He/Heroine And My Villainess

HE/HEROINE AND MY VILLAINESS

(THROUGH TIDES YOU'LL FIND WHAT YOU LOST)

She knows very well that what she wants might face many consequences and unfairness. Because if she leaves and goes back to their world, Vendia's body will become ash and the Marquis will suffer as well as the people who cherish her as Vendia and not Yerre. She knew it very well, to the bone, that it put her into a land of confusion and distress.

But then this was not her life. This was not for her. This life is only meant for Vendia. All this time, she kept a low profile and convinced herself that Vendia's body was already hers. Therefore, she must act as herself and do what she usually did back in their world. 

But a slap of reality came faster than she thought. Every time the people who had become special in her heart called her Vendia, her heart felt pain and jealousy, but she always brushed it off with a smile and a thought that they meant Yerre, not Vendia. She smiled and reacted to it, but inside her heart she felt pain and jealousy. When the people she cherishes in this world turn around and leave, she always thinks.

Do they see my reflection and body as Yerre? And not Vendia? When I die here, will they remember me? Or was it still Vendia? This thought circulated in her mind like a poison. It made her feel breathless and anxious. There were times when she wanted to tell other people whom she cherishes in this world that she is not Vendia, that her name is Yerre, and that the real Vendia had already died. 

But she knows she can't do and say such things because everything she has will be gone. She is uncertain whether to tell them the truth or not, because there are only three reactions. They will either believe her or they will think that she was just saying nonsense and that she just said such strange words to them because those were the cause of her accident.

To calculate it all, the end was still worse. People inside this world still look at her as Vendia and not Yerre. When she died, the person they remembered was Vendia, not Yerre. All the memories that she created with the people she cherishes inside this world will be filled with Vendia's reflection and not Yerre's, because the body they see is Vendia and not Yerre. All her reactions and smiles are all reflected on all people mind as Vendia and not Yerre. 

These were all the thoughts that she had been avoiding throughout the months that she stayed inside this book, and the only person who could cover it all up and fade it all away was Alda. But when Alda leaves, those thoughts and fears will once again eat her up like predators. It's unfair, suffocating, and uncomfortable. It made her want to want to leave this world to end it all. But a smile and the image of Alda inside her mind made her think otherwise. 

"Alda... hurry up and embrace me. I want you to hold me and say that you still remember the real me. Alda... I am scared. I'm afraid. I want to go home. Alda.... " 

She called with a desperate tone of voice as she embraced herself while squatting down on the floor. When another sudden realization comes to her mind once again,

"The book made it too fun to read," she uttered within her sobbing tone of voice as her words pointed towards the people who made stories about transmigrations. People make it fun and very wonderful, but once you realize that person will die under another name, it's very unfair and agonizing. She turned to look at the painting that Prince Albert had made for her and smiled. 

"Vendia, someone has finally cherished you now with a true heart," she said as tears flowed down her cheeks and a bitter smile showed on her lips. She picked up the portrait on the floor and put it among her collection of paintings that she had made. After that, she then stood up from the floor, went out to the art room, striding down the hallway with a wet face from tears, puffy tired eyes and an exhausted body from crying.

She continued walking until she reached Lady Vendia's chamber and entered inside with an expression like nothing ever mattered to her anymore. She laid down on the bed and started crying again as she covered her whole body with a soft blanket. The sun is slowly closing its eyes to sleep and the day has at last ended. Mary stride over to Lady Vendia's room and knocked but heard no response.

She twisted the door knob and found it unlocked. Mary opened the door and called for Vendia again before she got inside, but still no response. So she decided to just get in and inform her that dinner had been served and that the Marquis was already waiting for her inside the dining room. But when she went close to the bed, Mary couldn't help but silent her steps upon seeing Yerre sleeping in peace, but something was strange. 

Mary went even closer to her side and looked closely at her face. She scanned her face and saw that it was wet. Yerre forgot to wipe all the tears she shed earlier because of the exhaustion she felt inside her body from crying so hard until she fell asleep. Mary wanted to wipe her face with a handkerchief she carried all the time inside her pocket, but she also didn't want to wake up Yerre from her peaceful nap. 

So she decided to just not do anything and leave the room full of curiosity and thoughts as to why her face was wet from tears. What could be the reason?

She stride back to the dining room to inform the Marquis that their daughter was still napping. She wants to tell them about what she saw earlier, but there is something that is pulling her and telling her not to say anything. So she just stopped at the first sentence and looked straight at the Marquis, who was wearing a concerned expression. 

"Okay, but when she wakes up, bring her food to her room," Madam Rose mentions. Her heart felt concerned and worried these past few days. She couldn't help but notice her daughter's alarming behavior. She always spaces out and always stares into space with a black expression. Madam Rose thinks this behavior is because of Sir Aloit, but the truth is that it comes from herself. 

Yerre is worried that if she stays quiet about her real self, she might soon get used to it and might forget everything from the mortal world. Lord Marthen saw his wife having a troubled and anxious expression. He stretched his hand to held Madam Rose's hand with no warning.

Madam Rose flinched upon receiving a surprise touch from her husband, but then relaxed. She didn't notice that her husband was reaching for her hands because she was deeply thinking with concern about their daughter. 

"What is it? Why do you have a sorrowful face? " Lord Marthen can't help but tease his wife a little to calm her thoughts. He knows that his wife is over thinking things about their daughter again and it's not good for her health.

For the past few days, he was busy arranging and checking some papers, but even though he has so many errand. Lord Marthen still senses the sudden change in the atmosphere and behavior of his daughter. 

He didn't show that he also felt alarm about it, because if he showed weakness, his wife would also begin to waver and, worse, get sick once again, and he couldn't take such a thing. Lord Marthen smiled at Madam Rose and said

"You don't have to worry. She will pass this storm, "

Madam Rose sighed and looked straight at her husband. 

"I know. She's a strong girl. " Madam Rose said, which made Lord Marthen chuckle and reply. 

"I know she got it from me and you," 

Madam Rose finally showed a relief smile, but it didn't last. The worries were stronger than the small amount of joy that her husband gave her and Lord Marthen saw this. He heaved a sigh and said. 

"Let's go and visit her chamber after eating," 

Madam Rose gazed at him and nodded. 

The room turned silent again, but the feeling of worry and anxiousness was still screaming inside the room. All the servants who were present inside heard all the things they said, and they all couldn't help but be worried as well, because all of them also suffered from the time their young lady was fighting for her life.

At that time, the Marquis won't let them sleep and they always order them around to do things that are not necessarily needed. 

Madam Rose sometimes threw tantrums and scolded them for no reason at all. They also cut their salaries for one month for a mild reason. A reason for not being able to attend to Vendia's needs. But how can they attend to the person who lies in bed, already cold and pale like a dead person? What should they do for her? This goes on and on. Until Madam Rose's illness attacked her again and everything turned into a mess and into a more depressing situation.

To be continued.