F*ck Yeah! I'm The Villain

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Tiny feet step on my face, a beak pecking my chin.

"Wakey wakey master, the early bird gets the worm." I groan and roll over. I don't wanna get up, also, I hope Baozi realizes that I'm not a bird therefore I don't eat worms.

"Mmm 5 more minutes." That should buy me some time to get in a short cat nap.

"No no you have to wake up now. Right this instant."

"Whyyyyyy?"

"Because! I am hungry!" You have got to be kidding me.

"Are you freaking- you know what fine, I'll get up."

I sit up in my bed, causing baozi's plump body to roll off in the process. My hair and clothes are all disheveled while my mind is a thousand miles away.

I walk into the kitchen and prepare Baozi's breakfast. Cut up fresh spiritual fruits with bits of sliced beef and pure water from my space's pond.

I put it on the floor for him to eat and he dives right in, face first and everything. That should keep him for the time being, hopefully.....

After that I go into the heavenly Pavilion. Everything from my dream starts to come back at full force and I feel my ċhėst tighten in anxiousness. I need to go to the pagoda. Maybe there is something in there that can help me.

Along the way I bump into the old man, that's when I remember Etherina's words from before.

"A friend of mine came to visit me last night." I ease into the conversation before getting to the main point. What? There's no rush.

"Okay... so why are you telling me this, I didn't ask you anything-" That's when he pulls a shocked face holding his wrinkly cheeks and exclaiming, "I hope it's not because you think we're ..... Friends! Then I'll really have to laugh and say you're delusional."

I really wish they had retirement homes in this place. I'd gladly sign him up for a century....or five.

"You know, they had a message for me to specifically give to you, but I don't like your attitude so I'm not telling you."

His mocking expression soon turns to one of disbelief, contemplation, realization and then horror.

"Hey! Now you look just like a rainbow! So many colors." Humph, his guts must be green with regret now won't it.

"Having eyes but failing, to see I mount Tai, that must suck doesn't it." Never thought it would feel so good to finally have the upper hand over this stinky fellow. And I must say, it feels amazing.

He looks as though he swallowed shit and I can't help but burst out laughing.

"Listen little girl, you must tell me what that person said. Is it a she?" I do a zipping motion with my lip pretending to throw away a non-existent

key.

"I'm not saying a thing to you." I'm going to milk this for all I can get.

"Please tell me what they said. I'll do anything, I'll even give you my secret stash of weed."

"You sounding so desperate almost makes me feel a tinge of pity.....Not, now you will learn the hard way what it means when someone says think before you speak."

"I know your only doing this because you want something from me. What is it, spit it out!?" I wonder if this was how the female leads felt when they were getting ready to extort something precious from someone they had feelings of dislike for.

I ponder on my request for awhile before I find something good. Ooo this will surely make him bleed.

"Hmmmm, I want your most powerful weapon and-"

"Okay that can be done-"

"Wait! I'm not done yet. Now, back to what I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted might I add. I also want that rare alchemy book, that you have tucked away, under your brɨėfs, in your top drawer on the right, hidden in those secret tunnels that you have camouflaged, by all those strange looking bookshelves inside of your room."

"Hold on. Wait a minute! How do you know all of this little girl."

"Baozi.

And I do not appreciate you calling me little girl, I am fifteen, Okay!" For crying out loud if I were still alive in my previous world, I'd be, let me see, one two, ten, carry the four..........38 years old! Sheesh, mama's gotten up there in the age department.

"I'm going to Kill Baozi!!!!!!"

Meanwhile In the kitchen, a certain bird Baozi eats his food..........

"Achoo, Master wuwuwu someone's plotting against me. They're probably trying to take away my cabbages, NEVER!"

Then, when he gazes down at his half eaten breakfast, he notices that it's nowhere in sight. That's when he looks all around only to find out that he blew them in different corners of the kitchen.

This is the most exercise he's ever gotten trying to eat food.

If Melia were here, she'd say something along the lines of 'Lord knows he needs it.'