I Couldn't Tell You Who It Was

Were those times horrible? No. It required so much energy that I grew extremely exhausted in body and mind, but I felt better during the act because I couldn’t think. While I was in his arms, the nightmares didn’t come for me.

How ridiculous. No matter how physically similar the body was to Yeonseon, it was a stranger’s body. It would be normal to feel a bit repulsed, but no matter what body he brought, he knew mine so well that it wasn’t easy for me to feel disgusted.

From his slightly differently shaped tongue and lips, arms and legs that differed in length, the number of beauty marks, and the temperature of the body when he was desiring me, each part was novel, but I only felt it momentarily. After mixing bodies a few times, everything seemed to fit so well that my brain and below my waist melted.

This damned body. However, I had already moaned under Woorim’s body once, so my humiliation quickly disintegrated into dust.

More than anything, the other’s ability to learn was exceptional. If something felt a bit off, he would persistently search for the cause and stimulate me in the same way as he did before. My body that still remembered Yeonseon felt stability and pleasure at the familiar stimulation.

It would be nice if he could just hold me however he wished. But he said that I had to feel good for him to feel good. He even called Haeseo’s body “good” for never failing to deliver pleasure to me.

I grew more and more numb to it all.

As the time that we tangled with each other grew longer, I grew more sensitive to the other’s touch. My hesitation and reluctance quickly faded away. The more we did it, the quicker I improved.

Was it fine this way? Even if I asked myself, I had no answer. Instead, there was one person next to me who would encourage me countless times that I was doing fine. Wouldn’t it be fine to stop fretting over it? He wanted this, so wasn’t there no problem…?

I kept avoiding the matter just like that. I didn’t want to progress my thoughts any further.

Even if that were my opinion, I couldn’t say that he was completely satisfied with the current situation. That scared me. Unlike me, he was diligent in musing about the other party. So when I hit a block in thought, he would notice and extend a helping hand. He kindly helped me leap over the wall in one go.

He would say that I could overcome it. There were no monsters or ghosts beyond the wall, so I could hold his hand with an easy mind.

Help…

Could I truly call it help?

Each time he grinned and pulled me over the wall, I imagined a bottomless swamp. If I let myself be dragged along, I was certain that my worries would be solved, but I had the feeling that maybe I was walking to the middle of the swamp with him. That scared me. One step at a time, he led me, and we descended into the swamp at a rapid rate.

The scariest part was that the bottom that we headed toward was a place that I wouldn’t mind. Rather, all my worries would vanish, and I would be able to have a cozier time than now. Thus, he wanted to reach that place as soon as possible—so that we would be unable to turn back anything no matter what came between us.

He aimed for the right time and caused an appropriate incident.

The only thing that he thought was an issue was love—as if there were nothing else wrong between us other than that.

“That’s the case for me anyway, but it’s a bit hard for you, right?” he said and took one step toward me. The sound of his footsteps grabbed my arms and pulled me in toward him. ‘It’s all right, you can do it. What lies beyond isn’t scary. It’s hard on you right now. I can help you. Let’s overcome this together, this wall called “humanity.” The two of us.’ The words that he never said aloud buzzed in my ear. I was struck with a bad feeling and ended up frowning.