Bestfriend With Benefits

"See you in the afternoon! Anw I've booked my ticket for tmr! AND DON'T FORGET TO TAKE OUR CHILDHOOD MAT" I can feel my heartbeat slowing down. I can't believe Tiere will leave the town tomorrow. I thought she is going to leave the day after tomorrow. I frowned, rubbing my forehead, put my phone aside on the mattress but still looking at it. Tiere, this is the second time you leave me. Anyway, what is the mat for?

I stopped the car in the drop off, Tiere appeared from the entrance, running with 2 hand –full of brown paper –bags. Are we going for a picnic? She pulled the trunk and place them inside, yes looks like we are going to have a picnic.

Tiere walks towards the passenger seat and throw herself inside, she leans her head forward "This is the last kiss you're going to have" she whispered and kissed me on the cheek. My face blushed red, I tried to remain calm, my eyes gazing straight, start turning the steering wheel.

Sometimes I think over the past to the sweetest word she ever said.

"I will stay by your side forever, Ryan" when you were just a little grade school kid. At this moment, I know that what is like when a bell rings in my head, what is like being so happy that I am floating up, what is like that you're the only person in the world I can see. It may have been inevitable result that these little things makes me happy. I feel like my inside are churning. Is this how love really works?

I cleared my throat. "So, what do you want to show me?" I asked, since the silence is too dead for me.

"Just follow the path I guide you. You gonna love it" she stated.

"Oh.. okay" I answered, gazing straight forward through the long and quiet driveway. "Are we going for a picnic?" I asked again, I was too curious. She nodded her head, "Yes.. I guess?"

"So I'm not going to be surprised, cause you've told me we are really going to have a picnic" I teased.

She clicked her tongue, "But you don't know where the place is. Urghh" she moaned. "I'm sorry" I said with a chuckle. "But it will reminds me with our childhood. I mean. We used to play picnic at my house, am I right?"

"Yes.." she sniffed a timid smile.

45 minutes of drive, I have no idea where is this. The place is quiet far from our home. We stopped at the cliff, where I can smell the real natural breeze, this city used to be hot and I'll sweat to hell especially when I'm wearing a complete shirt and jeans like this. But this place is different, the wind is cool and steady. I even love the smell, the earthy, musky smell of fresh plants.

"See?" Tiere rolled her eyes. "You love it" she clicked her tongue.

"Yes, I do"

"Then, what are you waiting for?" she asked, begin walking to the trunk.

"Oh" I followed her, click my car key to open the trunk and took out the mat and paper –bags of groceries. We used to play on the mat when Tiere comes to my house back when we were grade school students. Come to think of it, me and Tiere have the most memorable memories, since we've been friends for so long. I sat on the mat looking at her, she's gazing straight, enjoying the afternoon view. The birds chirping, the sound of the leaves singing. Everything is beautiful, I call this five stars pleasure, so this is going to be the last memory of me and Tiere? But I still able to go to Jakarta and meet her right? How I wish I could spend every day with her like this.

"Tiere" I cleared my throat.

"Yes?" she tilted her head. "So... are you going to miss me?" I asked without looking at her. She started to giggle, I quelled her with a look, then Tiere cleared her throat "Of course. I told you how regret I am cause I didn't reply your DMs"

"Ohh" I replied. I don't expect her to tell me more about it, but she says "We are going to have a longer time if I replied your DMs" and she exhales a harsh breath, now she seems regret.

I slowly looked up to the sky, with my sunglasses on. I can see the sun and the clouds seem to be fighting for place, at some time the cloud covers the sun, in the other time the cloud is blown away.

Suddenly that tiny hand approaching mine, I can feel it touching my fingers, it flutters me a lot. I tilted my head looking at her, her perfect mouth with its perfect corners turned up, smiling at me, in spite of everything, no matter what, Tiere smiling. My jaw gone rigid, I can feel my heart beat, every single pound in my chest, it beats so strong I think my chest will burst, but it beats only for you. Tiere, you drive me crazy.

"Ryan" she said, "Hm?" I mumbled, I threw my face away since I can feel my face warmer and warmer.

"Have you ever felt.."

She took a deep breath, "Have you ever felt love, but you have to keep it inside your chest and it would be forever a secret?"

