Calm women are the most elegant

Chapter 20 In the face of love, how to avoid chaos (1)
Love is an indispensable theme in a woman's life.The element of love flows in the blood of every woman, and the emotions generated by loving or being loved affect life. When there is love, it is happy and sweet, and when it is lost, the world will collapse.

In fact, love comes and goes, you might as well take it calmly.Don't force, don't panic, and don't be sad, so that you won't be hurt or trapped in love.

1.There is no man in the world worth your life
I have always felt that the dross of Chinese-style marriage culture is that marriage is regarded as a lifelong event.Once something is tied to "a lifetime", it is very scary.

In fact, except that living happily is a lifelong event, all other matters are trivial matters of three dollars and fifty cents.Including things like falling in love, at best, they are important things, things that you need to do seriously.If you take love too seriously and regard men as the whole of your life, you are participating in the most dangerous bet in your life.

If a woman is too infatuated, she will die.This has always been the case.

In "The Story of the West Chamber", Cui Yingying married Zhang Sheng desperately, and after seeing off at Changting, she only ended up in the situation of "stopping her wife and remarrying" and "no news of fish and geese in one spring".But Zhang Sheng still has plausible words for abandoning Yingying: Yingying is a rare beauty-"stranger".This kind of "stunning thing" "does not demonize itself, but will demonize others" and "remaining virtue is not enough to defeat evildoers", so "forbearance" abandons it.You can see that Zhang Sheng dumps people so grandiosely.

"The Palace of Eternal Life" originated from the story of Tang Minghuang and Yang Guifei. Bai Juyi expressed the vigorous love between the two in the form of long poems. "In the sky, I wish to be a lovebird, and in the earth, I wish to be a Lianli branch. The sky will last forever, and this hatred will last forever." Regardless of whether Yang Yuhuan really died in Maweipo or not, Tang Minghuang's final choice was very unreasonable.

Perhaps the most touching thing in "A Dream of Red Mansions" is the love story between Baoyu and Sister Lin.Daiyu said, "What if I die tomorrow?" Baoyu replied, "When you die, I will become a monk." But one day Daiyu really passed away, so what happened to Baoyu?Immediately marry Baochai as his wife!
Let's talk about Wang Baochuan, who has been guarding the cold kiln for 18 years.

For 18 years, there has been no wave in the ancient well, and she has made a new appearance for the martyr Zhenyuan.

The thousand-year-old cold kiln faces the sun, looking at the flowing water of the Qujiang River here, I want to see Bing Xin.

I don't want Xue Pinggui to send troops back and have to test again and again.

Wang Baochuan finally walked out of the cold kiln and was brought into the mansion by Xue Pinggui.At this time, Xue Pinggui already had two wives, Wang Baochuan and Zhu Xiechunhua. Regardless of their size, Xue Pinggui was on an equal footing and got along very harmoniously.After 18 years of longing, Wang Baochuan finally had a happy family.After Wang Baochuan reunited with her husband, only 18 days of prosperity and wealth passed, and the daughter of the prime minister of the court passed away.

In Zhang Henshui's "The Family of Gold Fans", the Seventh Young Master was really enviable when he chased Qingqiu, and the ending was expected.But when he confessed his love to Xiuzhu, he had already forgotten his miserable wife Qingqiu!

Qin Xianglian was full of sorrow and grievances and was ignored, so she had to hold "press conferences" everywhere to expose all kinds of bad deeds of her ex-husband Chen Shimei; Xiao Yu died; in "A Streetcar Named Desire", Blanche, a half-mature girl, was foolish and crazy, and was finally sent to a mental hospital ruthlessly by a cold-blooded man; The two young masters both died in love, who would have thought that he would become a ghost, but the sweetheart was greedy for life and afraid of death, so he survived...

So, you can love a man, but don't lose all of yourself.There is no man in the world that is worth your life to please, even your own wealth and life.

You really can't blame men for being playful, because men and women are not animals, and men and women are very different in love psychology.

Specifically: Men are sexual animals, women are emotional animals.Most men are sex before love, while most women are love before sex; manifested in love, that is, men tend to establish a physical relationship with women enthusiastically and quickly, while women tend to blindly and quickly invest all their emotions ;Once an extramarital affair occurs, men's affairs are mostly driven by sex, but women's affairs are mainly based on emotional needs.

Women's career in life is love. Without love, they will feel that they have no marriage, family and even life.But a man's love is always the most beautiful embellishment in his life, because men are wild animals in nature and always put their career first. Many men will give up their love for their careers. At this time, the one who gets hurt is often the idiot woman... Zhuo Wen The king is to Sima Xiangru, Huo Xiaoyu is to Li Yi, Xue Tao is to Yuan Zhen, and the love tragedies of infatuated women and heartbroken men have always been staged non-stop throughout the ages.It is said that men are mud and women are water. In front of the beach of men, women always involuntarily turn into an unstoppable giant wave, rushing over eagerly, even if they are crushed to pieces in the end, they are obsessed with no regrets.However, some men are "UFOs", and you will never be able to grasp his trajectory and direction!If it is said that women's expectations of men have risen faster than prices, then men's feelings for women have changed faster than the stock market.

