Heart of Darkness

Rayven was shocked by the pain of his fangs poking out. Usually, his gums would itch first and they would take their time to slowly pierce through and elongate. But this time they protruded so fast that it shocked and pained him. 

He sat with his hand covering his mouth for a while just to recover from what just happened but her scent lingered in the air and he could still feel the heat from her lips and body. He had to get away from this place. Far away. 

He could only think of going to Lazarus. Wouldn't he have a party and be busy drinking so could just hide in one room? But to his surprise, Lazarus's home was quiet as he arrived. The demon must have sensed him because he appeared in front of him. 

"Oh.." he said surprised.. "What brings you here this hour?" 

"You are not partying or drinking." Rayven pointed. 

Lazarus chuckled. "Well, you never attend my parties, but I can offer you a drink if you like." 

Rayven gave him a nod. He could use a drink. 

Lazarus took them somewhere comfortable to sit where they could drink. 

"Can't you do something about your fangs? It feels like it is me you want to bite." He said as he poured them the drink. 

"It is not working," Rayven said feeling frustrated. 

"Then it seems you came here without finishing the work," Lazarus smirked. 

"It would be disastrous if I finished." He took his drink, remembering the fearful moment. He was so close to doing something that would be undone. 

"You haven't told her still." Lazarus frowned. "You know you can't bite her without telling her. It is painful and it can be shocking and then you won't even be able to compel her to forget if she is too shocked." 

"I know," Rayven said frustrated. That was why he was angry with himself. He had almost violated her. He should know better with everything she had been through. "It just never happened like this before. I usually feel when I am about to turn so I can stop but this time…" He just turned. 

"This time was different." Lazarus finished the sentence for him and then took a sip from his drink. 

"What does that mean?" 

Did it mean he wanted to mark her? 

"I know that when it happens slowly, it is usually because of desire. But when it happens fast, when it becomes painful, it is something more than just desire. You have created a deeper connection with that person. It becomes a desire more than just to satisfy your needs. A desire to make that person yours?" 

Rayven stared at the glass in his hand while his thoughts drifted away. A desire to make her his? 

In that moment, when she washed his hands, when she wiped the tear away from his face with such tenderness and when she told him she belonged to him and asked him to share with her his worries and fears, a strong desire to make her his came over him. She made his chest tighten and expand, she met his eyes burn, his lungs breathed in the scent that not only tempted him now but also soothed him. He just wanted to lay in her arms. Let her warmth take away the coldness in his body. Let her light pierce through his darkness. 

And then he had her in his arms and she was so soft, so sweet and so willing. And he knew he was doomed. Now that she wanted him as a man, the demon in him would also seek approval. 

"You know this is your demon telling you to take the next step," Lazarus told him. 

"Next step?" 

"You can't mark her without her consent. It would only be a bite that would scare her away. And for her to consent, she needs to know what it means to be marked."

He would have to tell her what he was. Also who he was, so she could decide after knowing everything about him. But he had already made the mistake of marrying her when he didn't intend to commit. Those vows still haunted him. He wouldn't make the same mistake of marking her when he wasn't ready to fulfill the duties of a mate. That would make him deceive her yet again. At least the mating he wanted to honor. 

"She would know about Demos," Rayven said. 

"It is normal that you are worried. It is not something to be overlooked easily. You should be prepared for that and not be disappointed by her reaction. It would be odd if she didn't react the way you fear she will react. We aren't punished for stealing bread." 

Rayven wasn't as worried about the demon part as he was about the Demos part. There was nothing he could do about being a demon. That was what he was. But Demos was who he chose to be. Who wouldn't react negatively to someone who committed the most horrible crimes? Even a kind soul like Angelica had described him as the worst. 

'The worst kind of people are those who prey on the weak' she had said. He was of the likes she had to deal with. And then she said he was nothing like Demos. If she only knew that she was speaking to him directly. 

"Do you think we have changed for the better?" Rayven asked. 

Lazarus seemed thoughtful. "I think we have." He said at last. "I don't know if it is enough to not be punished. The pattern is still the same. For me at least. I do well for a while and then fall back. And then I wonder why I even bother to do well. Bad habits are hard to abandon."

"Indeed." A familiar voice replied. 

Skender joined them in the room. "I am interrupting?" 

"It seems like you could use a drink as well," Lazarus smirked. 

Skender sat down looking tired. He was probably going through a tough period with his demon. But the man chose to be punished. They had all resented him at first because while they were forced into this punishment he came there willingly. Almost as if to mock them. 

Lazarus poured him the drink and Skender gulped it down at once before sighing loudly. 

"You look more awful than me." He said looking at Rayven and then at Lazarus who always looked like he was living his best life. 

"He is married now, but you need to get yourself a woman," Lazarus told Skender. 

Skender poured himself some more before drinking it. "Should I?" He asked surprising them both and then laughed. "You are a bad influence, Zarus." 

