This thing about me becoming a girl

This question is often thought of by Higurashi Ryo in the middle of the night, and it has puzzled her for many years.

But even if the person involved was right in front of her, she really didn't have the courage to ask and solve the confusion.

She was afraid, but she didn't know what she was afraid of.

In short, let it remain trapped in your heart like this, and guess slowly.

Maybe one day I will guess right.

In fact, Ryo Higurashi did not tell Bei Dao Jiu about one more thing. When Bei Dao Jiu used the savings she left to rent this apartment, he sent her the address on his mobile phone, although he did not reply.

But in fact, in the first few years, she sneaked over and watched from a distance several times.

From night to dawn, I smoked a pack of cigarettes, then watched her go out with the baby in the morning, followed her, saw her very sad, but there was really no other way to send the baby to a well-known family Babysitters, and then followed her to work.

When she got off work, watching her happily pick up the baby, until returning to the apartment, watching the light in the window turn on, Hi Mu Liang turned and left.

The last time I came to Bei Dao Crow was almost four years old, and that day was Bei Dao Jiu's birthday.

That will be the last time too.

She didn't want to disturb Bei Daojiu's life, but after coming to Tokyo this time, she suddenly wanted to take a look, and take a closer look at how the daughter who was abandoned by her shortly after birth was doing now.

It's good to see.

Ri Muliang took a sip of the tobacco that she had just extinguished, and looked at the night sky, there was no starlight, it was covered by thick clouds, and the night sky was somewhat hazy.

Bei Daojiu became more and more reserved, his fair little face was at a loss, and he didn't know what to say.

Ri Muliang said in a hoarse voice: "Have you ever visited him?"

Bei Daojiu was stunned for a moment, but he also understood who this "he" was.

Suddenly she buried her head in panic, not knowing what Higurashi Ryo meant when she asked this. Could it be that she was blaming herself for not visiting her father.

She was terrified of being blamed, yet afraid not to answer.

"No... no."

The soft weak voice was very trembling, Himu Ryo looked at her tightly buried head, and subconsciously wanted to raise her hand to stroke the messy hair on her forehead, but stopped immediately.

Forget it, hands are too dirty.

She said softly: "Don't be afraid, neither do I."

Bei Daojiu heaved a sigh of relief after not receiving the fearful scolding, but he was still a little cautious.

Ri Muliang looked at her and said softly: "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

Bei Daojiu thought for a while, and was about to speak out, but hesitated for a while, and finally looked at Higurashi Ryo's slightly gentle gaze, and realized that she was different from her father, at least not as fierce as her father, Bei Daojiu finally Mustering up the courage to ask in a low voice.

"You...why did you leave your father?"

The thing Higurashi Ryo feared the most didn't happen, he didn't ask why you left me.

Higurashi Ryo was holding a cigarette, and even though she didn't light it, she still took a deep breath.

"I was caught cheating while lying naked on the bed with the person next to him, and I had to run away for my life."

Bei Daojiu was stunned when she heard the words, and her two soft eyes stared blankly at Ri Muliang, who said such an understatement, and said such words that were too shocking to her, obviously at this time her heart was shocked. .

Ri Muliang looked at her silly and innocent appearance, and couldn't help covering her mouth and chuckling, her weathered and haggard face couldn't hide a few traces of amorous feelings.

"Although what I want to say is that you are sorry to have such an unbearable mother, but your expression is very cute, so I didn't say it."

Hearing that Bei Daojiu had regained her senses, her heart was still suffering from a strong shock, but for Higurashi Ryo's slightly affectionate words, her cheeks quickly climbed into a rosy glow.

Bei Dao Jiu shook his head quickly, indicating that he didn't think like the first half of Higurashi Ryo's sentence.

Ri Mu smiled coldly, resting his elbows on the guardrail and holding his chin, he didn't know what he thought of, put away his smile, and said: "You have... When you were young, it was hard to live with him... "

In fact, what she wants to ask is, have you ever blamed me for not taking you with me?

But she didn't dare, didn't dare to ask such a question at all.

The blush on Bei Daojiu's face slowly dissipated. He nodded at this question, and then shook his head.

Higurashi sighed, but said nothing.

Bei Daojiu asked: "What about you, what are you doing now, and how are you doing?"

"I..." Ri Muliang glanced at her, then turned to look at the dark sky.

"Being someone else's mistress is doing pretty well. It's just that I was found and scolded by his wife a few days ago, and then came to avoid the limelight."

Here it is again, and it is such an understatement to say something that has caused too much impact on Bei Daojiu.

It's just that while being shocked, for some reason, Bei Daojiu felt... Higurashi Ryo was not just scolded...

Looking at the somewhat haggard side face, her heart skipped a beat for no reason, and then she mustered up the courage to blurt out.

"Why not... change jobs?"

After finishing speaking, Bei Daojiu realized that she had said the wrong thing and should not interfere with the affairs of adults. She tensed up after a little relaxation just now, and her little hands couldn't stop shaking. She recalled a time when she was a child and said to her father After drinking and hurting his body, he ushered in severe beatings.

She lowered her head in fear, but she didn't dare to cry, because she was even more afraid that the tears would arouse the "adult's" impatience.

Ri Muliang looked at her appearance, stretched his sleeves to cover his hands, put them on her head and rubbed them a few times, and then let go.