What is she talking about? She has a secret crush? How I wish the person she is talking about is me. I still don't have the courage to confess it to my own best friend, since we have been friends for quiet long. It is going to be awkward if she doesn't feel the same thing right? I'm so pathetic.

I tilted my head "So you have a secret crush since you were young?? Ohyaa! I don't remember you have a puppy love since you were that little kid.. I thought everyone has puppy love"

Tiere looks shocked, I caught Tiere having a giggle over my awful statement. "It's.....Agnes.." she said.

I cleared my throat. Ow crap!

"Yea.. Agnes told me about his puppy love. But she can't say anything about it.. since her lover is actually her best friend since they were kids"

I gave her a long mumble "Agnes should try to confess then? I mean they are best friends and they know each other very well. So.. it's not wrong for her to say it to her lover, if he likes it he could accept it, if he doesn't he could just stay friends. At least, Agnes won't keep a burden inside her chest" why am I talking like this? I am too emotional..

I clicked my tongue, trying to look normal "Even though I am not a good love advisor but I guess it works like that?" I gave her a shrug. Oh, how I wish it's you Tiere..

I laid my body on the mat, now I am facing the sky and so Tiere do the same beside me.

"Yea... actually.. but Agnes is really depressed, she said.." she explained.

I give her a cheesy laugh "It's okay, told her everything would be okay"

"So.." Tiere turned her body.

"What if it is between you and me?" she asked. And that makes me speechless... my chest is about to burst, the blood vessels surrounding my stomach. It's that drop in blood flow that makes me feels like winged insects are fluttering around in my stomach. What does Tiere mean? Does it means she like me too?? NO RYAN! Stop it!

"I...I..." my words stuttered.

"Forget it" she chuckled. "I was just teasing you"

PLEASE KILL ME!

I know it's a tease, but somehow I feel dugh –dugh –dugh in my chest, especially when you ask me that question. I am a man, I should confess right? Should I try? Right now?

"Tiere.." I called her. I frowned and not sure to talk about this.

"Sometimes I am so stupid about love things. Maybe because I have never date a girl before?". No, today isn't the right time. What if she doesn't like me? Then, she will carry the burdens there. No, don't make her stress.

Tiere smiles, "Maybe?"

"It's okay" she touched my shoulders. "Relationship is sometimes complicated. You don't need to think too much about it anyway. Cause you are going to face them and fill the shits in your head"

"You are not helping, Tiere"

She laughed. "I purposely did that"

"Relationship is actually horrible, especially when you date a new person in your life, that means you have to understand them from zero.. and blahhh" she said as she gave a delighted chuckle. Right now I was just confusing myself about many stuffs regarding to you. I mean, my love to Caroline is fading away, and I can't let you go, how selfish I am. I somehow find it that you are more important than Caroline, because I am so comfortable by you.

We've been sitting here watching the afternoon sun until it gets darker, the sun is about to set.

"So..." Tiere sits up straight looking at me, "Wanna have Sushi?"

I clicked my finger, "Yes... it would be our last celebration"

drrttttttttt drrttttt

"Wait" I pulled my phone out from my pocket.

"Who's that?" Tiere asked.

Caroline's name popped up from the screen.

"It's Caroline" I said, became hesitate to take the phone.

"Go ahead" Tiere said, then I click the green button on the screen and put it on my ear.

"Hey, Ryan.."

"Hey.."

"Are you with Tiere right now?" I stared at Tiere once and she smiles "Yes" I nodded.

"Would you please come here? It's very important"

I bet Tiere heard what she said on the phone. She smiles again.

"Go ahead" she mouthed. "Are you okay?" I mouthed back. "I'm fine" she mouthed back again. "Okay.. so .. how about an hour? Cause we are pretty far from the town" I answered. "Fine, fetch me from home" Caroline added. "Okay" then she hung up the phone.

"Anything so important?" Tiere asked.

"I'm not sure. Seems like? She sounds urgent"

"Okay, let's head back" Tiere stood up slapping her jeans, then she grabbed my hand and help me up.

In the car, we didn't say many things, so I start a conversation,

"So, Tiere.. have you done everything?"

