Calm women are the most elegant

Chapter 23
Even after marriage, a calm woman can relax and relax freely.Their calmness may be the faint blush on their cheeks after drinking a glass of red wine; maybe it's the faint smile when they turn around when they are busy in the kitchen; The faint charm of motherhood; maybe it is the slight care in the eyes of others.

She has the love of a mother, the virtuousness of a wife, the filial piety of a daughter-in-law, and she abides by the way of a woman. The intoxicating fragrance is refreshing and intoxicating... In short, they are agile and mysterious.She makes men dream about her and makes women envy her.

1.A calm woman will not try to change a man, because no one can change anyone
Married men should feel this way. Most women don't make such demands when they are in love, and they are willing to change some problems for women.But after marriage, women are different. Men who are always trying to reform themselves are always preaching. It seems that men can't do this, and they can't do that.At this time, the woman is like a teacher.Some people say: "A good wife is a man's school"; others say: "A good man is trained by a woman, and a woman is a teacher." Looking back now, these words not only hurt men, but also mislead women .

As we all know, marriage is the result of the management of both parties, the crystallization of love, not the result of the transformation of the two parties, let alone the reason for the transformation.But the way for husband and wife to get along is not to transform each other, but to understand and tolerate.Knowing that marriage is cumbersome, no matter a man or a woman, it is understandable to want to transform each other, but we must pay attention to methods and methods, and more importantly, we must learn to adapt to each other and appreciate each other's strengths instead of just staring at each other's shortcomings endlessly up.To learn to look at the problem from another angle, maybe everything will not be a problem.Otherwise, the more times women transform men, the more men lie.

Don't think I'm scaring you.Do you still remember former US President Clinton?He used the "zipper door incident" with intern Monica Lewinsky in the White House to repay the "teacher" who made him the president's wife Hillary.Later, in a speech given by a women's organization, Hillary expressed emotion: "Women must not try to transform men, and your efforts are likely to be picked up by other women." I don't know if women feel the same after watching it?It is a whimsical act for a woman to transform a man's thinking. It is somewhat futile to transform a man, because your efforts are likely to be picked up by other women.You must understand that the more a woman wants to transform a man, the more the man will rebel.

Calm women will not do this. They regard men as their other half, the other half who can blend, communicate and have differences.They never try to change anyone, because they know very well that the character and disposition in a man's bones cannot be changed easily.Therefore, they quietly become kite-flying women, treat men as kites in their hands, and hold on to the string of the kite without pulling it too tightly. When the kite flies around without knowing the direction, they will take the string in their hands in time , just let the kite at the other end know the direction to fly.

In such a marriage structure, the man is in their hands, but not in their hands. This is the master of marriage management.You have to know that trying to change others is the beginning of tragedy.

Why do you say that, "The country is easy to change, but the nature is hard to change", it is painful to want to change one's nature, the person who changes is painful, and the person who is changed is even more painful.Wanting to change a mouse into a cat, a cat into a dog, a dog into a human, and someone else into another self are all difficult and painful, and they are all going against the sky.

Let me ask those who have been or are currently husbands and wives in the world, have you changed them?The more you try to change each other, the worse the relationship between husband and wife will be, isn't it?
Furthermore, women's intentions to transform men are not so straightforward.Many times when a woman transforms a man, it is not that the man really has so many shortcomings, but that the woman is too selfish, and the standard of her transformation is herself.What she doesn't like, she feels that it shouldn't appear on her man, and everything must conform to her own norms, and men are not allowed to go overboard.In their eyes, doing what she asks means loving her, and failing to do what she asks is tantamount to "rebelling".To put it bluntly, this kind of transformation of a woman to a man is nothing more than changing the other's habits to adapt to her own way of life.This in itself is inhumane.

I bet that even if a man changed all the flaws that a woman thinks, a woman can still find new flaws, because as people grow older, their mentality changes and their requirements are different.

Besides, is the man who has been changed beyond recognition still the one you liked at the beginning?In other words, the man you are looking for really has so many faults and shortcomings, why did you choose him in the first place?The reason is probably that many women always have a deep-rooted bad habit: they want men to obey themselves.I don't know if it's because of overconfidence or overbearing.In fact, some women discover many faults and shortcomings of men before marriage, thinking in their hearts that they will improve after marriage, but this is purely wishful thinking.You know, a good woman can make a good man, but a good man must not be transformed by a woman, but how much a man loves a woman, how much he changes.

