I Couldn't Tell You Who It Was

He looked at my stiff face and made a sad smile. “It would have been nice if Yeonseon didn’t die. Even if the Yeonseon who loved you was me, it’s hard to accept that, right? I understand. It’s because you like Yeonseon as a whole. If I were standing in front of you as Yeonseon, we wouldn’t have such a hard time…”

Then, he looked away, lost in thought. His profile, dyed in the colors of dusk, was cinematically beautiful. However, I was more bothered by his subdued gaze. He seemed to be contemplating something.

I swallowed nervously. His silence made me tremble before I realized it. I didn’t know how to respond, but I still opened my mouth. But before I could say anything, he looked at me. They were gentle eyes, but I gasped like a beast bitten in the neck.

I started my descent.

Thud.

“I’m not sure. I’m clearly Yeonseon, and you’re clearly Haeseo from back then, but what should I do to go back to before? What should I do so you can look at me with eyes just like then? What’s the difference between my present self and Yeonseon…?” With each movement of his shapely lips, I heard the thumping in my chest. I knew it was my heart, but it felt like the ground was shattering.

“Haeseo…” I didn’t want to overcome the wall of my thoughts, so I called out his name in a quiet voice. However, it was a futile resistance. Didn’t I mention it before? ‘It’s all right. You can definitely go over it,’ he seemed to say as he pulled me over. I didn’t hesitate because the wall was hard to cross. I thought I would leap over it, so I took a few steps back.

He was very kind. He could pull me down by force if he wanted to, but because he was gentle, he waited until I was mentally prepared to jump over the wall. After buying enough time for me to be exposed to an unfamiliar situation, he would act—carefully, like moving a tropical fish to a new tank. He grabbed both my hands and helped me down deep below.

“Haeseo, listen carefully. This body already died from overworking outside the country. The only reason this person is still alive is that the owner of this body and I had an agreement. He wanted to complete his project no matter the method in exchange for my wish. If only he could live for a bit longer, he said that he didn’t care how I used this body,” he explained.

“What are you saying…?” I couldn’t fathom the reason for his sudden monologue. He didn’t explain further to help my understanding. I didn’t need to understand. I grew more anxious.

“So don’t be surprised, no matter what happens next. If you don’t want to see, you can turn away,” he said, then briskly walked to the bathroom. I stared vacantly at his back. My brain was slow to process. Just why? His words echoed in my ears. “What’s the difference between my present self and Yeonseon…?”

What did he want to say after that?

“Oh…” I was struck with a realization and exclaimed, “No way!”

The jacket in my hands completely dropped to the ground.

“What’s the difference between my present self and Yeonseon? Why did you like Yeonseon?”

He was as kind as Yeonseon. He held me like Yeonseon. He lived solely for me like Yeonseon. He happily talked about our future like Yeonseon. He wished for my happiness like Yeonseon. He poured all his energy into me like Yeonseon. Like Yeonseon, like Yeonseon, like Yeonseon!

Oh. How did I end up loving Yeonseon…?

“Don’t do it!” I screamed.

Before the bathroom door slammed shut, I grabbed onto the handle. I panted and pushed inside. My lips quivered uncontrollably. In front of my eyes was a situation as I had expected. He stood before the bathroom mirror and turned around to look at me. In his hand was a comb, presumably from the cabinet. It was a wooden comb with a sharp, pointed tail.