No matter how the vicissitudes of life change, how time goes by, feelings are always a threshold that women cannot cross. Women are made of water, and women are always clean and transparent emotionally. If a man is made of mud, the water will be polluted, but the mud will not be bleached by water.Therefore, most women have "cleanliness" emotionally and do not allow a clean relationship to be tarnished.In the emotional contest, women are always the injured prey, not the ruthless shooter.Infatuation may not be a sin, but excessive infatuation can become a kind of self-abuse.Those philandering men are destined to be women's drugs, and they will become addicted if they get involved.In this sense, whether it is Qin Xianglian, Du Shiniang, Ruhua, or Blanche, their love tragedies lie in the fact that they are easily infected with the poison of a man with a heart, and they are deeply trapped and unable to control themselves.

Whether it is traditional novels or real life, we often see some infatuated women are like bound feet, enduring pain, binding themselves in a narrow love, and will never change or regret it for a lifetime.Have you ever thought about it, your humility and constant begging and complaining will only make that man farther and farther away from you, and make you lose yourself and your dignity.A man is such a kind of person, the more noble you are, the more he cares, the harder you are to reach him, the more desperate you are, but if you lower your noble head, he will dismiss you.

Dignity is the inner face of a woman. If a woman loses her dignity, she has no soul. If she clings to a relationship without self-esteem, she is destined to be abandoned by men;

Therefore, women really shouldn't be too infatuated, and entrust themselves to themselves, so that it is reliable.

2.Smart women don't take too much initiative in love
Don't blame me for being old-fashioned, I don't recommend girls to actively pursue boys, of course I don't object to appropriate ambiguity.

Now, many fierce little beauties are very active. They feel that love is to be fought hard, or they will be snatched away by the little partner who makes the first move, so they rush to chase and beat the boys.Just a few days ago, my colleague Ms. Zhang told me that her handsome son in high school was "robbed" by two little girls. It was said that her son was on his way home when he was suddenly raped by two strange girls from the same school and different classes. Intercepted, they asked him savagely: "Do you have a girlfriend?"

The boy replied, "No."

The girl asked: "Then can I be your girlfriend?"

The boy was afraid, and said tremblingly: "I actually still have a girlfriend."

The girl didn't give up, and continued to ask: "Am I not as beautiful as your girlfriend?"

……

Later I asked Sister Zhang: "Does your son really have a girlfriend?" Sister Zhang said that her son had a girl he liked.I asked what kind of girl that was, and Sister Zhang said that her son told her that she still likes shy and quiet girls.

There are two aspects of this gossip that surprised me.[-]. Now the little girl is really fierce.[-]. I didn't expect that after so many years, boys still like shy and restrained girls.

In fact, this is not surprising, the vast majority of men do not care about active women, this is determined by the nature of animals, they do not like to be treated as prey, because they are born to be hunters.That is to say, they do not like passive conquest, but like active pursuit.

[-]. Whoever is tempted first will lose everything
Whoever is tempted first will lose everything!In the field of love, I think this is a wise saying.

I am not a traditional woman, but I think women should be pursued and loved. I still like those classic plots: men put flowers and thrushes on women, love each other, and are romantic.In addition to being more in line with women's nature, it is also easy to make men feel conquered.If it's the other way around, then the man will run away, run away, run away, and never come back, because men don't like being dominated by a woman.

No matter how the world changes, men always like to conquer, conquer the world, conquer women.

Women also like men who somehow conquer the world.A man with a desire to conquer will be more masculine.When the TV series "Red Sorghum" was on the air, many sultry girls in the WeChat circle chatted with me: "I really want to be slept by Yu Zhanao." They said and sent me a shy expression.I quite understand this.In the field of love, I also like to be a little woman, only romance and romance are taken seriously.In front of the man I love, I would like to be a rose tamed by him.Like Zhang Ailing in front of Hu Lancheng, she would say that she became very low.Maybe that's more gender specific.

Hundreds of years ago, the scene of men in Europe standing downstairs with their beloved women, playing guitar and singing love songs under the moonlight will always fascinate me.The men at that time knew how to pity the fragrance and cherish the jade, how good to understand the style, so I always regret that I was born in the wrong age.But the current situation is that women are getting stronger, more active, less reserved, and their hearts are becoming rougher.Those cute bad women always come and sing "When I see a good boy, I will chase after it", constantly attacking men.They may not know that they are destroying those beautiful gender traits, causing more and more resentful women in this world.