Therefore, I would like to say to those women who are trying to transform men, for the sake of marriage and family, as long as the man does not make a principled mistake, it is better to turn a blind eye and close one's eyes and let nature take its course.Husband and wife should give each other a little more space, be more tolerant, and be more understanding when getting along.To be exact, neither man nor woman needs to deliberately transform each other in a real marriage.Instead of spending your time doing this thankless thing, you should cultivate yourself well and let men work hard to improve themselves because of your excellence.If there is something that must be changed for each other in marriage, it is at the grassroots level of marital responsibility, in the relationship of true love between husband and wife, the heart of mutual tolerance and love.

2.Make the home environment more comfortable and warm

A calm woman loves her family and her life.They will build their home into a quiet haven, a happy castle, no matter whether their home is a bungalow or a building, no matter whether it is rented or bought, no matter whether the living conditions are simple or luxurious, as long as she is there, they will definitely make people happy. The home is kept clean, tidy, warm and comfortable.When a man returns here, his body is relaxed, his mind is soothed, and he feels comfortable.This home makes men attached, nostalgic, and reluctant.Such a woman belongs to Vanves, and such a home is warm.

A sloppy woman can't do that.Although these women have easy jobs and are even full-time wives, they don't care about home furnishing, and they don't even have the awareness of home furnishing.Their homes are often like this: messy, things are piled up everywhere, there are many strands of hair on the floor, there is always a lot of dust on the partitions, there are one piece of towel in the bathroom, the quilt is never folded, and the kitchen sink is piled with yesterday's used clothes. The old dishes and the clothes in the closet are crumpled together...

How would a man feel in such a home?He originally wanted to go home and enjoy the comfort and tranquility in his own home, but the messy furniture and items made him feel that his body was still in a tense state.Not only did he feel like he wasn't getting any rest, but he'd be distraught because it was still such a mess with a woman in the house.

Lin Xiaojian was late for work again, he looked sluggish, as if he hadn't woken up yet.My colleague Xiao Zhang jokingly asked: "Did you do something bad last night? You are so listless!"

It was originally a joke, but Lin Xiaojian was full of anger, and because he didn't sleep well, there was no way to suppress the unexplained anger, so he stared at Xiao Zhang: "You are young, you care about this What are you doing? Go and do your work."

Although he is said to be a subordinate, he usually does not feel that the manager is so unreasonable. He even got angry when he made a joke, and Xiao Zhang felt aggrieved.

At this time, the leader asked Xiao Zhang to copy a copy of the contract. When he came back, he asked Xiao Zhang to call Manager Lin over to discuss matters.Xiao Zhang was annoyed that Manager Lin was angry with him, so he squatted in the toilet for a long time before coming out, and then lazily said to Lin Xiaojian: "Manager Lin, the boss told you to go to his office!"

As soon as Lin Xiaojian heard that he didn't dare to be negligent, the leader told him that he must have important arrangements, so he hurried into the leader's office.The leader is waiting impatiently, wondering what's important, even if I ask you to come over, it's been delayed for a long time?
Looking up, he saw Lin Xiaojian coming in, with a tired face and sleepy eyes, and the leader became angry: "I've been calling you for a long time, why did you come here? Your business is more important than mine! Look at your The publicity plan made last month..." Although the leader was discussing things, he kept using a reproachful tone.

Back in his seat, Lin Xiaojian felt even more bored.He spent the whole night last night cleaning up the house.Storing idle items, cleaning the greasy stove, scrubbing the floor full of dust and stains... He held his breath until 01:30 in the morning before taking a shower and going to bed.But my wife thinks he disturbs people's rest in the middle of the night.

"If you could clean up the house, I would be so diligent and stay up late at night!" Lin Xiaojian fell asleep on the bed angrily, and suffered from insomnia for a long time.When I wake up in the morning, of course I don’t have the energy!

After get off work, Lin Xiaojian had no desire to go home. Although the house had been cleaned up, his feeling of not wanting to go home came back.Maybe there is no reason, but I just don't want to go back, Lin Xiaojian thought, looking through his phone book carefully to see which buddy could come out for a drink at night.At the same time, he was still thinking about how to make up a lie, telling his wife that he had something to do and that he would not go home for dinner at night.

Because Lin Xiaojian's wife is lazy and sloppy and not good at cleaning the house, Lin Xiaojian felt that his home was in a mess, so he impulsively cleaned the house there in the middle of the night, and finally delayed going to bed, and the next day he was in a bad mood.This is the negative effect of not having a comfortable home on a man.

What we see on Lin Xiaojian's fitness is just a small problem. In fact, the point is not that he was annoyed for a while and had an unpleasant relationship with his colleagues, nor that the leader was dissatisfied with his late arrival at the office, but that Lin Xiaojian disappointment with his wife.This kind of disappointment is not for a moment, but due to the long-term dissatisfaction with the comfort of home, which has accumulated in the heart.But Lin Xiaojian couldn't rationally recognize the source of his disappointment, so he just chose a way to escape and find friends to drink.However, it is precisely because of this irrationality that the relationship between husband and wife faces more confusion and danger.

