Infatuation Of Darkness

"I understand a lot of things you have written here." The doctor Commented as she read through the contents. "But the first one is where I have my doubts." She tapped on the book and then closed it. 

Today, Alexis was leaning back on the couch sitting peacefully and without any restraints holding her back unlike the previous time when she was here sitting stiffly and alert of her surroundings.

"Could you repeat what The first One is?" She asked in a gentle voice. To be frank Alexis did not once open the book after she wrote down everything.

Nodding with a grave expression, the woman answered. "Yes, it's 'My husband' and what surprises me the most is that its number one which means it was quite recent to when you left here."

With a little confused expression Alexis explained her a bit further. "It's just what he says at times triggers a lot of memories and unwanted thoughts." She shrugged.

With that shrug, somehow the doctor realised that Alexis was not as serious as she should be about the matter. It was a very concerning.

"Alexis," the doctor started out a little hesitantly. She had done this a numerous times but this time, the victim had no idea or any doubts. Which pointed out to many different things, either it was that her husband didn't say it the ways she was thinking or He was good at what he did.

"I want you to observe your husband. I want you to judge why he said it and when. Then how does he say the words."

A frown mirrored her face. She didn't understand the sudden need to judge his actions which led to further questions.

"Why?" Her negative tone did not take the doctor by surprise. "He is not wrong. He just reminded me to reprimand me."

Leaning back the doctor schooled her expressions of any negativity or threats. They were going to have a conversation.

"What did he reprimand you of?"

Alexis dutifully answered in regard to defend her husband as well. "I thought I saw someone..and I jumped out of the car to chase them." She swallowed a bit nervously. "He was reminding me of that to tell me how scared I had him at that."

The doctor nodded thoughtfully, understanding the concern. "That was very thoughtful of him." She watched a smile come to Alexis's lips which led her to her next question. "However, why did he have to bring up your past in order to tell you anything?" The wheels in Alexis's head started turning around. "I firmly believe that we learn your lessons ourselves. We cannot change anyone or help unless they want it. So why, when he knows that you are not over it, does he have to talk about it?"

Alexis sratched her head as she thought about it.

"You would feel worse if someone like your other half mentions it on a daily basis, yet he does. Does that not make you question his intentions?"

"It does.." she muttered unknowingly. It just slipped out and she knew that it was true somewhere, he was not fair for doing this. He was hurting her more. But then..

"Why does he says that when it hurts me more.." she whispered out to the doctor afraid of the reality.

She shook her head in return too. "I don't know, why does he? Think of the reasons why Alexis." She pointed to her temple and touched it. "Think. Somewhere you might find your answer."

And Alexis did just that. She thought about it.

'Why why why.. why would he do that?'

"But he saved me. He found me." She argued as the doubts flooded in. "Why would he save me if he wanted to hurt me?"

Bailey Peterson knew what profession the man had. So she made it obvious that this woman would be one powerful queen when she left her services.

"Point." She received a smile. "He saved you. So what do you feel something towards him, knowing that you were saved by him?"

Alexis knew the answer. "I feel love towards him. Thankfull too."

"Understandable. But there is one more." Dr. Peterson held her index finger up indicating that she was forgetting one more. "Think about what more do you feel."

Love.. Then she felt greatful..then.. what more was it?

It was right at the tip of her tongue. "Owe..like I o.."

"Owe something to him." The doctor finished for her. "That is called beholden. That is a true feeling when we feel like it is our duty or like we owe them something and it happens in many cases where we do not realise that we feel being beholden instead of grateful."

Shocked but still in denial Alexis leaned forward, kept her elbows on her knees and palmed her face.

"What you need to do now is figure out that you are you beholden towards him or are you simply grateful and loving."

Tears came to her eyes as she felt the burning sensation once more. She did not know what to say to that. What more could be said anyway?

"Denial is necessary but what comes next is the truth of life. Acceptance."

She knew that she felt like she owed him something instead of just being grateful to him for saving her and that just made her feel worse.

Holding back her tears she tried to talk but voice could not hold back the pain. "Am I a bad person if I am feeling like I owe him? Should I not just feel grateful?"

The doctor shook her head. "feeling beholden to someone and feeling grateful are two different things. when you feel grateful you will do things for him in honour of his help but you will have your limit which you won't when you feel owed to him." She explained.

Then she reassured, "You feel grateful, I know you do. But what you need to let go of first, is the feeling of being beholden."

"Because it will, for sure, hurdle your judgement for his or anybody's intentions regarding you."