"Yes... mostly.." she gave a little chuckle.

"What do you mean by that"

"I mean... everything" she stammered. She gazes back to the window, seems like she has a lot of things to think about.

"Are you really okay? Since this is our last day..like.. maybe.. a secret to tell"

Deep inside my heart, how I wish she could confess to me right now since this is the right moment. But women don't usually confess first, should I take the first move? But what if she doesn't like me that way? What if I am just a brother to her? What if she isn't comfortable with the feelings I had and our friendship end? No, I won't let that happen.

"Ryan" she touched my shoulder, "I am really okay.." I was kinda startled since I've been thinking a lot of things my own.

"Should I cancel the appointment and drive you to the airport?"

"No, there's no need to be like that, my flight is in the afternoon, so there's nothing to rush for"

"Oh.."

Silence expanded for few minutes, we become have nothing to talk about. I drop her in the drop off then she begin walking towards the entrance.

I clicked the door open.

"TIERE!" I yelled, and she looked back immediately. She looks startled. I walk towards her and pulled her to my chest, I closed my eyes smelling her flowery hair, I'm gonna miss this smell, not only about hair, I love everything about her.

"I'm gonna miss you, please text me. Don't ever ignore me again, and please take care. Eat well and tell me when anything happen to you, either it is bad or good, okay?" I talk non –stop, Tiere was just standing still. But then she giggles, tapping my back several times, "I love you Ryan.."

What? Is that?... My heart beats even faster than before.

"I mean..." she cut me off. "I love you... my best friend" she added.

"I love you too" since the fake relationship happens, the I LOVE YOU words seems to be so special, even though she used to say that every single day when we were students, and that time it was just a simple and normal words from her to me.

"Ryan.." she sounds like being chocked. "I can't breath..you.."

I loosened my arms, "Sorry" I didn't purposely do that. I'm out of control. "I almost killed" she pinched my cheek softly.

"Take care, Tiere" I said. She nodded her head.

I turned my body, at some point she called me again. "RYAN!" and then she ran over me, jumped to my body and kissed me on the cheek again. "This is going to be the last. I'll never ignore you anymore. I promise" she whispered.

"Bye bye" she waved her hand happily and then disappeared in the entrance. I smile, I don't know but I smile even though it hurts.

***

Caroline clicked the door open and threw herself inside.

"So.. anything so important?" I drive quickly to make it on time since Caroline seems to be so urgent. "Oh" she giggles.

"I was just.. about to shopping"

What? I quirked my eyebrow, "What?" she asked. "You can't?" she pouted.

"No.. No.. okay it's fine"

She is actually pissing me off, I thought it would be very important, I almost had an accident on my way here.

We arrived at the mall and like usually, she spends my money again. When I think of my mom's words and dad's, I became understand what it means. I have to remain calm, I paid everything as she wished.. I maybe a fool back then, but right now I am all conscious. I know what's better and what's not.

When I drive Caroline home, she then talk to me before getting off from my car.

"Ryan.. have you broke up with Tiere?" she asked.

"Why?"

"You know Tiere isn't a good girl like what you think.. I mean come on.. you can date a better woman"

"No, we haven't broke up" I get used to hear shits from Caroline about Tiere. I always try to understand Tiere and Caroline, without labelling her but I've come to my sense, how could Caroline treats her so bad like this? Tiere used to be so kind with her. I thought Caroline was just jealous, but she's too far.

"You should break up, Ryan" she stated, sounds like insisting.

"Yes.." I just replied her shortly, in order to make her stop judging her.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked.

"No" I replied, I gave her a smile.

"Caroline..."

She paused, she was about to un –click the seatbelt.

"Yes?"

"Do you like me?" I asked. I must be brave.

"Ryan.. why'd.."

"Do you love me? if I could ask.." I have to make it clear.

Caroline didn't blink, she looked at me awkwardly. I know her heart must be beating to hell. "Ryan..." she stammered. "I just want to know everything and the reason why you reject me since High School but you never got the chance to explain to me exactly.."

"Ryan.. I do love you right now.." now she sounds serious, her eyes caught mine, she is not a coward at this thing.

"then?"