A calm woman will not let her husband down because she did not build a warm and comfortable home for her husband.

There is such a joke that there is a man who is always sloppy, and one day his boss talks to him, and the conversation is specifically about his appearance.This boss said: "Seeing that you are so poorly dressed every day, I will give you a suggestion. If you are not married, I suggest you get married as soon as possible; if you are married, I suggest you get divorced as soon as possible."

From this joke, we should understand one thing, the sloppyness of men and the sloppyness of their homes, how much influence they have on men.A calm woman will try to create a comfortable home. Because of comfort, men can relax their tired body and mind; because of comfort, men and women will feel comfortable together; because of comfort, men will be attached to the warmth of home.

Turning a house into a home is actually not difficult. As long as you build your own home with your heart and spend a little time cleaning, tidying and decorating, your home will be full of warmth and love.

The most important thing a home needs is cleanliness.Therefore, to create a comfortable home for your family, you must first keep your home clean.It doesn't take long to wipe the tabletop and floor with a rag for different purposes.There are also plenty of scrubbing aids that will allow you to complete house cleaning tasks in less time.

On the basis of keeping it clean, you can spend some more thought to make the home environment warmer, such as changing the sofa cover of a different style for the fabric sofa, tidying up a tea room for men, covering the air conditioner with a layer of dustproof cloth, Stick a freezer magnet on the fridge.Even changing to a beautiful and high-tech trash can will add a lot of color to the home and make the mood instantly better.

3.After marriage, be a good housewife who is strong but not overbearing
After marriage, do you want to be a strong woman?Many strong women who are not satisfied with ordinary life have consulted me in this way.

I tell them, be a strong woman, but don't be a strong woman.

What is a "powerful woman"?What I mean by strength is more character than career.These women may not have done a great job in their careers, and they may not have any real skills, but they have a strong temper and a strong momentum. They especially like to say what they say at home, and they especially like others to obey her, showing overwhelming energy everywhere.I call this kind of woman who likes to be the "queen" at home a strong woman.

Powerful women refer more to ability and self-cultivation than achievement.Strong women are mature in mind, relying on themselves and not attached to anyone. What men read in them is strong self-confidence and a sense of mystery that is inaccessible to a certain extent.

Many strong women are strong "iron ladies" at work, and become "little women" with a strong heart when they return home, and their married lives are very happy.

In terms of attractiveness index, the attractiveness index of strong women is much higher than that of strong women.The more powerful a woman is, the easier it is for a man to submit willingly.And strong women are not only their own masters, but also men's masters. They like to be condescending, and they are used to a leadership style that is unambiguous. .In the end, most of the husbands were either mentally impotent or simply left.

I once saw on a program that a university professor actually found a small nanny who worked part-time at their home as a lover. He said that cheating was because he couldn't stand his wife's overpowering.Although his wife has a high degree of education, a high income, and is an executive of a state-owned enterprise, she always bosses her around at home, which completely discredits him as a man.

If a family is compared to a hospital, the husband is a doctor, and the wife is preferably a nurse; if a family is regarded as a volleyball team, the husband is the main attacker, and the wife is the setter; In the government, the husband is undoubtedly the head of the government, and the wife is the chief of staff. Of course, a smart woman will also serve as the foreign minister.

There is a joke that everyone must have heard: On the highway, the car of the Clintons broke down.At this time, a worker at a gas station came forward, and Hillary whispered in a whisper: "My dear, he is my first love." Clinton smiled triumphantly: "It's a good thing you didn't marry him, otherwise you wouldn't be able to become the first love." I'm a wife." Hillary replied calmly: "No, if I had married him back then, he would have been the president of the United States." From the outside, this joke seems to explain such a truth: smart women should be good at helping men, they Plays an integral role in a man's path to success.

If the husband is Liu Bei, Li Shimin, or Zhu Yuanzhang, and the wife is Zhuge Liang, Wei Zheng, or Liu Bowen, the woman who stands behind the man to make suggestions and give advice is the real smart woman.On the contrary, if women want to be Cao Cao and turn their husbands into Han Xiandi, then the family is not far from disintegration. Self-respecting men don’t like their wives to take over the power on their behalf, and they can’t accept sitting at home all day to dictate and domineering Empress Dowager.

Maybe some people will disagree and think that my view is too patriarchal. Why should a man be a doctor and a woman should be a nurse?Can't women and men be equals and go hand in hand?

(End of this chapter)