[-]. Teach you not to be a resentful woman
Nowadays, it is a rare virtue for men to know how to be sympathetic to women, and this phenomenon is related to those women who take the initiative.There are bad roots in a man's nature, and the more difficult the bone is, the more interested he is. The best and most effective way to hold them is to keep him close to you, so that he will never be sure about you.Saying this, I seem to be suspected of instigating, as if I am some kind of veteran. In fact, it has almost become an axiom now, and every woman understands it, but it may not be able to do it in the end.

Women are all love animals, the only difference is whether they are good at management.The song "So You Don't Want Anything" by Zhang Huimei, men and women feel like their own voices when they listen to it, and the phrase "I just want to keep wanting until you want to escape" is simply a description of those active women. end.And when a man takes the initiative, as long as he is not too annoying, he will always move the woman and eventually cannot escape the love network he wove.There seems to be another saying, that is, men cannot be favored, but women should be favored by nature.

The love scene is like this, like in Zhang Yu's song, "It's only when the love goes deep that it's up to him".The Buddha also said that without love, there is no ignorance, no worry, no fear.If you love too much, you will inevitably worry about gains and losses.Instigated by my implicitism, my very active best friend has also changed her view of love. She humorously changed Gu Long's words, and she said: "It doesn't matter if you are tempted. It is actually quite beautiful to be tempted. The key is not to do it first." , Whoever strikes first will lose everything."

Now it seems that the time has come for women to "stop". Many things have proved that when women stop for a while, men will rush up instead.

3.Compassionate love, do not hurt each other in the name of love

Love is an eternal topic, but not many people really understand its connotation.Many lovers are hurting each other in the name of love.

In the summer of 1932, Xiao Hong and Xiao Jun met and fell in love, becoming a couple in the literary world who "envy only mandarin ducks but not immortals".

They lived together in the precarious and chaotic world, and spent six years of happiness. Every day, Xiao Jun left Xiao Hong alone in the hotel, and went out to find a job by himself in order to earn living expenses for the two of them.When he was lucky, Xiao Jun was able to earn steamed buns and pancakes, and the two devoured them hungrily.However, there were also many times when Xiao Jun went out for a whole day and didn't find a job, and didn't earn any money back, so they had no money to eat, and they could only hug each other and sleep hungry.Although the life is difficult, the two people are happy in their hearts. Xiao Hong once wrote in the article: "On the road of life, there is finally a period of time, beside my footsteps, I also step on his footsteps!" Those years were the happiest years in Xiao Hong's life.

It stands to reason that such a loving couple should "hold hands and grow old together", but contradictions and conflicts still occurred.

In terms of family relationships, they all want to express their individuality. One has a strong female self-esteem and a sensitive and inferior heart;They are both too strong, and they are unwilling to make concessions for each other.

So, Xiao Hong went to Japan alone, and she wrote to Xiao Jun, saying: "You are the one who really knows me and loves me in this world, and because of this, you are also the source of my own pain, and also the source of your pain. But we can't allow the pain to bite us permanently, so we have to seek various solutions." Although she was hurt, she still thought about Xiao Jun's life: "Now I will tell you something. After you see it, you must write in your reply letter that you must buy a soft pillow for the first time, and buy it after reading my letter! Hard pillows make your brain nerves very bad. If you don’t buy it, please write to me and let me know. Buy two from here and send them to you, they are not expensive and they are very soft. The second you need to buy a woolen blanket that is used as a quilt, like the one I brought, but it should be thicker If you are too lazy to buy, write to me and send it for you. Also, don’t forget not to eat at night.”

On the day of parting, Xiao Jun was also full of nostalgia for Xiao Hong. He wrote in a letter to Xiao Hong: "The flower pot was watered every day after you left, but recently it has been forgotten for two days, and it has become haggard. .I watered it again today, and now it is placed on the small cabinet by the door to bask in the sun. There is nothing to think about in the small house, but once you leave, you feel precious.”

It's not that they don't love each other, but they love each other very much. Maybe it's because they love each other too much that sensitive and fragile hearts are more likely to be hurt.In the end, the two broke up resolutely, and Xiao Hong left for Hong Kong, and died in Hong Kong at the age of 31.At the last moment, she said: "I love Xiao Jun, and I still love him today! We have struggled together in adversity. He is a very good writer, but being his wife is a painful thing!"

Why do two people who love each other always hurt each other?Perhaps, this also corresponds to the sentence in the movie "Men and Men in Dangerous Love": "We, in the name of love, hurt love!"

The most meaningful relationship is never to be the rope of each other to torture each other in the name of love, but to accompany each other and become the sunshine of each other.

As someone said: Love is like dancing, the important thing is not to keep up with the beat of the music, but the tacit rhythm between two people.

(End of this chapter)