautiful, and a good character brings a beautiful appearance, you don't have to doubt it?
In the process of growing up, the things you have done, the words you have said, and the moving parts will be stored in your heart, and the accumulation of bits and pieces will gradually change your eyebrows, eyes, nose and mouth, and slowly make you look amiable , touching and beautiful light.

Nature is such a wonderful thing. Everything we have done has not gone with the wind. It sneaks into our hearts and turns into a knife. It engraves marks on our faces during the day and night, making the true beauty permanent. .

So, why from the face of a child, you see the same innocence, but from the face of an aging, you can read beauty, elegance, resentment or sadness.Our face is actually a mirror of our soul.

It is said that the Empress Dowager Cixi paid the most attention to facial care, and did not hesitate to pay for her beauty. However, judging from the portraits and photos left by her, her face is full of fierceness. Not only is she not beautiful, but she is really scary.

When we look at the photos of Grandma Soong Ching Ling, we see nobility, elegance, amiability, and respectability. Even at the age of 80, the impression she leaves on people is still radiant, because her heart is fragrant and noble.

True beauty comes from the depths of the soul, and it is synonymous with goodness.This kind of beauty will be warm and lasting, no matter you are 18 years old or 80 years old, you are equally charming.

Go downtown one day.As soon as I got on the subway, I heard someone ask me: "Are you going into the city?" I hurriedly turned my head and saw a handsome short-haired woman about 50 years old in a beige trench coat, sitting in the middle of the car and talking to me with a smile.I immediately replied with a smile: "Yes. Are you going to the city too?" She said yes, and she is now working at China World Trade Center.As I answered, I walked to the empty seat behind and sat down.

After sitting down, I tried hard to remember who this woman was, but I couldn't remember who she was after searching all over my memory bank.Could it be that I am forgetful? !I was embarrassed and smiled a little self-deprecatingly.I kept thinking about who she was: from the insurance company?Or do promotional sales?Or a clerk in a certain brand of clothing store? ...I finally got confused and still can't think of it.Simply I don't want to.

(End of this chapter)