Bei Daojiu looked up timidly, and saw a pair of slightly gentle eyes engraved with wind and frost.

"There are always some people in this world who cannot survive without the only thing they know.

I am such a person, I only know how to please men, how to rely on men to survive, for decades, I know nothing but this, so I can't live on. "

What Ri Muliang said is the truth, her experience has created her current self, and it has long been deeply rooted, which cannot be eliminated or separated.

According to her words, it was her own fault. She was cheated by that balloon when she was 6 years old, and she was destined to have what she is today.

When Higurashi Ryo said these words, he still smiled lightly, but his eyes seemed a little lonely.

Hearing the words, Bei Daojiu mustered up his courage and stammered, "You can...you can come to my place..."

But before she could finish speaking, she was interrupted by Higurashi Ryo.

"In short, I'm living a pretty good life now. Although I'm old, there are many men who pursue me. This time I came to Tokyo to find one of them."

Her smile was a little lively, seeing her like this, Bei Daojiu didn't have the courage to say the words "You can come and live with me" again.

She said softly: "Oh..."

How could Higurashi Ryo fail to see what she wanted to say just now, but just like what she said before, she didn't want to disturb Bei Daojiu's life.

She added: "Hey, do you ever feel that it's unfair, such as the treatment you received when you were a child, why did it happen to yourself instead of others?"

After Bei Daojiu thought for a while, he replied in a low voice.

"If a worthless person like me is still alive and well, wouldn't that be the greatest injustice to those who are outstanding but have no chance..."

Hearing this, Ri Muliang froze for a moment, then looked at the deserted street, his eyes were dazed, he didn't know what he was thinking, and he spoke after a while.

"Ah...that's the truth...it's strange, although I really want to admit it, but I still can't admit it, maybe we have some compatibility."

After she finished speaking, she didn't give Bei Daojiu a chance to speak, she stretched her waist and said again.

"Okay, I'm sleepy, the late-night heart-to-heart talk is over, let's go to sleep."

Bei Daojiu nodded, and Bei Daoya didn't really start to sleep until the two returned to the bunk.

Time passed by, and the date came to May 5st. Ryo Higurashi left today. I don't know where he went, but he should still be in Tokyo.

During the past few days, she was basically not in the apartment during the day, and only came back at night. She didn't talk much, and was often absent-minded. After eating, she would help clean the dishes, watch high-scoring variety shows for a while, and then go to sleep.

It seems that he has already contacted his new lover and left in the afternoon.

Bei Dao Crow also remembered her. He remembered that when he was about four years old, when he was waiting for Bei Dao Jiu to pick him up at the gate of the kindergarten, a parent praised him for being cute, and then wanted to give him a balloon.

But at this moment, a woman rushed in suddenly, yelled frantically and started fighting with the parent, and couldn't pull it away no matter what.

At that time, her eyes were bloodshot, and her ferocious face particularly stimulated her young heart at that time, which made her unforgettable for a long time, and some psychological shadows were buried in the deepest part of her memory.

After Bei Daoya remembered this scene, she didn't know why she did this at the time, but she didn't ask. It's just that after Ryo Higurashi came back, she didn't change to the high-scoring variety show.

After school, Bei Daoya went to the Chinese restaurant, and then returned to the apartment after get off work.

Open the door, put on your shoes and walk in, the room is empty, the small suitcase next to the sofa has disappeared, but there is an extra envelope on the table.

Bei Daoya stepped forward to open it and took a look. It contained a thick stack of banknotes ranging from 200 to [-], about one or two million.

Her black eyes didn't know what she was thinking, and she put the envelope back in place after a while.

She sat on the sofa, quietly waiting for the night to fall.

Tomorrow is June [-]st.

She didn't choose this date randomly, but she knew in advance that Bei Daojiu worked night shift due to work reasons, so she took an extra day off with pay in advance, and then went to work at [-] o'clock tonight, and worked the night shift. went.

Bei Daoya sat on the sofa, did not turn on the lights, did not turn on the TV, the sky outside the window gradually darkened, and slowly matched the color of her eyes.

At twelve o'clock, the four people led by Smith will gather in that warehouse.

She glanced at the time, it was almost nine o'clock.

But at this moment, there was a knock on the door.

It might be that Higurashi Ryo forgot to take something, Bei Daoya got up and opened the door before the door closed, and the next second his jaw was stabbed into the bone.

A mature man wearing a high-end suit and a gentle face stood in front of the door.

On the bridge of his high nose, there was an unconcealable relief in his brows and eyes, obviously something happened that made him happy.

This is Shangshan who I haven't seen for two months.

77. The night is approaching

Shang Shanmu came to this apartment again, which was not uncommon in the past ten years, but he never came in the daytime, and it was the same this time, the time was night.

But this time was a little different from before. Bei Daojiu was not in the apartment, and he was not full of alcohol and grumpy.

Shang Shanmu seemed to have returned to his home, took off his suit normally and hung it on the clothes rail, loosened his tie and untied the cuffs of his shirt, without taking off his shoes, went straight to the sofa and sat down.

Leaning on the soft cushion, he closed his eyes and raised his head, heaving a sigh of relief, just like a salaryman who has been busy all day and comes home to rest.

He is also really comfortable, which is a relaxation that has never been seen elsewhere.

This small apartment has a special meaning for Shangshan, only here he can be his true self.