Before My Withering

Qi Shu and I, perhaps, also had good times.

He wasn’t as temperamental as he was now before. Although he’d usually be indifferent, he’d occasionally be gentle to me. 

We hugged, kissed, exchanged body heat on countless nights, and did everything lovers would do, except whisper loving words.

The first time he’d made a move on me was two years ago, and I still don’t know what part of that plate of cut-up fruits had pissed him off. He swept the plate to the floor and then pushed me down hard, the shards of glass on the ground cut numerous deep and shallow slashes on my body. He tore my clothes as the smell of blood permeated.

The tiny glass residue embedded in my flesh and blood. Afterwards, Qi Shu called his family doctor to treat my wound. I’d been under so much pain and couldn’t stop crying, while he watched coldly from the sidelines,  completely indifferent.

After that event, he seemed to start becoming obsessed with the taste of blood, and with the thrill of abuse. 

I used to be so afraid of pain, but now I could endure his abuse without uttering a word.

Humans were really cheap animals.

Zhou Chen quickly arranged the surgery for me. Before entering the operating room, he put a large bouquet of white roses on my bedside and told me, “You know, a poet once said, 'a rose is a rose, no matter the fragrance'.”

A question had lingered in my mind for a long time, so I couldn’t help asking, “Why are you helping me like this?”

During this period, Zhou Chen had accompanied me everyday in the hospital room. Technically, I wasn’t even considered a patient of his, so he didn’t have to do that.

“Because…” He drew a flower, put it under the tip of his nose and sniffed it. He then raised his eyes and gave me a slight smile, “I’ll tell you when you’re done with the surgery.” 

“Just say it or don’t…”

His smile deepened.

Removing the gland was much easier than planting it. The anaesthesia was slowly pushed into my body, and when I woke up, I was back to my previous room with a vague pain in the back of my neck, which wasn’t too unbearable.

The first thing I saw was still Zhou Chen. He asked me how I was doing, and I said I felt lighter. 

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Fortunately, now that there wasn’t any need to please anyone with my appearance, it didn’t matter now if I became a skeleton.

Zhou Chen held a cup and spoke slowly, “The doctor said you’ve dragged your feet for too long, and with the changes during this period, your body is severely damaged. It wouldn’t be easy to regain your health.” 

“But don’t worry, take your time to recuperate. You’ll get better.”

“Will I ever get better?”

“You will.” His voice was as calm as ever. “You will be.”

I saw my phone at the head of the bed. It’s powered off after a long time of no use. 

Zhou Chen followed my gaze. He picked it up, connected it to the charger and handed it to me.

Half a minute later, the screen buzzed up, and then countless text messages and missed calls poured in, notifying me for a long time.

After a cursory glance, almost all of them were from Xiao Wu.

Only one was from Qi Shu. 【Where are you?】 

Where? To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about it. I only knew I was in a hospital, but which hospital and where, I knew nothing about.

On this thought, I felt too relieved about Zhou Chen.

But I didn’t believe that Qi Shu didn’t knew where I was. He’d installed a location tracker on my phone.

This was probably a step to give me charity, so that I would be sensible and get back on my own. 

Thinking of that house, thinking of that person, the familiar dread and rejection struck again; even my heart began had to ache dully.

I placed my palm against my heart and inhaled hard. Zhou Chen took the phone away and threw it into the drawer with the charger. “Don’t look at it.”

“I don’t want to see him…”

“You don’t have to see him.” 

Zhou Chen said too much for granted, as if, if he said he didn’t need to see me, he really couldn’t see me.

Perhaps my eyes betrayed my inner distrust. He gave a light laugh and said, “The Qi family does not cover the sky with only one hand, and Qi Shu isn’t omnipotent.”

The contempt and disgust flickered in his eyes, then he returned to his usual indifferent and calm look and said, “Your heart isn’t in a good condition, so stay away from things that can cause violent mood swings.”

I inexplicably thought of the kindergarten teacher saying, “Children who are growing their permanent teeth are not allowed to eat candy.” 

That said, I tried to stay away not too long ago and almost lost my life as a result.

Qi Shu had asked me to reflect. There was only one possibility that I’d thought of. That was, in our relationship, he was the only arbiter. I could only roll when he says roll, but I couldn’t roll if I want to of my own accord.

“You don’t understand.” I hugged my knees and shook my head. “I can’t escape.”

Maybe Qi Shu didn’t want to pester me in front of Zhou Chen, or he didn’t want to catch me personally, but anyway, when he remembered that he had a toy left outside, he would be disinclined to let it go. 

What would I face? Humiliation, torture, endless pain and suffering.

Perhaps with some luck, he’d finally get tired of my sickly body and leave me to fend for myself in the house, driving me out at the end of my contract.

I couldn’t figure out why he’s being pushy about such things when he didn’t gave a damn about money.

It’s hard to find that I wasn’t worth so much, so I wasn’t willing to waste. I had to make the best use of everything. 

My chest tightened.

When a person had brought much more bitterness than sweetness, there would no longer be happiness when you think of him again.

“It seems that my hint wasn’t obvious enough.” Zhou Chen suddenly sighed softly.

I raised my eyes in confusion. 

He had put his glasses back on. He looked at me nicely, and said, “You can ask me for help.”

“You?” I became more and more puzzled, “You’re not…”

I didn’t forget that Zhou Chen and Qi Shu were family. Then I suddenly reacted. He helped me so much, was it out of the mindset of looking after the pet for his cousin?

With this in mind, I unconsciously moved over to the other side and pulled away from Zhou Chen. 

He and Qi Shu had similar blood. He was just as dangerous.

Zhou Chen obviously froze for a moment, then helplessly said, “Are you afraid of me?”

That wasn’t an easy question to answer. He saved me at least.

Zhou Chen didn’t insist. He changed to a relaxed sitting position and asked, “Remember before the surgery when you asked me why I saved you?” 

I nodded.

“It wasn’t because I’m a doctor, and it wasn’t because of Qi Shu.” He shook his head with a smile. “When a rose falls into a swamp, some people will sigh and walk away. Some will step on it in a bad mood, and others will want to see how it looks when it’s clean.”

I felt my face heat up and my voice trailed off, “I’m not a flower.”

“That wasn’t the point.” He once again threw the rescue rope at me, “So do you want me to help you?” 

I didn’t think about it for long, because I didn’t have a better choice.

The author has something to say: 

Today’s playlist: 《J’Adore》

[Kites have wind, dolphins have sea]  

(Are you happy, Mr. Qi? Xiao Yu now has ptsd.)