"I just wonder how you can resist when all those women are throwing themselves at you. Even Angelica's friend was having some naughty thoughts." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Maybe you can teach me some self-control and I can teach you to have fun." 

Skender shook his head at him. "Maybe you just need to fall in love."

Lazarus laughed. "Me? Falling in love?" 

Skender nodded as if he had figured it all out. "Yes. If you find the one, then no other woman will entice you. With your condition, that is truly what you need my friend." 

"Falling in love? What is that exactly?" Rayven asked. 

Hopefully, that wasn't happening to him. 

Skender sighed as something in his eyes changed. It was as if he was recalling something from the past. "Falling in love feels like the first rays of warm sunshine on your bare skin after a cold winter." His eyes went from looking dreamy to looking pained before they went back to normal. 

First rays of warm sunshine? That was exactly how he felt with Angelica. His life had been a long, cold, and never-ending winter until she came. 

Lazarus waved dismissively with his hand. "Love is fine but what about lust. I am sure you have some of it. Let me help you find it." 

"I don't need your help." 

"Maybe that is what your restless demon needs." 

"I don't think that is a good idea," Skender said. 

And they went back and forth with Lazarus not wanting to give up. Leave it to that man to make you sin. The way he described the pleasure taken from a woman's body was like an erotic poem and Skender was trying hard not to listen. 

Even Rayven got excited for a moment, remembering what Angelica's body felt beneath his. 

"Alright, alright." Skender said at last. "It was fun. I will go home now." 

Rayven stood up as well. 

"Are you leaving too?" Lazarus asked him. 

"Yes."

"Why not? Come and leave as you wish." He muttered. 

Skender and Rayven left Lazarus behind to go to their homes. Rayven wanted to get some fresh air before getting home when he found Skender standing outside alone. The rain had just stopped and the air had a different flavor. 

Rayven went to stand beside him. "Who was she?" He asked curiosly. 

"Who?" 

"The woman who felt like rays of warm sunshine?" 

Skender smiled. "She is long gone." He said. 

"What happened?" 

Skender turned to him. "You are too curious for being you." He said. "I lost her. I was too late." 

He sighed looking up at the sky. "I hope you don't make the same mistake as I. Go home to your wife and stay with her." 

"I thought you didn't like me with her." 

Skender chuckled. "You are very good at misunderstanding people. I don't like you leaving her." He corrected him. 

Rayven looked away feeling the guilt heavy on his shoulders. 

"The other Lords are not being completely truthful with you because they have hope to see you redeem yourself even if it is at the expense of someone else's feelings. I do hope for you to redeem yourself as well, but I care for Angelica too." 

Rayven was ashamed of his actions that he still avoided looking at Skender. "You have come a long way. You even talk to me without barking." 

Barking? 

"I hope you continue to take this path. I want good things for both of you." He said. "Also, I knew you as Demos but when I look at you now...I only see Rayven." 

"You knew me as Demos?" Rayven frowned. 

"Yes. I was the one supposed to bring an end to your destruction." 

"You were that Alexander?" 

Skender nodded. "Yes." 

"So you are a defender?" Rayven was shocked. 

Defenders were a line of very powerful demons with the purpose of protecting humankind against evil demons who wanted to live among the weak to rule them. Their powers could be compared to the ones of the Archdemons. 

"Yes. If I had done my duty, you wouldn't have ruled for so long."

Rayven was still shocked. "Why didn't you?" 

Skender looked down, almost as if he was ashamed. "I never cared to use my powers. My demon was asleep."

That was why he was punished with an uncontrollable demon. Maybe it was only uncontrollable for him since he never fully used his demon side. And all those powers needed control that he should have learned from a young age. 

"Your parents…"

"They didn't want me to be a defender," Skender said. 

"Are you a direct descendent?"

"No. My parents were." 

Coming from a direct descendent made him even more powerful. He would never have guessed if Skender hadn't told him. He couldn't sense that kind of power from him, but it was probably because he hadn't discovered his powers yet. 

"The boy knows," Rayven said with realization. 

Skender smiled. "It seems he knows I wield the power to protect him. He also knows I don't have that power now."

If Skender was a defender, he could easily fight the shades. He would have power beyond their ability. He would be able to sense them even in disguise. 

William knew what he was doing. 

After his conversation with Skender, Rayven teleported back home. As soon as he was back, the heavy feeling in his chest intensified. He felt trapped again. It wasn't as easy to desire death as it was before. Now he desired other things as well along with death. The problem was they didn't go hand in hand. The other things he desired required him to stay alive. But not only that, getting what he desired would make him happy. 

To live and be happy. How could he do that? 

Rayven went to stand outside Angelica's door and listened. She was sleeping. He only compelled her to go back and didn't compel her to forget the whole moment which would leave her confused. But he wanted her to remember. How could he erase that moment? 

He was getting greedier for every moment. Perhaps he should just let tell her about Demos. Once and for all get rid of that fear but also make her hate him. It would solve everything.