"I like you as a friend when we were in high school.. I start to love you since we are in the same university"

"So? I did confess to you like.. a year or 2 years ago?"

"I just want to wait for the right time.. me and you were just friends back then, when I was still on a date with Justin.."

"Justin? Our senior?"

She nodded her head, frowned. Justin, the senior in our university. The coolest senior if I have to be honest. I don't know they ever date.

"But you didn't tell me at all. We were always together.." I continued.

She took a deep breath and say "Yes.. we did date. But then we just broke up like 6 months ago"

"We used to hang out.." I don't understand, she deceived me.

"Yes right, that's why we went home after dating.. I didn't want to lie to you.. but.." she flared her nostrils, "We as women, has the right to choose and compare who is the best, like maybe.."

"How do you choose?" I cut her off.

"Ryan.. I'm just being realistic.. who the hell want to suffer, even though I am rich"

"Okay.. I am sorry for what I've done to you" I just want this conversation to end, I want to hear no more.

Caroline went home, I stay inside the car leaning my head on the steering wheel. 6 months ago they broke up? HAH! She looks like cheating! That's the reason why she used to drive alone, she won't let me fetch or drive her home. Realistic? Yes realistic I understand, but that's not how realistic works.

WAIT.. 6 MONTHS AGO??

About one and half years ago...

I was busy playing game with Bobby, we chit –chat online through headphones, sometimes the connection doesn't go well, so I couldn't hear him speaking clearly. That time, I was on the edge of my serious –aim, so busy with the strategic played inside my head. In my head, there's only "IT HAS TO BE CHICKEN DINNER! IT HAS TO BE CHICKEN DINNER! I HAVE TO WIN! I HAVE TO WIN!"

"hoi Ryan.." said Bobby, he sounds raspy, maybe because of the connection. "Do you know Justin from your university?"

"Yeaa.. I know him" I replied, shortly.

"He's my cousin.."

"Oh yea? Why so handsome?" I sniffed a smile, teasing him.

"Are you gay? Or are you trying to mock me back?" he pouted.

I gave him a short chuckle, since I was too serious with the game.

"I just want to ask you"

"Go on.." I still focus with my aim.

"Do Justin and Caroline date?"

"Why would you say that? As I know she is single. And for your information, we go on date like twice or once in a month..."

"OOH REALLY? WHAT A PLAYER"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Caroline and my cousin seems to be close. I went to Justin's house during Chinese New Year, and saw Caroline was with him"

"oh, maybe she just visits as a friend?"

"I have no idea.. but yea.. they are pretty close.."

About 5 months ago..

Still with Bobby playing game..

"You know?"

"Yea.. what.." he is a man, but seems like has a lot of gossips to tell.

"My cousin Justin, cried for Caroline"

I sniggered, "Damn, what are you trying to say?"

"He and Caroline broke up, right after their business bankrupt"

"What business? Bankrupt?" I asked, still don't get the point. "Don't joke Bobby.. they must be just friends. Or because Justin your cousin was just hoping too much?" I added.

"I don't know. I heard that from my mom. Justin did cry, can you imagine a man.. a handsome man like him crying for a woman??" Bobby seems happy, he laughs really loud, it almost deaf me.

"That's ridiculous" I said.

"Yea.. they got bankrupt because of the loan –shark.. what a stupid business man.. I know nothing about business but it sounds illogical to me".

I straightened my body, now it sounds logic. If they did break up because of bankruptcy, like why? If he is bankrupt then why would she leave him? I mean, it's horrifying. But then I remember another gossips from Bobby.

"Yea.. I think you should move on.. that woman is a snake... or venom? I don't know. I heard my mom talking about her with Justin's mom. She is a gold digger b*tch, I am sorry.. but yes she is.. she spends Justin's pocket money, and then when it comes to shopping.. you know what happens. Even though she is from rich family. I have no idea why"

So, a rich woman like her is also a gold digger? Is she stingy spending her own money? Or how? I don't know. Is it weird if I call Bobby?

I took my phone to dial Bobby's phone number.

"Halo?"

"HOIIII YOU!! LONG TIME!!"

I almost deaf. He is too energetic.

"I need to talk to you, Bobby.. regarding to Caroline"

"Okay!" he sounds excited to talk about her.